Author's Note: This chapter is plainly so you can see the sort of friendship Britt and San do have. I feel like I haven't been able to show the playful side to their friendship. I know i've made Santana seem like a terrible friend, which she really isn't. Who knows, maybe I might write a chapter in Santana's POV, i don't know yet. I sort of like that no one can truly tell what she's thinking. It makes it feel really angsty. haha. Also as you can see this is a really long chapter. Well enjoy!
Chapter 8: Christmas Holidays
"Mom i'm heading out!" I shouted from the open doorway.
"where to honey?" asked my mom. Her blonde hair was cut short and looked messier than usual. She was still in her running gear and it looked like she had just finished a race, due to the medal hanging around her neck.
"Just some shopping for Christmas." I shrugged. "Nothing too crazy."
"Oh with Santana?"
I swallowed thickly, "Nope. I'm going with Rachel."
"Okay honey. Have fun. Don't be home too late." I nodded and walked out.
I walked around the mall with a few bags in hand. Of course I waited until the last minute to do my Christmas shopping. I had managed to find every gift needed except for San's. I wanted hers to be special. At this point i didn't care that she wasn't answering my texts. Her words from those few nights ago still haunted me. Did she mean them? These are words that i had been dying to hear from her since I told her how I felt. Those few weeks we were together were great, but not once had she talked about telling anyone. I remember so many moments that I wanted to ask, wanted to know whether we would ever become public, but I never received an answer.
The first time I tried to hold her hand, it was about a day after we kissed and decided to try dating. We were walking to the dining hall laughing about some joke that San had told me. It was getting chilly and the wind was hitting me like little rocks. I cuddled closer to her attempting to steal some of her warmth, just as I went to grab her hand, she pushed me away. It was neither rough nor soft, but it was enough to make me realize the little progress that we had made. As if waking from a trance, I stiffened. She tried to touch my arm, but I wouldn't let her.
"Britt..." she said when I pulled away from her. I couldn't look at her. I felt so rejected and unwanted all by one movement from her. We continued walking into the building without saying anything to each other. I walked towards the stairs not caring if she followed. I just wanted to reach Rachel and Quinn and forget about how embarassed I felt. She stopped and grabbed ahold of my arm before I could rush away. I didn't fight it and let her pull me into a restroom, "Britt... look at me please." I kept looking away trying to wash away all the sadness that her rejection left me with. Her hands cupped my face and lowered it so i'd look at her, "I'm sorry. That was a little harsh." I looked at her annoyed, "Okay point taken I was too harsh. I'm sorry it was just a reflex. Please believe me. I-I just don't think i'm ready for everyone to know yet. Please just keep an open mind." She begged. I nodded at her trying to take in everything she said. "It's only been a day! I'm not ready for all of the looks and labels. Can we just please leave it at that?" I sighed deeply and nodded.
"Okay," I didn't like the idea of being her secret, but it was only temporary right?
I shook my head at her words wondering how it didn't matter. All it takes is one look and I follow her. It was easy saying yes to her and I had meant it when I said I would give her time, but if she expected me to wait forever, then I don't know if I could. After that day our growing relationship got better, but not easier. Sure I loved every minute of it, but it was definitely not easy. The first time I realized how difficult it would be dating Santana unofficially was three days later.
We were sitting in the basement of our hall, attempting to study. Rachel and Quinn were with us sitting on the other couch. We were cuddling like usual when an unwelcomed voice broke us from our studying.
"Hey Santana" Puck was smiling at San, while she squirmed uncomfortable. I wanted to smirk at him until I felt Santana shift away from me. I looked away from them and stared at my textbook. I could feel eyes on me and knew that Rachel and Quinn probably noticed the tension, but they stood quiet.
"Hey Puck, what's up?" She looked back at her textbook.
"Nothing. I was just passing by. Some of my friends live in the building."
"Really... Who?" asked Quinn. San looked at her confused before turning back to Puck.
"Umm...well- yeah" he said uncomfortably. "Well I better get going. I just wanted to say hi. I'll see you around." He looked directly at San.
"Sure" replied San. She turned back to her textbook.
I never told her how annoying I found it that Puck somehow showed up at random times to speak to her throughout those two weeks, but I couldn't find the right time. I didn't want to ruin our new memories with arguments. We had so many fun memories those two weeks alone. Being able to kiss her and cuddle with her at any time was amazing. My favorite nights were the ones where we blasted music and I made her dance around the room with me. Somehow we'd end up having a pillow fight or throwing our stuffed animals at each other until we'd end up on the floor laughing hysterically. I shook my head at the memories wondering if we'd ever create newer ones.
"Penny for your thoughts," asked a familiar voice. I turned my head and smiled brightly, "Hey Jen!" I practically yelled, "What are you doing here?" I asked as I hugged her.
"My grandparents live here. Usually they come to visit my family, but my grandmother wasn't feeling too well so we came to visit." She said, "I didn't know you had family here."
"Yep I was born and raised in Lima sadly." I laughed.
She looked around carefully before turning her attention back to me, "Are you here alone?" She asked curiously.
"No, with Rachel. She's in the bathroom. We were doing some last minute shopping."
"Oh i'm surprised Santana's not here with you. You two are usually attached at the hip." The comment made me feel defensive for some odd reason. I think it was the way she said the comment as more of an accusation rather than plain observation.
"yeah she's busy." She nodded her head at me and then smiled.
"Okay. Well I better get going. My parents were walking to the car. It was nice seeing you." she said
"Same." I replied nodding my head. Just as she was about to turn around a high pitched voice interrupted.
"Oh hey Jen, fancy seeing you here. Are you leaving already?" asked a curious Rachel.
"Yeah. My parents are waiting for me."
"Oh that's rather unfortunate. If you're not too busy, Brittany and I are going to the movies tonight. Maybe you should join us." she asked. I stared at her wondering if that was the best idea? It's kind of obvious that I definitely found Jen attractive, so what was Rachel trying to do?
