I can probably become a creator of an abridged series if my updating speed becomes any slower ... That was a joke. Ha ha. Fat chance.
Before we begin though, I'd like to thank all of my reviewers. This story probably wouldn't have gotten this far if it wasn't for all of you. Everyone who's reviewed so far gets a cookie and a pet narwhal! Also, I'm still open to any ideas for future chapters so feel free to send me a message. Just make sure it ties in with what's happened so far. I don't want Malon to go all the way back to Zora's Domain to kill Ruto again or something.
Anyways, here's the grand finale to the Twilight Realm Science saga. I have to say, this is probably the strangest thing that I've written so far. And that's saying a lot. Enjoy the uber randomness!
Malon's Epic Cow Delivery
Ch 14: Twilight Realm Science Pt. 3
As soon as the light from the teleporter faded, our three heroes could see that their new location was actually just another room. However, Malon immediately noticed something very familiar about the place.
"Hey, isn't this the place where we found the Portal Gun?" Malon asked as she stepped off the teleporter pad.
"Moo! I don't think so. As far as I can remember, that room didn't have a pedestal stocked with a bunch of weapons."
Malon and Midna noticed that Yuna was speaking the truth. Instead of the Portal Gun, the pedestal in the center of the room was now holding a large array of weapons ranging from swords, to axes, to giant bananas. As the three heroes approached the pedestal, an loud voice suddenly sounded from a hidden speaker.
PLAYER 1, SELECT YOUR WEAPON!
The three of them all stood still, unsure if they should follow the mysterious voice's command or not. After a while, Malon gave a shrug and stepped forward to pick a weapon. However, she had barely taken a single step forward when Yuna suddenly noticed something and stopped her.
"Wait! I think I know where this is headed! We're about to enter an RPG battle!"
"And just how do you know that?" Midna asked.
"Look over there. See all those oversized food items on the left side of the pedestal? The only game genre that regularly employ the use of gag weapons such as those are RPGs."
"That's just great. I suck at RPGs," Malon muttered as she stepped back from the pedestal.
"That won't be a problem. Just follow my lead and you'll be fine. Unlike you, I'm a pro when it comes to RPG games."
"Well, you're name is Yuna. Someone who's named after a main character from a Final Fantasy game has to be great at these things," Malon innocently commented.
"Moo! How many times do I have to tell you to stop bringing that up? In what way do I look like a freaking summoner/pop-star/Gunner?"
"Hmm. I guess you're right. But you do remind me of a different Final Fantasy character though."
"And just who would that be?"
"I was thinking Paine from Final Fantasy X-2. Think about it. You're both sarcastic, cynical, and touchy about bringing up the past. If it wasn't for the fact that you were a cow, I'd say you were related to her."
"Ugh. Next you'll be comparing me to that bimbo, Yuffie," Yuna muttered under her breath.
"What did you say?"
"Nothing. Now be a good girl and pick up that giant banana."
"Wait, what? Why do you want me to choose a banana as my weapon?"
"It's common knowledge that gag weapons are one of the strongest weapons in RPG games! Now stop questioning me and pick up that banana!"
Malon reluctantly obeyed and grabbed the unconventional weapon. As soon as she picked up the large fruit, the mysterious announcer shouted out once more.
PLAYER 2, SELECT YOUR WEAPON!
"You! Pick up that baguette!" Yuna ordered to Midna.
Surprisingly, Midna didn't reply with a sharp comeback to Yuna's command. Instead, she obediently went up and picked up the long loaf of bread. No one had much time to ponder about Midna's uncharacteristic reaction as the announcer shouted out one final time.
PLAYER 3, SELECT YOUR WEAPON!
Yuna promptly walked up and took a good look at the remaining gag weapons. All that was left now was a large pickle, a handful of marshmallows, a pair of pineapples, and a lone lemon. After much deliberation, Yuna grabbed the lemon in her mouth and joined her teammates. As soon as Yuna stepped away from the pedestal, a glowing warp pad appeared on the floor in front of them. Steeling themselves for the upcoming fight, the three heroes bravely walked forward with their edible weapons in tow. Unfortunately, their confidence was to be short lived.
