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"Santana! Why would you do that?"

It's the morning after the 'housewarming party.' Adam and Jax invited me over for brunch and of course Jax had to ask about Brittany. I told him what had happened, needless to say he wasn't happy about it, but I tried to explain my reasons.

"I'm not going to go back to being a secret with her. It took a lot of courage to come out and go public about what we had in high school. No way am I going to be her dirty little secret. I love her, but I have more self respect than that." I take a sip of my coffee, wanting for this conversation to end soon. Not only would seeing her in secret make me feel like crap but it would also feel like Brittany would be cheating. Emotionally cheating or what ever they call it.

"But you didn't have to kick her out that way!" Apparently Jax has left his little obsession with me behind and moved on to Brittany. The two of them have gotten along really well this past few months and became close friends so it's no surprise that he's taking her side.

"Jax, you're over reacting. I didn't kick her out. I asked her to leave."

Adam rubs Jax's forearm in an attempt to relax him. "So what now?" He asks turning his attention towards me.

"I don't know. She called me late last night but I didn't pick up."

"I think you should take this as an opportunity to create some space between the two of you and see other people."

"Adam!" Jax seems to be appalled by the advice. "Not too long ago you told her she should tell Brittany that she loved her!"

"Well, she's obviously not going to do that. And if Brittany's letting her boyfriend make these kind of a decisions for her, then I'm guessing she's really into him."

I wish we could stop talking about this. All I want to do is finish my coffee, go home, and sleep for the rest of the day. I need to wrap this conversation up.

"I think Adam is right. I tried the friend thing and it didn't work out. I need to move on." I shrug. "Maybe this is fate, Jax."

He stares at me fixedly. I shouldn't have taken a jab at his whole fate thing. "Fine. It's up to you," he says. "But don't treat her like this is all her fault. You decided not to tell her how you feel so this is what happens now." He stands up from his seat at the table and stacks all the dishes we used before quietly taking them into the kitchen.

"He's being over dramatic," Adam says once Jax is out of sight. "This is a good thing, Santana. You know this is the only way you're going to be able to move on.."

"Yeah." I nod. "But having spent so much time with her again is not going to make it any easier. I hate to say it, but you were right. Becoming her 'bff' again wasn't the best idea."

I hate the look Adam is giving me. He feels sorry for me. It's written all over his face. The last thing I want is a pity party. "But I'll get through it."

"That's the spirit, babe. And I know some great girls who you might like."

"That's okay. I've been kind of talking to someone."

"Oh really?" He's excited. I wish I could be too. "Who?"

"A girl from work. It's been nothing more than flirting, but I think I'll ask her out."

Getting over Brittany the first time was almost impossible. Well, it was impossible. I never did get over her, but I got to a point where I could continue living life without her. This time around I have some experience. I just hope it's enough to get me through and make it less painful than the first.

"I bought us lunch!" Natalie makes room on my mess of a desk and sets down a Chipotle bag.

"I love this stuff!" I launch at the bag and pull out a bowl. "Oh my god, you got a burrito bowl. Can I have it?" The smell quickly fills my tiny cubicle and makes my mouth water.

"Duh! I got it for you. I know it's your favorite."

She does? "You do?" I unwrap the bowl and dig in.

"Yeah. You mentioned it when we had lunch there a few weeks ago."

Natalie is the complete package. She's smart, beautiful, funny, and very thoughtful. She's so kind that she makes up for the lack of kindness on my end. I hate to admit it, but I don't remember what she had for lunch that day.

"You're way too nice. Did you know?" I ask.

She swallows a bite of her burrito before smiling and saying, "We can even the score if you take me out this weekend."

"Sure. Where do you want to go?"

Since I stopped seeing Brittany, I've been spending my weekends with Natalie but as much as I like going out with her, it doesn't compare to being with Brittany. Either way it's a start. Plus, Brittany hasn't called or texted me in six weeks so at least she hasn't been making being away from her harder than it already is.

"I've been wanting to go to karaoke night at the bar near your place."

I scrunch my nose. I haven't sang in a while, I don't know if that's my thing anymore.

"Don't make that face! We're going!"

"Fine but I'm only going to see drunken idiots go up on stage and make fools of themselves."

