When I wake up the next morning, Brittany has already left for her morning run. I should probably start running too. My gym membership ended one month ago and I haven't worked out since. Although I still look amazing, I am starting to feel lazier as the days go by. Maybe Adam can get me in for free at his brother's gym.
I jump in the shower and expect Brittany to be back by the time I'm done, but she's not, so I decide to get breakfast started. As I scramble some eggs in a pan, I realize how quiet it is in here. It's quiet because Brittany is missing. I hadn't noticed how alive this place feels when she's around. She's always so full of energy, laughing her head off at some ridiculous movie, or turning the radio up when she's stretching after a long dance class.
It's going to be really hard getting used to the silence once she moves out.
I'm waiting for her to come home so we can eat breakfast, but she's taking longer than usual. The eggs are starting to get cold, but I don't want to eat without her so I make myself some coffee and decide to wait some more.
The floor creaking beneath my feet as I move around the kitchen reminds me of last night. I didn't think too much of it then, but I think Brittany might have been listening in on my conversation with Natalie. The floor doesn't make noises unless there's someone walking around and I doubt she fell asleep so soon. She was probably going to come into my room to tell me something but decided not to when she heard me talking to Natalie. It would've been fine if she came in though. I'll have to tell her about Natalie and I sooner or later.
One cup of coffee later, Brittany is still not home. I look at my phone. 11:30 am. At this rate we'll be having brunch.
I type out a quick message telling her I made breakfast and asking her if she'll be home anytime soon. She texts me a few minutes later. I'm at Jenny's house. I'm gonna hang out here 2day but enjoy ur breakfast :)
Who the hell is Jenny? Oh wait, I think that's her friend from Salton.
I'm a little disappointed because we hardly have a proper breakfast together, but I guess there'll be other opportunities.Oh ok. I'll see you later today then.
Her next reply comes quicker this time. Yeah. C ya!
I exhale loudly. It's Sunday morning and everyone seems to be busy. It makes me want to go out and do something or hang out with someone.
Brittany's at her friends. Natalie is in San Diego...I'll call Jax. He and Adam are always up for anything.
He picks up after the fourth ring and clears his throat before he speaks. "Hey, Santana!"
"Hey. Wanna do something? I don't want to stay in."
"I can't."
I wait for him to elaborate but he doesn't. "Okaaay. Why?"
"Cause. Adam and I are going to visit his parents."
"Augh."
"Sorry! We can go out next weekend, if you want?"
"Yeah, it's fine. Have fun."
"Will try! Bye!"
"Bye."
Well I can go out by myself. It's not like I need to have someone with me at all times, even if it's way more fun when I'm with Brittany..or just like.. .
I sigh and turn on the tv. Netflix has the same old stupid movies. Brittany has been watching the same one for the past week. She urges me to join her every time she sits down to watch it, but I refuse. I don't watch anything with Ryan Reynolds in it, but I guess I'll give it a try today.
I spend the day walking back and forth between the couch and the fridge. I'm eating a lot more than usual because I'm bored. That's why I never like staying home.
I order a pizza for dinner and pass out on the couch after I eat a little less than half of it. The distant sound of the front door closing wakes me up and I see Brittany, still in her running clothes, trying to sneak past me and into the kitchen.
"Hey," I say, sitting up.
She stops next to the couch and looks down at the open pizza box. "Hungry?" she asks mockingly.
"A little bit." I stretch my arms over my head and yawn. "Want some?"
"Sure." She sits on the recliner and grabs a slice of pizza. "What did you watch?"
"Your favorite movie."
"Finding Nemo?"
I chuckle. "No. Just Friends."
"Oh..." She tears the hanging cheese off the pizza and places it over the slice before taking a small bite. "Did you like it?"
"Well, it was funny..."
"So you liked it?"
"Yeah. It was relatable...I know a little about his struggle."
"But he got the girl in the end," Brittany reminds me.
"Yeah, he did. But it's a movie. He's obviously going to be happy in the end."
She quickly chews the pizza in her mouth and swallows. "But it can happen in real life too."
My bottom lip pushes outwards and I shrug. "Yeah, I guess." I look up at her and find her staring at me, like if she's waiting for me to say something else. "So, did you have fun at Jenny's?"
She frowns. "Where? Oh! Oh, yeah. We just hanged out." She nods. "Just talked."
"Did you run to her house? How far does she live?"
"She doesn't live too far. I was already on my way back here when she called me and invited me over so I just walked there."
"Oh. Did you walk back? It's kind of late."
"No, she drove me here."
"Oh, that's good..." I begin feeling awkward for some reason. Maybe it's because of all the questions that I just asked. "Well, I'll clean up here so you can get some rest." I get up and begin clearing the coffee table off of everything that's on it. She finishes her slice of pizza and grabs the pizza box, following me into the kitchen.
