I Was Born a Fool and I'll Die a Fool for You

by WastelandRose

"You're bloody ridiculous. You do know that, right?" "Yes. And thank you for using 'ridiculous' instead of 'insane.' It's a narrow distinction that not many people bother to get correct." Fred/OC

10. Bump in the Night

Part 10 - Bump in the Night

On Monday night, I held a knife to Oliver Wood's throat.

By Tuesday afternoon, most of the student body knew about it.

Wood was an idiot and an arse, but he did have a bit of a craftiness to him. He knew that telling on me to the professors would only raise questions about why I'd found it necessary to threaten him, which would inevitably lead to revelations about him beating me around and trying to force himself on me. The professors at Hogwarts were too smart and rational to buy "she's crazy and attacked with no provocation."

The student body, however, was not. We teenagers do love our gossip and scandal.

The way I've traced it, he started at breakfast. Katie Bell and Alicia Spinnet asked him how he got the small cut on his throat. And he told them, of course leaving out the part where he more than had it coming. When they asked why, he told them he didn't know, that I was crazy and he suspected I was fucking both the twins. I have no idea where that one came from, but far be it from me to try to understand the mind of that vindictive, idiot man-child.

Shocked, Katie Bell shared her story of being witness to me having a breakdown over breakfast one morning, how I freaked and screamed and sobbed in Fred's arms.

The story spread like wildfire after that. Alicia Spinnet happened to be one of the biggest gossips in Hogwarts castle. And, lucky me, she was BFF! with all the other biggest gossips.

By Tuesday afternoon, people were snickering a little more hysterically as they passed me in the halls. By the end of lunch, wild imaginations had twisted the rumor to include paranoid schizophrenia and compulsive nymphomania. The sick egos of most males between the years of three and seven had twisted it to include their owners.

By the time I overhead what was being said about me, standing frozen behind a stack in the library as a pair of Hufflepuffs giggled in hushed voices, I was a violent nymphomaniac slut. I liked it rough. I got off on blood, like some kind of sex vampire. I orchestrated bi-weekly orgies under the quidditch stands. I'd give head to anyone in exchange for a shot of firewhiskey; for three, I'd let you fuck me in the arse. I pulled a knife on Oliver because he didn't want to touch me. Why, you ask? Because I was diseased, of course, something I'd undoubtedly picked up while on my back in the alley at a local pub.

Honest to god, second year Hufflepuff girls were whispering this in the library. Fighting back tears, I reasoned that if that was the story they'd gotten, the one going around the upper years would have to be a hundred times worse.

It was.

On the way to dinner, a third year Ravenclaw boy spelled a strong gust of wind against the back of my skirt. It flipped up and a whole corridor got a flash of my arse and the pink thong I was wearing that day. They thought it was hilarious. There were whistles and catcalls as I frantically pulled it back down, absolutely humiliated and trying my hardest not to cry. As soon as I was covered again, a black-haired Slytherin named Adrian Pucey immediately grabbed my skirt and pulled it up once more, rubbing up against me as he mocked, "Come now, kitten. We all know you aren't shy. Give us a show."

I kneed him in the balls and ran for all I was worth, the crowd only parting because they were afraid they'd receive the same treatment. Every student present was still laughing and jeering.

I couldn't show my face at dinner. I was used to being ostracized and tortured, but not like that, not that extreme. With all the staring, and giggling, and pointing, and random slimy boys unabashedly cornering and propositioning me for sex, offering to pay me for sex on one notable occasion, I quickly broke down. I barely made it to Myrtle's bathroom before bursting into tears.

I sat on the toilet hugging my knees and sobbing until just a little past curfew. Myrtle hadn't been helping things, haughtily proclaiming, "I don't know what you're complaining about. At least boys want you. The boys all thought I was disgusting. Oh yes, the pretty, skinny blonde girl has it so tough." Little bitch. If I could've seen past my tears, I would've hit her with a hex or two.

I never heard the door open or the footsteps entering. I only became aware that I wasn't alone when the door of the stall I was hiding in slowly began to open.