Jen looked at me before nodding, "Sure. I'd love to. You have my number Britt. Just let me know the details." she smiled before leaving.
When she was gone, I turned to Rachel and raised an eyebrow, "What?" she asked earning a look from me, "she seems really nice. It would be fun to make some new friends" she shrugged.
"Rachel..." I trailed off.
"Okay so she's totally into you and I thought since you weren't making any attempt to see her, maybe I could help."
"Thanks for trying, but Rachel firstly I still like santana, secondly she's not into me, and thirdly as much as I love hanging out with you; I don't think a date with a third wheel would be fun." I said laughing at the idea of Rachel on a date with me and someone else.
"Hey! I know and I did mean it when I said that you two would be cute together. I am rooting for you, but you have to face it; she may never be ready. I mean has she even called you or spoken to you since that fiasco at Tina's that I may add I was not invited to." she huffed.
"Yeah sorry about that" I apologized. Damn she had a point. San hadn't returned any of my texts, "no she hasn't." I turned to her, "I promised i'd give her some time."
"Look Britt. She has to show you she cares. The ball's in her court, the least she can do is speak to you."
I nodded.
"Come on let's go to my home. We have two hours until the movie." I nodded again and followed her.
"Where's Jen?" asked Rachel. We were waiting inside the theater lobby looking around. The theater was getting crowded and she had still not shown up.
"She said she was on her way." i shrugged.
"Did you tell her the right time?"
"Yes Rachel." I said annoyed, "I promise I told her-"
"Britt?" called out a voice.
"You see that's probably her-" I turned around to come face to face with my favorite chocolate brown eyes. Of course i'd run into her here of all places, "Oh hey."
She was staring at us curiously.
"Well I'm going to save us some seats. You know how packed these movies get. See you Santana." with that Rachel was gone; coward.
"What are you doing here? With Rachel of all people?" she asked
"We're doing what most friends do on their free days. We are watching a movie." I shrugged trying to act nonchalant.
She nodded, "Britt i'm sorry I-"
"Oh my god i'm so sorry i'm late. My family was- oh am I interrupting?" asked Jen. She was wearing a cute green blouse with leggings and boots.
I peeled my eyes away from her outfit and smiled at her, "Oh hey Jen. You made it! Don't worry Rachel's saving us seats."
"Cool." San just watched me and I turned away awkwardly.
I could feel such a thick tension building that my first instinct was to run; run away fast, "Yeah we should get going."
"Wait Britt just give us one second." she asked Jen while staring at me; I nodded at Jen who walked a few feet away from us. "What's she doing here?" she asked angrily. She was glaring at me causing me to feel extremely uncomfortable.
"What is it San?" I asked warily. "If you're here to ask me why i'm hanging out with my friends than please, you're just going to make me miss the movie."
For a moment she looked ready to yell, but then she calmed down considerably. Her glare disappeared and she looked deep in thought. "C-can I get your phone?" she asked hesitantly. I raised an eyebrow.
"San what's this about?"
"Please can I just get your phone?" I sighed and handed it to her. She entered my password and opened her contact up. "I just need to give you my new number." she said softly, "Apparently I dropped my phone Thursday night, during the party. I just got a new phone today before I got here. My parents were pissed and thought that they'd punish me by not allowing me to use the phone for 3 days." she said glumly. "Not to mention they had me cleaning the whole house since my abuela is coming tomorrow." I nodded at her explanation.
"Oh" It all made sense. Her purse was open when I drove her home.
"Yeah and sadly I would have remembered your number, but you've had way too many for me to keep memorizing" she laughed, "So now I can text you again." she smiled, "So you should get back to Rachel and Jen. You know how Rachel gets." I nodded and smiled at her. That tension was slowly clearing and I felt relieved.
"Yeah! You can join us if you want. Rachel wanted to be friendly and invited Jen along." I told her trying to clear the air.
"No its okay. I'm just here with Blaine. He's meeting me here in a few. He wanted to get away from his parents and I managed to escape mine by going to the ATT store. This was a last minute thing. I was going to call you as soon as I bought the tickets." I nodded, wondering if I should believe the story. Has it really gotten to the point where I am forced to doubt what San is telling me? I mean I saw the new phone with my own eyes, but is that the only reason she wasn't speaking to me? "Britt, please believe me? Look I'm not trying to play any games right now with you. At least I'm not on a date." she retorted.
"Stop it San." I said softly, "You know that I'm not on a date. If I was then Rachel would probably kill any mood." I laughed, "I don''t owe you any explanations, but because you're my best friend I'll give you one. I was shopping earlier and saw Jen at the mall. Rachel invited her out with us. She's just my friend."
"Who wants to be more."
"Honestly I don't know that." I replied shrugging, "San…I need to go my movie's starting in like 10 minutes and Rachel's probably going crazy."
"Yeah. Your- umm Jen I mean looks like she's getting impatient." Said San with a smirk. She gave Jen a look before turing back to me. "I'll call you later." She said before walking away. I shook my head and joined Jen who was trying to look everywhere but at me.
"Rachel, you know I can barely sing," I whined. "Singing is more of your thing. Can't we just go dancing?" I asked pleading with her.
"No! Brittany! Please, I feel like I haven't sang all week. I need this! Plus it will be fun, you can invite everyone!" she said happily.
"What's wrong with singing at a club?" I groaned. "We'd all probably enjoy it more."
"Brittany, have you ever sang at a club, whilst on the dance floor?" I nodded, "Exactly! Everyone is singing and my voice cannot be heard. I miss old-fashioned duets. Please!"
"Fine. But I get to bring Santana." I said causing Rachel's face to fall.
"But-but, she hates singing. She used to make fun of the glee club all the time in high school."
"That's because glee club was totally unpopular." I shrugged, "Remember I wasn't in it either, but does it look like I hate to dance?" I replied as I pulled out my phone.
Hey San. So Rachel wants to do karaoke tonight. Please tell you can come and save me from my misery. I wrote moving my phone out of Rachel's eyesight.
You're kidding right? She responded.