Once I'm done washing my wine glass, I put the wine bottle away and turn to leave to my room. "Goodnight," I say.
Brittany, who was next to me fixing some random dishes, quickly turns and gets in my way. I raise my brows, surprised at the sudden roadblock. But what she does next surprises me even more.
She tilts her head down to match my height and gives me a shy peck on the cheek. When she pulls away she avoids my eyes and goes back to fixing the dishes. "Goodnight," she says almost in a whisper.
I watch her stack the dishes in their place, completely taken aback. A kiss on the cheek isn't anything to freak out about, but since we saw each other again there hasn't been that kind of intimacy between us. We've held hands in a friendly manner and cuddled once, but that's it. Her lips haven't been this close to mine in years, and I'm sure that if I the kiss hadn't been so sudden, I would've gotten butterflies in my stomach.
"Goodnight," I say again, and force myself towards my bedroom.
"Wow. A miscarriage. That's...rough." Natalie shifts on her seat. "I would've never thought, in a million years, that that's what was going on with her."
"But it was...unfortunately. You get why I couldn't tell you right?"
"Yeah, definitely." She pauses. "But...is she okay now?"
"Well, physically she is, but I don't think she'll ever be emotionally okay with it. I mean, she lost her baby..." I shake my head and shrug, lost for words.
"But wait, what about her boyfriend?"
"Ugh. He's a total scumbag. He kicked her out right after," I say, trying to keep my tone even. "He said something about not being able to think about her the same way and kicked her out. How fucking heartless is that? He obviously didn't love her." I wish I hadn't said that last part. I sounded completely defensive and she obviously noticed, because she takes a deep breath and says, "Well, good thing you were there for her."
"Yeah...She should be moving out soon though," I tell her, trying to prove something to her, but I don't know what. "She said she will start looking for an apartment and will move out in a few weeks."
Natalie nods and rubs her arm awkwardly.
"What's wrong?" I ask.
She looks up and gives me a weak smile. "Nothing. Ready to go?" She looks at her watch. "I think my lunch break was over about twenty minutes ago."
"Sure. My treat today." I signal the waiter for our check and find it strange when Natalie doesn't fight me about who will pay but instead looks out the window, deep in thought.
We walk back to the studio in almost complete silence and she gives me a quick peck on the cheek before leaving for her office.
When I get to my apartment building that afternoon, I feel a little worried and excited at the same time. I'm pretty sure it's because of the kiss last night. I didn't get a chance to interact with Brittany this morning because I overslept and rushed out of the apartment, but I'll be able to tell what the kiss meant by the way she acts when I walk in through the front door, which I am now standing in front of. I shake my nervous hands at my sides and swing the door open. "Oh."
Brittany jolts off the couch. "Santana."
"Hi. Who's this?" I ask, staring at the man sitting on my couch.
"Um...This is Liam."
Liam gives me a small wave with the same hand which not one minute ago had been holding Brittany's.
I feel my jaw tighten and I step closer to them. "What is he doing here?" My eyes still piercing on him.
"I just came to talk to her," he says, standing up off the couch. He's easily as tall as Finn, but it's the last thing I'm thinking about. I really want to reach up and punch him on the face.
Brittany steps in between us. "We were just talking, San. It's fine," she reassures me, her eyes begging for me not to do anything stupid.
I clench my fists until some of my fingers crack. "He needs to leave." I look over the top of Brittany's head at Liam. "You need to go."
He grabs his jacket off the couch and moves past us towards the door. "Brittany, can I talk to you outside?"
She's still standing in front of me, so I watch her as we wait for her answer. She looks unsure of what to do and keeps looking back and forth between Liam and me, like a confused todler.
"Brittany..." I whisper.
She touches my arm momentary. "I'll be back."
I close my eyes in disappointment and wait until I hear the door behind me close before I leave to my room. I want to be mad at Brittany for following him outside, but I have no right. I'm really scared that she's out there forgiving him and will come back in here to get her things and leave. Liam came here to apologize and ask for another chance. What other reason would he have for being here. But I don't want Brittany to go. I especially don't want her to go with him.
I anxiously wait in my room for her return. I know the first thing she'll do is come in here and talk to me. I'll have to push down my feelings and opinions and support whatever she decides to do.
I move to my closet and begin hanging all her clothes on the far right end. If she does decide to leave, I want it to be as painful and as quickly as possible. I don't want to have any time to discretely beg her to stay.
I'm so concentrated in my own thoughts that I don't hear when shes comes in the room.
"San," she says, stepping closer to me. "What are you doing?" Her voice is soft.
"Just fixing my closet." I pretend to fix my own clothes and stay away from hers.
"Why did you separate our clothes?"
"I didn't. I'm just fixing the closet." I keep my attention on my wardrobe even after she stands next to me and faces me.
"Did you think I was leaving?"
"No." I pause and pretend to look for something on the floor. "Are you?"
