Chapter 12

I was silent during the car journey to the Cullen's house; I'd travelled the same roads hundreds of times over the past year or so and yet even though I'd only been gone around a month everything about it felt foreign. The trees were slightly darker, more hunched like they were reaching down to grab me. The tree's arms reached over the car, caging us in, we could only go forward. There was no room to turn around.

Alec's hand rested on top of mine, gently and silently giving me the support I needed, he believed I could do this. He believed in me, he trusted me; something Edward had never done. I shook my head trying to rid myself of thoughts of Edward though I don't know why I bothered. The house was in view by now and seeing him was unavoidable, if I passed out, I passed out. He would finally see what he had done to me.

I tried blinking to clear my mind, my eyes widened and I clutched my throat. Blood. I was thirsty and there was a human very close. I hadn't been prepared for this, at least at the hotel I had known what to expect but now I was completely off guard with one hand I clutched the dashboard in front of me, trying not to crush it. Why was a human here and why did said human smell so familiar?

"They've found another pet." Alec muttered, and then sent a panicked look toward me; he'd obviously meant to keep that to himself. "I didn't mean anything against you Bella." He said, quickly in case I had somehow taken some kind of offense from it. "It's just they have a human with them…"

"I know." I whispered back, giving his hand a light squeeze, I'd been replaced. I'd only been gone two months or so but in that time I'd created a whole new life for myself how could I judge them for moving on? Or at least I could judge Edward, the rest of his family deserved happiness; he should have been honest with his family. It had hurt when they shut me out, they were like the family I never had. I finally had a mother to look after me and sisters who cared, crazy brothers who constantly played pranks, their family was more normal than my human one. I didn't have either family now though. The Volturi were my family, if you could call them that. The only people who seemed to really care about me was Alec and Felix if you didn't count Caius's creepy obsession.

Sighing, I squeezed Alec's hand again, taking strength from his presence as he parked in front of the oversized white house. Nothing had changed from the outside but something told me the people inside had.

The front door was slightly askew, Carlisle stood leaning against the doorframe, he looked as brilliant as ever and yet I could tell he was stressed. He muscled tensed slightly, his eyes scanning the car as if we were about to attack. It felt like he was watching a wild animal prone to attacking for no particular reason, I felt a pain of anger go through me but it was soon replaced by hurt. Why would he think that? I wouldn't hurt him. That wasn't why we were here.

It was only then that I realised Carlisle looked angry, I let out a low growl as he headed toward the car; he had no right to be angry at us. I was fully prepared to tell Carlisle how pathetic this all was when he started speaking.

"I'm really sorry about this Bella, Edward is getting rid of her now." He sighed, running a hand through his blonde hair that seemed to reflect the light. What did he mean get rid of her? That's when it clicked in my mind, the human must have been Edward's new girlfriend or pet as Alec had put it before. I cringed, gripping Alec's hand hard, part of me wondered if you could break a vampire's bones. I was about to find out.

I realised Carlisle was waiting for me to reply then. "Oh...I-It's okay." I stammered out, glad that I couldn't blush because if I could I would have. "I didn't expect any humans to be here." I said quietly, looking into his golden eyes. Instantly, I felt guilty. Thoughts of the girl I'd killed flashed through my mind, so maybe I hadn't killed her but I'd drained her and it was horrible. They'd like Carlisle drink from animals when he was with them why wouldn't they let me? The memories of the girl were bringing back my thirst, I'd practically been starving myself since the change, I couldn't bear to kill anyone else; I refused to.

"Neither did I." Carlisle said, he sounded sincere enough, and I believed him. "Edward promised me he wouldn't bring her round again after- why don't we get you inside and we can talk properly." He suggested, as if he was suddenly remembering who he was talking to. There was strange sadness about him, his eyes didn't seem quite as bright as they used to and he wasn't wearing the stunning smile that made people turn their heads to look at him. He seemed hollow.

"Bella can't." Alec interrupted then, moving his hand from mine, making me realise that I was still clutching it. "Not with a human inside, she hasn't fed. She's starving." He told Carlisle, "Unless you don't think the human will be missed." He added with a smile and suddenly I could barely remember what I'd seen in Alec. He didn't look like the kind, sweet Alec I cared for.

"I'm not starving and I'm not going to kill whoever it is." I hissed at Alec, annoyed. He'd expressed his distaste for my lack of appetite before but never as bluntly. "I'm just stretching out each feeding." I told Carlisle who was now sported a concerned frown.

