This story is NOT I repeat, NOT going to have any AkuRoku in it. The fantasies that Axel had were just meant to be comedic, but Axel and Roxas will NEVER be together...
T, D, DD, K, T, or P Chapter 3: Vanitas is now Officially a Pervert…
Previously on T, D, DD, K, T, or P:
"Whatever…" Emo Vanitas said. "I feel like doing a Double Dare…" Vanitas spun the bottle…
Spin
Spin
Spin
Spin
Spin
Spin…
It landed on Amai.
"Oh dear God, why me?" Amai asked and had her hands stretched out into the air.
"Yeah God, why her?" Vanitas said.
(A/N: Why don't we look into everyone's minds?)
Vanitas-Amai may be hot, but she's a total freak… and why am I so hungry?
Amai-Riku!
Riku-Amai!
Kairi-This game has been so random. I am scared for the outcome…
Sora-I wonder what time it is.
Larxene-Axel!
Axel-Roxas!
Roxas-…
Fuu-Ventus!
Ventus-It's getting kind of hot in here…
Demyx, Tidus, and Namine-After this, I'm going straight back to Castle Oblivion...
Pence-Vanitas is funny…
Xion-Do I really sound like Meg Griffin?
Hayner-I wonder what Ollete is thinking about…
Selphie-Cookies!
Ollette-I wonder what Hayner is thinking about…
"Vanitas, have you picked a dare yet?" Larxene asked. Xion then tensed up, remembering what the author told her to do for her earlier…
Vanitas got an idea out of no where.(A/N: yeah (cough, cough) absolutely no where (cough)…)
"I have the perfect first dare for you, Amai."
"(sigh) What is it, Vanitas…"
"My first dare for you Amai is that you have to give someone, of you're choice, a lap dance."
Amai sat their in shock. Then his words echoed in her mind…
A lap dance…
A lap dance…
A lap dance…
She was frozen like a statue.
"Amaiii! Helloooo! Earth to Amai!" Kairi waved her hand into Amai's face. After about 5 minutes Kairi gave up and then turned around with a sad look. "Yup, she's frozen."
"Nooo, really? I would have never guessed…" Axel said sarcastically.
"No shit, Sherlock." Vanitas added
Amai finally got out of her trance and looked over at Vanitas.
"No…" She said.
"No?" Vanitas asked.
"No."
"No? NO? ! You have to! You were the one who came up with this stupid game so now you have to deal with it!"
"No."
"Yes."
"No!"
"Yes!"
"No…"
"YES!"
"NO!"
"Everyone who is reading this fanfiction already expects you to give a lap dance, so you have to."
"I don't even know how to give a lap dance. So there…."
But! Alas! The genius author had already foreseen this happening. That's when Xion spoke up.
"I-I can umm… I can uhh… *ahem* teach you how to uhh… lap dance…"
"Xi-Xion! No! You don't have to-"
"Yes… I do have to… me and the uhh… author made a… deal…" Xion said nervously.
"You made a deal? !"
"We had to get regular Vanitas back!"
"But Xi-"
"Just get it over with so we can get on with our lives!" Vanitas said, "Who do you choose to give a lap dance?"
Who should I choose...? hmm... Amai looked around the room Vanitas? No, he's an ass. Tidus? No, he's kind of creepy. Hayner? Nah, he's already gaga for Olette. Pervert? Nope, I think he's with Larxene...
She saw Riku and got excited.
Then Roxas began to wake up…
"Rik-"
"Actually! I changed my mind! You don't have to give someone of you're choice a lap dance!"
"Eh…?"
"You have to give someone of MY choice a lap dance."
"But i already chose-"
"And that person is..." Vanitas looked to the other side of the room, "Roxas!"
Everyone's eyes were on Roxas, who had a shocked look on his face.
"Roxas! You're like the luckiest guy in the world right now!"
"Yeah, man! She's hot!"
Roxas was confused about what was happening.
"What's going on…?" Roxas said.
"Roxas! Amai has to give you a lap dance!" Ven shook Roxas' shoulders.
Roxas began to get pale and was about to faint again…
Oh no! Not on my watch! You've already been sleep for almost 2 whole chapters!
"Roxas! Amai, a junior, is going to give you, a sophomore, a lap dance!" Ven said, trying to get Roxas to see the big picture.
"A-Amai…? Me? A lap dance? Why me?" Roxas said blushing.
"Dude! Who cares why?" Hayner said. He grabbed a chair and put it in the middle of the living room, "Just sit down, relax, and enjoy the ride!"
