Here's the result of caffeine overdose and watching too many abridged videos on Youtube. Hope you enjoy!
Credit to SailorZeldatheLightAlchemist for giving me the idea about the Triforce of Courage.
Malon's Epic Cow Delivery
Ch 11: Expect the Unexpected
"How are we going to call out the Great Fairy? After all, we still don't know the royal melody that summons them."
"Simple. I'll just threaten to destroy her fountain if she doesn't appear. It worked last time, didn't it?"
Much to their surprise, Malon and Yuna saw that the Great Fairy was actually waiting for them. Like the last one had been, this Great Fairy was stunningly beautiful as well. The only difference between the two was that this one was dressed like a hot schoolteacher as opposed to a fairy-tale princess.
"You're Malon, correct?" the fairy asked once she noticed the two visitors.
"Umm, yes. How did you know about me?"
"Your mother. She asked me to patch you up once you arrived."
A look of surprise crossed Malon's face when she heard this.
"What? Mom? You actually talked to her?"
"A few hours ago. She told me that healing you was a top priority mission."
"Can... can you allow me to speak with her? Please?"
"Meh, sure. I don't see why not. By the way, once I bring her over, can you ask her to give me a promotion? I've been wanting to get out of this desert wasteland for decades!"
"Just call her!"
"Fine, fine. You don't have to get snappy with me."
With that, the Great Fairy disappeared in flash of light. For the next five minutes, Yuna was forced to watch Malon as she bobbed up and down in anticipation. Finally, Yuna just couldn't take it anymore.
"Jeez! Calm down! You look like a rabid fangirl getting ready to maul her favorite idol!"
"I can't help myself! I'm finally going to be able to see Mom after all these years!"
A few minutes later, the Great Fairy returned looking rather frazzled.
"Umm... I don't think you're mom's available right now. Apparently, she's in some sort of argument with her sister. She nearly incinerated me when I bothered her..."
"So... she can't see me?"
"Apparently not. Sorry."
Malon looked more crestfallen than a child getting socks for Christmas. After a few moments, she faced the Great Fairy once more.
"Did you happen to catch what mom's arguing about this time?"
"I heard her say something about Link before I left."
"Link? What's he gotten himself into this time?"
xxx
Somewhere in the Water Temple...
"Whew! I'm glad I finally got that Tektite off of me! Thanks, Navi!"
"What're you thanking me for? I didn't do anything! In fact, I was just about to enjoy watching it do an Irish jig on you before it suddenly blew up!"
"Maybe one of my bombs rolled out and detonated."
"I don't think so. From what I could tell, it seemed like you blew it off of you with..."
xxx
Divine Realm...
"Nuclear laser beam eyes? Farore, you better explain yourself!"
Din and Nayru were both staring down at their sister with murderous glares. Farore was currently cowering in the office chair she was sitting in.
"I... I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Really? Then maybe you'd like to explain how Link just blew up a Tektite with nuclear laser beam eyes? The last time I checked, he didn't have any items that allowed him to do that."
"Er, maybe it's just his powers as the Hero of Time?"
"You've been messing with the Triforce of Courage, haven't you?"
"No! Of course not! Well... umm... just a little?"
Nayru had to restrain Din as she lept in to attack Farore. As soon as Din stopped struggling (which took a good ten minutes), Nayru turned to face her green-haired sister with a look of contempt.
"As much as I hate agreeing with Din, I've got to say you've crossed the line with this one. The Triforce is supposed to be our symbol of balance to the people of Hyrule. Why would you equip nuclear laser beam eye powers to the Triforce of Courage?"
"You guys told me to look after Link! I figured he'd have the best chance of survival if he had some... er, special powers!"
"Wait. Powers? As in more than one? What else did you add to your Triforce piece?"
"N... nothing much. Just... a few other handy survival tools..."
"Really? Computer! Hand me the data log for the Triforce of Courage! I want every single change made to it in the last five million years!"
The printer-like machine on Farore's desk buzzed to life as it spat out a handful of papers. Nayru quickly snatched them and began to read through the list. As she read, her expression grew ever more perilous.
"What's it say?" Din asked as she tried to look over Nayru's shoulder.
"Here. Look for yourself," she replied as she handed the papers to her sister.
"Let's see. WHAT? PLOT PROTECTION? ABILITY TO DEFY THE LAWS OF PHYSICS? NEVER-ENDING STAMINA? ABILITLY TO MASTER ANY WEAPON HE USES AS SOON AS HE GETS THEM? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?"
