T, D, DD, K, T, or P Chapter 4: Cat Fight and Major Fluff
Previously on T, D, DD, K, T, or P:
You guuuyyyss! Don't gang up on Axel!
"Why?" Vanitas asked.
Because he's one of my favorite characters! And Vanitas is kind of being a pervert.
"What are you gonna do about it?" Demyx asked.
Well… this is my story, so I could kill you and end all human life.
"You wouldn't dare." Riku said.
Challenge accepted.
Riku, Vanitas, Demyx, and everyone else in this story died a terrible and painful death. If you would like to know how, watch all of the Final Destination movies and you can use your imagination for which character died from what.
Thank you for reading this story.
What do I do now…? It's getting kind of lonely…
The author felt bad and brought the world back to life…
But Roxas was yet and still fainted.
"What just happened?" Vanitas asked.
"I don't know… but I can't remember anything."
The author explained what they were doing before the world ended:
Vanitas was daring Amai to streak in Old Man Xehanort's mansion, she happily agreed to his dare… and now Axel AND Vanitas are officially perverts…
"Ok!"
"Alright."
"Let's do it!"
"I'm a what?" Vanitas asked.
"Come on Amai let's go get you undressed!" Kairi said.
"Yeah, let's go!" Amai agreed with Kairi.
(A/N: Man their easy to convince, aren't they?)
-30 minutes later-
Amai and the rest of the gang were at the gates of Old Man Xehanort's mansion. She was wrapped in a towel.
"How am I supposed to get in?"
"Hop the gate! Hop the gate! Hop the gate!" Tidus and Demyx chanted.
"I can't hop the gate in a towel..." Amai said, now hoping that she didn't have to do the dare.
"Well I'm stumped then." Vanitas said.
"What do we do now?"
"Look! A random and conveniently placed hole in the gate that Amai could fit through!" Sora pointed out.
"What wonderful luck we have!"
"Whoopdy doo…" Amai said sarcastically.
She walked through the hole and went to the front entrance. The rest of the group hopped the gate and went to meet Amai at the back entrance.
"Wait, we don't get to see Amai naked?" Hayner asked.
No!
"Awww..."The boys said with a disappointed look on their faces.
"Okay, all I have to do is run naked through a mansion." Amai tried to convince herself, "What could possibly go wrong?"
Oh Amai! Oh sweet, sweet, Amai… You have absolutely no idea.
Amai walked to the front stairs of the mansion. This mansion has been in Xehanort's family for generations so it didn't have any high tech cameras or anything to show if anyone was trying to intrude. Maybe the front door is locked! Amai began to realize, if I can't get in, then I can't do the dare!
Sorry, Amai. You're my OC and all but I have to make you do the dare.
The author made sure that the door was unlocked from the very start.
"B-but Hikari-Kurai! I can't run NAKED through someone's house!"
If I don't make you do the dare then the dare gods will cast their wrath down upon me!
"I know but-"
The dare GODS!
"(sigh) you really are a pain in the ass, you know that?"
What'd you call me?
Amai ignored her and walked towards the door. It took all of her bravery and courage to put her hand on the knob. She unwrapped her towel and ran inside.
"What the devil?"
"Who is this nincompoop?"
"Good god almighty!"
"Well I never…!"
The mansion was filled with elderly people. Apparently, Xehanort was having a family reunion today.
Great. I'm probably giving all of these old people heart attacks.
"Sorry!" Amai apologized every time she went into another room filled with the elderly.
Amai ran into the kitchen and got burned by some boiling water. Then she went to all of the bathrooms. Many of them were occupied with people using the baths. Why are all these people taking baths at a FAMILY REUNION! Amai screamed inside of her head. She ran into a bed room and some old person was getting dressed.
"MY EYES!" Amai screamed.
After that, she finished going through all of the rooms so she ran towards the back entrance. She was so close but then, when she wasn't looking she ran into someone. Amai's eyes opened wide when she saw who it was.
Old Man Xehanort.
"Ow! My hindquarters!"
Heh, who's the pain in the ass now, Amai?
"I am so sorry!" Amai apologized to Xehanort, picked up her towel, and ran to the exit door.
"Come back you feckless neophyte!"
Amai wrapped herself back up inside of her towel and walked out of the mansion.
"Amai! How'd it go?" Demyx asked.
"Oh you know, the usual- HOW DO YOU THINK IT WENT?"
"So it didn't go well, huh?"
"Other than the part where I got physically and mentally scared for life, it went dandy!"
"Don't be so rude, Amai!" Kairi said.
"Kairi shut the hell up and let's get out of here."