Please San! Don't make me beg. I love Rachel and I admit she has a beautiful voice, but after 6 songs, she starts to sound more like a bird that won't stop chirping at 6AM! I responded
Haha, I remember that bird. Poor thing. Fine I'll go, but she better not hog the Mics or I will not be responsible for my actions! I smiled at her response.
Perfect!
"San said she can come" I said happily.
"I swear if you two don't end up together I will go crazy! What's holding you two back now? I mean you talked to her at the movies earlier this week and even after she cleared up her whole mess, you two still aren't together; it's exhausting! Not to mention you have Jen who looked like a lost puppy when you kept talking about Santana! I swear to god I think I was ready to smack you with a random object. Thank god that wasn't a date!" she said all in one breath.
"Whoa slow down Rachel. These things take time. She's been texting me almost everyday, but with her abuela in town, it's sort of hard for her to get out of the house. Plus my sister's back and I've been spending some time with her. I've actually been thinking." I said taking a deep breath, "I want to tell her. I-I just know that she will understand. She left to college three years ago and I think she might be more accepting."
Rachel's eyes widened, "Wow Brittany. If you think you're ready."
"I just want to tell her. She and I have been so close over the years and I- god I just want to know someone in my family might accept me and my feelings. I don't think this is a phase and I definitely just want to be accepted." I groaned.
"Then, you should tell her." Said Rachel as she placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, while handing me a tissue; I didn't know I was crying. I could feel teardrops falling from my eyes and quickly dabbed at them. "Let's get ready."
We were sitting in a cozy dark room with a table, two mics, and large U shaped couch facing a TV all laughing hysterically. Tina and Blaine were attempting to finish the song that Santana had happily chosen for them.
"To the window! To the wall!" Tina shouted more than sang as she attempted to dance to the music. I jumped up at one point of the song to help them, but after a few minutes of hearing them sing the lyrics, I lost focus and ended up next to San, enjoying the show. Rachel was shaking her head, I'm not sure if it was to the beat or at Tina and Blaine. I'm actually surprised that Rachel managed to give up the Mics. After her 3rd song in a row, San took over the song picking and chose songs that not even Rachel was stubborn enough to sing, which made it more fun for us.
"Alright whose next?" asked Blaine as he put the mic down. "I definitely need a break" he gasped.
"Santana I think you should go! You haven't sung yet." Said Rachel with a smile. She was looking through music trying not to keep eye contact with Santana.
"Hmm how about no, not yet." She said.
"Come on San I know you have an amazing voice." I smiled. San sang a few times in her church when she was younger so I know she can sing. Not to mention the random times I hear her singing in our dorm. She smiled warmly at me and shook her head softly.
Suddenly a slower song came up on the screen.
"Aww who put the slow song on? We were just getting pumped." Said Blaine as he jumped up.
"Yeah I mean Taylor swift is totally not my thing." said Tina as she gave Rachel the mic.
"Well I for one would be more than happy to sing it if no one el-" started Rachel as she attempted to grab the mic.
San said with newfound confidence, "You know what? I'll sing it." San jumped up and took the Mic from Rachel. Rachel had a smirk on her face and didn't fight San. The melody played and she turned to the screen slightly. The song sounded familiar, but I couldn't for the life of me remember the lyrics.
She then turned to me making complete eye contact," You were in college working part time waitin' tables. Left a small town, never looked back. I was a flight risk with a fear of fallin' Wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts" she shrugged and winked at me before pacing around. I almost forgot how incredibly amazing her raspy voice sounded, but how had I not realized how sexy it sounded. The sound of her voice literally made me break out in goosebumps. I loved the raw passion in her voice, it made me wonder what other sounds she could make, due to raw passion. My eyes literally bugged out at my thoughts and I felt my face turn red.
"I say can you believe it? as we're lying on the couch. The moment I can see it yes-yes. I can see it now." Her eyes never left mine almost as if she was-no she wouldn't be singing to me in front of our friends.
"Do you remember we were sitting there by the water. you put your arm around me for the first time. you made a rebel of a careless mans careful daughter. You are the best thing that's ever been mine." My eyes widened at her words and I took in her words wondering if I was crazy; she had to be singing to me. I shook my head realizing that I was missing some of the song.
"We got bills to pay. We got nothing figured out. When it was hard to take yes-yes, this is what I thought about." she started moving slowly to the music.
"Do you remember we were sitting there by the water, you put your arm around me for the first time. You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter. You are the best thing that's ever been mine. Do you remember all the city lights on the water, you saw me start to believe for the first time. You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter. You are the best thing that's ever been mine " her eyes closed for a moment but when they opened, I was almost surprised by the emotion shown in them. They glowed slightly, emphasizing on the beautiful chocolate color of her eyes. She looked away and her gaze fell to the floor.
"I remember that fight 2:30am cuz everything was slipping right out of our hands. I ran out crying. and you followed me out onto the street. Braced myself for the goodbye cuz that's all I've ever known. And you took me by surprise. You said ill never leave you alone." She looked directly at me, "You said I remember how we felt sitting but the water and everytime I look at you its like the first time. I fell in love with a careless mans carless daughter. She is the best thing thats ever been mineee" she looked back at me with unshod years causing her eyes to glisten.
"You made a rebel of a careless mans carefull daughter. You are the best thing thats ever been minneee". She belted, her eyes on mine never moving from mine. I definitely wasn't dreaming, she was singing to me. I could feel unshed tears threatening to fall, but I refused to allow them. My heart as thudding and I wanted nothing more than to take her in my arms, but I still didn't know what this meant for us.
"Do you believe it? We're gonna make it now. Yeah-yeah." Sang San.
"I can see it now." she said softly into the microphone before handing it to Rachel. She smiled at Rachel and laughed, "I told you I could sing." my heart was beating rapidly and I wanted nothing more than to ask her a hundred questions and kiss her until her lips were numb. Was she trying to tell me that she is ready? or was she just singing? Was she even singing to me? Am I going crazy? There were so many questions that I needed answers to! San sat next to me as Tina and Blaine through questions after question at her.
