Chapter 5: Confession
My forehead was dripping with sweat and my limbs were sore. The music cut off and there were groans of either approval or exhaustion coming from everyone. I looked around and noticed that almost everyone looked ready to drop.
"Okay good work today. We will definitely be ready for our performance tomorrow. We need to be excellent as it will be the first time we perform just for the school and other teams. Make sure you relax tonight," Said Janet. At this everyone started talking. I walked over to grab my bag when an arm grabbed mine.
"Hey Britt, leaving so soon?" asked Sam. He looked just as tired as everyone else. His hair was coated with sweat and his face was still a little red. I nodded at him.
"Yeah, I could use a shower and figured that i'd get some studying done today," I shrugged.
"Aww. Come on Britt, we're all meeting at my place, even Mike's going to be there. We're just trying to de-stress before the show." I stared at him for a second, contemplating my options. It sounded like fun, but lately I haven't been in the mood to hang out. "Just think about it," he said after a minute went by. "You have my number." I nodded before grabbing my bag and leaving. The walk to my dorm was short, but I still felt like I was walking through Alaska. The wind was blowing my hair everywhere and all the sweat on my head was almost dried up or frozen to my face. New York and their harsh winters. For that, why not just snow already! By the time I got to my door all I wanted to do was take a hot shower and cuddle with my blankets. I opened the door and walked inside, throwing my bag onto the floor. Suddenly there was a loud 'BOOM.' If possible my heart flew to my head as I jumped so far from the noise, nearly landing in my closet.
"What the hell?!" I yelled.
"Oh my bad," said the voice that I had come to hate this past week. Puck was on the floor, picking up the lamp that had fallen when I walked in. His mohawk looked messy and he was shirtless showing his ripped stomach.
"Sorry Britt, I didn't expect you to be back so quick," Shrugged San. I could feel her eyes on me, but I refused to look. I didn't want to see how her hair probably dishevelled or how much clothing she was wearing. The thought only made me angrier by the second, which is something that I have been feeling a lot lately.
"Whatever," I replied trying to keep my tone steady. What made me furious was that she knew my dance schedule and knew that after dance the only thing I wanted to do was soak my limbs and sleep. She knows that I never go out after. Was she doing this on purpose? This past week she'd barely had a conversation with me and even on the plane ride home, she was distant. I tried to speak with her and immediately was brushed off. Barely an hour after we got back, Puck was in the picture. I remember the hurt I felt when he walked into the room and sat on her bed as if it were his own room. That day I pulled San into the bathroom.
"What's he doing here?" I whispered.
"Well he is my boyfriend after all," said San harshly.
"Since when?" I asked feeling anger.
"since the dinner," she shrugged.
"And you didn't bother to tell me?"
"Well i'm telling you now," she shrugged. I wanted to push her. I wanted to do something that made her respond with emotion, even if it was anger. I hated this side of her.
"Don't you think we should talk," I asked hesitantly.
"Britt there's nothing really to say." she shrugged before walking out.
After the argument I had barely seen her and when I did it was usually with Puck. However, this was the first time this week that i'd seen them in her bed. Why was she being like this? She didn't seem apologetic or anything. Does she not care about my feelings?
"Sorry for interrupting, I only live here," I grumbled. They didn't seem like they would stop anytime soon and I knew that I would not be able to relax here. So I grabbed some clothing from the drawer and threw it into the closest bag I could find. Finally my eyes met San's and for once I could not read them. "Whatever i'll just get out of your hair."
"Britt," said San halfheartedly. I had years practice of shutting out voices and for the first time, I found myself shutting hers out. I grabbed my phone charger and went to the bathroom to grab my toothbrush. The only instinct in my head was to leave before I exploded.
"Don't wait up," I yelled angrily. I didn't wait to hear San say anything. I didn't want to feel the disappointment when I knew she wouldn't call for me or even bat an eyelash at me. There was like a wall in between us and I didn't like it. I knew it was my fault. Maybe I shouldn't have kissed her, but do I regret it? The answer is no. If given the chance, I would do it again. It was such an amazing feeling and i'm hoping that I will always remember the way she made me feel. Even if it was for only a few seconds. I hope that our friendship could get through this, but for the first time, I wasn't so sure.
