"I know we already asked you this like a million times, but are you doing okay?"
"Yes, Adam. I'm fine. Why is that so hard to believe?"
He sets down the last of my boxes in my new living room. "I don't know. It just...it can't be easy for you to be in love with her and not be able to be anything more than her friend."
I shrug. Truth is, sometimes it isn't easy. There's times when I wish we were more than friends. Like last week when we grabbed lunch together. The weather was strangely cold that day. There were gusts of winds blowing every two minutes and Brittany kept calling them the Santa Ana Winds.
We decided to walk to a nearby cafe during our lunch breaks, but I really wish we had driven, even if it was only two blocks away. When we finally got there, we took a sit at a corner table and ordered some coffee to warm up. I looked up at Brittany and noticed that her nose had turned into a cute pink color, the way it does whenever the weather is too cold.
"What?" she asked.
"What?" I stared at her with a sheepish smile.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Like what?"
"I don't know. Like that." She pointed at my face.
"Your nose looks really cute. You look like Rudolph.
She brought her hand up to her nose and touched it with her fingertips. "It's pink, huh?" She asked through a chuckle.
Her laugh along with her nose were so insanely cute that I wanted to stretch over the table and kiss her nose, then her adorable thin lips that were dry from the wind outside. But of course I couldn't. Being friends with her is great. I much rather be her friend than nothing at all, but as her friend I have boundaries, boundaries that I really really wish I could break, but I would never push her into cheating. I kind of did that in high school and I feel really bad about it. Even if I never did like Artie Wheelchair very much.
"It can get a little...difficult, at times. But I can manage."
"Do you really think you're ever going to get over her this way?"
"I don't know, Adam." I sigh in frustration. "I just know that I'm happy she's back in my life."
Adam starts unpacking dishes in the kitchen and hides the disappointment in his face. I know he's right. I'm not going to get over her any time soon this way, but I'm just so happy. I jumped into this friendship without thinking twice about it and I may have to pay the consequences later on but I couldn't care less about that right now.
"Doesn't her boyfriend ask about you? I'd be worried if Jax was spending all his free time with an ex-boyfriend."
I get why he asks that. I would be worried if I were in Liam's position too, but he doesn't really seem to care. "She said she told him that we're friends again but I'm not sure if he knows that we've been hanging out. He's always traveling so it's not like Brittany chooses to spend time with me over spending time with him."
"Well, I guess as long as he doesn't mind and you guys aren't fooling around..."
"We aren't. And thanks for your seal of approval. Couldn't have lived without it." I begin fixing the wine bottles I just bought. Maybe Brittany will want to get some more of that Italian food. I can have my glass of wine with it this time.
"Where is she anyway? I thought she had Saturdays off. Isn't she going to come check out your new place?"
"She was, but she's teaching her friend's classes today. Apparently her daughter was sick or something so she asked Brittany if she could take over for the day."
"That's sweet. Brittany is a really nice girl."
I smile. "She is."
Adam must have noticed my dreamy face because he makes a random suggestion. "Hey, have you thought about getting back into the dating game?. I know you like spending time with Brittany, but you need to branch out into relationships that will actually lead somewhere."
I know he didn't mean to be an ass but that kind of stung. The way he said it was so bold.
"There must be someone chasing after this piece of hot ass," he says then playfully spanks me.
"Of course there is!" I chuckle. "But... I don't know-"
"None of them are Brittany." Adam takes my hands in between his and squeezes them. "I get that you love her and that you're happy and all that, but you at least have to try to move on."
"Yeah..."
"Promise? Promise me you'll try."
He's looking at me with his piercing green eyes. He's probably the only person that can scare me once in a while with just a look.
"Yeah. I promise."
Brittany surprise visits me later that night. She's wearing a purple hoodie, which kind of looks familiar, and some oversized sweats. She looks completely fatigued.
"Wow! This place is great, San!" She's looking all around my new apartment and makes sure she peeks her head in through all the doors.
