Disclaimer: I own nothing but the random plot

Author's Note: So sorry for the delay. I meant to put this up sooner, but with working full time and my paralegal course its been difficult updating. Thanks for the awesome reviews and I promise that I have read every one and definitely am taking suggestions into consideration. This chapter would have been way too long, so I split it up. Everything italicized are memories. Within this chapter and next chapter, I have placed some memories of Brittany and Santana from those two weeks that they dated. I know that some of you were curious. Also there is some mention of god, I really hope I do not offend anyone; christian or non christian. Enjoy.

Chapter 7: Home for break

I tossed and turned for what felt like hours. My body just couldn't find a comfortable spot. The last time I slept alone was the day before San and I got together, which was like 2 weeks ago. After our fight last night, I showered to cool off. When I was freshened up and ready for bed, the light had already been shut off and San was sleeping cozily in her own bed. My body yearned for me to just cozy up next to her, but I refused. After our argument yesterday, I wasn't sure we would ever get together again. I know I told her I'd wait, but I had a fear that she would never want to make us exclusive because that would mean telling everyone we know that we are together. Honestly I don't think that I could wait that long. I can't believe I let the L word slip. It's obvious that I've been in love with her for a very long time, but I had not meant to let that slip especially during a fight. If I was going to let that slip it should have been during one of our amazing memories. Like last week.

San and I were bundled up in our winter coats, walking by my favorite spot. In the winter it looked absolutely breathtaking. The pond was frozen over with snow surrounding it. The trees were all covered in pure snow that hadn't turned black or yellow; the place was so calm and serene. San had the most content smile plastered onto her face that warmed my heart. Many different emotions swarmed through me at once. I felt so much love, happiness, and disbelief that I was standing here with the one girl I've wanted nearly my whole life and we were holding hands! Of course I hadn't reminded myself that the pond was deserted so San felt like she was able to finally hold my hand in public. That night was the first night that I realized that I wanted us to be out publically.

I shook my head at the memory. To think that was just a few days ago. With a sigh I rolled onto my side. The time was now 11:30PM. I closed my eyes hoping to get the much needed rest for my final tomorrow. Luckily I didn't have to be up until 10AM.

"Brittany wake up" yelled a voice. I rolled over hoping to drown out the unwanted voice, but it just grew louder and louder. I tried to shut the voice out and continue sleeping, but it was so loud and high pitched.

"Hobbit what do you want?" snarled San. I could hear the venom in her voice and suddenly I was wide awake. I forgot that she was probably sleeping like I was. I didn't want her to know I was awake. Would it be awkward? Would she even speak to me? I heard the door open and a surprised squeak.

"Oh hello Santana. I just wanted to know if Brittany was up yet? I've been trying to call her multiple times."

"Obviously she's not." Said San sarcastically.

"Well she should be it's almost 9AM and our final is at 12. I just thought she would like to do some last minute studying." Said Rachel, "I hope I didn't wake you."

"No I've been up for a while," Mumbled San, her voice sounded softer. I sat up and stretched, unnoticed by both girls. I lay back down and savored the warmth from my blanket.

"Hey Rach," I said, my voice was groggy and my eyes were barely open, "Give me 20 minutes. I just need to freshen up. I'll meet you in your room." She nodded and left the room. San was still in her Pjs and was staring at a textbook in her lap. I sat up and stretched all my muscles. I grabbed my towel from my desk chair along with some clothing and walked to the bathroom without saying a word. The shower felt amazing and woke me up better than any coffee could.

San was still on her bed reading through her textbook when I was ready to leave. We still hadn't said a word to each other and I doubted that she would say anything. I grabbed my textbook and threw it into my bag along with some extra pens and pencils.

"Britt," said a raspy voice just as I was ready to walk out the door. I turned to her and could see she was in deep thought, "Umm good luck on your final. I know you'll do great." She finally said with a small smile.