"O-okay... I will!" Roxas said, still kind of in shock from Axel's confession.
"B-but Roxas doesn't even like Amai like that!" Xion said.
"I don't care, this is my dare." Vanitas said.
(A/N:Vanitas is a poet a poet and he didn't even know it!)
"But she can't just-"
"Are we really going to fight about this?"
"Yes-"
"You're gonna be like, 'No she can't do it' and I'm just gonna say, 'She has to' and you're gonna say, 'No' and I'm gonna say, 'Yes' then you're gonna say, 'No' and I'm gonna say, 'The readers of this fanfiction are-"
"Whatever…Come on, Amai lets get you ready for this." Xion reluctantly said.
"Okay…"
I smell jealousy! The author said in s sing-song voice.
Xion and Amai walked into the other room, all of the other girls followed. The guys filled Roxas in on what happened while he was passed out.
"You mean Vanitas got…?"
"Yes."
"And after this game... Demyx, Tidus, and Namine are going to…?"
"Yes."
"I love this game!"
A few minutes passed and Xion and Amai were ready.
"Okay! We're ready!"
Every girl, except Amai went into the living room. Roxas was sitting in the chair. Kairi turned on some music on, it was "Don't Cha" by the Pussycat Dolls.
Amai walked out of the room and had a low-cut black tank top, a mini skirt, and black stilettos on. Her red and extremely long braided hair dragged along the hardwood floor.
She gave Roxas a lap dance and he was so happy that he asked her to marry her and they lived happily ever after!
The End
I said, THE END!
Why are you still reading when I told you THE END?
You are seriously wasting your time…
Stop reading!
Okay, fine… I'll give you guys details… perverts…
Er, what our narrator meant to say is that she will keep going on with the story, RIGHT? *evil look*
Suuurre…
What's wrong, Narrator?
I just feel like no one appreciates me…
I know exactly how you feel… tell you what; after this story we'll go get ice cream and watch some SpongeBob. You know? The works.
Okay…
"Wait, is the author talking to herself?" Amai asked.
"Yup…" Riku said.
"Why?" Larxene asked.
"Well, it's her story so she can do whatever she wants." Kairi said.
Kairi! You're not supposed to know you're in a story! No breaking the fourth wall!
"But... haven't you already don that?" Pence asked
...Touché…
Ok, back to the story…
Amai walked over to Roxas…
Roxas' heart was beating with excitement…
She kept getting closer, and closer, and closer…
Roxas was beaming with adrenaline…
She was standing right in front of him…
She bent down and put her hands on his shoulders …
Then she turned around and walked around his chair and stopped when she was right behind him…
She moved her face towards his ear and blew in it.
She went back to the front of his chair and sat on his lap…
She grabbed fistfuls of his hair and jerked his head forward…
I can't believe this is happening! Roxas thought…
"Ok! Th-that's enough!" Xion said.
"Xion! Be quiet!" Hayner said.
She did some of the other moves that Xion showed her. Amai was about to finish the dance with a kiss on Roxas' cheek. Roxas' heart kept beating faster and faster as she got closer to his cheek.
Xion couldn't bear seeing her Roxas being in this position so she grabbed the hacky sack that Demyx was throwing earlier.
This thing is really heavy… She thought, what the hell is in here…?
Xion looked around the room to see if anyone was paying attention to her. Everyone had their eyes glued on Amai and Roxas…
But she didn't notice that Namine turned her head when Amai was about to give Roxas a kiss.
Without thinking, Xion threw the sack at Roxas' head. He was knocked out cold…
"Roxas?" Amai saw the unconscious boy under her.
"Amai?" Kairi said.
"Xion!" Namine exclaimed
"My hacky sack!"
"Demyx?"
"Xion?"
"Roxas! Not again…!" Ven said.
"What happened?"
"Xion happened!"
"Namine?"
"Xion?"
"Roxas!"
"Amai?"
"Sora!"
"I need food!" Vanitas said and ran into the kitchen.
"What happened to Roxas?"
"Xion thr-"
"He was excited!" Xion said, interrupting Namine, "He just got a little too excited! Y-you know boys… and their r-raging hormones!"
"Oh that makes sense."
"Perfect sense."
"Totally."
Everyone agreed with Xion and Namine just sat their dumbfounded.
(gasp!) Xion! You just made Roxas unconscious again and lied about it! You're gonna pay for that!
The author went into Namine's head and began to whispered something to her.