She makes it sound better than it actually it. It's more of a loft than an apartment, but atleast it has a separate room that serves as my bedroom. I would hate to have to get one of those dividers to put in the middle of the living room, hide a bed behind it, and call it my bedroom.
"It's okay. I'll get a better place as soon as I get bumped into something better at the studio, which I hope is soon because I don't think I can stand being Steve's bitch for much longer."
"Aw, San. I'm sure they'll move you up soon." She stops by my bookcase and picks up a framed picture of me and the guys. "Did Adam help you bring up your bed?"
"Yup. Well he brought it up by himself. I think I would have gotten in his way if I tried to help."
"Sorry I wasn't here to help you." She sets the picture down and sits on the couch next to me.
"That's okay. You look really tired by the way."
She smiles lazily and stretches her arms above her head. "I'm about to collapse. I forgot how tiring Salsa and Tango can be."
I instantly picture Brittany in tights dancing to some sexy salsa music. I wish I had seen that. All I've ever seen her dance is Hip-hop and the routines we had to do in Glee Club. If that used to mesmerize me then, I wonder what her Salsa and Tango moves would do to me now.
She turns her back towards me and starts unzipping her hoodie. "Can you massage my shoulders?" There's no suggestive tone in her voice, but my cheeks turn red before she finishes shaking off her sweater.
"Sure." I softly grip her shoulders and I'm sure that if I were a guy I would have a massive problem right now. That's what four years of no Brittany does to me. I need to focus on something else other than her skin under my hands and her exposed neck flaunting its perfection at me, so I stare at the purple hoodie that's laying around her waist.
My brows furrow and I lean down to get a closer look at it.
"Britt, where did you get this sweater?"
"From your closet."
"From my-" I pick it up and examine it. It's the hoodie I was given my first year of college by my cheer team. "When did you get it?"
"Ummm...I don't remember." She scoots back closer to me and straightens her back. "Can you get my neck too."
I swallow and drop the piece of clothing, setting my hands gently around her neck. I form small circles around her muscles with my thumbs and she seems to enjoy it because her shoulders slouch back down again.
"That feels nice. I think I didn't stretch enough before class today."
"You should be careful," I say and try to keep my eyes from wandering around her body.
Her phone buzzes and breaks my trance. I feel like I've been caught doing something I shouldn't have been doing and quickly remove my hands from her.
Brittany pulls out her phone and answers it.
"Hey!" She waits a few seconds before she speaks again. "Oh you are? I'm at Santana's, but I'll be right over."
It doesn't take a genius to figure out who called her. Once she hangs up, she pulls my hoodie back on.
"Was that Liam?" I ask.
She finishes pulling up the zipper and stands up. "Yeah. He finished his project in Israel sooner than he expected so he's home now."
"Oh," is all I say. I don't want to give away the fact that I'm not as happy as she is about Liam's return.
"I have to go, but call me when you want to go pick up stuff for the housewarming party."
"The what?"
She turns to look at me as she opens the front door and swings her duffle bag over her shoulder. "Your housewarming party."
"I'm not having one. Who told you that?"
"Jax."
I roll my eyes. "No, I'm not having one."
"Why not? It'll be fun."
"I don't even have friends, Britt. I don't know anyone other than you and the guys. And maybe a few people at the studio."
"That sounds like enough to me."
I shake my head "Plus this isn't a house. It makes no sense to have a housewarming party."
"Then we can have an apartmentwarming party."
I lean against the door frame and take in how beautiful she looks. I like when she gets dressed up in a dress and heels but there's nothing I love more than seeing her in her natural state. Her hair tangled from fixing it repeatedly during her dance lessons, her face free from any makeup, and those comfy clothes hanging from her thin frame.
"I'll think about it."
"There's no time to think! You should really stop over-thinking things so much and just do them." She closes the gap between us and gives me a quick hug. "I'll call you, okay?"
I nod with a smile. "Okay."
"Bye." She gives me a little wave before she walks down the hall.
"Bye, Britt."
"Hey hot stuff! Are you having fun?"