"How have we known each other for years and I've never heard you sing?" asked Tina.
"Why were you never in glee club with us?" asked Blaine.
"Who were you singing to?" asked Rachel.
San only shrugged refusing to answer. Tina and blaine stared at her for another minute before shrugging.
Suddenly one of my favorite songs started playing. Tina and Rachel took over the vocals for a bit, but I paid them no mind. My head was everywhere and for once I wished we weren't surrounded by our friends.
"Come on Britt" yelled Tina as she pulled me up to dance. We laughed heartily as Tina attempted to twirl me and failed.
"I wanna dance with somebody, Wanna feel the heat with somebody!" We both belted out. I grabbed San's hand and pulled her up forcing her to dance with me as I yelled the lyrics. So maybe I wouldn't find out right now what San had meant in the song, but for right now I was content; I waited 10 years, what's a few more days?
"Britt this is not funny," whined San as I laughed hysterically. "I'm serious! My mom is seriously trying to make me slave away my life in the kitchen. She went into this whole lecture that I was getting old and if I wanted to meet the right guy that I'd have to know how to cook. Of course my abuela agreed. I feel like I'm surrounded by….old people. You need to save me! They're nicer to me when you're around. You always come over Christmas Eve!" she whined into the phone.
"Sorry San, you know I can't." I sighed. I was slipping on my boots, while holding the phone in between my neck and shoulder.
"That's right you have plans with Jen-Jen." She grumbled.
"Can you stop calling her that?" I whined, "Her family is going ice skating and she invited me along. I'd bring you, but I'm scared what you'd do with the blade under the skate."
"True that-" she laughed, "Just don't- never mind." She sighed into the phone.
"Don't what?" I asked quickly as I finally managed to get both boots on.
"Nothing" said San, "Have fun."
"Okay then." I said, "I'll call you later."
"Sure-sure" she mumbled before the line went dead. For days San and I had been talking non-stop. We never talked about the karaoke night, but I feel like we've definitely gotten closer. It's like she's opening herself up more to me and it's so amazing. However every time I mention Jen she seems to take 2 steps back. It's like all progress disappears even if for a few hours. I stood up and pulled on my jacket before opening my room door.
"Mom I'm going ice skating." I shouted.
"But Brit honey, it's Christmas eve. Couldn't you go another day?"
"Mom, I've barely had time for my friends lately, yet I am supposedly on vacation. I just want to go ice skating and relax." I whined.
"Alright. Well say hi to Santana for me" she smiled before walking away. Why does everyone think that all my plans are with San? I shook my head before leaving.
"Hey Britt! I'm so glad you could make it" said Jen with a large smile. How had I never noticed how similar her eyes were to San's. Though they were not full of as many emotions. Instead her face held all of her expressions rather than her eyes.
"Thanks for the invite! I love ice skating." I said truthfully. I smiled a forced smile, trying not to think of San's offer. I wish that I could have just cancelled on Jen, but I would have felt bad since aside from Rachel, i'm the only person who knows Jen in the town. It didn't make the yearning i felt to go to Santana's house and spend time with her and her family though. I don't know if anything at this point will fill the hole that only San seems to be able to fill. It didn't help that this would be the first Christmas Eve that I spent away from San since we were kids.
"Come on my family is over here!" she said excitedly, grabbing my hand. Her hand was soft and warm, yet it didn't quite fit mine. It was warm enough to be comforting and keep the cold away, but it just felt wrong. I struggled with the reflex to take my hand back from hers, but eventually my mind won and I let her drag me to her family.
"This is my family!" she said happily. There was an old couple sitting together; smiling at us. "My parents decided to be boring and stay home. Sorry" she apologized touching my shoulder. She had a smile on her face that didn't quite look as genuine as before. I smiled back at her and stared at her hand that lingered a little too long on my shoulder. This is ridiculous why am I even thinking about this? This is Jen that i'm with, not some random friend. We are just two friends hanging out, so why does this feel oddly like a double date with her grandparents? Why is that even an option in my head? All these questions were flooding my head and I felt like it would explode with all of my thoughts. "Britt? Are you coming?" she asked.
"Huh?" I asked before realizing that her grandparents had already walked up to the ticket counter. Her grandma looked frail as if she was getting over a fever. She was walking very slow and clutching her husband's arm roughly.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
I shook my head, "Yes. I'm fine." I only can't get my best friend out of my head. I only wish she were here. We walked to the counter and joined her grandparents.
"Here you go girls," said her grandma sweetly, handing me tickets to rent the skates.
"Oh you didn't have to," I replied taking out my cash.
"Oh no sweety, this is on us," she smiled a toothy grin. I shrugged and let Jen lead me to the rental skates.
An hour had passed and I was having so much fun. Jen had a great sense of humor and was a great ice skater.
"Hah! I almost had you there," I laughed as we both stopped at the wall.
"Almost! What can I say, i'm just that good" she laughed between deep breaths.
"Girls!" yelled Jen's granddad, "We are leaving soon." he yelled from the benches near our wall.
"Okay, just give us 20 more minutes," she yelled back; her grandpa nodded and walked back to the bench he and his wife were occupying.
She grabbed my hand, "Let's do a few more laps around." This time she guided us at a slow pace. We were standing so close together that my hips could easily collide given that we were the same height. The silence was comfortable as we skated slowly with the line of skaters. For the first time tonight, I felt at ease and relaxed. After our 3rd lap, Jen turned us slowly towards the entrance to the benches. We stepped slowly onto the rubber padding and walked towards her grandparents.
"There you girls are. You looked like you were having fun." said her grandma. Jen nodded and looked at me.
"Yes we were"
"Well that's great darling," her grandma said smiling at her. It was like they were talking to each other through facial expressions. I felt like I was intruding on a family moment. "You two look so great together," she said happily. My eyes widened and I looked at Jen who just shrugged.
"Thanks for coming Britt," said Jen as she parked the car in front of my house, "I don't know what I wouid have done if I was stuck with them by myself. Sometimes they forget that they are like 70" she laughed.