I nodded and smiled back, "Same to you." I left the room in wonder. College must be really maturing her because if this would have been high school, San would have completely ignored me. Hell i'm even surprised she was still in the room when was out of the shower. I walked quickly to Rachel's room with my heart feeling lighter.

With the help of Rachel's cram session I actually managed to understand some of the material on the test that was too confusing. Of course I'd probably forget all this information in the next few days, but who cares? I wasn't exactly planning on studying in the field of psychology.

I got to my room feeling so free! The idea of being out of school for a month was so exciting! I could go home and sleep for hours without having to worry about missing a class, homework assignment, or meeting. I opened the door singing loudly. Santana was inside packing her belongings. Crap! I totally forgot about packing!

"How'd it go?" she asked. Her voice was normal and she actually seemed curious. For a moment I considered ignoring the question or even thought I was imagining her voice, but the look on her face was enough confirmation that she wanted to talk.

I shrugged and let my excitement show. "I totally got at least a B!" I said happily, "Rachel's like a miracle worker!" I danced around the room happily.

San laughed and shook her head, "No B you're just smart." Her face turned red and she went back to folding her clothes. I nodded at her and walked over to my bed, pulling out a large duffel bag from under it. "Britt," her voice was so soft that I almost didn't hear her. I looked towards her. "I hate this." She shook her head as if surprised at her own words, "I hate not talking and I hate that I hurt you." She looked back at her clothing, "I miss us. It's only been a day and I miss being with you. That has to mean something?" My heart broke more at her words. I wanted to hug her and kiss away her pain, but I couldn't. At least not yet.

"San-"

"Britt. I'm so scared but you were wrong when you thought that you're not worth it because you are. That's what scares me; I'd give up so much for you." It looked like her confession was physically hurting her.

"San. I don't know what to say."

"Say you want to try this again, please" whispered San. I didn't want to hurt her. This is one of those rare moments that only I've ever witnessed, one where she's so vulnerable and I didn't want to wreck it.

"San it's not that easy," I replied with a sigh, "I want to so bad, but not yet." She looked away from me, "San it's just you're not ready. I know that right now it feels like we're losing each other, but we won't. I just know that if we trying this again right now, I'll just fall back to being your dirty little secret again and I can't do that again.

She opened her mouth and quickly shut it again. She looked like she was in deep thought before she nodded."Okay," She said quietly.

"Please don't be mad San. I've wanted this for so long, but you haven't. I'm giving you the chance to figure what you want out." It felt like I was begging for her to choose me without saying those words. In a few days I will probably regret rejecting her offer, but right now it felt like the right way to handle the situation.

"Can we not avoid each other at least? We've done that way too much this year." She replied making me laugh.

"Of course. Friends again?" I asked hopefully as she raised an eyebrow, "For now until we figure this all out?" She nodded and we smiled at one another. That numbness in my heart felt a little lighter. It was a ittle weird at first, but soon we were talking like normal again. Sure I wanted to do more with her, but for the meantime friends was perfect. We finished packing that night together and I fell asleep feeling way better than the night before.

The plane ride home the next day was quiet. We were in first class as promised and San looked so pleased and comfortable. Her head was resting against the window lazily, while she watched a movie. Being friends again was actually much easier than I thought it would be. Sure the temptation to kiss her at random moments was there, but then again I always had that temptation, I just never acted on it. Maybe this is what we needed. Our parents this time wouldn't be picking us up so we were forced to catch a cab to Santana's where she could use her car to drive me home.

The car ride, however, was different. Instead of the silence from earlier, we were both talking rapidly about everything and nothing as if the last few months had never happened. Something about that made me uneasy. Did I want to go back to just friendship? Could I go back to just friendship? If it meant keeping Santana around than maybe, but after experiencing those few kisses and amazing short lived moments of intimacy; no. I tried to stop these thoughts and focus on the fact that my best friend was still here and that I hadn't traded in the best friendship of my life for just a few weeks of bliss, but somewhere in the back of my mind waiting to escape was the deeper feelings I had stored for her.