I ran to the only room that I knew would allow me in, knocking slowly. My head was starting to hurt and tears threatened to fall.
"Britt... hey," said Quinn, "Nice seeing you today. I feel like I haven't seen you in forever. Come in." she looked so happy that instantly my mood was brightened.
"Quinn, who's at the-Brittany!" yelled Rachel happily. "She pulled me into the room quickly, allowing Quinn to shut the door, "did you just come from practice?"
"Y-yeah. I would have showered, but my room is currently being occupied." I sighed before sitting on the floor. I could feel eyes on me, but again I wouldn't meet them.
"That's fine. Here," said Quinn handing me a towel, "Just use our shower." I nodded gratefully and smiled. The shower made me feel loads better. I stepped out of the bathroom feeling completely refreshed.
"Sorry for just coming over," I apologized after seeing them cleaning up.
"Britt what's wrong? You should know that its okay. We do this all the time. I mean you do remember that we just sort of barge in all the time?" said Quinn rolling her eyes, "We wish you would come by more often. It's been weird not seeing you and Santana all the time."
"Aw did you miss us Quinnie," I laughed earning a smack from her. "Ouch that's tender," I said playfully.
"Ha-ha," said Quinn, "So what brings you here?"
"San has Puck over, so I thought I would give them some space." I shrugged. It's much easier to hide my anger now that I was clean and had a clearer mind.
"Britt, are you sure you're okay?" asked Rachel. She was analyzing me, I could tell.
"I'm as okay as I can be," I replied.
"Okay what don't I know?" asked Quinn, eyeing Rachel and me.
"Nothing," we both said.
"Rach-" warned Quinn. She looked away.
"It's okay Rachel. I trust Quinn. I'm just trying to figure this out." I shrugged, "I well- where do I begin?" I asked. It's harder since Quinn just met us. "I've sorta been exeriencing- wait no. Sorry bad wording. Okay well-"
"She has feelings for Santana," blurted Rachel. I wanted to glare at her, but she did help.
"What she said." I looked away. "As I said i'm tying to figure this out." I bit my lip in anticipation awaiting her reaction.
"I knew it!" yelled Quinn, "For how long though?"
"Wait you knew?" I asked.
"Well yeah. I mean obviouslly it was just a guess, but the way you two look at each other. It feels like i'm constantly interrupting private moments." said Quinn, "For how long?"
"The way we look at each other? How does she look at me?" I asked.
"Britt, stop avoiding the question."
"I'm not. I was just curious," I argued, "Fine-umm forever?" I replied hesitantly.
"How long is forever?" she asked excitedly.
"Well it started when I was 13."
"What?" yelled Quinn. "You never told her?"
"When I was 13, but she brushed it off as just a strong friendship."
"That's bullshit!" yelled Quinn angrily, "Anyone with eyes can see the chemistry you two share. I've never seen two people who would be so great together as you two."
"well I didn't exactly help matters. I mean she kissed me back, at least I thought she did. It felt like she was enjoying the kiss. I'm pretty sure she did," I said. The situation was so confusing. I'm pretty sure if my family hadn't come home when they did, things would have gotten real heated.
"Wait what?" asked Quinn just as Rachel yelled, "Kiss?"
"Can you backtrack please?" asked Rachel.
"yeah when did you two kiss? How did that happen?" asked Quinn.
"Well it's pretty easy. You just lean in a place your lips on someone," I said sarcastically earning a glare from Quinn, "It was on Black Friday. The feelings were getting too instense and I sort of just kissed her." I said quckly, "it was meant to be a short tap kiss, but then she pulled me closer and I just sort of lost myself in the kiss."
"She kissed you back?" asked Rachel surprised.
"Yeah," I smiled at the memory.
"Well- what hapened?"
"As you can see obviously nothing. She's barely looked at me or spoken to me aside from some small fight we had. Apparently she's with Puck," I groaned.
"How could she do this to you? Does she not have any feelings?" asked Quinn angrily. "And with him? He's like the dirtbag of dirtbags! I heard he dates multiple girls at the same time!"
