DISCLAIMER: STEPHENIE MEYER OWNS ALL THINGS TWILIGHT!
Chapter 3: A Piece at a Time
B.P.O.V
Go to the grocery store.
Go to school.
Go to therapy
That was my exact schedule for today. Not really the most happy peppy day ever.
"Thank you." I said to the cashier as I paid and bagged my groceries, the first stop on my list. I was running a little low on food supplies and thought it would be a good idea to shop before I had to go to school.
She nodded in acknowledgement and smiled, already ringing up the next person in line.
I walked out the door and sighed, scowling up at the sky as I walked toward my car. Seattle wasn't exactly known for it's warm and sunny weather, but couldn't the clouds and rain just take a vacation once every few days! I'm sure it wouldn't hurt everyone around here to soak up some vitamin C!
I blew out a breath as I drove home, already knowing that it was going to be one of those days. I usually called them my "grumpy", "not in the mood for anything", "don't talk to me" days. And then I would just grow moodier when I realized that I had so much crap to do it was inevitable for me to stay home. It was only eight o'clock in the morning and I was already in a bad mood. I was already yelling at the sky for crying out loud!
I opened my car door a little harder than necessary and took out my groceries. I climbed the couple of stairs needed to get to my apartment and huffed when I realized I hadn't taken the keys out of my purse. My arms were full with holding the bags so it was going to be a real challenge trying to get my keys.
I bit my lip as I slowly tried to move two of the bags to my right arm to unzip my purse. I almost had it when I lost my balance and dropped all my fruit onto the floor. "You have got to be kidding me!" I yelled out in an annoyed whisper, unlocking my door and pushing it open. I then bent down to pick everything up with an annoyed grunt. "This is just so freakin perf-" I stopped mid word when I noticed a little girl standing outside the door of the apartment next to mine. She looked about seven and was looking at me shyly as she played with the end of her braid nervously, swaying slightly in her purple dress.
I had always seen her playing out in the yard by herself in front of the apartment building now and then but really never knew she lived next to me. Wow, two years in this apartment and I didn't even know who my neighbors were.
I smiled at her and she returned it a little more comfortably. I looked back down again and resumed picking up the now bruised apples. My head only shot up when I noticed her helping me out. She was placing everything into the bag again and I smiled, a real smile for once. We worked together in silence until everything was off the floor and back were it belonged.
"Thank you." I said nicely, standing up with everything in my arms again.
"Your welcome," She said lightly, playing with her braid again. "You have a really pretty necklace." She said suddenly, looking down again shyly.
My now free hand flew to my neck and lightly touched the golden heart locket that lay on my chest. I had been wearing it for such a long time now that I hardly noticed it was there.
"I like your necklace too." I said, noticing the pretty star necklace with a cursive A on the front. She beamed up at me and I laughed lightly. "What's your name?" I asked her.
She smiled. "Allie. What about yours?"
"I'm Bella." I replied, forgetting all about my horrible mood and aching arms from carrying the groceries, which now that I thought about brought back the pain. I grimaced when I felt the cramping in my shoulder and tried to rearrange the bags in my arms again.
"Would you like some help?" she asked sweetly.
I was stunned for a couple of seconds at her question. She was technically helping out a complete stranger. "Umm, uh…" I stuttered, not really knowing what to say. "Umm sure. That would be great." I finally managed to get out.
I handed her two of the bags that held all the light things I had bought and she followed me quietly into the kitchen. I told her she could just place everything on the counter and she nodded, waiting patiently until I placed all that I was carrying on my kitchen table.
I gave her a chocolate candy bar as a thank you before walking her back out into the hallway and toward her door. "Thank you again. I would have dropped everything again if you hadn't helped me." I said, swiping my forehead dramatically in a sign of relief. I smiled at her again and she laughed.
"I don't want to seem mean or anything," I started off quietly. "But didn't your mom ever tell you not to speak to strangers." I said. I was only worried that she was this polite to everyone she met. It wasn't very safe for her to do that.
She laughed again and nodded. "Yes she has. But I don't really see you as a complete stranger. I see you everyday. You're the girl who's always tripping when you climb the stairs." She giggled.