"Oh my god that was the quickest car ride." Laughed San. I smiled back at her pushing back all the butterflies for her sake.

"Thanks for the ride," I said flashing a wide smile. Even with all the emotional turmoil going on in my brain, I still missed the easy friendship we had. Without thinking or hesitation I pulled her in for a hug. I wanted her to remember that I was still waiting for her and I wanted her to know that no matter what I am still her friend, no matter what my mind was telling me. I pulled away trying to hide my blush and shut the door. Without waiting for her answer, I opened the back door and grabbed my bag before leaving her there.

I lay in my bed just thinking. It seems like I've been doing that too often. I'd only been home for about an hour and was ready to go back to school. My parents welcomed me happily before noticing how "chubby" I had become. Serioiusly, I work out like 4 days a week and am proud of the abs that had formed on my tight stomach. What fat could they possibly see? To make matters worse my sister's flight was delayed so she would be coming tomorrow instead of tonight, leaving me alone with the parents. At least I had Lord Tubbington; he lay next to me taking up half the bed. My phone's buzz woke me from my thoughts.

Hey i'm having a party tomorrow night. Are you in? It was from Tina. I sat up instantly reading over the text. Before I could reply another text came in.

Hey B. Tina's having a party. Are we going? San texted. The way she asked made me smile instantly. It wasn't are you going? The fact that she included us like a packaged deal made me swoon. Who knows maybe she would choose me.

Of course I typed back.

Perfect. Let's meet before though. My place at 4? she wrote.

Sounds good. I typed back before throwing my head back and smiling. Suddenly home didn't feel so bad. I mean it could help with the whole San issue and I do have other friends other than San. I wonder what Rachel's doing? Part of me wanted to invite her, but I knew that my friends didn't exactly enjoy her company. Of course San was the only one blatantly mean to her, but the rest weren't very fond of her. I lay back wondering what my future held for me.

The next day came quicker to my happiness. I managed to leave the house earlier than 4 and meet Santana.

"Why did we decide to not spend our holidays in school?" I asked San as I plopped onto her bed ignoring the fact that I lay right next to her. She was sitting cross legged on her bed with her laptop on her lap.

"Because our parents threatened us and the fact that our school kicks us out for the holidays is a huge problem." she laughed

"Minor details," I scoffed.

"Your parents driving you crazy already?" she asked still staring at something on her laptop.

"Yea," I practically yelled. I sat up and leaned against her bed frame, "They keep talking about all of these plans they have for me. Not to mention they want me to go to church this Sunday and tell everyone how i've been going to church on campus and being the perfect child of god." To be honest I had forgotten about going to church for the last few months. In fact the bible they had packed for me was probably the most dusty item in my room. With all my feelings towards Santana and the partying, it felt wrong opening up a bible and pretending that i'm being the perfect girl. I actually felt guilty.

"You too huh," she said, "It's what our parents do, Britt. Mine are making me go too." she sighed.

"What exactly are you doing?" I asked curiously as she adjusted the color of something. She smirked at me and moved closer to me so I could see.

"San," I whined hitting her playfully.

"What Britt?" she laughed, "It's the truth!"

"Don't put this online, she'll never forgive you and it will take me a month to calm her down" I groaned. San was on her laptop playing with Photoshop. San managed to find a picture of Rachel on facebook and alter it completely. I had to admit San was amazing with Photoshop, you could barely tell that she had photo shopped Rachel's face onto Frodo's body; it looked almost perfect.

"Come on! We have to at least hack her phone and put this as her background picture! We'd probably be able to hear her scream from our room," Said a happy San. She had this scary glint in her eyes and this oddly creepy smile on her face. The idea definitely did make me smile. I could picture her face when she noticed.

"Okay let's do it," I agreed, "Just don't make it public please."