"Quinn this is Santana Lopez we are talking about," said Rachel. "Since when does she care?"
"Guys stop it please! San's not a bad person." I yelled earning odd looks from them, "At least never to me. She's never treated me horribly. She's just confused. I mean I sort of just caught her off guard. It was actually selfish of me."
"Britt you're allowed to be selfish sometimes, especially when it comes to love."
'Okay now you're getting ahead of yourselves," I laughed.
"Look you are rarely ever selfish about anything," I rolled my eyes, "No we are serious. You are too sweet sometimes and worry about everyone else. You just seem to forget about yourself sometimes. You had every right to go after what you've wanted forever. You're human not a robot!" yelled Quinn.
"I guess your right," I mumbled. "But please don't be mad at her. She has her own side of the story that deserves to be heard. Just treat her normal...please" I begged. San didn't deserve to be deserted.
"Okay, but it's not like she likes us anyway."
"Of course she likes you guys," I rolled my eyes. They looked at me blankly. "Im not going into detail." I laughed, "Look i'm just going to let whatever happen, happen. If we're meant to be anything more or even just friends than fine, if not, then I guess i'll learn to live without her." Just the thought of losing her made me feel like a hole had dug itself into my heart, but I wouldn't let it eat at me. "For now, could I maybe stay here? I don't know if he's staying over and I really don't want to hear anything." I shivered at the idea.
"Of course."
"Thanks, all I need is a pillow and blanket and i'll be fine."
"You don't think you're staying on the floor do you?"
"Really I don't mind," I shrugged.
"Well I do. You're staying with me," said Quinn proudly. I looked to Rachel and she shrugged.
"Are you sure?" I asked.
"Of course Britt."
"Thanks."
I opened the door slowly trying not to wake anyone in my room. I tip-toed to my desk and placed my bag softly there. A figure stirred and I looked quickly over at Santana's bed. Instead of two figures, I could only see San sleeping peacefully. I smiled knowing that at least she didn't let him stay over. She had no idea I was staying over Quinn and Rachel's. For a second I watched how peaceful she looked. I wish we were talking right now, I wish that things weren't weird between us. I missed my best friend. A week is too long to not speak or hang out. I sighed and opened my drawer slowly, pulling out my clothes for the performance along with some black tights. I walked slowly to the bathroom and closed the door as quiet as I could. My shower was quick and within 15 minutes I was ready to leave. When I left the bathroom, San was still sleeping. I let out the breath I was holding and walked over to my dance bag. I emptied out the clothes from yesterday, placing them in my bin before filling the bag with my performance clothing. Before leaving I opened the drawer of my desk, pulling out a small flier and placing it on my desk, in clear view. Just before leaving, I looked back over at San. Her blanket had lowered itself and she had rolled over to the side. As I watched, I noticed that she was starting to shiver. I shook my head to the side and remembered how at so many of our sleepovers, she was always kicking the blankets off. I walked over to her and sighed before pulling the blanket up so it covered her. With one last look, I was out the door.
I walked over to the dining hall to meet Rachel and Quinn. Instead of my usual breakfast of croissants and french toast, I was eating a slice of toast with jelly.
"Is that all you're eating?" asked Quinn as she happily ate her second serving of bacon.
"Yeah."
"why? Don't you need to eat a lot before dancing?"
"Quinn, just because you can eat a pound of bacon, doesn't mean we feel the need to," said Rachel warily.
"Hey! Leave my bacon out of this," she cried, "I'm just saying, I just want to make sure you're healthy."
"Thanks Quinn, ill be fine. I just don't want to fill myself up too much," The thought of me dancing on a full stomach made me feel queasy. "I usually eat a lot after shows," I shrugged.
"As long as you're okay. Are you?"
I looked at them carefully, "I will be. I just need to figure this out,"
"You do know that you're going to have to talk to her and soon."
"Don't you think i've been trying," I snapped. I took a deep breath and sighed, "Sorry. Our friendship means so much to me, I'm trying my best to make things right." I slumped in the chair.
"You're going to have to corner her."
"I shouldn't have to."