That sounds fun… Namine thought.
"Vanitas?" Fuu asked.
"Yeah, where is Vanitas?" Sora asked.
"Can't we all just have a moment of silence for Roxas?" Ven pleaded.
But everyone was already in the kitchen. Ven was still in the living room trying to wake up Roxas until he heard gasps, laughs, and Oh my God's.
Ventus went towards the crowded kitchen and saw Vanitas lying next to the refrigerator with a distended stomach and a bag of chips spilled onto the floor.
"V-Vanitas…? Wh-who did this to you?" Sora asked and bent down next to him.
"I was… so hungry! I-I couldn't help myself! And the fridge was filled with so much food…"
Sora looked over to the author who was typing on her computer.
Don't look at me...
Olette felt Vanitas' forehead.
"W-will he be alright, Doctor?" Sora asked.
"I don't know…" Olette said.
The Author began to make unnecessary noises...
Dun dun duun!
"Wh-what's wrong with him…?" Sora asked
"He has… The Munchies!" Olette said over-dramatically.
DUN DUUN…
DUUUNNNNN!
"NOOOOO!" Sora exclaimed, "Wait, what are Munchies?"
"Sora, you knew about Castle Oblivion but not about the Munchies?" Namine asked
"No… But these 'Munchies' sound scary," Sora turned to Axel, "AXEL! YOU KNEW MY BROTHER WOULD GET THESE 'MUNCHIES' AND YOU WENT ON WITH THE DARE?"
"Sora, the Munchies aren't that bad. It just means that you get really hungr-"
"Axel!" Sora chased after Axel.
After 20 minutes of nonsense… Everyone gathered into the living room.
"I guess the dare is over since Roxas is unconscious…" Vanitas said disappointedly.
It actually looked like she was enjoying the dance! Vanitas thought, I can't have that… I have to make her suffer…
(A/N: I don't know about you, but sober Vanitas is scary… I say we bring back happy-go-lucky Vanitas before he does something terrible to Amai! Who's with me? !)
But it was too late. Vanitas had already thought of another dare…
"Pikachu! I choose you!" Vanitas said, "…I mean… Amai… I have my dare for you…"
"You guys are heartless… you don't even care about Roxas…" Ven said.
"I do!" Axel said.
"NOBODY ASKED YOU, AXEL!" Ven yelled.
"Anyways… Amai… I dare you to… streak in Old Man Xehanort's Mansion!" Vanitas said.
~Meanwhile inside Roxas' mind…~
Amai was trapped in a burning building! The firefighters couldn't put out the flames. Just as soon as everyone was about to give up hope, they saw something flying threw the sky...
"Look, it's a bird!" Xion pointed into the sky.
"No, it's a plane!" Selphie repeated Xion's actions.
"No! It's a flying boy in tights!" Olette shouted.
"No! It's a flying GIRL in tights!" Namine exclaimed.
"It's kind of hard to tell from this distance…" Both Olette and Namine said, nodding their heads and agreeing with each other.
"Or maybe, it's a cross-dresser…" Kairi said while squinting.
"It's not just ANY cross-dresser…" Hayner explained, "Its SUPER ROXAS!"
"Young maiden, Amai, I have come to save you! And i'm not a cross-dresser!" Roxas said and dove into the building's fiery depths.
After five minutes, Roxas didn't come back.
"Oh, no! What if he couldn't save Amai…?" Kairi asked.
Then, Roxas came out of the smoky building with Amai in his arms.
"Anyone call for a hero?" Roxas said a cheesy movie line.
"You saved me!" Amai said.
"I was only doing my job." Roxas said another cheesy movie line.
"You're my hero!" Amai said and gave Roxas a big, sloppy, wet kiss…
Back to the rest of the group…
"What?"
"You have to streak in Old Man Xehanort's Mansion!"
"Sorry, I didn't catch that."
"I said that you have to streak in Old Man Xehanort's Mansion!"
"I still didn't hear you correctly."
"You! Amai, whatever your last name is, have to run naked in Old Man Xehanort's mansion!"
"Oh Vanitas, you're so funny!"
"I'm serious!"
"No you're not."
"Yes I am!"
"Nope… you can't be."
"Well I am."
"I refuse to believe that."
"That's not my problem…"
Everyone's jaw was dropped and again, there was total silence. Then Roxas was talking in his sleep… or in his unconsciousness… or something.