"Okay! I might have added a few other things but..."
"HOW IS A SELF-DESTRUCT FUNCTION A HANDY SURVIVAL TOOL?"
"Self-destruct function? Oh, yeah! I forgot I even put that there!"
"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"
Nayru had to once again restrain Din as she lept in to strangle Farore.
"Let me at her! I'm gong to..."
"Hold on, Din. I'd like to know Farore's reasoning behind her actions before we begin to dismember her."
"I... I told you! I only did this to ensure Link's survival! If he fails his quest, we'd be forced to flood Hyrule in order to stop Ganondorf! And you know how much paperwork that's going to take!"
"Idiot! We're going to flood Hyrule no matter what happens! Haven't you been checking the 'to do' list?"
"Not really... Anyways, I don't see what the big deal is! So what if I added a few accessories to the Triforce of Courage? Link would have been long since dead if the only power my Triforce piece gave him was extra bravery!"
"The last time I checked, 4568 different powers doesn't constitute as a few. By the way, what the hell is this 'respawn' feature? It's number 598 on your list of changes to the Triforce of Courage."
"Number 598? Oh, that! That nifty little feature allows Link to resurrect at the start of wherever he was if he 'dies'. How else would he have managed to survive all those temples so far?"
"Why not just make him immortal? In fact, why don't we make him a god and bring him up here? Isn't that what you're planning to do anyways?"
"Of course not! I'd never..."
"Enough talk. Let's get on with the punishment," Din said as she pulled out a chainsaw.
"Leave something for me," Nayru cackled as she whipped out a blowtorch.
"Meep."
xxx
Somewhere below Kakariko Village's well...
"Ugh. I hate Mondays," Bongo-Bongo grumbled as he woke up. With a large yawn, the Phantom Beast forced himself off of his bed and took in his surroundings. As usual, he was in a gloomy underground cavern filled with numerous skeletons and corpses. However, the place seemed a bit dustier than he last remembered. Putting those thoughts aside, he put on his custom-made bathrobe and headed down to get some food.
"Mmm. There's nothing better than the smell of scrambled Like-Likes in morning," Bongo-Bongo mused as he began to cook his breakfast. As he continued to prepare his food, Bongo-Bongo turned on the small TV on the kitchen counter to hear the morning news.
"... with possible sandstorms in the Gerudo Desert. In the meantime, Lake Hylia will be seeing mildly cloudy skies for the next few weeks. Now, back to you Rick," the reporter finished. Meanwhile, Bongo-Bongo began to happily hum Bowser's theme from Super Mario 64 as he reached for some salt and pepper.
"Thanks, Jane. Now on to the traffic report. There seems to be a three-way collision on the 605 near Kakariko Village. Apparently, no one was hurt but expect some heavy delays in that area. Also, a herd of cows are currently blocking the exit ramp on the number 5 freeway for LonLon ranch. Anyone heading there should take the number 40 detour near Gerudo Valley."
Bongo-Bongo continued to hum as he pulled out some milk from the refrigerator. The dairy in question was moldy and green but that didn't seem to bother the monster as he somehow began to drink it through his eyeball.
"...carrot prices are continuing to rise. However, the creation of the new hybrid horses might put an end to that problem..."
The Phantom Beast managed to find a pop-tart hidden in the corner of the fridge as he put the milk back in. He happily began to munch on the pastry as his scrambled Like-Likes neared completion.
"In other news, the Shadow Temple is announcing its grand re-opening today. After nearly four years of renovation work, Dead Hand announced that..."
The rest of the reporter's words were lost at the sound of Bongo-Bongo choking on the pop-tart. As soon as he coughed up the pastry piece lodged in his throat/eyeball/thing, he grabbed the television set and held it up close to make sure he hadn't misheard anything. The TV was currently displaying Dead Hand answering a question the reporter had just asked.
"... to start the renovation. After Mr. Bongo-Bongo, the previous owner of this place, went missing four years ago, I decided to take over and continue his dream of building the most twisted and horrifying temple imaginable."
Bongo-Bongo stared at the TV in confusion before he noticed the date that was being displayed on the corner of the screen.
"Holy shit! I've been asleep for four years? I must've overslept!" Bongo-Bongo exclaimed as he finally realized what had happened. He quickly put the TV back down, turned off the stove, and flew off towards the Shadow Temple. In his rush, he forgot to turn off the TV before leaving.