"Stella?" It was Percy, again, and I hated that it was the second time in as many days that he'd tracked me down to the same bathroom.

I looked up at him through a curtain of blonde hair, and couldn't answer. I was sobbing just as hard as I had been since I'd first hidden myself in there hours ago and no end seemed anywhere in sight. Kind and patient to an extremely out-of-character degree, Percy stooped down in front of me, putting a comforting hand on my heaving shoulder as he soothed, "It'll be alright. Let's just get you back to the Tower."

"No," I whimpered, choking and hiccupping, "Fuck the Tower! Fuck this school and everyone in it! I'm done!"

He made a face at me, his horn-rimmed glasses slipping down his long, freckled nose as he questioned, "What do you mean?"

"Just what I said," Was my answer, decisive and final and so very freeing. Suddenly feeling much better, I added, "I'm done with all of this! I don't care anymore and I can't take staying here! I want to go home!!"

Stoic in his concern, Percy allowed me a few moments to bask in the decision before crushing it. "And where is home, Stella?" He questioned softly, immediately bringing me back down to earth, crashing through the crust and into the hell Hogwarts had become.

I had no home.

How the fuck did that happen?

The realization hit me and I couldn't do anything but cry harder, unable to catch my breath as I hugged my aching knees tighter to my chest. I had no home and I'd pushed my whole family away from me. I was doing the same to the twins, and soon I'd have nothing. Hopelessness hurts, an excruciating ache seizing my heart as I sat there on the closed lid of an old running toilet in Moaning Myrtle's mildewy bathroom.

"Come on," Percy murmured, carefully holding my elbow as he coaxed me to stand, "I'll walk you back."

"No, please," I begged, pathetically wiping my runny face, "I can't go in there. J-Just... let me find somewhere else. Please."

"Don't let them win," Percy ordered sternly, still pulling my uncooperative form out of the stall, "If you run, they win."

"They've already won!" I shouted, yanking my arm out of his grasp, "I'm sick of having to fight for my right to just exist! I'm gone!"

Frowning, the redhead pushed up his glasses and calmly argued, "You're not going anywhere. You can't. Dumbledore would just find you and bring you back. Stop being stupid."

"Stop being a prick," I snapped in reply, rather upset that he was right. I would be found, and my brief freedom would be tainted by constantly fearing when that time would come.

So I decided to do what any intelligent person in my position would: get expelled. If I was to get expelled, then I'd be free. Sure, I'd never be allowed to use magic and I'd undoubtedly be watched closely, but I'd be free of Hogwarts and the packs of wild dogs roaming its halls. The sacrifices seemed small.

I was already planning as I allowed Percy to silently guide me back to the Tower.

xxXxx

The plan went into action at breakfast the next morning. I arrived early, still wearing pajamas, sat in Snape's chair, put my bare, dirty feet up on the staff table, poured myself a large glass of straight vodka, and lit a cigarette.

Needless to say, that did not go over too well with everyone's favorite Potions Master. He was absolutely irate, bitching me out in front of the entire Hall while I just smiled and smoked, sipping my drink and refusing to move.

After the big greaseball was through giving me enough detentions to last through the remainder of the year, he banished me to the Gryffindor table with a flick of his wrist. I ended up seated right between Harry and Ron. My little god-brother angrily ordered, "Get away from me, you slag!"

I calmly but viciously stabbed him in the thigh with a fork. While the bespectacled lad screamed and cursed and raged, I casually grabbed an entire bowl of fruit and headed to class. The plan was going well.

xxXxx

I threw an apple or two through Binns' head and got thrown out of History of Magic.

I graffitied large, permanent obscenities on the wall of Flitwick's classroom, and threatened to dropkick the horrified Charms professor when he attempted to stop me. He threw me out, too.

Snape made me turn around and leave as soon as I set foot in the dungeons wearing a t-shirt spelled to flash "I heart shampoo."

I saw Trelawney sexually molesting a house elf in my crystal ball. She was more than outraged when I raised my hand and told her so.