"I promise Britt-Britt" She hasn't called me Britt-Britt since we were kids. The name alone made me smile at the simple memories. I grabbed my phone with the need to look at our old photos when I noticed the time.

"Crap it's getting late. Come on let's get ready to see our friends!" I said excitedly. I ran to her Ipod dock and blasted her music.

We were in San's car, having taken like 2 hours to get ready, "I hope we're not too late," I said staring at the time.

"Oh come on, we're only half an hour late. They can live without seeing our beautiful faces for another few minutes." San replied as she drove the car. Her eyes had a spark in them and she looked so carefree. Her straight hair was flowing freely above her red crop top to the wind. she turned her head and I was met with her mesmerizing chocolate eyes. for an odd reason I didn't turn away, what was the point? She knows how I feel and it's not like I have to hide anymore. I smiled at her and turned back to the window. The radio was playing in the background covering the comfortable silence.

"Look who's here!" yelled a very happy Blaine. "It's S-Santitany!" he slurred clearly drunk. His clothing looked disheveled and he looked very flushed.

Both San and I looked at each other for a moment before laughing. "Did he just put our names together?" She asked curiously raising an eyebrow.

I shook my head slightly. "You see San, this is why we shouldn't be late," I laughed. We hugged Blaine who was now rocking his head to the music, his neatly gelled hair now turned into an afro of dry curls. We walked through the maze of people in the hallway, attempting to find our friends in the mess of people.

I followed San into the living room and was immediately taken into a strong embrace.

"Britt!"squealed Tina. She pulled out of the hug and proceeded to squeeze San to death. Her usually straight hair was still perfect; however, it was the deep red blush on her cheeks that gave her away. Also the goofy smile on her face with the faraway look in her eyes was a giveaway; Tina was way past drunk.

"Jeez Tina how much have you had to drink?" asked San as she pushed Tina away. Tina giggled loudly and walked back over to the group of people dancing. We followed and said hi to all of our old friends. We didn't know too many of the friends and in fact were only close to Blaine and Tina, but it was still fun hanging out with them again. San and I joined in the conversations about what was going on in McKinnley, catching up on all the new gossip before she left to grab us some drinks.

"Brittany?" asked a hesitant voice. I turned around wondering why that voice was so familiar. I had to blink a few times to make sure I was really seeing him.

"Artie..." I breathed out. It had been a year at least and although we weren't together for long, we shared a great friendship having both grown up in the same church together. Sadly our friendship ended the day we broke up; he stopped talking to me. "How are you?" I asked quickly, hoping that I wasn't dreaming. It hurt so much when he stopped talking to me.

"I've been really good actually. Just enjoying my last year of Mckinnley. It's been weird since you left though," he shrugged, "how's college life?" he asked pulling next to me.

"It's been fun," I said happily, "i joined a new dance team and we won a competition already!" I exclaimed.

"That's great. You've always been a great dancer" he said wistfully. I stared at him wondering what he was thinking. "How's the campus life? I heard you were living with Satan"

"Artie don't call her that," I warned. Usually I don't mind when people called her Satan, but that's because they say it playfully. It sounded like he was spitting on her name and it made me feel angrier than usual. "Its been eventful." I replied thinking of all the craziness of the year.

"I'm sure," he shrugged. What was that supposed to mean? I stared at him for a second, trying to understand why he decided to talk to me for the first time in a year. He seemed different. "With Santana around i'm sure you two have been great." he said taking a swig of his beer.

How much has he had to drink? "Artie what do you have against her?" I asked. Now that I think of it, he's never liked her.

He finished his can of beer and threw it onto the table next to me. "She's just not a good influence on you and I know she's the reason we didn't work out" he said with a hint of anger in his voice. So that's what it was?

"Is that what you think?" I asked worried. did he know that I like her? what if he does? So many emotions attacked me all at once. He would probably tell my family and the whole church before she was ready. I mean she hasn't even come out to me, so why would she be ready for the whole damn town?