After the lights from the teleporter pad disappeared, the group could see that they were in some kind of abandoned castle. The three of them were currently standing in a large hallway overlooking a lush, green forest with a couple of mountains bordering the horizon. The place could have easily been some rich person's vacation home if it wasn't for the fact that an enormous dragon was facing them at the end of the hallway. Except for its enormous size, the monster didn't seem to have any unique features. It simply looked like your generic dragon from the medieval ages. As soon as the dragon spotted our three heroes, it gave a large roar and headed straight towards them
"Ha! I told you we were going to fight an RPG style battle!" Yuna bragged after putting down the lemon in her mouth.
However, Yuna's gloating came to an abrupt end as the boss battle music from Final Fantasy X started to play. As soon as the music started, the dragon stopped its advance and halted several feet away from Malon, Yuna, and Midna. To add to strangeness of the situation, a bunch of numbers and charts magically appeared around the group and stayed hovering in the air above them.
"Moo! Don't make a move until I say otherwise! Seeing as how I'm the most knowledgeable about these types of things, I'll be giving the commands here!"
When no one gave any objections, Yuna carefully looked over the numbers around them. After spending a few minutes analyzing the info, she pointed to Malon with one of her hooves.
"Farmer girl! I want you to perform a basic attack on that dragon!"
"A what?"
"Just whack the boss with the banana!"
With a shrug, Malon obeyed Yuna's command and ran up to the dragon with her giant banana in tow. As soon as she was within striking distance, Malon gave loud yell and swung her weapon with all the force she could muster...
only to have the fruit splatter into oblivion as it hit the dragon.
"WHAT... THE... FUCK?"
Before Malon could say anything else, the dragon smacked her away with its tail. Despite the fierce blow, Malon's HP only dropped from 99,999 to 99,998.9 (not surprisingly). Anyways, as soon as she got back to her feet, the farmer girl turned to glare death at Yuna.
"You liar! That banana was the most pathetic weapon I saw in my entire life!"
"Hey! Don't you dare blame this on me! If you want to point fingers, point it at the imp! She's the one who made this place! If this was a normal RPG game, that banana would've kicked some major ass!"
"I don't care! Just figure out a way for us to win this battle before either you or Midna gets eaten!"
With a disgruntled 'moo', Yuna turned away to look at the turn order. Now that Malon and the dragon had attacked, Midna and Yuna were next in line. Unfortunately, the dragon was slated to attack again right after Yuna's turn. To make matters worse, the monster's hungry gaze indicated that it was in the mood for a giant cheeseburger (without the cheese, obviously).
"Moo! That's not funny!"
It was for me.
"Screw you! Now then, where was I? Oh, right. Midna! Smack that dragon with your baguette! Maybe we'll have some luck with your gag weapon!"
Without a word of protest, Midna followed Yuna's order and ran towards the dragon. Once she was near it, she began to repeatedly whack the dragon's leg using the bread. However, the baguette proved to be just as effective as the banana. The dragon merely looked on in amusement as Midna eventually tired herself out and walked back to the group in exhaustion.
"Okay. We're screwed," Yuna said with a face-palm.
"Use... the... lemon," Midna suddenly told the cow while trying to catch her breath.
"What? Why the hell would I waste my turn with this stupid lemon?"
"Trust me."
Hearing this, Yuna took another look at the lemon lying in front of her. Appearance-wise, the fruit was very normal-looking with no hint of any remarkable features. When Yuna nudged it to see if it would do anything, it merely rolled around like any other piece of fruit. After a while, Yuna gave a large sigh and made her decision.
"Meh. What have I got to lose? If I get lucky, maybe the dragon will eat the lemon and choke on it."
