Age 17-

Temperance stomped angrily down the sidewalk. She didn't know where she was going exactly, just that she needed to keep walking. It was supposedly Christmas Eve, and she wished that she were anywhere other than where she was right now. Carefully, she crossed the street, feeling the cold slush seeping into her boots, she felt the hot tears stinging her eyes as she picked up her pace. She heard the sound of a car rolling down the street slowly, and she scowled and walked faster.

As the car approached, she slowed down, stopping in front of a colorfully decorated house, her eyes focused on the lights.

"Temperance?" A voice came from the car. The woman's voice was so sickeningly sweet it made her nauseous. "Temperance, please come home?"

She ignored the woman's words, ignored what she was implying. Home. If she had any sense of mirth in her at that moment, she'd have laughed. Where she was staying was not home.

Home was not a place where someone else's family gathered to exchange gifts with children that they took in for charity.

Home was not a place where you sat around pretending to be a family, smiling tight smiles of thanks for socks and ugly sweaters that she'd never wear.

Home was not where these people lived, where she stayed. That wasn't home.

She wasn't even sure what home was anymore.

"Tempe?" The woman said again.

Temperance turned her attention toward the woman in the car and scowled. "Please leave me alone."

"Tempe, it's Christmas Eve. We were going to open gifts, and sing Christmas carols, celebrate the birth of Jesus."

"I don't open gifts." She said sharply, turning toward the Christmas lights again. "And Jesus wasn't born in December. Anyone with half of a brain knows that. I don't appreciate you pushing your religious beliefs on me." She said, staring at the lights.

"Tempe, get into the car now!" A man's voice shouted across the car.

Instead of answering, she decided to continue walking. She walked along on the sidewalk, admiring the different colors and types of lights on different homes, all the while keenly aware of the car that was driving slowly alongside her, trying to get her attention. She concentrated on the lights, the pretty stars of the holiday season, trying to remember what it was like when she was younger, trying to pull the magic of the holiday from the homes of others.

"Temperance! Get in the car!"

"Just leave me alone." She snapped, turning around. "I am not part of your family! I don't want to be part of your stupid family! Just leave me alone! Stop trying so hard! I don't want your stupid gifts! I don't want your fake smiles, and your disgusting Christmas cookies! I just want to be left alone! Don't you see that? Are you that stupid?" She shouted. Her face was hot with anger, and the woman in the passenger seat was staring at the girl with a stupefied expression.

Temperance turned away from them.

She stared hard at the house in front of her, hoping and wishing that the car behind her would just disappear.

She was hoping that she would just disappear.

"Tempe?" The woman's voice was a little sterner. Apparently she had been offended. "You're our responsibility. We can't leave you outside here to wander the streets alone. You need to come with us."

Temperance knew that the woman was right, and she knew that this family wasn't nearly as bad as some of the others. She just couldn't help but feel that bubbling cauldron of bitterness. She couldn't help feeling lost in her own thoughts and sadness. She turned around and faced the family in the car. She could see that the woman in the passenger seat was sincerely concerned.

"I just need some time and space." She said sincerely. "I'll come back."

The woman sighed softly, and the man said something beside her. "You'll come back tonight?"

"Yes." Temperance nodded. "I just… I want to look at the Christmas lights, if you don't mind. Alone."

There was a moment of pause, and Temperance was sure that the man was close to climbing out of the car and hauling her into the car. She swallowed hard and looked at the family's children looking at her from the back seat. "We just wanted to give you a nice Christmas, Temperance."

"I don't think that's possible." She said sincerely.

The woman nodded her head reluctantly, and turned toward her husband. "We'll see you at home later."

Temperance nodded, and with that, she rolled up her window, and the car slowly continued down the street without her.

She could feel the tears in her eyes as the family disappeared around the corner, and her teeth clenched as she attempted to control her emotions. With a deep breath, she closed her eyes, and turned on her heel toward the brightly lit home in front of her. In her mind she could see her parents, hear their laughter. She could feel Russ lightly punch her shoulder as she told a joke, and laughed.

That was family.

That was home.