After she banished me as well, I was done with class for the day and headed towards the library. I was planning on using my outdoor voice and making origami out of the books until Madame Pince had an aneurism.

Uncle Remus stopped me on the way. My harried godfather gestured me towards the headmaster's office with an exasperated sigh of, "Let's go, Stella."

"It's about fucking time!" I chirped brightly, skipping and mentally calculating how to get myself to Florida by nightfall.

xxXxx

Dumbledore watched me carefully as I picked up and "accidentally" broke everything on his desk within my reach. "Well?" I demanded, finally getting fed up with the lack of disciplinary action, "Aren't you going to punish me?"

The white-haired man gave a slow, sagely nod before speaking. "Yes," He said, "You will be punished. But, I can assure you that under no circumstances will that punishment include expulsion."

"Oh, come on!" I shrieked, leaping to my feet and slamming both hands down on his deskful of broken knick-knacks, "I've done everything short of setting this fucking cesspool on fire! And I swear to god, that'll be my next action if you don't get me out of here! Expell me!"

"No," He answered, infuriating me further with his stoic calm, "You will not be expelled."

"I'll just keeping getting worse!" I threatened, pacing and ignoring Remus' pleading looks, "I'm a danger to the other students! I'll fucking kill them all! See! There! I've made death threats! That has to be expulsion-worthy!"

"I'm afraid it is," The old man calmly informed, "Death threats are very serious things and I could have you out of here in less than five minutes. But I won't."

"You stupid geezer!" I wailed, close to tears as my perfect plan fell apart, "Why are you doing this to me? I just want to leave! You all win, ok! I'll be good! I won't drink, or fight, or fuck! I won't even believe in my dad's innocence if that's what you want! I'll see the fucking useless shrink! I'll do anything! Just let me leave! I can't take this place anymore! It's torture just to walk down the halls and I won't live like this!!"

The room got very quiet as my screaming died down into tears. Remus got to his feet, cautiously approaching before pulling me into a comforting hug. I didn't push him away. I didn't care about our fight anymore. I was just tired of it and I'd missed him so much. I needed him to make it all better.

"Miss Black," The headmaster interrupted, his voice sad and placating, "If it is truly your desire to leave my school, and if you are serious in your willingness to work hard for such a thing, then I can offer you a compromise."

"Yes! Yes!" I cried, wiping tears out of my eyes, "I'll do anything you want if it will get me out of here!"

Nodding, Dumbledore tented his fingers in front of his bearded chin before stating, "Attend all your classes, do all your work, be on your best behavior, and keep weekly appointments with Dr. Dink. At the end of this year, if you have met these conditions and still have a desire to leave, then I will put you up for a transfer to the school of your choice."

Sniffling, I replied scathingly, "That does me no good! I'm not going to make it to the end of the year! You have no idea how bad things have gotten!"

"That may be, Miss Black," He responded softly, his blue eyes sad behind the half-moon glasses, "But this arrangement is all I can offer. I'm very sorry."

"Blow it out your arse, old man!" I screamed, shoving Remus away and kicking over a chair as I stomped out of the room.

xxXxx

Back in my dorm, I pulled out all the alcohol I had left and drank myself into unconsciousness. For the rest of that day, I only remember crying a whole bunch, waking up and just bawling as I shivered under my covers and cursed every sick twist of fate that had gotten me to where I was.

Late that night, I heard all my dorm mates trickle in, Abigail and Wendy and Katie, all of them stabbing at me with their giggles and gossip as they readied themselves for bed and then gradually went quiet.

I slept again and I dreamed of dying. The idea wasn't as terrifying as it should've been, and that scared me more than anything because I knew that I truly did not want to die.

I woke up to the quiet room again, still dizzy and not entirely sober but not entirely drunk anymore either. I was so tired, physically and emotionally, and I just wanted some peace. Lying on my back, staring up at the canopy, I wanted some flash of brilliance to end all the pain, to stop the gossip and torture, to free my dad, to take us far away from the stupid and hateful people that made up the majority of the world.