"Uh, no. You're going to go up there with me."

I scoff. "In your dreams."

"I always make my dreams come true so I guess you're going up there one way or another." She smiles proudly.

I'm about to protest but my phone vibrates on my desk. It's a text from Brittany. So much for the six weeks.

I guess my face changed as soon as I saw her name on my phone because Natalie asks, "Is it her?"

I nod, a little embarrassed. Natalie knows about Brittany. I didn't tell her every single detail but she knows the essentials. She knows I'm still in love with her. She must really like me if she's willing to date me while I'm head over heels for someone else.

"Read it. It might be important."

I look at her and try to figure out if she's trying to test me in some way but it doesn't seem like it. She takes another bite of her burrito and hands me my phone.

Brittany's text is short. All she says is that she really needs to talk to me. It's nothing new. That's what she texted me for the first two weeks after my party. I put my phone down and continue eating my food.

"Aren't you going to reply?"

"No." I shake my head.

Instead of asking why, Natalie goes back to talking about the weekend. She says she will pick me up at eight and that I need to look hot because she won't go out with anything less than hot. This is why I think we might work. We are so different but yet so alike.

It's seven thirty and I'm all ready to go. I slipped into the tightest dress in my closet and made sure to wear my best bra. I wouldn't want to disappoint Natalie.

I'm in the kitchen fixing some drinks with Jax. It was only supposed to be Natalie and me tonight but according to Adam, he and Jax went to karaoke night once and had a blast so there was no getting rid of them. Fortunately, Natalie is super sweet and didn't mind.

"Can you quit staring at my boobs? I'm starting to think you're not gay," I tell Jax.

"If you were to put wigs on them they would look like two human heads stuck to your chest."

I brush off his attempt at being funny and continue mixing the drinks. "Asshole."

"They're huge! Are you sure you didn't get them enlarged again?"

"It's my bra! You moron."

He chuckles and playfully bumps his hip against mine. "Hey, have you talked to Brittany?"

I glare at him. What a stupid question.

"I'm just asking because I'm worried about her."

I look at him. "Worried?... Why?"

"She hasn't returned any of my calls or texts. The last time I saw her was two weeks ago and she wasn't feeling too good. She was throwing up a lot. I think she got food poisoning or something."

"Have you tried going to her house?"

"No, Liam has the month off from work so I'm pretty sure he'd be home."

"So?"

"I don't like him. He creeps me out."

Brittany is dating a creep? "What do you mean?"

"I don't know. I've only met him once but I thought he was way too serious and kind of scary. Not very friendly."

Why would Brittany date anyone like that? She's seems to be the complete opposite of him.

Someone rings the doorbell so I put my thoughts about Brittany on hold. "That's probably Nat. C'mon." "I walk into the living room holding two drinks and ready to get the party started before we even hit the bar. "You're early!" I announce, expecting to see Natalie standing at the entrance but when Adam moves his broad shoulders out of the way, I notice it's Brittany standing there instead. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to talk to you." She looks like she hasn't slept in days. Her eyes are puffy and I know she's been crying. "Can we please talk?"

'No, I don't want to talk to you,' is what I really want to say, but she looks like she's in bad shape and that adds to the concern I had felt when I was talking to Jax just a moment ago. I hand the drinks to Jax and gesture for her to follow me. When we're in the privacy of my bedroom, she lets out a sob and drapes her arms around my neck without warning. I involuntarily fall on my bed and we land in a sitting position next to each other. I stay silent while her sobs get louder and can feel her hot tears sliding down my shoulder. "It's okay." I try comforting her while I massage her back. "Shh..It's okay." I'm really worried now. Brittany isn't a crier. If she's crying then that means something really big happened.

I let her cry on my shoulder for a few minutes. Just as her sobs begin to cease, there's a soft knock on my door. "What?" I ask with frustration.

"Natalie is here." Adam announces.

Brittany wipes the remaining tears from her face. "I'm so sorry. You should go. I shouldn't have came unannounced."

I take her hands in mine, making sure she doesn't try to leave. "Just go, Adam. I'll catch up to you guys later."

He seems hesitant because I don't hear him walk away right away. When he finally does, Brittany apologizes again. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." I rub my thumb over her hand. "What's going on?"