"... as Termina faces its fifth apocalyptic threat this year. In sports news, the final match of the Nintendo Baseball Classic is only three days away! Tickets are already sold out as everyone eagerly anticipates the match between the Mushroom Kingdom Giants and the Hylian Dodgers..."
xxx
Back at the Great Fairy's Fountain...
"... and that should do it," the Great Fairy said as she finished restoring Malon's energy.
"Thanks. I feel much better now."
"Moo! Why don't you ask the Great Fairy to fix up your clothes as well?"
"What do you mean?"
"Remember how that assassin shot you through the heart? Thanks to that, there's a giant hole in your shirt!"
"Silly Yuna. This story's rated T. You have to imply that my clothes were mended at the same time my goddess powers healed me."
"... I'm not even going to question the logic behind that one."
Just then, the Great Fairy's cellphone began to ring. Before Yuna could question the existence of cellphones in Hyrule, the Great Fairy quickly summoned the phone to her hand and answered.
"Gerudo Desert's Great Fairy speaking. Who is this?"
"It's me."
"Holy...! Is that you, Ms. Nayru?"
"Of course it's me! If you're done stating the obvious, hand the phone to Malon. There's something very important that I need to ask her."
The Great Fairy wasted no time in giving the phone to the farmer girl in question. Malon took hold of the phone, not quite sure what to do with it.
"Umm... hello?"
Yuna, Nayru, and the Great Fairy all face-palmed as Malon answered while holding the phone upside down. With a large sigh, Nayru responded.
"Hold up. I think it'll be simpler to just meet up with you personally. Ugh. Stupid Din. She didn't even bother teaching her own daughter how to use a cellphone..."
With that, Nayru hung up. As Malon handed the phone back to the Great Fairy, Yuna faced the farmgirl with a perplexed expression.
"You're actually on speaking terms with Nayru?"
"Of course. She's my aunt after all."
"Yeah, I know that. What I'm wondering is why she's acting so civil towards you. From what you told me, Nayru and Farore hated both your parents with extreme prejudice."
"They still do."
"Then why...?"
Yuna's questioning was interrupted by Nayru's entrance. In a bright flash of blue, Nayru appeared before the two with a smile on her face. Before Malon could say hello, the Goddess of Wisdom ran over and hugged Malon until the farmer girl turned blue herself.
"How's my favorite niece doing? I can't believe how much you've grown since the last time I saw you!" Nayru squealed as she continued to crush Malon.
"Aunt... Nayru... can't... breathe..."
"Oh, sorry. I just can't help myself! I'm having such a great day today!" she said as she let her niece go.
As soon as Malon got her breath back, she faced her aunt with a bright smile.
"What happened?"
"I got to slaughter Farore a few minutes ago!"
"..."
Taking advantage of this brief pause, Yuna stepped forward to continue asking her questions.
"So... you're Nayru, huh?"
Surprisingly, Nayru didn't seem a bit taken back by the fact that a cow was talking.
"No duh. And who might you be?"
"Yuna."
"Yuna? You mean like the main character from Final..."
"Yes, yes! We've been over this already! Anyways, I just want to know why you're not obliterating farmer girl right now."
"Why would I obliterate the only relative that I like? Honestly, she's the only one in the family who I can actually talk to without getting the urge to smite something."
"Oh. That explains a lot. I'm guessing it's the same for Farore as well?"
"Not really. She only accepted my existence after I helped her solve a really hard Professor Layton puzzle when I was five. Until then, she acted like I didn't even exist," Malon replied.
"Wait. You know how to use a Nintendo DS but not a simple cellphone?"
Before Malon could answer, Nayru cut in.
"Ahem. I'm on a tight schedule right now so I'd really appreciate it if we could get to the important matters at hand."
"What important matters? Do you need info on that assassin who attacked me and Yuna?"
"No. Your mom's already off investigating that situation. By the way, she asked me to send you her greetings. And her love. And this Pokeflute to wake up your dad with."
"Er, thanks. So what did you want to talk to me about?"
"Something very important. So important, in fact, that I had to miss my favorite TV show to come down and ask you."
"What is it?" Malon asked apprehensively. Even Yuna seemed mildly curious about the issue as she moved in a bit closer.
"Alright. Here it is... What do you want for your birthday?"