Her answer surprised me a bit, but I was already laughing along lightly with her. "Yes that completely sounds like me." I agreed.
"Allison!" I heard someone call from inside. She turned her head quickly and then looked back toward me.
"You should go inside. It was nice to finally get to meet you." I said.
She nodded and ran to the door, shutting it behind her when she was finally inside.
I smiled as I walked the couple steps back to my apartment, thinking that her help had just lightened my mood ten fold. She was a really cute kid and her personality had managed to brighten my day.
Once all my groceries where put away, I grabbed my school bag and jacket and headed out the door. Class didn't start for another half hour, but I had a paper due next week so I wanted to get started on it.
I bit my pop tart mindlessly, not really hungry but knowing my stomach would start to growl during school and that wouldn't exactly be a very good thing. I was already walking toward my car when I noticed Allie playing with her dolls on the grass. She looked up when she noticed someone walking by and smiled. I smiled back and waved, opening the gate to get to my car.
Going to school was one of those distractions that I found very helpful. I always tried to put all that I could into my school work, and sometimes I found myself so absorbed into what I was doing that it took away all the crappy stuff in my life for just a while. A feeling I loved to have if I got the chance.
The new semester had started a couple of weeks ago and my classes were already so interesting. I actually looked forward to all I had to do this year.
After being in the library for about half an hour I decided it was a good enough time to head to class. I was taking a writing class that all my professors advised me to take. My major was journalism, so I thought it would be a good idea to go ahead and take their advice.
"Good morning." My professor greeted me as I walked into the classroom.
I smiled back and took a seat in the far right back of the room, where I usually liked to sit. It began to fill up pretty quickly, so I busied myself with drawing patterns on my notepad until class would start.
"Ok, I think we should get started now. It's been three weeks since school started so the office wants me to take role just so they know who's checked in and out of certain classes." Mrs. Dessen explained.
I looked up and saw her putting on her red glasses. She wasn't very old, maybe in her late fifties, but she did speak so low that it was pretty hard to hear from back here. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to sit all the way in the back for this class.
I looked back down at my notebook again, knowing she wouldn't call my name any time soon. I was still listening intently though, just to see whom I would have in my class. Living in Seattle gave you the privilege of knowing absolutely everyone. Mostly everyone from high school moved down here just to get away from the boring, little town life of Forks. Not that this was much of a difference. You still ended up knowing everyone.
"Edward Cullen?" I heard her ask.
My head shot up at the sound of his name, not at all expecting him.
"Here." I heard him say and my eyes moved to where the sound of his voice had come from.
He was at the left front side of the classroom, smiling nicely at our new professor, whose name at the moment I had forgotten completely. A couple of girls who were seated near him did a double take as they looked at the person who had just spoken. I snorted lightly and rolled my eyes. It looked like he could add to his list of admirers.
I gulped nervously when I realized he would soon find out I was in his class as well. I didn't exactly find having him in the same class as I was in a good thing. It sounded even worst when I put the word therapist in there as well.
"Jessica Stanley?"
"Here."
Great, another person I had to worry about having in this stupid class. The popular, annoying, cheerleader from high school who hated my guts for some unknown reason was in this class with me too, although that one did made complete sense. She had picked the same exact major I had. The hatred she had for me two years ago had died down, but she still managed to glare at me any chance she had. Maybe following my professors' advice wasn't such a good idea…
"Isabella Swan." I heard my name being called.
I cleared my throat lightly and raised my hand. "Here."
She nodded when she spotted me and I blushed as almost the entire class turned to look. It only went away when everyone had turned back boredly to the front of the classroom.
Only, a couple of seconds later I felt like someone was still staring at me. This weird jolt of electricity passed through my body and I breathed in, turning my head to look at who it was, was staring.
Edward smiled sweetly when he saw me look. He gave me a little wave and I smiled back, blushing. He chuckled and turned toward the front again to pay attention to the lesson the teacher had started to give. I sighed; this was going to be a long hour.