A tear rolls down her cheek and wipe it off with the back of my index finger. She sniffs and stares at our hands resting on her lap then mumbles something.

"What?" I slouch and try to get a clearer view of her face.

She swallows. "I lost it.."

"Lost what, honey?"

"The baby." She finally looks up at me."I lost it."

The baby? Was she babysitting? "What do you mean?"

"I lost my baby." She begins bawling again and hides her face in the crook of my neck.

I rest my hands on her back while I try to process what she just told me. She had a baby. She lost it. My throat feels like it's closing and I'm having a hard time trying to breathe. This can't really be happening.

Brittany was pregnant and had a miscarriage. How is that possible? That doesn't happen, not to Brittany. Those things happen to people but not us. This is the type of thing that you always hear about but never think it will happen to you or anyone close to you.

"Are you sure?"

She holds me tighter and nods against my shoulder.

I have no idea what to say. I don't know how to react to this. Not ten minutes ago I was about to go out on a date and now Brittany is here. The love of my life is here and she's telling me she lost her baby. She had a baby with someone else and she lost it. I can't think of anything to say to her other than, "Honey..."

She leans away from me to get a view of my face. She's wants me to continue. She wants me to make her feel better. She's looking at me like she's waiting for me to say the right thing and make the pain go away. But I can't. I don't think there's anything anyone can say to make this better so all I can do is lay us down on my bed and wrap her in my arms.

Brittany has always been the taller and stronger one out of the two but right now, as she trembles in my arms, she feels so small and fragile.

I place a soft kiss on her forehead and hold her tight. "It's going to be okay, Britt."

It's 6:00am and I'm still wide awake. Brittany cried herself to sleep last night while holding my hand against her chest and hasn't let go of it since. It really scared me to see her so distraught yesterday. Of course it's understandable, but I had never ever seen her that way.

I stayed up all night thinking about what happened to her. I have so many questions. How far along was she? Did she get seen by a doctor? Why did it happen? Where did it happen? Why is she with me and not Liam?

I've also been thinking about ways I can help her deal with this. I might not know what to say, but I think I know what to do.

I lay motionless and wait until she wakes up. I'm a little nervous about how she's going to feel this morning, but I'm ready to deal with it. I'll be supportive of whatever she wants to do or whatever she wants to feel. I want to take care of her, I really do.

A few hours later, she begins to stir. Her eyes flutter open and she looks at me without saying a word. She's lost lost some color in her eyes and that beautiful happy shine I'm so used to seen.

"Hey," I say. She doesn't respond. "Are you hungry?"

She shakes her head. Her pupils hide behind her eyelids and she falls asleep again. A few minutes later I managed to slither out of bed without waking her. I change out of my dress into some track shorts and a t-shirt and check my phone. Adam has called me five times and I have one text message from Natalie. It reads, 'Adam is freaking out about you and Brittany being left alone. She didn't look too well. No worries if you can't make it.' I also have a text from Jax telling me not to answer Adam's calls.

After I lay a blanket over Brittany, I go into the kitchen to make some coffee. I turn on the t.v. in the living room and lower its volume until it's almost on silent. I want Brittany to rest all she wants but four hours pass and she's still asleep. I check on her every thirty minutes to make sure she's okay. I'm a little worried about her sleeping for so long but she did look exhausted so maybe she's finally catching up on her sleep.

I decide to call Jax and give him an update.

When he picks up, he doesn't waste any time. "How is she?"

"She's okay. She's sleeping."

"What happened?"

I want to tell Jax. I'm dying to tell him and get his advice on it but it's not my place to do so. I don't know how Brittany wants to go about this. She might not want to tell anyone. "She wasn't feeling well."

"Well, why? What happened?"

I'm not going to get Jax off the topic that easily. I need to give him something solid. "She came to apologize about the whole Liam thing and wasn't feeling good so I told her she could crash here."

"So, are you guys friends again?"

I need to stop lying. "I don't know. Look, I really don't want to talk about it. It still isn't very clear where we stand at this point. Like I said, she wasn't feeling well so I didn't want to push her into talking all night."

"Okay, but are you sure she's okay? She looked awful."