"your welcome. It was fun ice skating again." I said as I opened the door to the car. Her grandparents were so sweet and loving it made me wonder what mine were like.
"Yeah, we should totally do it again sometime." she replied.
"Yeah def-" I answered, "Bye Jen." I smiled and left the car deep in thought. Every part of the night played in my head like a movie and I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. Sure I had felt awkward for parts of the night, but it was definitely fun.
"Hey honey." greeted my stepdad, "Have fun skating?" he asked curiously from his seat on the couch.
"Hey Rob. Yeah it was fun." I replied happily.
"Oh that's great honey." His eyes were glued to the TV. "Can you get me another beer before you go upstairs?" I eyed the empty cans on the table and sighed audibly.
"Sure Rob." I walked quickly to the fridge and grabbed a beer. I shook my head as he took it graciously and placed his now empty can next to the growing pile.
My room door bursted open and I immediately jumped onto my bed. I looked through my phone and noticed the unread text from San. When had she texted me?
Hey hope you're having fun. I smiled at the text and sat up quickly. Her gift was neatly wrapped and placed on my desk. Immediately I flew off the bed and through the gift into a small bag along with some clothing. There was no way that I was throwing away a 6 year tradition.
"Mom, Rob!" I yelled as I flew down the stairs, two steps at a time.
"What?" asked Rob. "Going somewhere?" he asked gesturing to the bag.
"I'm heading to San's" I shrugged.
"Didn't you just spend all day with her?" asked mom as she entered the living room.
"No I was with my friend Jen and her family."
"Then why did you tell me you were with Santana?" she asked disbelieving.
"I didn't. You assumed I was." I sighed.
"Honey Christmas is tomorrow!" exclaimed mom.
"I know and I promise i'll be home tomorrow. Please" I begged. I had this strong urge to see San.
Rob grabbed my mom's hand and squeezed it, "Fine." she relented causing me to squeal.
"Okay i'll call you as soon as i'm there." I yelled giddily. The smile on my face was permanent and refused to disappear throughout the ride. Normally I would have called, but I wanted to surprise her. Sure today was fun with Jen, but at the end of the night the only person I wanted to see was San. My heart raced at the idea of seeing her smile.
"Oh hey there Brittany. I was wondering when you'd be stopping by" said Mrs. L. "Come on in." she said hugging me and then pulling me inside. "Santana! Door mija!" she yelled. "I'll set a plate for you"
"Thanks Mrs. L." I smiled gratefully. I could hear loud footsteps bouncing down the stairs.
"Britt?" asked a curious San. She was on her staircase staring at me, only making it halfway before she noticed me. "What are you doing here?" she asked.
"Well if i'm not wanted-" I joked moving my legs as if to walk.
"Oh hell no," laughed San as she ran down the stairs and pulled me into the largest hug, "You're not going anywhere" she had my favorite large smile plastered on her face, while she pulled me up the stairs and into her room. "I'm so glad you came!"
"I wouldn't change our tradition. Every year we spent Christmas eve together." I laughed.
"And to think I thought you'd forgotten." she laughed.
"What? Me forget? No I just thought i'd alter it a little with a sleepover; if you don't mind of course." I said sheepishly.
"Oh so that's what's in the bag. And here I thought you go me a huge Christmas gift" she laughed gesturing to the bag in my hand.
"Don't press your luck Sanny" I teased. She scruffed her nose at the nickname, but her smile never faltered. She laid on her bed leaving me to search through my bag until my hands wrapped around her gift. With a smirk, I threw the gift onto her stomach before plopping down next to her. "Merry Christmas Eve San."
"Ouch Britt," she groaned picking up the box, "Oh what is it?" She asked examining the wrapping. "Is it shoes?" she asked excitedly.
"I'm not telling," I laughed. She pouted and then leaned to the side of her bed and pulled out a present. "For you."
"Well..."
"What?"
"Should we open them?"
"What time is it?" I asked.
"Let's wait until midnight." she said after a few seconds, "I want these to be the first gifts we get on Christmas." I nodded at her and turned the TV on.
Hours later, "Oh my god you're impossible!" I yelled stealing the remote from her.
"Come on, I am not watching this!" argued San.
"We do this every year!"
"Exactly. It is time for a change." she said huffing.
"I'm sleeping over, isn't that enough of a change?" I asked.
"No, it just means I get to change the movies. I am not watching Rudolph the red nosed reindeer again." She tried to grab the remote, but I held it away from her.
"Come on! Frosty comes on next!" I whined.
"Oh please it's Frosty the Snowman returns! It's not even the first one!" she scoffed.
"But...it's Frosty" I said emphasizing on his name. When she didn't budge, my expression changed; immediately I used my backup plan. She can never resist it.
"Don't make that face, ugh fine." she said giving in, "damn pout."
"Yes!" I fist pounded the air.
"Next year I get to choose the movies," she huffed. I smiled brightly at her; next year she will definitely choose the movies. The fact that she knows we will still be this close makes me wish that we weren't 'just friends'. I pushed the thought aside and cuddled closer to her; for now this will have to do.
"Britt! It's 12:05; it's Christmas!" said San excitedly as she ran to the desk to retrieve our gifts. I loved seeing her so giddy, it's such a rare occurence that almost no one gets to see. San jumped onto the bed wrong, almost dropping both gifts causing me to laugh.
"Saw that" I giggled.
"No you didn't" she replied quickly handing me her gift.
"At the same time. 1,2,3" she said as she unwrapped my gift. This happens every year. I always love to watch her open her gifts. It's like she has this one special look just for presents. Every time she unwraps my gifts, her eyes would sparkle as her smile grew wider. It was the most genuine and amazing expression; like pure joy. This time wasn't any different, except that I wanted to surprise her this year. She unwrapped the box, "So you did get me shoes!" she laughed as she opened the box. "Uh... you got me a box?" she said still with her smile.
"Keep opening" I laughed. She pulled out the smaller box and untied the ribbon. Immediately her face lit up.