When class finally did end, I jotted down the homework she had just assigned and stood up to leave. I didn't run out of the classroom, I didn't even speed walk out of there. But apparently, walking in general wasn't exactly my thing. I suddenly tripped on absolutely nothing and began to fall forward. I dropped everything and was ready to catch myself from the fall, but it never came.
I felt someone's arms around my waist and I was being pulled back up. I gasped out of surprise and my hands flew to the ones around me. I steadied myself and turned around quickly, only to be met with Edward's stunning green eyes.
His hands were still lightly placed on my waist and mine were on his forearms. "Are you ok?" He smiled lightly, scrunching his eyebrows in worry when I didn't
answer.
I snapped out of my daze and took a step back, dropping my arms in embarrassment. His hands fell to his sides and I blushed.
"Umm, ya. I'm fine. Thank you for…catching me." I said, bending down to pick up my books. I was just dropping everything today, wasn't I?
"Of course." he said, squatting down to help me. He grabbed some of my books and notebooks and stood up, waiting for me to collect everything and try and fit it in my bag.
I said thank you again and grabbed the rest of my things from him. I looked up banging my head trying to think of something to say. I just didn't want to have an awkward silence.
But of course he beat me to it. "I didn't know you attended this college." He said. We began to walk to the student parking lot slowly.
I nodded. "This is my second year here," I raised an eyebrow. "I thought you wanted were studying psychology." I said.
He chuckled and I smiled. "I am."
"So then why a writing class?" I wondered, stopping when I reached my truck. He followed my lead and ran a hand through his soft looking bronze hair.
"I needed another class to reach the number of credits I need for this semester, but I'm already taking all the classes I need for my major. So it was either this or a drama class. Acting isn't really my thing." He explained, shrugging.
"Ahh. I'm sure modeling would be." I blurted out in a mumble without thinking. I wasn't actually going to say that out loud, but it had past my lips before I even registered it.
He chuckled softly. "What?"
"What?" I asked hurriedly, as if I hadn't said anything. I was in no way going to say what I had initially thought, that with his good looks he'd be able to pass as a model in a heartbeat. So playing it off would just have to do.
He laughed and I turned a million shades of red. Oh my gosh, just shoot me now.
"What did you say?" He asked again.
I shook my head. "Nothing, I said nothing." I said, trying to convince him one last time.
"Right," He laughed lightly, nodding. "So I know you have an appointment with me today." He continued with a huge smile on his face.
I cleared my throat. "Yes I do. I figured it would be a good thing for me to try therapy," I informed him. "Especially since you promised not to be a stereotypical kind of therapist." I joked.
I got him to laugh and I couldn't help but smile myself. "Of course. I wouldn't break my promise." He said, much more serious now. "I'm just really glad you decided to keep going. To be honest I didn't really think you would have."
I scrunched my eyebrows together. "Why not?"
"Because no one wants to go in the first place. And I've noticed you're much more stubborn than the average person."
Wasn't that a fact. "I guess I am. I'm pretty sure I get it from my dad. And he's actually the reason I went in the first place. I just want to be who I was before…everything happened." I explained.
He nodded. "I'm happy you've decided that." He said.
I sighed and nodded, feeling confident about actually saying it out loud.
" Well I think we should get going so we wont be late to the office. I'm sure you wouldn't want to be there for more than you're supposed to since I actually planned out an hour long session today." He reminded me.
"Oh umm ya. That's right." I said nervously. I had actually forgotten that I still had the appointment to go too. Talking with Edward outside of the office made me a little more comfortable than actually being in there with him.
"Would you like a ride there?" he asked sweetly, giving me a crooked smile.
To actually say that I was dazzled by the way he was looking at me now would be an understatement. The way his beautiful bronze hair fell over his sparkling green eyes, accompanied by that smile just made me feel very dizzy.
"Uh, I uh, I really don't think…" I was opening and closing my mouth like an idiot, and I couldn't even get a full sentence out. Geez, I really needed help. He was my freakin therapist!
I closed my eyes and took in a breath, pointing behind me. "No thank you. This is my car anyways so…" I opened my eyes again and ran my hand through my hair in frustration.
"Ok, I'll just see you in a couple of minutes then."