"I like… the girl with... blue eyes…"
Xion and Namine looked over at Roxas and then at each other. Xion spoke up:
"Which girl with blue eyes?" Xi asked. (A/N: It's funny how I can type Xi or she there…)
"Y-yeah… which…?" Namine asked.
"The girl… with the… blue eyes…"
"You're hopeless…" Namine said.
"Ok, so when I tell you guys about a couple of dreams I've had, I'm the pervert. But when Vanitas asks a teenage girl to run naked through an old man's mansion, that's not being a pervert?"
"Nope."
"No."
"Not at all…"
"Well, fuck you guys."
"WOAH WOAH WOAH!" Namine began, "There is no need for profanity, Axel!"
"Yeah Axel that was just uncalled for." Pence added.
"Yeah!"
"Yeah."
Everyone agreed.
You guuuyyyss! Don't gang up on Axel!
"Why?" Vanitas asked.
Because he's one of my favorite characters! And Vanitas is kind of being a pervert.
"What are you gonna do about it?" Demyx asked.
Well… this is my story, so I could kill you and end all human life.
"You wouldn't dare." Riku said.
Challenge accepted.
Riku, Vanitas, Demyx, and everyone else in this story died a terrible and painful death. If you would like to know how, watch all of the Final Destination movies and you can use your imagination for which character died from what.
Thank you for reading this story.
What do I do now…? It's getting kind of lonely…
The author felt bad and brought the world back to life…
But Roxas was yet and still fainted.
"What just happened?" Vanitas asked.
"I don't know… but I can't remember anything."
The author explained what they were doing before the world ended:
Vanitas was daring Amai to streak in Old Man Xehanort's mansion, she happily agreed to his dare… and now Axel AND Vanitas are officially perverts…
"Ok!"
"Alright."
"Let's do it!"
"I'm a what?" Vanitas asked.
"Come on Amai let's go get you undressed!" Kairi said.
"Yeah, let's go!" Amai agreed with Kairi.
(A/N: Man their easy to convince, aren't they?)
-30 minutes later-
Amai and the rest of the gang were at the gates of Old Man Xehanort's mansion. She was wrapped in a towel.
"How am I supposed to get in?"
"Hop the gate! Hop the gate! Hop the gate!" Tidus and Demyx chanted.
"I can't hop the gate in a towel..." Amai said, now hoping that she didn't have to to the dare.
"Well I'm stumped then." Vanitas said.
"What do we do now?"
"Look! A random and conveniently placed hole in the gate that Amai could fit through!" Sora pointed out.
"What wonderful luck we have!"
"Whoopdy doo…" Amai said sarcastically.
She walked through the hole and went to the front entrance. The rest of the group hopped the gate and went to meet Amai at the back entrance.
"Wait, we don't get to see Amai naked?" Hayner asked.
No!
"Awww..."The boys said with a disappointed look on their faces.
"Okay, all I have to do is run naked through a mansion." Amai tried to convince herself, "What could possibly go wrong?"
Oh Amai! Oh sweet, sweet, Amai… You have absolutely no idea.
END
And this time, I mean it!
I just realized how many times I misspelled Olette. She's been Olete, Ollete, and even Ollette! I hate double-letter words!...
I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Thanks for the reviews guys!
KassyKid: This story won't have any AkuRoku or any other BoyxBoy or GirlxGirl pairings... But I can't make any promises about other pairings because the way that this story is going... Sora could end up with Larxene! o.o wouldn't that be a crack pairing... Just kidding! I would never have those two together. I probably will have LarXel when it's Larxene's turn.
XIIIXV: You got your Roxas lap dance! Oh and I've tried to be open-minded about AkuRoku, but my stomach hurts every time I read it... I just thought it would be funny cause everyone keeps calling Axel a pervert...
OmegaStarShooter14: Yeah I like Vanitas when he isn't so evil! He is super funny! I can't tell you what will happen between Roxas and Xion though. But I will give you a hint: Whatever will happen between them has something to do with what I whispered to Namine in this chapter.
Roxie-fearlessstorm: I would be soooo embarrassed if i had to give a lap dance. But Amai seemed to not mind it at all. Sometimes i wonder what goes on in that girls head...
Tonstaaar: Don't worry, this won't have actual AkuRoku. I thought i had kind of hinted that when Roxas fainted and everyone started calling Axel, Pervert.
Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. All rights go to Square Enix and Disney.
Inspiration: Truth, Dare, DoubleDare, Kiss, Tell, or Marriage? by The Ladies Man.
xxxHikari-Kuraixxx (xxxLight-Darkxxx)