"Britt, its- gorgeous" She held the bracelet in her hand and stared wonderously at the charms.
"There's a charm for every special moment that impacted our friendship." I gulped.
"If I have one then you definitely need one." she said after a few seconds of analyzing the charms. "Help me put it on?" she asked.
I nodded as I clipped the bracelet to her wrist, "Oh don't worry, it's a friendship bracelet; I have my own." I laughed pulling the other bracelet out of my bag, "It's not as filled as yours, but they're a matching set."
"Thank you so much," She pulled me into a warm hug and then pulled away, "Hey open your gift!"
"Alright, alright." I unwrapped the bow and opened the black box, "Wow." Inside the box was a beautiful gold necklace.
"I remember someone stole the necklace your biological father bought you earlier this year, so-"
I cut her off, "It's beautiful San. Thank you so much!" I said wholeheartedly feeling my throat swell up. I remember how much I cried that day, while San held me. It was the last gift my dad had bought me before he married into a new family and forget I existed. My body urged me to just kiss her already, but I didn't want to push her away. Instead I threw myself on top of her and pulled her close, "I love it!" I said.
"I'm glad. Merry Christmas Brittany" said San softly. Her breath touched my shoulder making me shiver slightly.
"Merry Christmas to you too San." We pulled away slowly and I stared into her beautiful brown eyes. "Can you help me?" I asked gesturing to the necklace. The necklace had a gold band with a heart pendant. "It's perfect." My heart kept telling me to just inch closer and take what you've always wanted, but I admit I was terrified. It was like every emotion associated with love was piling up and threatening to take over. I was fighting to keep a rational mind. A soft knock on the door broke my thoughts. We both turned to the door and smiled at the intruder.
"Merry Christmas girls!" said Mrs. L. as she entered the room smiling. "It's so sweet to see you girls exhanging gifts. It brings me back to when you two first started doing this. You were 12 right?" she smiled brightly and pulled us both into one armed hugs, "Oh yea your parents called earlier to make sure you got here safe. Don't worry I told them you were fine and that we'd make sure you were home early tomorrow. Goodnight girls!"
"Thanks Mrs. L and Merry Christmas!" I said gratefully. I had totally forgotten to call my family.
"Merry Christmas mom!" said San before her mom left.
"God I love your mom" I said throwing myself back onto her bed.
"Yeah she's awesome" yawned San. She pushed the boxes off the bed and pulled the cover over us.
"Goodnight San"
"Night Britt" She cuddled into my side. My hands played with the necklace, while my thoughts scanned over the events of the day. I can't believe she bought me a gold necklace. God she must have spent a fortune, it's not like gold's cheap these days. I pushed the thought of the cost out of my head and smiled at the implication of the necklace; it was a heart. Maybe she would be ready soon.
"Merry Christmas!" I yelled as soon as I entered the house. It was 8am and as promised, I was home early.
"Merry Christmas Britt!" yelled Carly from the kitchen. I entered and saw my mom and Carly finishing up breakfast and starting our Christmas dinner.
"Merry Christmas honey" said Mom as she stirred her special sauce. "Your presents are already on your bed," she said nonchalantly. Yep that's my family, we are not really into "Family Bonding."
"Whoa who is this all for?" I asked eyeing the table that was full of a large variety of foods.
"The pastor's family is stopping by. They haven't seen you since you weren't feeling too well last week to attend church and decided to stop by." said mom with a smile.
"Alright" I shrugged taking a seat in front of the plater that Carla set for me, "How is Jillian?" I asked, "Last time I saw her she was giving me advice on finding a good church on campus."
"Oh really how'd that go?" asked Carla amused. I glared at her and threw my napkin at her.
"How do you think?" I laughed.
'Oh girls, it really can't be that bad. I'm sure if you really looked you could find one." scoffed mom.
"Mom be serious." replied Carla as she rolled her eyes.
"I am."
"Is that why you invited Pastor Brandon and his wife Jillian over?" asked Carla. I widened my eyes and groaned.
"Oh god please I don't need any more lectures" I whined.
"I promise Jillian just really wants to see you."
"Okay." I replied hesitantly. I hope that's all it is about. "Well I'll go freshen up before they get here." Before they could respond I ran up the stairs and disappeared into my room.
"Hello Pastor Brandon!" I greeted happily, "The pastor's been a good friend to my family for almost 10 years.
"Ahh Brittany, it's so great to see you." he said pulling me into a hug. He always reminded me of Santa Claus, he was a heavyset man and always seemed so cheerful; not to mention his hair was graying.
"Same to you! Hi Jill!" I yelled as I threw myself into her arms. When high school became difficult and my parents were constantly on my case, Jillian became my mentor. She was the only adult aside from the Lopez's that believed in my dancing.
"My girls!" she yelled happily, "It's so great to see you both here!"
"Jillian, Brandon! I am so pleased you could make it," said mom; behind her stood Rob.
"Thanks for inviting us," said Pastor Brandon, "Sadly we can't stay too long; just for dinner."
"Perfect. Dinner is ready, girls can you help me serve the plates?" asked mom. We rolled our eyes but followed her anyway, while Rob showed our guests to their seats. I hate how formal our parents make the dinners. Dinner was going great until Jillian brought up college.
"So girls how is college? Have you found a church to attend?" asked Jillian. I gulped and looked at Carla who shrugged.
"No not yet. There's not too many on campus that are similar to ours." I replied
She nodded in understanding, "Yes but you really need a good church to fall back onto. College is a time where you will face the most peer pressure. It's good to have a group of people who understand and are your age to guide each other." I nodded and tried my hardest to not roll my eyes. Do they really think that I don't know this? How do they think I feel? I am committing what is considered a huge sin by falling in love with a girl. I think I am way too far gone to be helped. Do I even want to be helped?
"Yes and you really should stop by the church; both of you" said Pastor Brandon. After that Carla and I both stayed quiet and barely kept in tune with the conversation. When dinner was over and we placed the dishes in the dishwasher, I followed Carla to her room.