"You know what? You aren't going to get any of the brownies I'm gonna make tonight."
"Oh boo-hoo!" Amai said sarcastically.
"I want brownies!" Demyx, Tidus, Namine, and Vanitas said.
"Not THOSE kind of brownies!" Kairi explained.
"Awww…"
They all went back to Kairi and Amai's place. Roxas woke up finally.
"Roxas!"
"What happened while I was asleep?"
"Amai had to streak through Xehanort's mansion." Olette explained nonchalantly
"And I missed it? ! Dammit! *face palm*"
Amai rolled her eyes. "I want to do a dare."
"Again?"
"We've already done enough dares!"
"I just had to run through someone's house NAKED! OK? NAKED! I WILL DO A FUCKING DARE IF I WANT TO! CAPEESH?"
"Who's capeesh?"
"Yeah who's that?"
"I'm surrounded by idiots…"
"Hey! Don't steal my line!"
"Vanitas! I AM NOT IN THE MOOD!"
Amai got up and stomped to the center of the circle.
Spin.
Spin.
Spin.
Spin.
Spin.
Spin…
It landed on Roxas.
"No fair! Roxas has been asleep for most of the time!" Ventus pouted.
"What do I have to do, Amai?" Roxas said with seductive eyes.
Amai felt nervous and didn't like the look in Roxas' eyes. She looked around the room to think of ideas.
She saw Xion and Namine looking at Roxas. She got an idea.
"Roxas…"
"Yes, Amai?"
"I dare you…"
"Yes, yes?"
"To go on a date with…"
"Of COURSEAMAI! I ACCEPT!" Roxas said.
"Xion."
Xion jumped up from off the floor.
"Yes! I'm going on a date with-"
"AND Namine!"
Silence filled the room, just like it has on every other dare.
"You want me to wha…?"
"You have to go on a date with Xion and Namine!"
Xion and Namine looked at Amai, then at Roxas, then at each other.
"You want me to go on a date with…?" Roxas said and looked at Xion.
"Yes."
"And…?" He looked at Namine.
"Mmmmhhmm."
"B-but I don't even have any munny to go on a date…" Roxas said trying to get out of the date.
Well being the courteous and thoughtful author that I am, I took the liberty of using Tidus' 200 munny to buy picnic supplies for you guys to go on a date.
"You did what now with my munny?" Tidus asked.
"B-but we can't even have public picnics in Radiant Garden!" Roxas remembered
It was true; Radiant Garden wanted to keep its streets clean so they banned public picnics.
"Well they could just go to Radiant Garden Forest; picnicking isn't banned there for some reason." Kairi said.
"Since when does Radiant Garden have a forest?" Xion asked.
Ever since I started to write this story…
"Wait, you mean THAT forest! The one that has lions and tigers and bears? Oh my!" Ventus exclaimed.
Roxas had a disappointed look on his face, "Why is it that for most of the time that I've been awake, this game has been revolved around my love life?"
Because I love you!
Roxas began to blush and speak bashfully, "Awww… you don't really mean that."
Yes I do!
"If you two are finished flirting," Namine started, "Can we please just get on with this dare?"
"Ok…"
Ok…
Then, in the blink of an eye, the group appeared inside of Radiant Garden Forest. Roxas, Xion, and Namine were sitting at a picnic table.
"Roxas sit next to me!" Xion begged then pulled his chair over next to her.
"No! Sit next to me!" Namine also begged and pulled his chair over to her side.
"Why would he want to sit next to you, Blondie?" She repeated the same actions.
"He's blond to, thou creeping hag-born canker-blossom!" Namine did the same.
"Shut your lips thou bawdy white-livered lout!" Xion pulled Roxas back over to her.
"(gasp!) You did NOT just call me that! Thou beslubbering earth-vexing codpiece!"
"Why are they talking so weird?" Hayner asked.
Their language is too coarse to put in a T rated fiction, so I set their Insult-O Meter 6000 to Shakespeare! Great idea, Right?
"Wouldn't it just be better to bleep their words out?" Kairi suggested.
Yeah… I guess.
The author switched the girls' Insult-O Meter 6000 to "Censored".
"You [bleeping] [bleep] [bleep]! Why don't you just go [bleep] [bleep] with a [bleep] [bleep] and stick it up your [bleeping] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep]? !" Namine shouted.
"[bleeeeeeeeeeep]!" Xion yelled.
O.o I never thought that these girls could have such a colorful vocabulary! What us women do for love…
"Uhh… a little help, please?" Roxas asked while getting kind of nauseated.
"Are you kidding?" Riku exclaimed, "I'm gonna get this on camera!"