"..."
"No, really. I couldn't figure out what you'd like for your birthday this year."
"Aunt Nayru, you do realize that my birthday is..."
"Three days from now? It seems you haven't been keeping track of time very well."
"Holy mom! Its already been a month since I left the ranch?"
"Apparently so. Don't worry though. You're dad's actually doing some work for once so the place is getting along fine."
"Phew! That's good to hear!"
"Glad you think so. Now then, why don't you answer my question regarding your birthday gift?"
"Oh...umm... I'm not really sure."
"Why not ask for a brain?" Yuna sarcastically suggested.
Malon ignored Yuna as she continued to think. After a full ten minutes, Malon gave a sigh of defeat.
"This is just too sudden. I can't think of anything right now."
Nayru seemed a bit disappointed to hear this but her expression suddenly brightened when a thought popped into her head.
"How about this. Why don't you come with me to watch the final match of the Nintendo Baseball Classic? I already bought a few tickets in advance so getting in shouldn't be a problem."
According to her joyful expression, Malon was fully agreeing to this proposition.
"Sure! Can I bring Yuna though? I don't want to leave her behind."
"Whatever you like. Quick question though. Do you even know what baseball is?"
"Of course! Aunt Farore gave me a book about it for my ninth birthday!"
"Good. Then I'll pick you up a few hours before the game starts. Just make sure you're not in the middle of something important when I arrive."
"Sure thing! By the way, is it okay if I bring over another friend?"
Nayru's face suddenly turned serious.
"If you're talking about Link, then absolutely not. There are some things that even the Goddesses can't interfere with, and Link's journey is one of them. Besides, I only bought three tickets."
"Oh..."
"Moo! Why do you want to bring that idiot with us anyways?"
"Because he's my friend."
"Are you sure that's the only reason why?" Yuna asked with a sly smile on her face.
"Shut it before I throw you to Death Mountain."
xxx
Kakariko Village...
Luckily for Bongo-Bongo, it was still rather early in the morning so he had no problem in sneaking over to the graveyard without the villagers noticing him. Once he reached the upper ledge leading into the temple, he caught sight of Dead Hand sweeping the area. The zombified monster immediately took notice of the Phantom Beast glaring at him and dropped all five of his brooms in surprise.
"Bongo-Bongo? What...?"
"I'll be the one asking questions around here! What have you been doing to my temple while I was sleeping?"
"You've been asleep for the last four years?"
"Just answer my question! I saw you boasting on the news about how you 'renovated' my temple!"
"Oh, you saw that? I thought they wouldn't air that till the evening news. By the way, did I look fat when they showed me on TV? I swear, the camera adds a few pounds to you."
"WHAT DID YOU DO?" Bongo-Bongo roared, causing everyone in Kakariko Village to wake up in surprise.
"Are you talking about the temple? Oh, you'll love what I did to it! Actually, why don't I just show you instead of telling you about it? I'll give you an in-depth tour of the whole place, free-of-charge!"
With that, Dead Hand headed off into the temple with an irate Bongo-Bongo following close behind.
"By the way, nice bathrobe Bongo-Bongo. Pink really suits you."
xxx
Great Fairy's Fountain...
"Bye Aunt Nayru!"
"See ya later, kiddo! By the way, I'll remind Farore to give you a birthday present as well. Just don't expect it anytime soon. The doctor said it'll be a while before she can move again."
"Umm... thanks... I guess..."
"No problem."
After Nayru warped out, Malon and Yuna turned around to find the Great Fairy playing something on a Nintendo DSi.
"Damn Elite Four. How the hell is a Bronzong this powerful? Ugh. Maybe Fire Blast will work... Damn it! It missed!"
Yuna gave a large 'moo' to get the Great Fairy's attention. She finally noticed that Nayru had left and turned off her game as she faced the two.
"Sorry about that. So, what can I help you with?"
"Can you tell us where Kokiri Forest is?" Malon asked.
"Kokiri Forest? Hang on. Let me get my... Aha! Found it!"
"Found what?"
"My laptop."
"Moo! What? You're just going to search online? Then couldn't the Great Fairy living in Zora's Domain have given us the location of the forest as well?"
"No. That place doesn't have any Wi-Fi. Now then, let's Google Kokiri Forest and... What? Ocarina of Time for the 3DS only got a 8.5 out of 10 on Gamespot? How the hell does that work out?"