"So much fun. Jax, please remind me not to ever listen to you ever again. We barely fit in here!" Somehow there's more people than I invited and I only recognize about five of them.
He hands me his drink. "Drink it."
I take a sip and force it down my throat. "What the hell is this? It's disgusting." I push the cup against his chest. No way am I drinking anymore of it.
"I call it The Jaxter," he says then finishes the drink.
I wince. "That's gross."
"Where's Brittany?"
"She said she'd stop by later. She has to drop off her boyfriend at the airport."
"You still haven't met him?"
"No. And I hope I never have to."
Putting a face to the name isn't something I want to do. It's already hard enough to push away the thoughts of Brittany with someone else. If I had an exact mental picture of it, I know i would torture myself with it.
It's getting late and Brittany still hasn't arrived. I want to call her and ask if everything's okay because she hasn't answered my texts but I don't want to bother her if she's with the geologist.
Brittany might not be here but Natalie is. Natalie is a cute brunette that works at the studio. She has been flirting with me since day one but hasn't made a move yet. I was hesitant about inviting her, but I promised Adam I would try to move on from Brittany so here she is.
"Santana! Hi!" She gives me a peck on the cheek. "I thought you said there was only going to be a few people."
"I thought so, but my fabulous friends seem to have invited all of L.A. Are you having fun? Do you want a drink?"
"Yeah, a drink sounds great."
We squeeze through the crowd and finally make it to the kitchen. "What do you want to drink?"
"Surprise me?" She says with a mischievous smile.
I grin and make her one of my many specialties. We stay in the kitchen because there really isn't any room to move in. It was even getting a little hard to breath, but luckily Jax opened up the windows. Natalie and I are standing close together trying to chat over the blaring Britney Spears soundtrack that someone had managed to find and pop in my stereo. Natalie leans into me to and is about to say something when Jax shouts my name from the kitchen's entrance. I look up and see Brittany standing next to him. She's gripping her purse with both hands and flicking her eyes between me and Natalie. I tell Natalie to give me a minute and quickly push myself past some people until I reach Jax and Britt.
"Hey!" I say.
"Hi. Are you busy? I can hang out with Jax for a while." Brittany doesn't seem to be her jolly self, which worries me.
"No, um...Jax, can you stay with Natalie for a bit?"
He nods and I pull Brittany by the wrist until we're in my bedroom. "What's wrong?" I shut the door behind us and follow her to my bed.
"Nothing.."
"Britt, c'mon."
She picks at the back of her hand for a moment then looks up at me. Her eyes are sad and I am now 100% sure something's up. I try giving her an encouraging smile.
"Liam..he..." My jaw tightens at the sound of his name. "We had a little fight before he left."
"I'm sure he'll be over it by the time he comes back, Britt."
"San, he doesn't want me to see you anymore."
It takes me a few seconds to process what she's telling me.
"I'm sorry. He just isn't comfortable with our friendship."
"So- so what are you saying? We can't see each other anymore? He's never had a problem with it before."
"I know, but I've been telling him about all the stuff we do and now he feels it's not right for you and I to be together all the time."
"But we're not doing anything we aren't supposed to. It's not like you're cheating on him."
"I know that, but he-"
"You can't let him choose your friends, Brittany!" I didn't notice how worked up I was getting until I realize I was off my bed looking down at her.
"I'm not. We can still see each other but... not as much."
"So what? Like in secret?" I can't believe what she's suggesting. We were a secret almost all through high school and now she wants to go back to that? At least back then I was getting more out of our relationship than I am now. "I'm not going to do that, Brittany."
"San, not in secret. Just in-..I don't know." Her tone is soft and pleading, like she's asking me to help her find a better sounding name for it.
"You should go." I cross the room and hold the door open for her.
"Santana." She tilts her head to the side and looks up at me with her sad blue eyes. But I don't submit. I grip the doorknob tightly and stare at the hardwood under me until she stands up and exits the room.
So a few people favorited this fic, but you guys have to at least let me know that you're still reading it. I have no clue if I'm writing just for myself.