I nodded and began to walk backwards slowly, but still managing to trip over something. Edward ran forward to grab my arm and steady me.
He chuckled near my ear and I bit my lip. "Are you sure you want to drive over there?" he asked.
"Ha. Umm ya I'm fine. I just have a problem with walking." He laughed. 'Ya I wish it was a joke.' I thought to myself, opening my car and starting it.
I waved to him as I drove off letting out a breath I hadn't noticed I was holding.
It took no time for me to get to the Hawkins building. I leaned my arms against the wheel and placed my head on top. I had realized that by making another appointment with Edward would require for me to actually talk. Not only that but I would have to talk about all that was bothering me. It was starting to become inevitable anyway. He would find out sooner or later, surely by someone else. All he had to do was ask someone around here and I'm sure they'd inform him of all that had happened to me in the last two years. But I'd rather he'd hear what happened from me rather than some random person working at the thrift shop. It was going to take some time though.
I saw someone park behind me in a very nice looking car. I squinted my eyes and noticed Edward getting out of the drivers seat, finally realizing why he was so sad about it not starting last week. It was a really nice car.
I opened my door and stepped out of my car, feeling the butterflies in my stomach kick up again. I wrapped my arms around myself and walked toward the front door.
Edward had beat me to it, but waited for me until I got there. He opened it for me and waited for me to step inside before he went in.
"Hey Ivy." He greeted the girl at the front.
She looked right past me and beamed up at Edward, like it brightened up her week just by seeing him!
"Hey Edward. You're right on time today." She said, a little too nicely.
He laughed and walked over to the counter. "Yes I am. Has Mr. Hawkins left me any messages today?"
"No he hasn't. And you're appointment hasn't arrived yet, so it looks like you have a couple minutes to yourself." She said. I could almost swear she was giving him a hint to stay and use those minutes to talk to her.
I actually cleared my throat after she'd, in a way, ignored me and raised my eyebrows as if to say 'his appointment is actually right here.'
Edward was already laughing under his breath and I turned to glare at him. He could have actually said that I was standing right next to him. He raised an eyebrow and I rolled my eyes, turning back to look at Ivy who was blushing pretty profusely.
"I'm sorry. I didn't see you there." She apologized, her voice full of embarrassment.
"I wonder why." I said under my breath, which I realized Edward still heard.
He looked at me for a couple of seconds and turned back to Ivy. "I'm using the room across the office, so just make sure no one uses it." He said.
She nodded quickly and looked at me one more time before going back to work on the computer.
I let Edward walk in front of me and I followed him into the same hall I had walked through the first day I had been here. Only now we where walking past the first door to our left and walking straight down. We turned a corner in the hall and walked into a room on our right.
Unlike the one we previously used, this one looked much more comfortable. The walls were a relaxing shade of lavender, and the couch actually looked comfy and clean. I didn't mind actually sitting on this one.
"I hope you don't mind us using this room from now on. I didn't really like the old one."
I shook my head. "No, this is actually much better."
"Not really fond of bright green walls, huh?"
I smiled. "No not really."
He chuckled and walked over to a table lined with different colors of paint. Along with them was a blank piece of drawing paper, with a brush to the side.
I raised an eyebrow and looked at Edward. I pointed to the table and said, "Umm, is this for me?"
He smiled and nodded. "Yup, this is a new exercise I thought you should try."
I laughed. "Coloring?"
"We usually do this with the little kids; mostly the ones who don't like to talk. Here sit." He instructed.
I listened and sat on the red plastic chair he pointed too. He sat across from me on the same table, which was kinda small might I add, and picked up the paintbrush.
"I just want you to draw any kind of emotions you're feeling. Anything that comes to mind just put it on the paper. It doesn't even have to make sense." He held the brush out to me and I took it hesitantly.
He opened the tube of colors and put them onto a plastic plate, so all I had to do was dip the brush in any color I wanted. I was a twenty-year-old girl about to paint in therapy. That didn't sound weird at all.
"And so it's not awkward and we're sitting here quietly, I thought we could play twenty questions while you paint. I just thought we should get to know each other a little better so you're not uncomfortable with me around." He shrugged, like it was the easiest thing in the world.