"Hey!"
"I can already see it on YouTube now!: Kingdom Hearts Girls Fight to the Death for Their True Love!"
"Riku!" Roxas yelled.
What did I say about breaking the fourth wall? !
"Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!" All the boys except Roxas chanted.
"I will [bleep] you up! Don't [bleep] with me!"
"I have had it with these mother [bleeping] snakes on this mother [bleeping] plane!"
"What?"
(A/N: Sorry, I just had to put that line in there!)
Namine started to get up from her seat and put her hands in Xion's face.
This is getting way too out of hand! If Xion and Namine start getting physical, then they will ruin their pretty faces… and I won't let that happen!
Ok Namine! You can stop now!
"Thank God!"
"Wait, what?" Tidus asked.
"Last chapter, the author told me to pretend like I liked Roxas so that Xion would have to fight to be in a relationship with Roxas."
(A/N: Ok… the fourth wall is disintegrated beyond repair…)
"Wait… what?"
Ugh! You ARE an idiot! Roll the flashback tape!
~Flashback!~
(gasp!) Xion! You just made Roxas unconscious again and lied about it! You're gonna pay for that!
The author went into Namine's head and began to whisper something to her.
Namine! Pretend that you like Roxas. I want Xion to work for her relationship with Roxas.
That sounds fun… Namine thought.
~End Flashback!~
"Xion… you like me?" Roxas asked.
"No Roxas, I don't like you…" Xion started, "I LOVE you! You are everything my heart beats for, all that I live for! Every time I see you my knees get weak and all I want to do is sing happy songs about love! You fill me with so much joy that I can't even explain!"
Awww!
"Xion… I don't know what to say…"
"Just tell me that you at least like me back."
"Xion… I-"
Hold that thought! I need some more popcorn! Be right back!
Just ignore the ADHD author and keep going, Roxas…
"I was planning to…" Roxas walked over to Xion, "Xion… i… i… I love you so much too! You are so nice and sweet and kind and gorgeous! And I'm so glad that you love me! I mean, you let someone give me a LAP DANCE! A LAP DANCE! If that's not love then I don't know what is…"
"Roxas…"
"I guess what I'm trying to say is…" Roxas got down on one knee, "Xion Lockhart, will you be my girlfriend?"
"My last name isn't Lockhart… but yes! Yes! I will!"
"She said yes! She said yes!" Roxas cheered.
He got off of his knee and gave Xion a hug and a French kiss.
I'm back with more popcorn! Heeeyyyy… you guys kept going without me!
"Who cares about you? She said yes!"
:''O First Vanitas broke my heart and now Roxas doesn't even care about me! I'm so lonely…
"I still care about you!" Vanitas exclaimed
That's bull [bleep] and you know it is, Vani.
"Yeah you're right. It is."
The author went into an emo corner.
"Can we go back to the house now?" Ventus asked.
No! I'm never leaving this corner! Ever!
"But I can hear the lions and tigers and-"
NEVER!
"We can't just stay here-"
EVER!
"Ventus, you're never gonna win." Xion said while in Roxas' arms, "Unless you wanted to teach someone how to give a lap dance…"
"I think I'd rather take my chances with the lions and tigers and bears…" Ventus shuddered.
"That would do is all a BIG favor." Riku added.
"Heh, imagine Ventus giving out a lap dance." Roxas laughed with Xion still in his arms.
"I know!" Xion said and then whispered in Roxas ear, "I would gladly give you one though…"
"Get a room!" Riku yelled.
"Sooo… we're really not going home?" Ventus asked.
I don't think the author is going to poof you guys to the house so you guys will have to walk back. I said.
"How long will that take?" Tidus asked.
Until next chapter…
"(sigh) I guess we'd better get going then." Vanitas said and started walking.
"Hey! Wait for us!"
OmegaStarShooter14: This was a HUMONGOUS RokuShi FLUFF I hope you liked it!
XIIIXV: Yeah its the same for me. I'm glad you laughed!
Tonstaaar: I have a few ideas. But if you have any suggestions feel free to leave it in a review or PM me.
KassyKid: Could you tell leave me a review or PM me on what you would have them do? I would like to know so that I can start planning.
Oh yeah, if you didn't get the part where Xion said, "I have had it with these mother [bleeping] snakes on this mother [bleeping] plane!" That was an epic line from the movie Snakes on a Plane.
Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. All rights go to Square Enix and Disney.
Inspiration: Truth, Dare, DoubleDare, Kiss, Tell, or Marriage? by The Ladies Man.
xxxHikari-Kuraixxx (xxxLight-Darkxxx)