"Can you please get back to looking for Kokiri Forest?"
"Oh, right. Let's see then... Ah! Here's a nice little map! Give me a second while I print it out for you two."
After waiting twenty minutes for the Great Fairy's outdated printer to load, Malon and Yuna finally got their hands on the map. As she took hold of the map, Malon suddenly held it above her as a set of texts appeared beneath her.
You got a map to Kokiri Forest! Set it on C to view the directions to your destination!
"Umm, that was weird," Malon commented as she regained control of herself.
"Indeed it was. By the way, do either of you know of an easy way to defeat a Bronzong?"
"Why don't you just use Leech Seed and wait till it faints?" Malon replied.
"Hmm. Good idea. I'll get my Torterra to use Leech Seed and switch out to my Shuckle to tank. You know, you're pretty smart for a farmgirl."
"Hehe. Well, thanks for giving us the directions to the forest."
"Don't mention it."
"C'mon Yuna. It looks like we'll finally get you to your new home!"
xxx
Shadow Temple...
"What in the...?" Bongo-Bongo gasped as he saw what the Shadow Temple had become.
"I've done quite a remarkable job fixing up this place, if I do say so myself," Dead Hand smugly replied, mistaking Bongo-Bongo's look of surprise to be one of awe.
Bongo-Bongo had to force himself not to strangle the smaller monster right then and there.
"This wasn't what I was planning to with this place!"
"Say what now?" Dead Hand asked, looking confused.
"You heard me! My plan was to turn this place into the biggest indoor amusement park in Hyrule!"
"Wha...?"
"And now you've ruined everything! It's going to take a fortune to rebuild all of this!"
"But... but..."
"If you're done blubbering like an idiot, I'm going off to check the extent of the damage you caused!"
Bongo-Bongo angrily floated off deeper into the temple, leaving a very confused Dead Hand behind. However, the Phantom Beast wasn't gone for five minutes before a loud roar was heard.
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO THE MERRY-GO-ROUND?"
Dead Hand cautiously entered the room where the shout was heard. As he entered, he found Bongo-Bongo glaring at a giant spinning saw blade located in the center of the room. Dead Hand gave a sheepish laugh before replying.
"Oh, that. I thought you built a merry-go-round in here by accident so I tore it down and replaced it with... that... saw blade... please don't kill me..." he trailed off as Bongo-Bongo glared death at him.
Bongo-Bongo suppressed his rage and silently floated off into a different room. Of course, none of the locked doors posed themselves as a hindrance to the monster as he simply phased through the walls. Dead Hand followed behind, using his burrowing ability to go under any walls that Bongo-Bongo went through. After passing a few rooms without consequence, Dead Hand regained some of his courage and decided to continue questioning Bongo-Bongo.
"So... an indoor amusement park. I guess that would explain all those weird things I found while remodeling."
Bongo-Bongo merely grunted in response.
"By the way, aren't you supposed to be working for Ganondorf? If so, shouldn't you have been building a temple instead of an amusement park?"
"I sent him an e-mail telling him that I wanted to quit from the whole temple boss business. Apparently, he didn't get the message."
"Oh... Why'd you decide to build an amusement park in the first place?"
"After sending that letter, I came up with an idea to build the happiest place in Hyrule. And what's happier than an amusement park? With that, I worked for three years straight without resting to finish this place. Unfortunately, my lack of sleep finally caught up with me and I decided to take a quick nap."
"So that's why you've been asleep for four years. I thought you were either dead or on an extended vacation."
"I am dead. Why do you think they call me the Phantom Beast?"
As the two entered a large room with a ship in it, Bongo-Bongo let out sigh of relief.
"Phew! At least you didn't completely destroy the Tunnel Of Love Boat Cruise."
"The what?"
Bongo-Bongo ignored him as he got on board. Dead Hand quickly made it on as well before the ship began to slowly move along the underground river.
"What's this about a Tunnel of Love Boat Cruise?" Dead Hand asked.
"This was supposed to be a ride for all those young couples out there. Of course, when I was designing this thing the boat wasn't going to look like some creepy ship from Pirates of the Caribbean. Plus, the walls were supposed to be adorned with hearts and cupids, not cobwebs and... is that a Stalfos?"
As soon as he said this, two Stalfos dropped down onto the ship to attack the passengers. However, as the two skeletons got a clear view of what the two passengers looked like, they jumped off the boat in fear.