With that, Yuna picked up the lemon in her mouth and flung it at the dragon. What happened next would be forever remembered as the day that reality ceased to exist. Literally. You see, as soon as the lemon made contact with the dragon... it combusted. For those of you who don't fully grasp the concept of a combustible lemon, let me provide a short description: the fruit exploded with the force of a thousand hydrogen bombs going off at the same time. As the light from the explosion faded, it became clear that Malon, Yuna, and Midna had all survived the blast (thanks to the RPG allied protection rule). And as you could've guessed by now, the dragon was nowhere to be seen. Unfortunately, the lemon had managed to blow up the entire world along with the dragon, resulting in our three heroes floating around in an empty, white space.
"Terrific. We actually managed to blow up reality," Malon commented with her arms crossed.
"Don't worry," Midna calmly replied. "This whole place is probably just a virtual world that my scientists created."
"And how would you know that?"
"Don't you think we would've escaped from the Twilight Realm by now if we could create a warp panel to another planet?"
"Ah. Good point."
"Moo! If this was all virtual, then the dragon wasn't actually a threat?"
"I'm pretty sure that some things in here were real. That dragon was probably either a robot or another genetic experiment that my scientists had created."
"Okay... So what are we supposed to do now?"
Midna gave a shrug before answering.
"I don't know. If we get lucky, we might be automatically warped back to the Twilight Realm Science Lab after a few minutes."
"And if we're not?"
"I guess we can play Dungeons & Dragons for the rest of eternity."
For once, fortune smiled upon the three heroes. After about ten minutes, the three of them were teleported to one of the science facility's generic hallways. After checking to make sure everyone was accounted for, they began their journey through the giant laboratory once more.
After a long walk, the party came face-to-face with another warp panel. Eager to get their journey through the science building over with, the three of them walked onto the glowing circle without a moment's hesitation. Despite all the weird things that they had already seen, what they found on the other side still managed to leave all of them in an extremely confused state.
"Are we... in space?" Malon asked.
Indeed, our heroes seemed to be flying through space on a blue, rectangular platform. Before anyone could comment on the strangeness of the situation, a loud, robotic voice was heard above them.
"SO MUCH SPACE! NEED TO SEE IT ALL!"
Everyone immediately looked up and saw a white sphere with an orange-colored eye float past them.
"SPAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!"
Almost as quickly as it had appeared, the robotic sphere floated off into the distance.
"Okay... That was slightly stranger than what I'm usually accustomed to," Malon muttered.
However, the randomness was only beginning. As soon as the space-obsessed sphere had disappeared from sight, ominous laughter began to echo all around them. Everyone quickly scanned the surrounding area to locate its source. Thanks to her highly attuned senses, Malon was the first to find it. What she saw though, left her with a strong urge to face-palm.
"You've got to be kidding me. Is that... a mechanical Master Hand?"
"Moo! And here I was thinking that this place couldn't get any weirder."
Like Malon had stated, a giant,black hand was slowly approaching them. As soon as the hand was floating right above the edge of the platform that the heroes were on, an action-packed theme featuring a Latin chorus began to play in the background. Hearing this, Malon finally did face-palm.
"Was the 'Final Destination' theme really necessary?" Malon asked with a sigh.
"I wouldn't complain if I were you," Midna answered. "In my opinion, this is the best Master Hand battle music in the entire Super Smash Bros. series."
"Moo! I can agree with you on that one. The Latin chorus was a nice touch."
"It definitely was. Hmm. I wonder if they'll make another Super Smash Bros. game?"
"Maybe. But before they do that, they should make a new Metroid game."
"They definitely should. Nintendo pretty much destroyed the series with Metroid: Other M. I think they should... Wait. Why did the music suddenly stop?"
Midna and Yuna turned just in time to see Malon dust off some black powder from her blouse. When the farm girl noticed her companions staring at her with open mouths, she took on a bemused expression.
"What? I got bored of listening to your conversation so I thought I might as well do something productive," Malon stated with a shrug.
Before either Midna or Yuna could say anything, a warp panel appeared at the center of the platform.