Instead, I suddenly felt a weird sensation on my stomach, like scratchy little feet traveling over my belly button and towards my head. Confused, I looked down. Even in the very faint light, I saw an odd bump in my covers. An odd, moving bump in my covers that was gradually traveling closer and closer to my head with more of the scratchy little feet against my skin.

I remained still for a while, scared and slightly hoping that it was all a dream, a hallucination, but, when a small, ugly rodent head appeared between my breasts, when the scratchy little feet left a set of itchy red marks on the skin of my chest and horid little buckteeth nibbled on the key I always wore around my neck, I let out a bloodcurdling scream.

I screamed and just kept screaming and screaming, pushing away the covers and rat, panicking and shrieking and crying as I fell out of my bed. My roommates woke up, startled and sleepy and asking what the hell was wrong with me. Someone turned on a light. I was already in a corner sobbing.

"It's just a rat!" Katie Bell groaned tiredly, plucking the awful little creature out of my tangled bedspread, "It's a stupid little animal, not anything dangerous, so stop crying already!"

She used to be nicer to me, or at least was trying to be, but that was before the gossip. Now, she was just pissed off that I'd attacked Oliver. He was everyone's fucking golden boy.

"Get it away from me!!" I cried, shrinking in on myself and choking on my sobs.

"Relax," Abigail, who I liked to call Jason because of her striking similarities to Jason Voorhees, ordered bitchily, her auburn bowl cut disheveled from sleep, "It's not like you're going to catch anything from it. Hell, I'd be more worried about the rat catching something skanky from you." And then they laughed.

I hated them all.

My legs were wobbly, I still couldn't breathe or see, but I got up and I ran out, crying hysterically into my hands.

xxXxx

In the morning, Remus found me at the Hogsmeade train station. I was still crying, but I had a one-way ticket back to London clutched in my hand and I was relieved that, in a few hours time, I would be anywhere but Hogwarts.

"Stella," He stated, cautiously taking a seat beside me. My plan collapsed, and I suddenly felt infinitely more exhausted. "What are you doing?" My godfather asked gently, resting a comforting hand on my shoulder. I sensed his frown deepen when I flinched away from the touch.

"Stella, I... " He went on, unable to finish the thought for a few long moments. I knew I worried him, that it made him so sad to have to watch me deteriorate and not know how to help. "I know we haven't been getting along lately," He stated quietly, "I know I can't even pretend to understand what you're going through, but... have I ever done anything without your best interests at heart?"

Sniffling and clutching my ticket like a life raft, I shook my head. "No," He agreed simply, "And I never would... I love you, and I would lay down my life to protect you from harm."

I knew it was true and cried harder. I didn't think I was worth it.

"Please," He begged, slowly reaching out for one of my trembling hands, closing it tightly in both of his, "Let me help you. I-I'm so scared that I'm losing you, that we're all losing you..." For a long few moments, he didn't say a thing. And then he quietly added, "The twins are scared that they're losing you... they came and talked to me, about the gossip and how they haven't been able to find you since it started... they don't want it to drive you away, and neither do I. Just because your peers make up lies-"

"What makes you think it's all lies?" I laughed bitterly, unable to force myself to turn and look at the expression on his face, "What makes you think I'm not the crazy whore everyone says I am?"

"Stop it," He ordered, his voice stern but cracking, "I don't care what is going on, you are not to talk about yourself like that. Understand?"

I shrugged, swallowing down a lump in my throat before ordering, "Go away. My train should be here soon."

"You know I'm now letting you leave," He announced sadly, "Like it or not, you're my ward until your seventeenth birthday. I can have the Ministry bring you back every time you run away. But I'm hoping that won't be necessary. I'm hoping I'll be able to talk you into staying of your own free will."

"It'll never be by my own free will," I answered blankly, feeling like I should cry more even though no more tears would come, "Remus, I hate it here."

I finally turned to look at my godfather, seeing how sad and old his eyes were. "I know, love," He sighed, squeezing my hand just a little bit tighter as he reached up to brush a stray shock of blonde out of my watery eyes, "And I'm sorry for the way things have gone but there's no changing them now... will you please just trust me to help you?"