"Of course not, but at least you know you tried. Maybe then you're conscious won't bother you too much." I know they're right, but I wasn't sure if I was even ready for the talk. I mean what does this mean? Am I a lesbian? Or am I just bi-curious? I know i'm definitely not straight; i'm pretty sure a straight girl does not feel this way for her female best friend. I can't believe I actually convinced myself that what I felt was typical friendship. All my memories of our past are running through my mind. I keep thinking of all of the moments when I felt more than friendship and can't believe that I had no idea. All the nights I would wake up to place the blanket over us and would end up watching her sleep. All of the moments that I needed to feel her close. Even the safeness I felt around her. How did I not know this?
"Britt, are you even listening?"
"Huh," I asked.
"Of course not," replied Rachel, "I wanted to know if you were ready to go." I nodded.
It was 5:00pm and the show was in full motion. Almost all of the dance teams in our school had performed. It amazed me how many different cultured dance groups our school had on campus that I hadn't know about. The Indian dance troupe had just performed an amazing choreography and had just exited the stage. We had already watched the Japanese team, the Chinese team, the various Spanish teams, and even the cheerleaders perform.
"Now give a large round of applause for the Nemesis squad! They are our champion hip hop squad." We all took deep breaths before running onto the stage.
There's something about dancing that makes me forget. It could be the amazing adrenaline rush I feel, every time i'm on stage or the warmth I feel when the crowd shows their praise or even the fact that I can show my feelings through the dance. Some people write, some sing; well I dance. Just like a writer feels crippled when they experience writer's block, I feel that when I cannot express my feelings through dance. So as soon as it was my turn to jump into the dance, I gave my all. All the hurt and pain, all the happiness and anxiousness, was placed into my dance. When the music ended, my head was clear and once again I was back on this earth. We ran back stage and congratulated each other on not messing up. I looked at everyone and couldn't help but feel like something was missing. Maybe it was because of how close everyone had gotten. There were so many parties and get togethers that I chose not to attend. What's wrong with me? I was never the type to be anti-social. I hugged Sam and Jennifer and vowed that I would change. I'm done being scared; i'm done feeling helpless. It's time I took control of everything going wrong in my life.
"Party at my house!" yelled Eric. I think this time I might just go.
"Britt! You were amazing. You looked so lost in your own world!" yelled Quinn, "I'm so happy that I got to see this performance at least." I looked around and couldn't find San anywhere. It felt weird knowing that she wasn't there. I don't think she's ever missed any performances even back to the small ones I did in high school. I wanted to cry, but then I was so frustrated at her that I knew I wouldn't. Plus with Quinn and Rachel's happiness, I couldn't help but smile.
"Thanks Quinn!" I smiled proudly. "I can't believe we finally performed in front of so many people! It was like our debut to the school!"
"It definitely was," said Rachel, "To think one day you will be probably choreographing some broadway that I will be in and Quinn will be the writer! We are going to make a great team. We should totally put all of our skills together and create-"
"Hold it there tiger!" laughed Quinn, "Why don't we focus on graduating college first?"
"Fine," grumbled Rachel.
"Come on, i'm starving!" I said happily, "Let me just shower first!"
We made it to my room in record time, "Give me 30 minutes guys!" I was in sweats, my hair was in a messy bun with pieces of hair stuck to my head. I still had some makeup on and my bag was hoisted around my right shoulder. As I entered the room, prepared for an empty room, I found Santana there watching TV.
"Hi," she said as she flipped the channel still laying on her bed.
"Hey there stranger," I answered nonchalantly. I threw my shirt off leaving myself only my bra and sweats.
"Did you just get back or were you dancing?" she asked.
"I was dancing." I replied watching her. She was still staring at the TV.
"I didn't think you had practice today" she replied after changing the channel.
"That's because I don't." I grabbed some clothing from the closet forcefully.
"Wait- then why- did you have a performance today?" she asked sitting up. I could practically hear the clocks turning in her head.
"Yep," I answered grabbing my towel.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I turned around and raised my eyebrow at her. She's kidding right?
"Didn't think it would matter." I shrugged. Her tone was starting to piss me off.