"Well, then. Shall we proceed?" Malon asked.
Midna and Yuna quickly nodded and followed the farm girl to the warp panel. However, as Midna began walking towards her companions she noticed a few asteroids fly past them. Seeing this, an idea popped into her head.
"Hey, farmer girl! Can you pass me the Portal Gun?"
"What? Why?"
"Can you just hand it to me? Please?"
With a confused look, Malon took out the small pouch that was tied to her belt. Before anyone could question her actions, she reached into the bag and pulled out the Portal Gun.
"Moo! What the...? How did you fit the Portal Gun inside a small pouch like that?"
"Aunt Nayru gave me this bag for my tenth birthday. It can hold pretty much anything inside it, making it quite handy for a long adventure such as this. Besides, how else do you think I carried around our food supply and such?"
"Moo! I thought that was just a plot hole that the author forgot to cover."
"Stop breaking the fourth wall and hand me the Portal Gun!" Midna suddenly interrupted.
"Oh, right. Here you go."
"Thanks. Now go on ahead while I take care of some business here."
"What are you..."
"I said go!"
Knowing that the conversation was now over, Malon and Yuna quickly stepped onto the warp panel and found themselves in another hallway. The two of them decided to wait for Midna before proceeding so they sat down (or laid down in Yuna's case) and enjoyed their short reprieve from the crazy randomness of the science building. After a few minutes though, Malon decided to ask Yuna about something that had been bugging her for quite a while.
"Hey, Yuan. Have you noticed that Midna's acting rather strangely?"
"What do you mean?"
"Ever since she was turned into an imp, her attitude's been rather uneven. When we first met her, she was almost as sarcastic as you. Now, however, she's even saying 'please' and 'thanks'. Plus, she's not insulting us every five minutes."
"I'd say its more like ten minutes, but I see your point. Her character has been rather inconsistent. On the other hand, I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. The worst case scenario is that she actually becomes likable."
"Yeah, I guess your right. Hmm. I wonder what's taking her so long?"
As if on cue, Midna appeared right next to them in a flash of bright light.
"Whew! That took longer than expected!" Midna exclaimed.
"Umm... I'm almost afraid to ask, but what exactly did you do back there?"
"Back-up plan," Midna answered in a mysterious voice. "By the way, is it okay if I hold onto the Portal Gun for now?"
"Er... Go ahead."
"Thanks! You're the best!"
Hearing this, Malon and Yuna gave each other a look that confirmed their suspicions about Midna. Anywho, the two of them followed the imp as she led them through the hallway. After another long and boring walk, the three of them finally reached the end of their path. This time, however, a standard chamber was there instead of a warp panel.
"Moo! Thank farmer girl's mom! At least we don't have to deal with some crazy virtual world this time!"
"Farmer girl's mom? What's that supposed mean?" Midna asked.
"Nothing," Malon quickly cut in. "Now let's hurry up and finish this chamber before L-block appears again."
At the mention of L-block, Yuna and Midna quickly followed Malon into the testing chamber. As usual, a part of the wall slid over and closed off the path behind them once they were inside.
The first thing that the group noticed was the small size of the room. Unlike all the other chambers that they had been in, this one was only about as big as the average person's living room. Even stranger was the fact that there was only a single entity in the entire room: a scarecrow. Appearance-wise, it looked just like the dancing scarecrows that you would find at Lake Hylia. At the moment though, it was slumped lifelessly on the pole that it was attached to. However, as soon as our three heroes walked within a few feet of it, it immediately snapped to attention.
"Stop right there," the scarecrow suddenly declared. "The only way to pass through this room is by defeating me..."
"Moo! That sounds easy enough."
"In a dance battle!"
"Say what now?"
Suddenly, a section of the floor behind the scarecrow split open. Dense fog began to billow out as something began to rapidly rise out of the hole in the ground. After a few seconds, the fog began to clear and our three heroes could finally see the identity of the object that had risen out. What they saw left them all dumbfounded. Right in front of them was an enormous... Dance Dance Revolution machine.