"Maybe you should hunt Bella." He suggested, "I could come with you, we'd stay local just until Jessica leaves." Did he just say Jessica? As in the Jessica I'd gone to school with, the one Edward found annoying, she was with Edward. I forced myself to calm down, everything was fine, I didn't care about Edward anymore. I had a new life, I was a completely different person, or least that's what I was trying to convince myself.

"I think that's a good idea." I replied, quickly at least I could be sure Carlisle meant animal blood and maybe the space would help me think and figure out a sensible way to react to this. "Are you going to come with us?" I asked, turning my head to look at Alec though I already knew his answer, no matter what he'd always prefer human blood. I couldn't blame him, human blood was a phenomenal sensation and that's all he'd ever drunk, but I couldn't bare the idea of taking away someone's life, I wasn't god. I had no right.

"No, I'll stay here and make sure he gets rid of the h-Jessica." Alec said, changing what he was going to say at the last minute. "I should hope she doesn't know what we are." He said, giving Carlisle a pointed look.

"She doesn't." Carlisle said, with a surprising iciness to his voice as he pulled open the door to the car. "Come on, Bella." He said, offering me his hand to help me out the car, I couldn't help but smile. I didn't need help anymore, gracefully I jumped down out of the car. "I'm going to have to remember you're not clumsy anymore." He smiled at me. The casual conversation between us made me feel like nothing had changed but I knew it had so did he, though knowing my luck he would have believed Edward's version of events too.

Turning back, I smiled at Alec. "I'll see you in a bit." I said, it felt strange not to have a member of the volturi around me; most of the time Alec or Felix were around and if not Caius would turn up by 'coincidence'. Alec simply smiled back and got out the car then without another word he headed into the house, I couldn't help but feel a little hurt; he'd been so sweet last night. I shook my head, I was over reacting, this was work, kind of, he needed to be profession or at least that's what I told myself.

Carlisle's hand was gently placed on my arm then, pulling me out of my thoughts, I was staring after Alec like a lost puppy which wasn't good. I was meant to be stronger now, I wasn't meant to need anyone though that felt pretty impossible to achieve.

"We'll stay close, there should be plenty of deer around this time of year and you can't tell me you're not thirsty." He told me and started walking toward the forest after one effortless leap over the river; I mimicked his actions finding my jumps went a lot further than his and nearly smacking into a tree, lucky I had good reflexes now. I was surprised when he didn't start running but then I realised he wanted to talk, this couldn't be good. "When was the last time you fed Bella?" He asked me, his golden eyes locked on my crimson ones.

Thinking back, I cringed at how long it had been, it just made my throat burn. "I fed a couple of weeks ago." I answered him, realising I could already hear the animals running around the forest.

I became aware of Carlisle studying me then, "A newborn is usually so uncontrolled, they usually have very little willpower over their thirst." He mused. "But you seem to be completely different, are you as strong as a normal newborn?" He asked, curious. This conversation felt all too familiar, Caius had commented on how special I was, how I wasn't a normal newborn.

"I'm stronger than a normal newborn." I told him, recalling what Caius had said though I'd rather not revisit that day again. "And I remember everything about my human life." I informed him, trying to keep all emotion out of my voice; I didn't want to have a breakdown here.

"Would you mind if I asked you a personal question Bella?" Carlisle asked, with what appeared to be a guilty expression, what did he have to feel guilty about? I shook my head, motioning for him to continue not trusting my voice to keep my panic hidden. "Why did you leave us? I understand you and Edward didn't want to be with each other anymore but we had grown to love you like family." He said, and now I realised it hadn't been guilt on his face it had been sadness, an expression I had rarely seen on Carlisle's face.

"Edward told me not to." I answered honestly; I couldn't help but tell him the truth. He deserved to know and I was getting better at dealing with my thoughts of Edward, it wasn't like I could avoid him here anyway. "When he broke up with me he told me he didn't want anything to do with me. I couldn't cope with that so I asked the volturi to kill me or change me. I thought if they changed me I wouldn't remember any of this, that it wouldn't hurt anymore." The words but I was wrong seemed to hang in the air between us. It was then Carlisle did two things I had not expected.

He leant forward and pulled me into a comforting embrace and said. "I'm sorry about the way he treated you Bella. I knew there was something wrong with his story, you're not the type of girl to act like that. I'm sorry I didn't help you." He said, I looked up at him and once again he felt like my second father. I couldn't cope with this, I'd only have it all ripped away from me again but before I could say anything he'd pulled away and changed the subject.

"Come on, there is herd of deer a dozen meters or so north." He told me and with that he was off running. I took a deep breath and followed him, at least hunting was a distraction from all this.

Authors note: I'm sorry for my lack of updating but what do you think?

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.

George Santayana (1863 - 1952)