Poison Ivy checked her watch again and sighed. Her session with Dr. Brown was supposed to have started fifteen minutes ago, but the doctor was still analyzing the Joker. Well, that's not what it sounded like to Ivy – it sounded like Joker was telling some sort of joke, because they both kept laughing.

"…so…so…he says 'he's the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now'!" gasped out Joker, and then they both started laughing again.

"What a load of crap!" laughed Dr. Brown.

"See, you're the first shrink to get that!" chuckled Joker. "Well, except Harley. When I first told her that joke, she nearly bust a gut."

"Did she? Isn't that interesting. Well, I'm afraid our time is up. Has been for quite a while, actually. I'm sorry for the wait, Pamela," said Dr. Brown, opening the door and smiling at Ivy.

"Aw, Pammie don't mind – she's a great gal!" chuckled Joker, slapping her on the back.

"Don't touch me," growled Ivy.

"I'll warn you now, Doc, Pammie's got some issues with physical contact," grinned Joker. "It's because she's used to being felt up by plants, so people are kinda a weird change for her, huh, Pammie?"

In response, Ivy punched him in the face. "Pamela, don't!" shrieked Dr. Brown, rushing over to see to Joker. "Are you all right, Mr. Joker?"

"Oh yeah, happens all the time," replied Joker shrugging. "She ain't no Bats."

"The self-righteous brute," murmured Dr. Brown, reaching up to touch Joker's face. "You're such a brave, courageous man to keep facing him, Mr. Joker."

"Told you, baby, call me J. Everyone does," replied Joker, grinning.

"All right. Mr. J," she murmured.

Ivy's heart broke for Harley as she saw the adoration in Dr. Brown's eyes as she gazed up at the Joker, and how much Joker was clearly enjoying the attention. She thought she saw Dr. Brown's lips move forward toward his, but then Joker gently pushed her away. "Just J," he said, grinning. "Mr. J don't sound right."

"Ok. J. See you tomorrow," murmured Dr. Brown. "Oh, and thanks for the flower."

Joker chuckled. "Anytime, toots! See you tomorrow!"

He strode off whistling and Dr. Brown stared after him. "Why did J give you a flower?" demanded Ivy.

"Hmm? Oh, he was showing me how he made it resistant to acid so he could spray it from it, and then he said I could keep it. Such a smart guy," sighed Dr. Brown.

"I've never seen the attraction," retorted Ivy. "But I guess I'm in the minority at the moment."

"Why not? He's a genius, smart, funny, feared, respected, admired, what more could a girl want?" asked Dr. Brown.

"Oh, I dunno. Maybe a guy with a heart?" retorted Ivy. "Though I admit they're often overrated."

They entered Dr. Brown's office. "I think it's only fair to warn you, Harley is my best friend," said Ivy. "If you do try anything with J that hurts her, I'll have to kill both of you. You understand?"

Dr. Brown snorted. "Can you explain to me what J sees in that useless, pathetic, worthless, submissive, clumsy, incompetant doormat?"

"Like I said, best friend," snapped Ivy. "Don't talk about her like that. Even though I think it myself sometimes."

"So what do either of you see in her?" asked Dr. Brown. "I'm genuinely interested."

Ivy shrugged. "She's fun," she replied. "Open and honest and pours her whole heart and soul into everything she does. Incredibly genuine, which I think we can admit is pretty unusual in a woman. She's oddly sweet and kind, despite sometimes being a homicidal maniac. I don't know, I can't explain it. She's just Harley, and you gotta love Harley."

"Do you?" snapped Dr. Brown.

"Well, J and I do," retorted Ivy. "I think you're in the minority if you don't."

"Does he really love her, though?" demanded Dr. Brown. "I mean really love her?"

Ivy thought. "I don't know," she replied, sincerely. "I don't know if he knows what that is."

"Maybe he just needs the right girl to show him," said Dr. Brown.

Ivy shrugged. "I've given you my warning. J knows same goes. If you want to make your own graves, I won't stop you. Harley's always deserved better anyway – maybe it'll be just the wake-up call she needs. So do whatever you and that selfish creep want. I wash my hands of the pair of you."

"Thanks for your blessing," snapped Dr. Brown. "Now let's talk about your childhood."

Their relationship didn't improve as the session progressed, and Ivy had determined to request a different psychiatrist for next week as she returned to her cell.

"How'd it go, Red?" asked Harley, immediately starting up and rushing over to the window between their cells.

"She's a bitch, and I hate her," growled Ivy. "And not just because she's more attractive than me, although there is a little of that."

"She ain't more attractive than you, Red," replied Harley, firmly. "Yeah, she may have a perfect oval face and just the right body type, not too fat and not too thin, and her hair may look gorgeous and she may have a dazzling smile but you…you got…you got personality, and that's more important."

"Gee, thanks, Harley, that's really helped," muttered Ivy.

"It's true, Red!" insisted Harley.

Ivy sighed. "Hey, Harvey!" she shouted across the cell block.

"What?" snapped Two-Face.

"Who's more attractive? Me or Dr. Brown?"

"That a joke? Dr. Brown, of course," retorted Two-Face.

Ivy looked at Harley pointedly. "She ain't more attractive than me though, right?" asked Harley.

"Of course she is, don't be stupid," retorted Two-Face.

Tears rose in Harley's eyes and she suddenly burst into tears, sobbing loudly. "Aw, Harley, don't cry," muttered Two-Face. "Look, I only think she's more attractive because I got a thing for redheads. Ask Pammie."

"Well, Mr. J's got a thing for blondes!" sobbed Harley. "And that's me, not Dr. Brown! I'm his sexy little shrink, not that stupid tramp! And that's what matters! He loves me! Get it?! He loves me!"

"Look, Harley," murmured Ivy, soothingly. "Y'know, maybe it's the best thing that could happen to you. If you finally see him for the slime he is, maybe you can finally work up the courage to leave him and find happiness…"

"You don't get it, Red!" shrieked Harley. "I couldn't leave him and be happy! That ain't how that works! I need him to be happy! If I ain't got him, I ain't got nothing! I don't even know who I am…I…I…I need him, Red!"

"Well, if it helps, I'm sure nothing's happened between them," said Ivy, gently.

"Really?" asked Harley, hopefully.

"Yeah. Not yet, anyway. And J mentioned you and she got really jealous."

"Yeah?" said Harley, eyes shining. "He really did? Oh, he does love me! I knew it! I knew it!"

She immediately started beaming in happiness, wiping the tears away. Ivy sighed heavily. For Harley's sake, she really hoped she was wrong about the kinda man J was. But she doubted it.