"Choose your challenger!" the scarecrow declared from his position in front of one of the screens. "Bear in mind that this battle shall take place in Expert mode!"
Before Yuna or Midna could say anything, Malon boldly stepped forward.
"Leave this to me," the farm girl simply declared as she stepped onto the dance mat next to the scarecrow.
"Please tell me this isn't your first time playing DDR," Yuna commented in a worried voice.
"Of course not."
"Phew!"
"This is my second time."
"What?"
"The first time I played this was at my fifth birthday party. I remember being quite good at it back then. Of course, I could've been playing on Easy mode back then. It was so long ago that the details are a little fuzzy."
"We're screwed," Yuna muttered.
"Enough talk!" The scarecrow interrupted. "As the challenger, you get the privilege of choosing the song!"
"Umm... quick question first. How are you going play if you don't have any legs?"
"Simple! My dance mat has been modified so that I can press the arrows by leaning my body in the specified directions. For example, by leaning forward, I'm pressing the upward arrow."
"Okay..."
"Just choose a song already!"
"Somebody's impatient," Malon muttered as she took a look at the song list. "Hmm. I think I'm going to go with number 37."
"Interesting choice. Alright then. Let the ultimate dance battle begin!"
As soon as the scarecrow said this, the lights in the room dimmed as a pair of spotlights illuminated Malon and the scarecrow on the dance mats. As the game loaded up, the two dancers eyed each other with equally matched determination. From the audience, Midna and Yuna watched nervously to see how things would turn out. The tense atmosphere, however, was instantly broken once the music began to play.
"Moo! Really? You two are going to dance to... Caramelldansen?"
"Hmm. From the sound of things, I'd say this is the Japanese version of the song," Midna randomly noted.
Malon had no time to reply as the arrows began to appear on-screen. Just like the scarecrow had said, the game was set on Expert mode so the arrows were barely visible as they shot up the screen at light speed. Just when Yuna believed that all hope was lost, Malon began to dance. And by dance, I mean she was literally dancing to a continuous combo of 'Perfects'. Midna and Yuna were both frozen in shock as Malon continued to dominate the dance mat. The scarecrow too was shocked by the farm girl's crazy dancing skill and had to force himself to stay focused on the game.
As the game progressed, Malon grew more confident and began to incorporate a more freestyle approach to her game. With expert precision, she executed numerous twists, turns, and spins while still maintaining her unbroken combo. After nearly three minutes, the music came to an end with Malon finishing in a triumphant pose with her arms raised. To no one's surprise, the screen in front of Malon immediately flashed out a large 'You Win!' as the machine shot out a bunch of confetti. Somewhere in the background, a fanfare began to play to commemorate the victory. As for Midna and Yuna, they could only continue to stare at Malon in disbelief as she calmly walked down from the dance mat.
"Wow! I hadn't had this much fun in ages! Maybe I should ask Aunt Farore to get me one of these as my birthday present," Malon commented as she reached her companions.
It was just then that the farm girl finally noticed that something was missing.
"Hey, where did the scarecrow disappear to?"
After a long silence, Midna finally managed to get over her shock and answered Malon.
"He... caught on fire halfway through the match."
"What?"
"He tried to keep up with you and... ended up setting himself on fire."
"How's that even possible?"
"Moo! Well, he was made out of straw. All that movement probably heated him up so much that he combusted. It's kind of like how you rub a bunch of sticks together to create a campfire."
"Oh. Heh heh. I guess I overdid it, didn't I?"
"Do you really need someone to answer that for you?"
Before Malon could reply, a part of the wall behind the DDR machine opened up, revealing a relatively short hallway with a small door visible at the other end.
"Alright! We finally made it to the palace! We just have to go through that door and we'll be right inside the throne room!" Midna declared.
"What? The throne room's directly connected with the science building?" Yuna asked incredulously.