"What do you mean it wouldn't matter? I would have-"
"You would have what?" I cut her off angrily, "You would have shown up? You would have tried to make it?" I asked warily. "You would have talked to me?" My voice is breaking. She didn't answer and looked away, "Exactly. I figured since you have more important things to do lately that you were too busy. Also the fact that you've barely talked to me or even looked at me in the last week that maybe you just didn't care. So sorry for not verbally telling you."
"You didn't tell me at all."
"Maybe not orally!" I said frustrated pointing to the paper that was left untouched on my desk. I took the flier from my desk and thew it onto her bed. "Look i'm not upset you couldn't make it, but for you to sit there and blame me for everything isn't fair." I sighed, "Look we both know that this is about more than a stupid dance performance." She still wouldn't look at me, "Can we just talk?"
"Britt...there's not much to really say," said San carefully. She wasn't looking at me.
"You're kidding right?" I asked sarcastically, "San that kiss happened, believe it or not."
"Britt-"
"No San! I'm done pretending that it doesn't bother me or that it doesn't hurt." My eyes were feeling heavy and that familiar throbbing in my head returned.
"Britt we've discussed this before!" she nearly yelled.
"No San, you discussed this! I listened like the awesome best friend that I am and cared for your happiness." I yelled, "sure I was 13, but I knew what I was feeling was different. I thought you were right, but obviously you were wrong."
"Britt-"
"Stop because I need to say this and I am only saying this once because it is obvious that you don't care. I have really strong feelings for you and I have had for a very long time. They are definitely not friendship feelings because i'm pretty sure most best friends don't want to kiss the other senseless. San when I kissed you, it wasn't planned, but it wasn't out of nowhere either. This has been five years in the making and you know what I don't regret kissing you. It sucks that you don't feel the same, which I find weird because if my memory is correct, you kissed me back." I took a deep breath and looked at her.
"I-" she stopped talking, "Britt i'm not gay." she stuttered.
"I'm not either. I'm pretty sure that i'm attracted to guys too. I guess gender doesn't affect my feelings." I shrugged.
"Well that's great for you, but Britt I like men, not women." she said clearly annoyed. At her words I deflated. Tears threatened to fall and my heart started pounding uncontrollably.
"Okay then. Well-what does this mean?" I asked, "Are you just going to keep avoiding me?"
"I-I don't know. Britt you can't just expect me to feel okay about this."
"About what? Me being bisexual or liking you?" I asked warily.
"Don't be like this," she said angrily, "It's not everyday that this happens." she grabs her head, "I don't get why you're being so selfish. Our friendship was perfect!"
"Selfish? You telling me to hide my feelings and tricking me into thinking they were fake is selfish. I don't deserve this and you know it. Our friendship was the most unique relationship i've ever experienced, but it was no where near perfect. If you want to stop being my friend than fine, i'll deal." I said going into the bathroom. I turned to close the door and was stopped by Santana.
"I just- I just need some time to process this." she said. Her eyes were dark and roamed my body making me feel exposed. I had forgotten that I was wearing a sports bra and sweats only. "Yeah some time." she begged. She looked so vulnerable and it killed me. I nodded at her.
"Okay." I nodded again. She walked out and left me there alone and confused. Was she checking me out? Again with those thoughts, I swear my thoughts are going to be the end of me. I shook my head and jumped into the shower.
"Brittany!" yelled Sam happily, "You made it." Quinn and I convinced Rachel to come to the party at Eric's place. His place was actually pretty spacious for an off campus apartment. I smiled at him brightly before following the girls to the kitchen where the keg was located.
"Isn't this party great?" asked Quinn. She was on her 4th cup of beer and had just finished dancing with one of the jocks.
"Yeah...great" I replied still on my first cup. I wasn't in the mood to get scary wasted.
"Come on Britt, you danced great today. Live a little!" yelled Quinn.
"Quinn if this is living than i've sure lived a whole lot," I answered back sarcastically. "Where's Rachel anyway?"
"I don't know. Last I saw her she was sulking. She wouldn't tell me why," shrugged Quinn. I nodded and looked around.