"Carla, umm are you busy?" I asked stopping at the door.
"Not at all," she replied with a small smile, "Come on in." her room had not changed one bit. There was clutter everywhere, yet the room still looked clean and organized; similar to Carla's personality.
"Thanks," I smiled back. "wow it's scary how our rooms almost never change now." I said trying to find the courage to say what I had been dying to tell her.
"Yeah. It's definitely crazy" she replied, "So what's up. I doubt that you came in here to talk about our rooms."
"Carls have you ever did something that you know isn't what the church agrees with?" I asked. She looked thoughtful for a moment.
"Look Britt, if this is about the whole no premarital sex thing, that's been gone for a long time," she laughed. "I mean how do they expect us to wait? It is so damn hard to wait!" she ranted.
"Haha well I already know that, but no it's not what i'm talking about," I laughed as her expression changed to a confused one.
"Wait how do you know?" she asked.
"Come on the walls aren't that thin and I know a hickey when I see one." I said with a bright smile. "Plus the way you and that Ricky guy were all over each other, it was so obvious."
"Oh so someone has experience I see" she teased causing me to blush.
"Not really." I blushed redder.
"Wait, are you telling me that you're still-"
"Yes, I mean partially. Like i've never gone all the way, but I saw a guys penis before; Artie's." I said.
"So you've never actually had...sex?" she asked hesitantly.
"No." I shook my head surprised at how easy it was to talk about this with her. Not even San knew that I was a virgin. We never really spoke about sex or at least I never did to her.
"Oh my god. I really thought that you had." said a surprised Carla
"What do I have the word "ho" written on my forehead?"
"No, its just... I don't know the vibe you give off especially with your dancing." she laughed. "Just so you know it doesn't make you a ho or a slut if you decide to have sex." I nodded at her words taking in the meaning, "So is it because of church that you haven't?"
"Not really. I just haven't met the right person...wait that's not right. I have met someone that I want to, but its...complicated." I said hesitantly.
"How so?" she asked with interest.
"umm well you see..." I trailed trying to find a decent way to word this.
"Yes..." she asked waiting impatiently.
"I sort of...well"
"Spit it out" she said irritated.
"I think...actually well I know that I am sorta bi-sexual." I said hesitantly.
she stared at me for a second then looked away, "Wait...what?" se was watching me with curious eyes.
"I'm bisexual" I stated. It was actually easier saying the second time. I actually felt free telling her.
"Yeah I heard you the first time." she replied, "Are- how do you know?" she stuttered. I don't think I have ever heard her stutter.
"Well I seem to be attracted to both," I shrugged, "But the only person I can see myself with is... a girl."
"Wow-well okay..." she said with a blank look on her face.
"You're not... mad are you?" I asked.
She turned to me quickly with a shocked look on her face. "Mad? No! Of course not, surprised maybe, but mad no. You're my sister and no matter who you are, I would never hate you or judge you. Hell with all the stuff I do in college, I could never judge you. I just never thought that you were...you know. Sure you flirt an awful lot, but I never thought you liked girls. Though now that I think of it, I guess I should have known. I mean you and Santana are just way too close." she said with a smirk.
"Wait...what?"
"Oh so its not Santana that you're into?"
"Well yeah, but how did you know."
"It's not that difficult to read. I mean usually its the best friend that causes you to notice your attraction. Either that or the fact that you two are scary close. I mean you remember what mom used to say," she asked.
"Yes and i don't want to be reminded." I said trying to rid myself of the terrible words my mom had yelled years ago to Rob. I shook my head at the bad memories.
"So have you told her?" asked Carla.
"Yes..." I said feeling tears threaten to fall. It's like all of the pain from the last few months returned.
"Oh what did she say?" she asked watching me closely.
"That's a whole other story for another time." I replied trying to blink away the tears.
"Oh come on! Mom and Rob are out! You need to tell me!" she said with a small smile, "Please?" she asked opening her arms for me.
"Fine" I said softly throwing myself into her arms, allowing the tears to fall as I told the story of my last few months.
Days flew by and I found myself preparing my outfit that night for New Years. I spent two days shopping for the perfect outfit with Rachel and could not wait to show it off. It was a beautiful white dress with a black pattern.
"Do you think she'll like it?" I asked hesitantly staring at myself in the mirror.
"Whoa Britt you look Hot!" said Carla, "She'll definitely love you in that. That depends though which she you are referring to?" For the last few days I had been talking to San and Jen. San was definitely right about Jen. Ever since the ice skating trip, she has been texting me nonstop about going out for dinner. I'm pretty sure if Santana weren't around or if we weren't on good terms, then I would have wanted to accept Jen's offer, but I just can't give up on San. I can't forget the feeling of her lips on mine or the way she makes me feel. I don't want to forget and i definitely won't mess up the progress we've made. I just haven't found a way to tell Jen yet.
"Come on Carla, you know who i'm talking about." I groaned.
"Yes, but it still fun seeing you squirm. If she doesn't make up her mind soon than i'm going to hurt her because she will definitely lose you. I mean you'll be attracting the attention of both guys and girls. "
"Aww thanks Carls." I turned to her, "Whoa Carls you are looking smoking hot!" I whistled jokingly.
"I know thanks." said Carly as she fixed her black dress. "Now lets go party!"
It was already a quarter after eleven and the party was in full swing. Carla and I walked into the club together, luckily she was friends with the bouncer or else we would have never made it inside. Also it did help that I had my fake ID on me.
I looked around hoping to spot my friends when suddenly I was swept into the air by someone.
"What the-" I yelped before I recgonized those green eyes, "Carter! Put me down!" I laughed smacking him playfully.
"Alright, alright." he said before he saw my sister who was rolling her eyes, "There's my favorite girl!" he laughed before pulling her into a hug, "Finally the Pierce sisters back from college!" His eyes were on Carla taking in her outfit. This was definitely my cue to leave. I definitely did not need to see my sister flirt with the one guy who'd probably do anything for her.