I hated opening up to people. I wasn't always like that before, but I just felt vulnerable and embarrassed when talking about myself.
"That's fine." I said softly, looking at all my color options to paint. I didn't even know where to start.
"Should I start or do you want to ask me something first?"
I looked up at him and let out a breath, "I can start." I responded confidently.
He grinned. "Sounds good."
I nodded and dipped my brush in a navy blue color. "Why do you want to become a therapist?" I asked, easy enough.
"Uh, because my dad was one." I couldn't help but notice the past tense of the sentence. "And I just thought I should follow in his footsteps."
I slowed the strokes I was making on the paper but didn't look up. "So you don't really want to study psychology?"
He chuckled and I looked up. "It's my turn remember?"
I giggled softly and nodded. "That's right."
"What's you're favorite color?" He started off. Wow, his question was much more simpler than the first one I asked. Maybe I should tone it down a bit.
"Green." I said blushing, although a couple of weeks ago I would of said blue.
He raised an eyebrow. "What?" I asked.
"You not only told me a couple of weeks ago that you weren't fond of the other room because of the green walls."
That was a good point. "Ya but, that was like a bright, gross kind of green. I like a more emerald sort of color." 'Of course you're eyes have nothing to do with my now sudden change of opinion.' I thought sarcastically.
"Why are you blushing?" He asked with a small laugh.
I looked at him and smirked. "It's my turn remember?" I repeated back to him.
He laughed. "That's right."
"What's you're favorite…" I thought for a second "Food?"
"Definitely brownies. I make some real killer ones."
I laughed, stopping what I was doing. "I said a food not a snack!"
He snorted and laughed along with me. "Brownies are food. You have to chew and swallow in order to eat it."
I glared playfully. "Well that doesn't count as an answer."
He rolled his eyes with a smile. "Fine. I love my mom's steak."
"That I'll take." I finally agreed.
"What's you're favorite food?" He asked curiously.
I smirked while I painted. "Chocolate covered strawberries." I looked up and saw he had his eyebrows raised. I had to laugh at that and shook my head. "I love Italian food in general, but mushroom ravioli would have to be my favorite."
He nodded. "Very nice."
It continued on from there. We asked different questions and gave answers. I even found myself relaxing a bit after the first few. I wasn't really paying attention to what I was drawing now. I was more focused on our conversation.
Halfway through, I noticed he was starting to ask questions that I had to think thoroughly about. They weren't very difficult; I just didn't have an answer to them.
For example: "What's you're favorite song?" He asked.
My smile faltered and I frowned. I didn't really remember the last time I listened to music. "To be honest I don't think I have one." I responded.
I heard him laugh. "Too many favorites?"
"No, I just…don't remember the last time I really listened to music. It doesn't catch my attention." I kept painting, my strokes becoming harder and harder on the paper as I became nervous. Why? I didn't really know, I just wished that I could of given a normal answer like a normal person. Or even been smart enough to just lie and buy myself out of this one. But lying to Edward just didn't seem like the right thing to do.
"Your turn." He reminded me. My eyes shot up and I saw a smile placed on his face. No judgment or sympathy in his eyes, just a genuine smile.
I didn't really know why this caught me by surprise. Maybe it was because I expected a sorry smile. I didn't really know.
"Favorite animal."
"Lion. Actually I want to know what you're favorite animal is. And a dog or a cat doesn't count."
I huffed. "But I like dogs!" I whined lightly. I didn't really know what other animal to even pick…
"Ok, second favorite then."
"That means I still have to think of another one." I argued.
"Better get thinking then." He smiled.
"Ugh, fine. A lamb." I decided.
"A lamb?" He asked, raising his eyebrows.
I nodded. "Yep. They're cute, fluffy and they give you wool. What's not to like?" I asked.
He laughed loudly and shook his head. "That was a good answer. A lamb it is."
I let out a low laugh and dipped my brush in red. "What's you're favorite place to be in?" I asked. I stopped painting and looked up. I was curious about this answer.
