Chapter 15

Jake didn't follow me but I never made it to Alec, I ran into Jasper first.

"I'm sorry." Were the first words from his mouth, "I really am but I couldn't stay any longer, Bella." He looked sad, disappointed even but I didn't think he needed to feel either.

"I understand why you left, I know that pain. It hurts." It was the understatement of the century but he knew what it felt like and I didn't want to explain it, that would be as bad as reliving it.

Jasper spoke before I could say anything else. "How do you bear it? It was…" He paused searching for the correct word, "Hideous. I haven't felt pain like that since the war." He told me, what war? He must have seen the confusion on my face because he continued. "Before I found Alice, I was with a vampire named Maria. We were together, in a way and she had me help her build an army. At first she'd kill the newborns after the first year but for me she made an exception, my power was too great for her to lose." It was becoming apparent to me that Jasper paused a lot when he spoke or at least when spoke about something serious. "I killed for her, I killed vampires that attacked us and I killed the vampires who got too old or weak, some of them greeted death willingly. Others did not. It was the ones that didn't who suffered the most, and I could feel all of it."

"Jasper-" I tried to interrupt but he wouldn't let me, he raised a hand to stop me.

"Let me finish." Jasper said, he was still wearing a mask of calmness. "It was the same pain you feel. That pain you feel is what death feels like for a vampire. The reason I walked out was because I didn't want Edward to understand the pain he'd caused you, he didn't deserve the satisfaction."

"You didn't have to tell me that." I told him, I could tell it had taken a lot for him to tell me.

He gave me half a smile, "I thought you needed to hear it. How did it feel to see your first wolf?" he asked, changing the subject. That was one advantage to having a conversation with someone who could tell how you felt, it never got too awkward unless it was necessary.

"You mean Jake?" I asked, my voice came out quieter than I'd intended it to and Jasper nodded. "He stank. He was hot, like temperature wise." I said, Jasper raised an eyebrow at me, he knew I understood what he meant. "Well, it was terrible." I admitted. "He said I had to go, that he'd kill me..." I trailed off, I wanted to cry but I couldn't, it wasn't physically possible which I suppose was a good thing. "He's not the same. He wanted to kill me. He called me a monster." I was whispering now.

A cool hand was on my arm for a second. "I know this is hard but Alec can't know." He told me. "We have a truce with them and if the Volturi found out about them, well, it would be void. They'd slaughter them and I can guess that you don't want that to happen to Jacob, no matter what he's done." He was right, I wasn't happy about it but it was right even though Jake wanted me dead, he was still my best friend.

"Couldn't the Volturi make a truce with them too?" I said, I didn't want to hide anything from Alec, he'd sense it. It would also mean I could tell Felix when I got back and he would definitely notice. The look Jasper gave me told me the answer. No. "Okay." I said and that was all that needed to be said, Jasper wasn't one for speaking unless it was necessary so when he started to back away toward the house I let him go. We didn't bother with goodbye, that would felt too final. I suddenly felt a lot closer to Jasper than I ever had before as somehow we were now friends, not in a I'd call him up to chat kind of way but he'd be there if it mattered and that's what I was thinking about as I headed back to the Cullens. That's what I was thinking about when I saw someone I had never even considered, one of the Cullen's being punished.

Edward was laid in front of the house, one arm, one leg (from the knee down), and two fingers were piled beside him. His family had gathered at the entrance to the house, Esme looked about ready to have a mental breakdown but she stood there and didn't make a move to help. Her and Emmett were the most likely to do so, or at least that's what I thought but neither of them moved a muscle.

I heard a shriek then and the smell of human blood filed my nostrils. "Jessica." I breathed and now was when the Cullen's moved. Carlisle grabbed Jessica before she made it over to Edward and Emmett grabbed me, I hadn't realised I'd moved but I was leant forward, ready to launch myself at her.

"Come on, Bells." Emmett said, yanking me backward and I went limp, I wasn't a killer, I wasn't. It seemed like I was forcing a lot of things upon myself lately. I wasn't a killer. I wasn't a monster. I'd done the right thing. I hadn't deserved all this. But was any of that true? How could it be true when the only way I could believe it was by repeating it over and over?

Alec was beside me now, I don't know if he had been the one to rip Edward apart but I had feeling he'd helped. "It's time to go back to Volterra." He told me, "Caius doesn't want you here anymore." So that was it, that was why I was here. Caius. He'd wanted me to see Edward suffer; he wanted me to know I couldn't have my old life back. Maybe, he thought that then I'd be his wife.

Emmett handed me to Alec, he stroked my hair softly. "Take care of yourself." He smiled, "Try not to kill anyone." Those were the last words any of the Cullens said to me before Alec placed me back in the rental car and drove toward the hotel. Or at least that's where I thought we were going.

"I know this is the wrong time." Alec said half a smile on his face. "But I planned this earlier and I'd hate for it to go to waste." I'd like to say his excitement was infectious but it wasn't. I stared out the window and didn't say a word, I really did like Alec and everything but right now I couldn't see anything he had planned pulling me out of the darkness of my thoughts.

We have come too far, we have sacrificed too much, to disdain the future now.

John F. Kennedy (1917 - 1963)