"Is that-" I started. sure enough there was Rachel in the middle of the dance floor with Finn. They were grinding on each other as if it were their last day on Earth.
"Rachel?" asked Quinn. Her expression was unreadable, "Who is that?" she asked annoyed.
"That's Finn, I believe." I said trying not to laugh. Maybe I wasn't the only one who felt a little more my roommate.
"He looks like a giant! Why would she want to dance with him?"
"Now you're sounding like San." I laughed before realizing what I said.
"Ha-ha" laughed Quinn before she noticed my expression. The conversation I had with Santana earlier was still bothering me. I feel like i'm pressuring her to like me back and that's the last thing I want to do. I just really felt like she did, I mean was I reading the signals wrong? I don't know, all I know is that I need to figure out some way to fix this because I miss my best friend.
"Brittany!" yelled someone, "I didn't expect you to be here!" Suddenly I was being hugged by Jennifer. "Finally someone cool that I can talk to. All the guys are so wasted ugh," said Jen happily. "It's like they all turn to pigs when they're drunk." she scoffed.
"Are you sure you're not?" I asked laughing at her reaction.
"Me? Hell no, I have the highest tolerance," she said hold her arms out to her shoulders. "Oh let's dance. I love this song." She grabbed my hand and led me to the dance floor. As soon as she let go of my hands she started to move her hips to the beat. I couldn't help but focus on how hot Jen looked dancing. Usually I see her dancing to one of Nemesis' choreography, but i'd never seen her dance at a party. Immediately I found the rhythm and started moving my hips to the fast beat. As the music changed to another fast beat her hands found my waist and her body moved closer to mine. It didn't exactly feel safe, but it felt nice to have someone in my arms again. Her hips moved against mine and instantly I felt hot.
"Britt there you are!" yelled Quinn. I stopped dancing and turned to see Quinn staring at me with a smirk, "Rachel looks too wasted. I was going to take her home. You can stay if you want," she laughed.
"Alright. Call a cab, i'm going to use the bathroom okay." I told her. She nodded and walked over to the spot where she left Rachel. I turned to Jennifer apologetically. "Looks like i've got to go," I said. Part of me was glad that Quinn interrupted, but my body was definitely not pleased. My body was screaming for me to stay in this position and practically dry hump the girl on the floor. I can't believe I lost control like that!
"Yeah," she replied sadly, "We should hang out sometime." she suggested.
"Definitely!" I smiled, "Well see you soon then." I walked away awkwardly, heading towards the bathroom. Thank god the line was not long. I was worried the girls would leave without me. The person in front of me headed into the bathroom as I checked my phone. The girls hadn't called me yet, so I still had time. After a few minutes the door opened and I stepped in, only to be stopped by someone grabbing my hand.
"Britt," I know that voice. I turned around quickly and was met with sad Brown eyes.
"San what do you want?" I asked hesitantly. The people behind me looked annoyed, "I'm kinda busy," I replied gesturing to the bathroom. San looked at the people and pushed me into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. I'm sure if things were different, I would have enjoyed that display, but sadly they are not.
"Britt I didn't know you'd be here." she said.
"I know, small world eh," I joked, "Look I didn't know you would either."
"If I had known than I would have came with you," she said causing me to raise an eyebrow, "I know I said that I needed space, but after you went into the shower, I did some thinking and I realized how wrong I was. I came back to the room, but you were gone. I thought about waiting you out, but I didn't want to be alone so Puck invited me here." She said quickly. I sighed at her rambling and walked to the toilet. After all I really did have to pee. "W-what are you doing?" she asked as I unbuttoned my jeans.
"What does it look like?" I asked, "I actually have to pee." I shrugged. She nodded and turned around. I could've sworn I saw a blush on her face.
"Britt. Our friendship means everything to me and I don't want to lose it. I need you in my life. Can we please be friends again?" she asked as I flushed the toilet and walked to wash my hands. "I just really miss us. I don't know what i'm feeling Britt, but I just know that you're a huge piece of me that I can't let go. Please just give me time to let what happened between us settle because I did kiss you back and I can't explain why." She said all in one breath. "I can't explain why I want to do it again either."