"Damn. Now I've got to find two replacement Stalfos," Dead Hand muttered as the two skeletons sank like rocks to the bottom of the river.
"What for? As soon as I'm done inspecting the damages, I'm going to restore this place to its former glory. I'm going to finish rebuilding this place even if... why is the boat shaking?"
"Oh, that means the ride's over."
"And what happens when the ride's over?"
"Two words: Abandon ship!"
xxx
Somewhere in the Gerudo Desert...
"I still can't believe how differently Nayru acts when she's talking to you," Yuna commented as she trudged through the sand.
"She might be a horrible sister but she's an awesome aunt," Malon simply replied.
"Whatever... Hmm. It seems the wind is picking up."
"Yeah. Let's hurry to the halfway point before we have to face a full sandstorm."
"Agreed."
After continuing on for a few minutes, Malon suddenly pulled out the map the Great Fairy had given her.
"Moo! What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I just wanted to know where we had to go once we got out of Gerudo Valley," Malon said as she looked over the map.
Suddenly, a strong gust of wind snatched the map from Malon's hand.
"Get that map!" Yuna shouted as the two began running after the paper.
Unfortunately, the wind began to blow ever stronger until Yuna and Malon found themselves trapped in a full-blown sandstorm. They soon lost sight of their precious map as the sand obscured their vision.
"Dammit! Now what are we supposed to do?" Yuna yelled in frustration.
Malon had to yell in order to heard above the roaring wind.
"Looks like we'll just have to go back to the Great Fairy and ask for another one!"
"But the Gerudos warned us not to travel during a sandstorm! Shouldn't we just stay put until the storm dies down?"
"These sandstorms can last for weeks! I'm not going to sit idly for that long! Besides, if we do get lost, we just have to wait three days until Aunt Nayru comes to pick us up!"
"Fine! Let's hurry up and head for the Great Fairy then!"
With that, the two turned around and began to walk towards what was hopefully the Desert Colossus. After a while, Malon suddenly face-palmed.
"Moo! What is it?"
"I just realized that we could've asked the Great Fairy to warp us to Kokiri Forest instead of trying to walk there!"
"Fu..."
xxx
Shadow Temple...
"...ck!"
"What is it?" Dead Hand worriedly asked as he entered the room that Bongo-Bongo had just gone into.
"What happened to my indoor skydiving chamber?"
"Well, I saw all these fans lying around and thought that..."
"I was being rhetorical!"
With some effort, the two monsters got past all the fans that were trying to blow them back to the entrance of the room. What Bongo-Bongo found on the other side only served to increase his already high levels of stress.
"Where did all the game booths disappear to?"
"Those? I sold them to buy these invisible floors. Pretty nifty, huh?"
"NIFTY? Argh! My amusement park just got destroyed by a complete nincompoop!"
Bongo-Bongo stormed off through a nearby wall in an effort to ditch his zombified companion. Naturally, Dead Hand trailed after him albeit a safe distance away. When Dead Hand finally caught up with Bongo-Bongo, he found the Phantom Beast looking stunned as he stared at an empty room filled with a couple of Floormasters.
"My... hall of... mirrors... gone..." Bongo-Bongo whispered in shock.
"I remember this room! It took a while to replace all those mirrors with invisible walls. Man, it must've taken at least five months to complete this room!"
Hearing this, Bongo-Bongo finally cracked. He grabbed Dead Hand and began to mercilessly squeeze the zombie.
"Ack! Let... me... go!"
"Give me one good reason!"
"Link's... heading... here... to... try... and... kill... you... and... my... temple... might... save... your... life!"
"And why is he heading here to kill me in the first place?"
Dead Hand didn't seem to have enough air to reply so Bongo-Bongo relaxed his grip just a bit. After taking in a deep breath, Dead Hand answered.
"He thinks that you're the boss of the Shadow Temple. From what I heard, he's on a journey to destroy every temple boss he can find. Plus, one of his contact's a Sheikah so he'll probably hear about that incident with Impa."
"What incident with Impa?"
"The one where she had to seal off the well in order to prevent any monsters from getting out."
Bongo-Bongo tightened his grip on Dead Hand when he heard this.
"She did that because of your stupid brother! He was the one who terrorized Kakariko Village, not me!"
"I... don't think... Link... will... care!"
"And why not?"
"Can't... breathe..."
