Chapter six

"How is your dinner?" Cat asked. For some reason, she was being less touchy feely with Jade, it concerned her but she didn't let it show.

"It's fine," Jade replied. She felt sick to her stomach. She couldn't eat when she was worried like this. She had to force her dinner down her throat and was now paying the physical price for it.

"We really need to talk, Jade," Cat finally voiced. Her small and timid way of talking had shrunk into barely whisper as she avoided eye contact with her girlfriend. Jade nodded.

"You want to take a walk after this?" Cat nodded. They returned to paying the bill in silence. Jade kept her eyes focused on the back wall located behind Cat so that she didn't have to linger on her face for too long.

"You know I love you, right?" Cat asked once they had started journeying around the shopping center where the restaurant was located.

"I do…"

"Then you can understand why I have been so…concerned lately."

"I don't…"

"Jade, the thought of you being with someone else makes me sick to my stomach. I know that you're slowly going crazy with the thought of monogamy.."

"I'm not going crazy!" Jade interjected. She would have said anything at this point to get Cat and her back to where they were before this dinner.

"I know you. I know you're secretly hurting. I'm denying you something that is apart of who you are."

"I don't want to lose you…" something in Jade's voice cracked and for the first time in a long time, Cat saw the broken girl Jade worked so hard to protect. One could almost feel their heartstrings being ripped apart from their chests.

"I just have my doubts because it's so new to me. I have my feelings that it's just you wanting to sleep with other people and then once you've had your fun, you'll come and want to settle down with me. It makes me feel like I'm not enough for you and you want to find someone else and this is an easier way to do it."

"Please, don't do this."

"I think we should take a little break from each other so that I can figure out for myself if I can do this. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know that we're young and everything but I've made that decision and I want to be sure I can survive any bumps in our romantic relationship."

"Cat…please…"

"I'm sorry, Jade," she reached up and kissed Jade's cheek softly. "This is what I have to do." It felt like their fingers were running water slowly parting from one another like two streams. It was an eternity in Jade's mind before Cat's hand finally left hers. Jade simply stood there in disbelief. She thought that her and Cat could survive anything that the world threw at them. She never thought that their downfall would come from within like this. Without even thinking, she took out her cell phone and called Tori.

"Hey, can you meet me at the shopping center where the sushi place is…?"

"Have you been crying?" Tori asked.

"No!" Jade snapped. "Shit, nevermind, Vega."

"Hold on, hold on, I'll be right there," Tori said. Jade heard the sound of keys jingling as Tori said something to her mom about borrowing the car. "Coming." She hung up.

"I didn't think anything could come between you two," Tori said once the two girls had settled down in a nearby coffee shop.

"Maybe I'm being stupid…maybe I'm being greedy…maybe I'm just making excuses for having a problem wanting to fuck other people…"

"Jade, don't talk about yourself like that. Look, I feel like the queer community isn't really up to speed on things like polyamory. Ya know, we go our whole lives wanting others to respect our relationships and understand that for most of us it's something we grew up knowing and the once you introduce someone who can't stay commit to the ideal of monogamy for a reason, their relationships aren't respected at all."

"You really think this is why my mind is wired?"

"That or you might actually be more evolved than the rest of society. Think about, monogamy was formed as a Western custom. Before then, it was actually beneficial for society to have people with multiple partners because it meant that the population would thrive and prosper. We're not designed to be with one person. That's not how our brains formed over the years. Some people, with time, have adapted to what society wants. But I feel like you've adapted to listen to truly what your brain and heart want. You're not trying to subscribe to some way of life that was constructed in order to squash sexuality in general."

"I feel bad, Vega. I let her down."

"No one let anyone down. This is just a matter of her realizing how great of a person you are…" Tori looked taken aback that she'd said anything positive about Jade's treatment of other people.

"How long is that going to take?" Jade asked burying her face in her hands.

"I'm sure that if you give her the space she needs, she'll figure it out sooner than later."

"What if this is the kiss of death to our relationship?"

"I personally think that love conquers all. Even a momentary lapse of who your partner truly is."

"…Thanks, Vega. I really needed to hear what you had to say." Jade sighed and looked around the coffee shop. "Can we move onto talking about something else?"

"Yeah, sure. How about the new song we're going to be writing together?"

"Sounds like it's going to be a sad one this time."

"Whatever makes you happy, hun." Jade raised an eyebrow. Tori using pet names when addressing her? It seemed weird.