"San, calm down. Have you been drinking?" I asked jokingly as I tried to process what she was saying, "wait so you want to be friends? I'm confused."
"Britt I don't know what all this really means or if i'm ready for what this means, but the one thing I do know is that I need you in my life." I smiled brightly at her causing her to open her arms. I flew into them with ease. It's amazing how safe she made me feel. I can't forget how hurtful she was just yet, but this was a start. My pocket started to vibrate causing me to pull away from her.
"Looks like the cab's here." I stated. "Do you want to ride with us back?" I asked. She nodded and together we exited the bathroom, ignoring the angry grumbles of the drunkies. As I entered the cab, I could hear Rachel talking. She was sitting in the backseat, while Quinn was in the front.
"Great Quinn, leave us with drunk Midget, why don't you?" asked San sarcastically as she slid in next to me.
"whoa. Hey there, I did not expect to see you tonight. In fact we haven't seen you in like a week." said Quinn.
"Yeah sorry about that." shrugged San.
The cab started moving and it instantly became quiet.
"so Britt I totally saw you dancing with Jenny tonight. I knew she had her eye on you." laughed Quinn. I turned to her and glared. WHy is she bringing this up now.
"Wait- what? who's Jen?" asked San. Quinn smirked. "She had her eyes on you? What?"
"She's a girl on my team. We were just dancing." I shrugged. Luckily Quinn stood quiet.
The cab ride was quick and we each payed before heading to our rooms. I opened the door and held it open for San.
"So who's Jennifer?" she asked as we entered the room.
"San not now," I groaned walking past her. She grabbed my wrist and pulled me against the door. i tried to ignore the heat that exploded in me or the close proximity of her body.
"Why not?" she asked in a low voice. That voice was the sexiest voice I have ever heard. my arousal was growing and i just wanted to jump her. She was holding my right wrist to the door above my head and staring intently at my face.
"San," i whispered, "I just wanted to feel wanted. We were only dancing." I turned my face away from her stare. I hadn't meant to admit any of that, but I refused to lie to her.
"I'm so sorry Britt," she said softly. Just as I turned my head, her lips pressed against mine softly surprising both of us. When we broke apart she stared at me with an intense look, "Shit," she mumbled releasing my hand and stepping away.
"San," I said hoping to catch her attention, "please don't walk away," I begged. I don't think my heart could take her leaving me again, "If you want to go back to the way we were before...then we can." I said softly, "I miss you too much and I want you in my life as whatever you chose to be." I waited for her to stop, "If you want to forget the kisses, than I will do my best." Of course I didn't want to forget, but at this moment I really wanted my best friend back. I wanted to laugh with her and cuddle with her again. I just wanted to be close to her again.
"I-I don't w-want to forget, but I can't be gay. My family- our families will freak out!" she said hysterically.
"San-"
"No Britt, you deserve to know the truth. I did feel things...for you...way before the kiss. Halfway through high school I noticed, but I fought." She said with tears falling freely, "Our families are deep christian. Your own mom is homophobic! I can't- we can't!"
"San- i'm not asking you for anything," I told her, "it was selfish of me to expect anything from you." I told her. I hated to see her cry and I knew she had a point.
"Don't apologize," she said softly. "The thing is Britt, I can't hold it in anymore and I sure as hell don't like seeing you with other people even if you're just dancing."
"What are you saying?"
"Whatever this is, I want it. I know my parents will never accept us, but I don't think I can stop what i'm feeling. That is if I haven't scared you away." She blushed a little before looking at me. I looked thoughtful for a second before smiling. As she smiled back, I walked forward allowing her the chance to walk away before slowly capturing her lips with mine. I didn't push the kiss any further and broke away after a few seconds.
"Hmm so you want me?" I asked. Of course I was scared, scared that she'd regret this, scared that we wouldn't be accepted, scared that she would hurt me, and most of all scared of what I was feeling; however, she was worth the risk.
"Shut up Britt," she laughed before putting her hands around my neck and pulling my lips to hers for a longer kiss.
Author's Note: I wasn't sure how to end the chapter, but I liked what I came up with. I think Britt deserved a break, what do you think?