"Well yeah. I mean we were so good, but then I noticed you two stopped talking and soon we were over. Obviously she played a role in breaking us up. She manipulated you into breaking up with me." he said angrily. I released the breath I was holding and tried not to laugh at his reasoning; if only he knew. Then it hit me, what was he trying to say about me? That i'm weak minded?

"Are you saying that i'm too stupid to protect myself from manipulations because that's what it sounds like." I asked angrily, "You don't know San at all and she's not as horrible as all of you think she is."

"I'm not saying you're stupid, I just think you let her affect your judgement at times. I mean you were such a huge part of the church and suddenly you barely attended."

"That's the same thing except different wording." I retorted, "And hello Artie i've been in college, I grew up! The last time I played a large role in the church was when I was the backup singer; I was 13." I could feel my face getting hotter.

"You see! You were never this... angry" he sighed. "I don't like who you're becoming."

"Artie..."

"Look I didn't come here to argue with you. I just wanted to see you... I missed speaking with you. I miss... us. It's all I keep thinking about." He said hesitantly. "Our relationship was left without any closure. I just wish we could try again." He must be drunk.

"Artie..."

"Wait Brittany i'm not done" He interrupted, "We should have dinner and you know catch up. Who knows we might have that spark again."

I stared at him dumbfounded. Did he literally just go from insulting my best friend, to me, and then to asking me out? "Artie that's not a good idea." I said as nicely as I could, which surprised me.

"Think for yourself Britt," he said softly.

"I am!" I practically yelled over the music, "I broke up with you because I wasn't into you as much as I should have been. Artie I broke up with you for myself. I'm sorry, but I need to go." I said trying to push away my anger. I can tell why san wanted to push him or just yell at him. I walked quickly away from him before my anger could take over. At this point I was walking without paying attention.

"Hey watch it there," said an angry voice.

"Sorry...San" I said after I noticed her. She was carrying two cups of beers in her hand, but by the look on her face, I could tell she had found the hard liquor.

"It's okay Britt." she said with an annoyed voice. What now? "What happened? Your reunion with Artie not go as planned?" she asked angrily. I looked at her closely, noting the glazed look in her eyes and flushed skin.

"You're drunk San," I sighed, ignoring her statement. What the hell? How long had Artie and i been talking because it didn't feel like that long?

"So what if I am?" she looked extremely mad, "What happened to you'll wait for me to make my decision? Was that all bullshit?" she asked. I looked around and luckily everyone was in the living area dancing and singing to the music; no one paid us any mind.

"Look...I can't deal with this now." I said resigned, "Is everyone mad at me today?" I mumbled to myself before attempting to walk away. I needed a drink and I needed one soon.

"No Britt," she said softly pulling me to a secluded corner of the room still balancing the beers, "I'm sorry. I may not be ready to shout it to the world, but I want you to know that I will fight for you. I will not give up even if i'm not completely ready." That makes no sense; I told myself.

"San... you're drunk. You don't know what you're saying." she mines well have been talking in a different language.

"I do Britt. even if you choose Stubbles McCripple Pants, I will still try my best to figure out what this is." She slurred. My heart melted at her words. What was it about alcohol that made her spill these thoughts to me. I just wished that she wouldn't feel the need to drink so much in order to express herself. I nodded and let her pull me into a hug before pulling away.

"I'm going to go home San."

"Okay Britt-Britt. I'll come with."

"No San it's okay."

"No. It's okay. You can use my car. Come on follow me," she said drunkenly. Poor San is going to feel a hell of a headache tomorrow morning. I smiled as my best friend pulled me towards her car, handing me the keys in the process. In high School i'd have to fight her for the keys and then she would have started to cry hysterically.

Author's Note: For some reason this part of the chapter was difficult to write. I hope you liked it. I wasn't feeling this chapter too much. The next chapter has lots more memories between Brittany and Santana. Let me know what you think.