He looked at me for a couple of seconds and let out a sigh. "It's…a very beautiful place. Not many people go there and it's peaceful. Its colorful and bright and everything you'd read in a book." He explained thoroughly.
I laughed. "Sounds lovely, but would you like me to guess the place?"
"I can't really tell you exactly," he chuckled softly, cocking his head to the side. "But maybe I can show you one day."
"Maybe." I nodded. He smiled that crooked smile of his again and I blinked hard. "Ummm, your turn."
"What do you like to do when you're out with friends?"
Again, I took a couple of seconds to just think of what I should say. I could lie or just simply answer the question by saying what I was thinking now.
"I don't even remember the last time I went out with a friend just to have fun," I admitted. "I pushed everyone out of my life so quickly that I never stopped to think about the consequences."
"And why do you think you pushed them away?" he asked softly. Ahh, so here was his therapist side. I didn't really mind it though.
"I was so tired of hearing all the pity apologies and the apologetic faces I saw everywhere I went. Apologies and reassurances weren't going to make anything better and I heard it so much that I just," I shrugged. "I just broke down. I felt so lost and so mad at the world. I…"I trailed, off feeling that tight knot in my throat again. "I just can't help but think about that stage were I was just mean and rude to everyone. I shut so many people out without an explanation." I wiped a stray tear away and sniffed. "Angela would be a good example of that." I mumbled. "She was my best friend and I didn't say anything to her for a week straight. I'm sure she thought that I just needed space, but weeks turned into months and I still didn't say a word. I was more than surprised when she spoke to me after I stopped being a mute. She was so sweet and not at all angry with me." My voice broke slightly and I bit my lip to try and keep myself together. But the tears were already coming down my cheeks quickly, so all I could do was wipe them away.
"Bella," Edward said, grabbing my hand in one of his own. I felt the electricity pass through us much stronger than ever, but I knew I shouldn't really think about that right now. "That's not your fault."
I shook my head in disagreement but didn't dare speak.
"No it isn't. That was just a normal reflex you had to try and keep from hearing all that reminded you of what had happened. People try and help but being sympathetic but when the wound is still fresh the last thing you want to do is rub in some salt."
What he said did make sense, but the guilt was still so prominent in my head that it was hard to accept it.
"I just think you should try and repair all those relationships you think are supposedly ruined. It's never too late for anything, and thinking about the future is so much better than thinking about something that's already past and you can't go and re-do," He squeezed my hand in comfort, and saw the uncertainty in my face. "I'm not saying you have to start off with talking to everyone. Just one person at a time, maybe even start with Angela," He smiled and I sighed shakily. I felt emotionally drained. I wasn't used to crying in front of anyone really. "Believe me, it'll be worth it."
I nodded and decided that was the first thing I was going to do to try and salvage a part of my life, one piece at a time.
He breathed out a sigh and I swallowed hard, still trying to get rid of the saddening feeling in my chest. He looked to the left and frowned slightly, I followed his gaze and saw the clock, noticing that it was ten minutes past the time we were supposed to be finished at.
I looked back toward him and noticed he was already looking at me. I gave him a small smile and again he squeezed my hand, which I hadn't noticed he was still holding. "I guess our appointment is done for today." He said. He let go and I placed it on my lap again.
I nodded, already grabbing my stuff to leave when I noticed the picture I had created on the table. I frowned and picked it up, surprised by what I saw.
"Some emotions I'm feeling." I said, looking at all the dark browns, and blacks, and blues I had used.
Edward stood up and came behind me to see.
There were only a few bright reds and greens here and there. Not very visible but not completely hidden either.
"You didn't do so bad." Edward complimented nicely. And for once I agreed.
I could see all the dark colors on the paper, the dark and gloomy obstacles in my life that I had to break my way through to get to the slightly apparent bright colors. The hopeful strokes of happiness that I wanted to have. And I knew I could do it. I just had to do it one piece at a time.
Ahhhhh! I actually really like this chapter. I don't want this story to be very depressing and sad (that's the last thing I need) but I do want it to be kind of realistic. She's hurt and the whole point of the story is her coming out of that. But of course there will be drama! :p Please review!
-Edward Is My Lullaby