Once again, Bongo-Bongo loosened his grip to let Dead Hand talk.
"Well? Why wouldn't he care?"
"You know Hylians. They can't distinguish between good monsters and bad monsters for crap! Link will probably hunt you down thinking that you're the monster that Impa had to seal away."
"Is that so? Then I guess I only have one option left to me."
"What? Kill Link?"
"No. I'm going to meet him before he reaches the temple and try to reason with him. I'm sure he'll understand once I tell him the truth."
"Good luck with that. By the way, what are you going to do with me?"
Bongo-Bongo stared long and hard at Dead Hand before his eye curved into what could've been counted as a smile.
"Oh, I'm going to enjoy this."
Bongo-Bongo immediately flew off with Dead Hand in tow until he reached an empty room. There, he threw the mini-boss onto the floor like a pair of dirty socks. Chuckling ominously, Bongo-Bongo phased out of the room and locked the door. With that done, he quickly got some metal floor tiles and phased into the ground.
"Hey! What're you doing out there! Let me out!" Dead Hand shouted. Suddenly, he remembered that he could simply burrow his way out and tried to do so. Unfortunately, he soon found that Bongo-Bongo had created a metallic enclosure underground to prevent him from doing just that. After a few minutes of trying to break the metal barrier, Dead Hand popped back up into the room in defeat.
"Great. Now I can't watch Dr. Who today. This just sucks."
However, missing his favorite TV show soon turned out to be the least of Dead Hand's problems. A short while later, the sound of music could be heard from outside Dead Hand's prison.
"What the...? What's that sound?"
"Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday..."
"NOOOOO!"
xxx
Somewhere in the Gerudo Desert...
"Face it! We're lost!" Yuna yelled.
"No we're not! I'm sure we're just a few miles from the Desert Colossus!"
"That's what you said ten minutes ago! Let's just stay put till..."
"Hey, look! There's something up ahead! I told you we weren't lost!"
However, they soon realized that the structure that Malon had spotted wasn't the Desert Colossus. It turned out to be a strange-looking ruin shaped like a coliseum.
"Moo! What is it?"
"Don't know. But let's head in there to escape the sandstorm!"
"How? There doesn't seem to be an entrance!"
Before Yuna could process what was happening, Malon lifted the cow onto her shoulder and proceeded to jump towards the the coliseum. As Yuna mooed in terror, the two flew through the air before safely landing in the interior of the huge structure.
"Don't ever do that again!" Yuna shouted out once her shock had worn off.
"Sorry. I just thought that jumping in would be the easiest way to enter."
"Ugh. Whatever. Where are we anyways?"
The two took in their surroundings and found that the area was almost entirely bare. The only two noticeable objects were a huge black stone sticking out of the ground and a raised platform. Having nothing better to do, Malon and Yuna walked over to investigate. Much to their surprise, they saw that a large mirror was situated on top of the platform.
"Hmm. I wonder what this is?" Malon mused as she observed the large mirror with interest.
"Do I look like an archaeologist to you?"
"Not really... Whoa, check it out! This mirror makes you look all funny! It's like one of those fun house mirrors!"
"Move over so I can see!" Yuna shouted as she headed over to the front of the mirror as well. Neither of them had noticed that they were now situated between the mirror and the black stone.
"Moo! Do I really look that fat?"
"..."
"Maybe I'll look better if I tweak the mirror a bit..."
As soon as Yuna touched the mirror with her hoof, strange, white runes began to form on its surface.
"What the...? Hey, isn't that the Triforce symbol in the center?"
Before either of them could react, the runes floated away from the mirror and etched itself onto the black stone behind Malon and Yuna. Suddenly, the stone became tattooed with similar symbols until the entire slab was covered with the strange runes. In the center of it all were a series of large white rings that looked like a portal leading off into the dark abyss.
"Moo! What is this?"
"How should I..."
Malon never got to finish as she suddenly felt herself being sucked in towards the stone slab. Acting quickly, she grabbed onto Yuna and the mirror to anchor herself. Unfortunately, her fingers couldn't get a good grip on the mirror's smooth surface and she soon found herself flying through the air with Yuna as they were pulled in towards the center of the glowing white rings.
"Moo! I don't know how, but this is all your fault!"
With that, the two turned into shadowy fragments before disappearing into the portal. Almost as if nothing had happened, the glowing symbols on the rock slowly faded as silence surrounded the Mirror Chamber once more.