"No," she says, shaking her head. "Unless you want me to."
"Why would I want you to leave?" The question shoots out my mouth before I can think twice about it.
I glance at her and notice her mouth is formed into a tiny smile. She takes me by the hand and leads me to my bed until we're both sitting down.
"Liam came to apologize." Just like I suspected. "He said he was sorry for the way he treated me and he realizes how selfish he has been."
"Took him awhile," I say angrily. "He's pretty slow for a Geologist." I wait for Brittany to say something like, "San." or "Don't be mean." But she doesn't, so I continue. "So what? Did he tell you to go back home with him?" I realize I'm not doing a very good job at keeping my opinions and feelings to myself, but I don't care anymore.
"No. He just wanted to say he was sorry."
"Oh...Would you though?
"Would I what?"
"Would you have gone with him? If he asked you."
"No, 'course not. I'm happy here. I'm don't want to be with him."
I swallow as I feel a warmth spread at the pit of my stomach. "I'm glad you feel comfortable here."
When Brittany and I were together, she used to have this habit. A habit that I loved. A habit that got me excited and nervous all at once. Whenever we spoke face to face, Brittany would always glance at my lips. It didn't matter who was the one speaking. She always had staring contests with my lips. You'd think she'd want to kiss me, but most of the time she wouldn't. It took me a while, but I figured out why she did it. It was her own little sneaky way of getting me to kiss her. She knew that if she stared at my lips long enough, I would eventually find hers extremely appealing and attack them with my own.
It was a habit that I loved. A habit which I knew had hidden intentions, yet I fell for it every time. It was a habit which made me get those stupid butterflies in my stomach and a habit which has suddenly reappeared.
She is staring at my lips with soft eyes and a matching smile. I part them, wanting to say something, anything, but nothing gets said. Brittany's smile fades. She moves half an inch closer and the tiniest gasp escapes my mouth. She doesn't move any further and looks at me in the eye.
I stand up and giggle nervously. "I'm- You did that thing."
"What thing?" She stares at me with her most innocent look.
"Uh- the- I...Brittany."
"What?"
We look at each other for a few seconds without a saying a word. "Nevermind. Are- Do you want to help me? With dinner," I say, still feeling flustered.
"Okay." She calmly slides off my bed and leads the way to the kitchen.
The following morning, I make sure I wake up earlier than usual to catch Brittany before she takes off on her run. "Brittany..." I say, groggily.
She finishes pulling on her running shorts by the closet then comes and sits on my bed. "Good morning. Did I wake you?"
I shake my head and rub my eyes, trying to get rid of the blurriness. "Can I go running with you?"
She looks surprised. "You want to go running?"
"Yes. Why are you so surprised?"
"You don't like running."
"I didn't like running when Sue made us do it during practice, but I do like running on my own."
Brittany smiles and gently moves a strand of hair away from my face. "You look so cute when you wake up."
I feel heat creep up my cheeks. I don't know what to say to that, but Brittany saves me from the embarrassment as quickly as she put me on the spot.
"C'mon then!" She hops off the bed. "Get dressed."
When I said I liked running, I lied. I hate running. I don't care what's the reason behind it. I just don't like it. Spinning classes and light weights are how I keep in shape. Never ever do I incorporate any kind of running in my workouts. I have no clue why Brittany loves it so much. She always has.
"Brittany!" I pant. "Can we maybe take a break?" I'm running a few steps behind her. When I first fell behind, I forgot about being tired for a few minutes because the view from here is great, but my legs are aching really bad now. I can't ignore how tired I am anymore.
"We've only ran like-" she looks at her ipod. "A mile."
"Which is an accomplishment for me. Can we please stop?"
She looks over her shoulder at me.
"Please, Britt." I don't wait for an answer and bring myself to a halt, bending over and resting my hands on my knees. Brittany stops a few feet ahead of me and walks back to join me.
"I thought you said you liked running." She says as she rubs my back.
"I guess I lied. I don't know how you do it." I'm still trying to catch my breath.
"Here." She hands me her water bottle and I drink from it enthusiastically. "Hey, um. I was thinking about the reunion."
I stand up straight and bring the bottle away from my lips. "Yeah?"
She nods. "It's coming up, and I've thinking that it might be fun to go after all."
My brows pinch together. "Really?"
"Yeah."
"What made you change your mind?"
"I don't know." She looks off to the side.
"Are you just saying you want to go because I want to go?"
"No. Well- I didn't want to go, but if you go then it'll be fun."
I smile. "We don't have to go."
"I know. But it might be nice to see some of them."
I look at her, still skeptical. "Okay, but promise me you'll let me know if you feel uncomfortable so that we can get out there."
"I promise," she says, offering me her pinky.
My toothy smile matches hers and I link my pinky with hers.
"C'mon. We have to run the mile back home."
I groan, but she places her hand on my lower back and pushes me until I start a light jog.