"Of course. The science building actually serves as an emergency exit from the throne room."
"I'm not going to question the logic behind that one. But wait. If this is an emergency exit, wouldn't Zant have noticed the door and blocked it off from the other side?"
"Umm... I had my TV installed in front of the door. Thanks to that, you can't tell that there's a door behind it unless you already know its there. My advisers kept telling me that its a safety hazard but it was the only place close enough to a power outlet."
"..."
"Moo! Enough talk! Let's hurry up and end this already!"
"You're right. It's time we took down Zant once and for all," Malon replied with a nod. However, just as she was about to step forward, she noticed the large object that Midna was holding. "Hey, Midna. Do you want me to carry the Portal Gun for you? I mean, the thing's almost as big as you are."
"I'll manage," Midna replied as she slung the gun over her shoulder using one of the wires that was attached to it. "Alright. Let's get back to reclaiming my kingdom from the lunatic!"
With that, our three heroes headed towards the door with looks of determination. As soon as they came within a few feet of it, the door automatically slid open revealing the backside of a very large TV, just like Midna had said. Malon quickly moved the TV aside and the group entered the throne room. As soon as they entered, they saw that Zant was sitting on the throne with the Fused Shadow in hand as if he was expecting them..
"Well, well, well. Welcome... to my lair!" Zant declared in a loud, ominous voice. "You know, I have to say that I'm impressed. I never thought you'd be able to make it back up here. And yet, here you are. Imagine my surprise when one of my Shadow Beasts reported that the three of you were back and were heading towards the Twilight Realm Science Building. I must commend you for your great effort in coming here. Of course, that's of little importance seeing as how I'm going to kill all of you right now anyways."
While Zant was busy with his monologue, Midna began scanning the throne room for anything that she could use against the Usurper King. As her eyes wandered to the right side of the throne room, she spotted a pedastel with a familiar-looking helmet placed on top of it. Seeing this, Midna quickly leaned over and whispered out a plan to Malon. The farm girl immediately nodded and turned to face Zant.
"Zant! Look behind you! It's a distraction!" Malon suddenly yelled.
"What? Where?"
As soon as Zant turned around, Malon rushed in as if to snatch the Fused Shadow. However, Zant saw the attack coming and merely lept out of the way. As he landed next to the TV, he blasted Malon with a bolt of energy from the Fused Shadow. However, instead of being turned into an duck like Zant had expected, Malon was merely blown back several feet before regaining her balance.
"Interesting. How did you resist the effect of the Fused Shadow?" Zant asked Malon curiously.
"Would you believe me if I said I'm the daughter of Din?"
"Pfft. Enough with your jokes. Anyways, I must say I'm rather disappointed with your plan. Did you really expect such a straight-forward tactic to actually work?"
"No. I was merely serving as a distraction," Malon calmly answered. "Our real goal was Mr. Helmet."
Zant turned around just in time to see Midna reach the pedastel holding the helmet in question.
"No! What do you think you're doing?"
"We're taking Mr. Helmet hostage!" Midna yelled back. "If you ever want to see him again, you'll hand over the Fused Shadow back to me!"
"Never!"
"Then it looks like Mr. Helmet's staying with us!"
With that, Midna reached over and grabbed the helmet. However, as soon as she touched it, the entire pedestal blew up.
"Hah! I booby-trapped the helmet!" Zant shouted out in joy. "I thought you might target Mr. Helmet so I put a fake helmet on that pedestal and filled it with explosives!"
"No! Midna!"
"It's no use, you pathetic farmer girl! Midna's gone! Ha! I wish I got that on video!"
Malon began shaking in rage as a red aura began to surround her. Just as she was about to rush in and incinerate Zant, a familiar-sounding voice was heard behind her.
"Hey, Zant. Eat this."