"She's fine. Did you guys have fun last night?" I ask, attempting to change the subject.

"Not really. Adam was calling you all night, as you probably already know. He said he didn't think it was right for Brittany to come back after a month and a half and that you shouldn't have stayed home with her."

Adam's reaction isn't a surprise to me.. "Was Natalie upset?"

"I wouldn't say upset but I could tell she was bummed that you didn't show up. She didn't really talk very much so I don't know what she thought about you staying with Brittany."

I don't know what Natalie was thinking either. She seemed to be supportive of me helping Brittany, but I doubt she she was happy about it. I know I wouldn't be.

I get up off the couch to serve myself another cup of coffee when I see Brittany moving around in my room. "I gotta go, Jax. I'll call you later." I don't give him a chance to say goodbye and hang up before walking into my room. Brittany is looking through my closet. She's looking through everything and opening every drawer. I move closer to her and place a hand on her shoulder, causing her to flinch. "Hey," I say. "What do you need?"

"I want to shower. Can I borrow a towel?"

I move my hand to her lower back. "Yeah, they're in the bathroom, c'mon." I lead her into the bathroom and begin running her a bath. When I turn around to pull out a towel from my cabinet I see Brittany is already half naked. Her shirt and bra have been tossed over the sink and she's working on taking off her jeans. When she pulls them off completely,I notice there's some dark spots on her panties. I quickly tear my gaze away and stare at the towel as I talk. "Here's a towel. There' shampoo and soap on the tub." I don't know why I'm speaking so low. It's as if I think she's still sleeping. "I have bath rocks if you- want.." Brittany doesn't seem to be listening. She finishes undressing and slips into the tub. The water turns into a light shade of pink and I pour in some bubble solution to masquerade it. "I'll be in the room if you need anything, okay?" I turn to leave.

"Santana. Stay, please." She's dipped into the water up to her neck and rests her head on the tub. Her eyes are closed but even then she somehow manages to look tired.

I pull the toilet seat cover down and sit on it. We stay silent for a while until I speak up. "You can stay here as long as you want, Brit. I have to go to work tomorrow but I'll have my phone on me at all times in case you need something."

"Thank you," she says.

The questions are itching but I won't ask until she's ready to talk about it so I just sit on the toilet feeling useless. "Do you want something to eat? I can cook something. Or I can go out and buy something."

"No, I'm okay. Thank you."

I want to help her. I want to do something for her. Anything. "I'm going to get you some clean clothes. I'll be back." I dig through my closet until I find a pair of cheer sweats and t-shirt. The shirt isn't just any shirt. It's a shirt my aunt gave me one christmas back in Lima. It's blue and has a cartoon turtle printed on it. Under the turtle it reads shut the shell up. It's the most ridiculous shirt ever. My aunt obviously doesn't know me very well if she thought I was going to wear it. Brittany loved it though. She laughed and laughed when she finally understood what it meant. She's the only reason why I still have it. I'm sure it'll bring a smile to her face when she sees it.

I snatch a pair of panties from my drawer and walk back to the bathroom to find Brittany struggling to get out of the tub. "Whoa. Hey-" I toss the clothes on the toilet seat and rush to help her out the tub. Her legs tremble as I wrap the towel around her.

"I can't be in there anymore. I can't. I-" her voice breaks.

"It's okay...It's okay. You don't have to be in there. Let's just get you dressed."

I dry her off with the towel and slip the shirt on her. She doesn't notice it, which disappoints me, but I don't think she would even notice if I were to kiss her right now. I help her put on the underwear and sweats then suggest that she get back in bed.

After I lay her down I grab a clean sheet and drape it over her. "I'm going to be right back, okay?"

"No. Where are you going?"

"I'm going to make you some soup. You need to eat something."

"No, just stay here. Please." She takes my hand and pulls it towards her. "I need you here."

I'll never be able to deny her anything, not while she's this broken. I lay next to her and she snuggles against me. Her hair is wet and soaks through my shirt but I couldn't care less.

"I'm sorry," she whispers.

I don't know what she's sorry for but whatever it is, I know she doesn't need to apologize for it. She just needs to stop apologizing all together. "It's okay, Britt."