"Well i'm going to go to the restroom. Bye!" I said pushing my sister towards Carter. I darted away and laughed at her glare. Instead of going to the restroom, I found myself walking to the bar.
Before I could get close enough to order a drink, someone was calling my name. "Britt!" squealed a voice. I turned around and was pulled into a firece hug. "You're here!" said the happy voice. When she pulled away I was met with a dazed looking Jen. Her eyes l=had this faraway look in them and she was smiling this goofy smile.
"Hey!" I greeted. Aside from her obvious drunkenness, Jen looked hot! Her black dress hugged her body in all the right ways. She could easily pick any guy up if she really wanted to or any girl for that matter.
"You look amazing!" she said eyeing my dress. "Definitely amazing." her voice was lower than usual making me shiver. "Do you want to dance?" she asked as a fast paced song came on. I looked around quickly and still hadn't seen Rachel, Blaine, Tina, or San so I shrugged and took her hand. I could use a good dance to clear my head.
"So this takes me back" reminisced Jen. I quirked an eyebrow, "We met dancing, and the first time I realized that I...liked you was from dancing at the party, even though you ran off so quick." she slurred. Jesus how much has this girl had to drink? Her face was close to mine and I could smell her perfume, it smelled so good. Wait...did she just confess that she liked me. She was staring at me as if waiting for my reaction. Suddenly as if on cue, we were joined by a small group of people; thank god.
"Britt!" yelled Tina, her face was tomato red and she was smiling. "I didn't see you!" she hugged me close, swinging us from side to side.
"Looking good Britt" said Blaine. He was dressed in a suit and bow tie.
"Same to you Blaine. Who are you trying to impress?" I asked raising my eyebrows.
"You never know," he shrugged.
"Not going to say hi?" asked a raspy voice. I turned around quickly, worried that I was imagining the voice.
"San!" I yelled embracing her. Her perfume was intoxicating and made me want to pull her close forever. It amazed me how our bodies fit together perfectly.
"Don't crush poor San Britt" laughed Tina. "Hey Jen right?" Jen looked completely awkward standing there, staring everywhere but at me.
"Oh yeah this is Jen. Jen this is Blaine and Tina." I said trying to forget about the awkwardness of the situation.
"Hi," she said shyly. "I'll go find Rachel." Santana was eyeing Jen until she was completely gone. By this time our friends had drifted off towards the bar, in hopes of refilling their drinks before the bar closed.
"You two looked awfully chummy" grumbled San.
"Chummy San? Really?" I said laughing at her choice of words.
"Britt..." she groaned.
"We were just dancing San." I said softly hoping that she'll understand.
"Awfully close...you looked like you were really enjoying yourself." she said. She was smiling, but I could almost hear the accusation. For some reason this was making me mad. I feel like i've been spending these last few weeks trying to show her that I care, yet we have gotten nowhere. Can she really blame me if someone else is obviously interested? I mean how patient can she really expect me to be? Did I really want to start the new year like this?
"And...?" I asked causing her to stare in shock. Immediately I regretted it, but it was too late.
She nodded quickly, "okay then." she said, "I'm going to go get a drink."
"San." I whined before she walked away and became lost in the crowd. "Shit" I mumbled.
"That didn't work out too well did it?" asked Carla. She handed me a drink, which I drank gratefully.
"Not too much."
"Don't worry she'll come around. Let's just hope she does before the other one," laughed Carla.
"Britt dance!" yelled Tina as she did this crazy twirl with Blaine.
"God to be young again" Carla shook her head.
"Carls you're only 21." I laughed.
"I know and I feel old as hell with you and your friends." she replied.
"Then go with your own."
"I feel so offended, I only wanted to be with my sister to welcome in the New years. I am so hurt" I raised an eyebrow, "All my close friends are away or hate me for this odd reason." she laughed at herself and chugged her drink.
"speaking of New Year-Crap we are 5 minutes away." I said feeling the realization of my situation hit me.
"So who are you going to kiss sis" said Carla. Could she read my mind?
"Have you even figured that out?" I asked.
"Well i'm sort of in between that hot guy by the bar or the cutie with the goatie. I don't know yet. I'm feeling exotic tonight." she said with a smirk.
"You're..." I shook my head.
"Amazing? The best sister ever. I know" she interrupted.
"I love you Carls." I laughed. God how did I go these many months without my sister?
"Aww don't get all sentimental on me Britt" she laughed pulling me into a one armed hug.
"I do say though, that guy with the goatie is looking kind of hot." I replied
"Right?" said Carly. "So sis back to the question, who will you kiss?"
"Carly at this point I don't think i'll be kissing anybody. The one person I really want to kiss won't even let me hold her hand in public." I groaned.
"Well there is the other one."
"What is the big deal with these kisses?" I asked angrily, "Why do I feel the need to kiss someone into the New Year? Can't I start it just hugging my closest friends and family?" I huffed.
"Sis that's what all the single people say," she smirked.
"Alright everyone, pair up and let's start this countdown to the New Year!" yelled the DJ. My eyes widened as I realized that I was out of time.
I stared at Carly and felt happy that I at least had her. She took my hand and squeezed it.
"10, 9, 8" everyone started counting.
Blaine was standing next to a cute blonde guy swaying back and forth and Tina was with a tanned guy with dark hair. At least they had someone even if for a night.
"6, 5,4"
I looked around and saw more couples forming and my heart fell. I hate New Years and its expectations! This sucks.
"2,1" I made eye contact with my sister and smiled. Family is all you have left I guess.
"Happy New Year!" yelled everyone. Couples everywhere started to kiss or hug. Just as I was about to pull my sister into a hug, she was swept away by Carter. i shook my head and turned just to have soft hands pull me before I could collide with her body.
"Happy New Year Britt," said a familiar voice before her arms went around my neck and pulled my head down so our lips could collide.
Author's Note: Sorry for the delay. As you can see this is the longest chapter i've written. I just had so many ideas that I wanted to place in the chapter. Thanks for reading and let me know what you thought. Who kissed Britt? You'll find out next chapter.