Suddenly, a flash of blue light was seen from within the smoke that the explosion had created. Almost immediately, a blue-colored portal appeared right in front of Zant. Suddenly, everything within the room began to be sucked in towards the portal. As the intense vacuum continued to draw in even the air from the room, Zant desperately grabbed onto the closest thing next to him: the TV. Unfortunately for him, the only thing anchoring the TV to the room was the power cord. As a result, Zant soon found himself flying into the portal with the unplugged TV.
"SOMEBODY SAVE ME! GRAB ME! GRAB ME! NOOOOOOOOOO!"
As the Usurper King disappeared into the portal, Yuna noticed that Zant had let go of the Fused Shadow in his panic. However, the portal was still open and was threatening to pull in the Fused Shadow as well. In a very brave but foolish move, Yuna lept forward and grabbed the Fused Shadow with her mouth. Just as she was about to be pulled into the portal as well, she felt someone grab onto her. She quickly looked up and saw that Malon was the one that had caught her. The farm girl had her flame-cloaked, angel wings out and was trying her best to fly away from the portal with her friend in tow.
"MPH! FLA FASTA!" Yuna yelled with the Fused Shadow still in her mouth.
"DON'T TALK TO ME RIGHT NOW! I'M BARELY CONTROLLING MY POWERS AS IS!"
Just when it seemed that all hope was lost, the portal suddenly disappeared. With the threat of the vacuum gone, Malon was able to safely land onto the ground with Yuna. However, as soon as Malon landed, her wings and aura disappeared and she felt herself grow very faint. The last thing she saw before she fell unconscious was the sight of a female Twili holding onto what seemed to be a heavily damaged Portal Gun.
xxx
As soon as Malon woke up, she found herself lying on a couch in a dimly lit room. As she slowly got up, she could see that she was still in the Twilight Palace's throne room. Before she could do anything else, Yuna and Midna entered the room. From the looks of things, Midna had finally managed to get her regular body back. As soon as Midna noticed that Malon was up, she gave a sigh of relief.
"Thank the goddesses, you're alright! You were out for almost three hours! I was about to get a doctor but Yuna convinced me to just let you rest. From the looks of things, I guess she was right."
"Moo! You make it sound like I actually cared about her."
Malon couldn't help but smile when she heard that. However, her expression quickly grew serious when she remembered what had just happened.
"What happened to Zant? For that matter, how did you survive that explosion?" Malon asked the Twilight Princess.
"Remember how I was carrying the Portal Gun? Turns out it makes quite a useful bomb-shield. As for Zant, I sent him to a place where he won't be causing anymore trouble."
"So the portal was your doing?"
"Yeah. Sorry about the mess at the end. I tried to turn off the portal as soon as Zant was gone but the explosion damaged the gun a bit more than I expected. Not to mention that I was also busy hanging onto one of the tables to keep myself from being dragged into the portal as well."
"Well, you were still a big help to us. Heh. I guess you were a nice person after all."
"Speaking of nice, can I ask you a question?" Yuna asked Midna.
"Sure."
"What was up with your strange personality switch during this entire misadventure?"
"Oh, that. You see, being turned into an imp uncovered a nicer side of me that I didn't even know I had. I'm guessing it was some kind of side effect from the Fused Shadow. Anyways, my nice personality seemed to have been struggling to overcome my usual self this whole time. From these emotions I'm feeling right now, I'm guessing that my nice personality managed to surface in the end."
"Looks like Zant gave you an uninteded benefit by turning you into an imp," Malon commented brightly. "With your newfound heart, you can actually run this kingdom through kindness and compassion now."
Instead of agreeing with Malon, Midna stayed silent for a while as if thinking something over. After a few seconds, she came to a decision and began shaking her head.
"No. I can't run a kingdom with kindness. That would be a terrible way to run a government. These emotions have got to go."
"Say what?"
Suddenly the announcer from the RPG chamber was heard once more.
NICE MIDNA DELETED.
"Moo! What was that?"
"Goodbye Nice Midna," the Twilight Princess stated with her indifferent look back on her face. "You know, deleting my nice personality just made me realize a very important truth. This entire mess wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for the two of you. In fact, you two are responsible for almost ruining my entire life.