I had several reasons for why not--damn good ones, too-- but I found myself not wanting to hurt Remu's feelings. He didn't deserve that. I stayed silent.

Sighing heavily, the sandy-haired man carefully put both of us up on our feet. "Let's get back to the castle," He said, feigning cheerfulness and optimism, "We can have a private breakfast in my chambers and talk about what we're going to do with you."

I nodded. My train ticket fell forgotten to the ground as Remus led me away.

xxXxx

Breakfast with my godfather was unproductive and ended in tears. Remus said he was willing to send me away if that's what I really wanted, but the only place he would agree to was a "treatment center." From what I gathered off the array of glossy brochures he presented, it was basically a cross between rehab and the nuthouse.

Remus thought I was insane and it would probably only be a matter of time until he sent me there anyways.

I calmly declined his offer and left. Then I broke down crying in Myrtle's bathroom again.

That's where the twins found me, Fred and George half creeping, half storming in and both immediately grabbing me into strong hugs. I couldn't stop crying, latching on to Fred's broad shoulders as he and his brother soothed me with gentle nonsense and caresses.

"They're all idiots, Stel," Fred stated, lovingly petting my hair as I cried, "We'll make 'em sorry for ever hurting you."

"Gloves are off this time," George emphatically and angrily agreed, gently rubbing my shaking back, "People are getting scarred for life. No one messes with our girl."

"It doesn't matter," I whimpered heartbrokenly, "There's nothing you can do to stop it."

"But we can sure as hell try!" Fred heatedly proclaimed, "We know we can't stop the gossip, but we can keep it away from you and we can keep those bloody bastards from laying their hands on you again!"

George nodded resolutely, adding, "By the time we're through, everyone in this school is going to be terrified to even sneeze in your general direction!"

I gave a weak laugh, clutching tighter to Fred as I let my friends' assurances help me relax from the state of extreme tension and fear I'd been in for days.

"Thanks, boys," I whispered, not bothering to pick my head up out of Fred's soaked shirt, deeply breathing in his surprisingly comforting scent, "You're too good to me."

"Nonsense!" Fred chided happily, easily picking me right up off the closed toilet I'd been sitting on. He carefully set me back on my feet, my body melding tightly against his as the redhead declared, "We love pranking and making you happy-"

"Getting to do both at once is a real bonus for us," George finished, his voice cheeky and mischievous. I laughed because I knew Hogwarts was in very deep trouble.

xxXxx

I didn't want to go back to class, so the twins opted to skip as well and took me down to the lake for scheming and sunbathing, even though the latter turned rather impossible on the overcast winter day.

I never got cold though, wrapped in my leather jacket and two sets of powerful arms. It was blissful, and relaxing, and... fun.

Around dinner, just as the twins were bickering over who would be the one to hike up to the castle for food, Hermione Granger suddenly appeared in our secluded little lakeside copse. She was just as surprised to see us as we were to see her, the bossy brunette frantically sniffling and hurriedly brushing tears off of her pretty face.

"Hey, love," George immediately called, patting a free seat on his right, "Care to sit a spell and tell us about what bonehead thing little brother's done this time?"

"And keep in mind that we won't take 'no' for an answer," Fred added, comfortably resting his head on my shoulder as he flashed the girl a winning smile.

Hermione sniffled again, but bravely displayed a watery grin as she agreed, "Alright. I suppose it wouldn't hurt anything." She took a seat beside George, carefully folding her small legs beneath herself and primly smoothing out her skirt.

Her position compared to mine made me laugh. She was so poised and proper while I was simply sprawled out in the grass, the tights I was wearing beneath my skirt the only hint of modesty about me.

I was broken from those thoughts by the hurried snapping of twigs and a loud bark that preceded the appearance of my dog in the clearing. He wore a studded collar with a star-shaped metal tag around his neck, and carried a large stick in his slobbering mouth. Excitedly, he ran forward and dropped the stick into Hermione's lap before turning to tackle me to the ground and drool all over my face.