"What?"
"You know what my days used to be like? I just ruled my kingdom. No one tried to kill me, or turned me into an imp, or got me attacked by L-blocks. I had a pretty good life. Then the two of you showed up. You dangerous, random, weirdos. So you know what? Just go."
Without another word, Midna used the Fused Shadow to teleport Malon and Yuna to the outer gates of the Twilight Palace. After being so abruptly kicked out, the two of them were too stunned to say anything . However, their stunned silence was soon interrupted by a strange noise coming from behind them.
"Moo! What is that?"
"It sounds like... music."
The two of them quickly turned around to face a crowd of Twili standing right behind them. From the looks of things, they were all organized into a chorus and seemed to be singing a song in their strange language. What was even weirder was the fact that they seemed to be singing for Malon and Yuna specifically. After listening to the Twili chorus for a while, Malon and Yuna looked at one another and gave a shrug. Eager to put some distance between themselves and the singing Twili, the two heroes turned around and began to walk away.
"Any idea about what they were singing about?" Malon asked.
"Not a clue."
After a few minutes, their walk was interrupted by a flash of blue light as Nayru appeared before them.
"Aunt Nayru! What're you doing here?" Malon asked in surprise.
"Duh! I'm here to pick you up for the baseball game!"
Malon now noticed that the goddess was wearing a green T-shirt along with denim shorts. On her head was a green baseball cap with a Triforce symbol on it. In her hands was a large flag that said 'Hylians For the Win!'
"Oh."
"Don't tell me you forgot! Well, no matter. I'll buy you a banner or something once we get to the stadium so that you can show your team spirit as well!"
"Moo! Do I really have to go with you two?"
"Absolutely," Malon firmly stated. "I'm not going to let you wander off into some crazy situation while I'm gone. I've worked too hard to lose you now."
"I'm touched," Yuna sarcastically replied.
"Is everything settled now?" Nayru interrupted in an impatient tone.
"Yep. We're good to go."
"Awesome! Just stay close to me and I'll warp us right over!"
Just as Nayru was about to do just that, she managed to hear the Twili chorus singing somewhere off in the distance. Hearing this, she turned to face Malon with a quizzical look.
"Why are the Twili singing about wanting the two of you gone?"
Malon gave a sigh before answering.
"It's a long story. I'll tell you all about it later."
Nayru just gave a shrug to this response and snapped her fingers. Almost instantly, the three of them were warped out in a flash of blue light. With that, Malon and Yuna's adventure through the strange and random world came to an end. A world known only as... the Twilight Realm.
xxx
Somewhere in the Twilight Realm Science Building...
"Great. I'm in space."
After being sucked into the portal, Zant found himself floating helplessly through the Master Hand chamber. Apparently, Midna had created a portal on one of the asteroids when she was alone in the chamber. Unfortunately for Zant, the main platform had long since flown off and was nowhere in sight, leaving the Usurper King with no way of getting out. As he continued to float aimlessly along, he gave a large sigh.
"I wish I could take it all back. I honestly do. I honestly wish I could take it all back. That farmer girl was a nice person. I should've just stayed with her instead of trying to take over the Twilight Realm."
Zant suddenly put on his helmet before talking again.
"Way to state the obvious, you moron."
"Shut up Mr. Helmet."
Zant put away his helmet before continuing.
"Well, at least things can't get any worse, right?"
Suddenly, a white orb came into Zant's field of vision. As it came closer and closer, Zant could see that the orb was adorned with what looked like two breaker switch handles above and below its orange-colored eye. As soon as it noticed Zant, it immediately began to speak in a loud robotic voice.
"HI! I LIKE SPACE! I'M IN SPACE! I'M THE BEST OF SPACE!"
If things weren't bad enough, the space-obsessed core began to orbit around Zant with no sign of stopping anytime soon.
"Correction," Mr. Helmet stated. "It just got worse."
"SPAAAAAAAAAACE!"