"Hey, Puppy!" I cooed, smiling and giggling as I scratched behind his overly-enthusiastic ear, "Been keeping Hermione here out of trouble, eh? That's my good boy!"

"He's your dog?" The girl enquired sheepishly, "I thought he was another of Hagrid's."

"Nah," I answered cheerfully, allowing the shaggy black animal to snuggle comfortably in my lap, "He's a stray I found over the summer. Such a sweet thing. Yes you are! Yes you are!"

Fred chuckled, scratching the dog behind his ear as he remarked, "Sometimes, I think you might love this mutt more than us!"

"Hmm," I mockingly pondered, "You might be right. I mean, this mutt has never scorched all my hair off, has he?"

"Still holding that against us?" George teased, lightly pinching my side, "Why can't we just let bygones be bygones? After all, you did get yourself some fairly thorough revenge."

Grinning at the memory, I countered, "Indeed. But we're getting off topic. Hermione was just about to tell us what was bothering her."

The girl blushed, shyly picking at the long hem of her skirt as she softly stated, "Harry and Ron are still upset... about me turning in the Firebolt. And now Ron's rat is missing, and he's blaming my cat. He thinks Crookshanks ate him."

"Hmm," Fred pondered deeply, "Scabbers was old. And he'd been looking fairly sick lately. Probably just crept off to die in some dark corner."

"Or he's only lost again," George contributed, trying to balance a blade of grass on the tip of his long freckled nose, "Ron's a hothead. Always has been. Don't pay him any mind when he's rambling on about manufactured events."

"Personally," I stated, scratching my dog's perked ears, "I hope your cat did eat that filthy little creature. The damn thing's a menace!" I got strange looks from all around, leading me to hostilely defend, "I woke up to it in my bed!! The nasty thing was crawling on my chest and biting my necklace! Look at these scratches!" I opened a few buttons on my shirt to show the faint red marks all over the valley between my breasts. They itched and made me feel contaminated by whatever plagues the ugly rodent was carrying.

"Ouch," Fred sympathetically offered, reaching out to cautiously draw a finger along the darkest set. His brief touch gave me the shivers and I was slightly disappointed when he drew his hand away after only a brief moment.

But then I realized that my dog was up and growling, barring his teeth right at me as his hackles rose and a feral gleam came into his pale eyes. "Stel..." Fred warned, his hand slowly inching towards his wand. I was frozen, feeling too betrayed and terrified to move. The dog looked like he was only moments from attacking, like he was going to tear out my throat.

My shirt fell open even further, revealing more scratches coming up from my belly, my key hanging between my breasts. George's hand was on his wand as well, both boys preparing to defend me from the crazed animal.

But then, just like that, he bolted off of me, away and into the brush. He was gone and we four Gryffindors were left in a stunned and confused silence.

xxXxx

The twins warned me against interacting with the dog anymore. They were sure it must have caught some sort of distemper sickness. I didn't want to believe them, but I was also afraid so I didn't go looking for him. I told Hagrid to keep an eye out and try to help the puppy if he could. That was really all I had the energy for.

At breakfast the next morning, I stuck close to the twins and Hermione, the four of us claiming the far end of the table. Fred and George viciously defended me against errant comments and unwelcome stares. By the end of the meal, word had gotten around that the Weasley twins were fully prepared to hex anyone who messed with me. Sigh. Those boys will always be my heroes.

They even had a few words with Ron about how mean he was being to Hermione, and the browbeaten redhead kept stealing forlorn glances at the busy-haired girl all morning.

I was beginning to allow myself the slightest bit of optimism about the whole situation. Hell, I might've even been hopeful for some peace as the twins laced their arms with mine and happily told jokes. They were marching me straight off to class, and had promised escorts between classes for as long as the rest of the student body needed to be reminded that I was strictly off-limits.

I believe Fred's exact words were, "Until they get it through their thick fucking heads that no one messes with my girl!" At which George heartily agreed, jabbing his brother with an elbow and whispering something that made Fred blush crimson.

They wouldn't tell me what it was though, and a distraction presented itself before I could ascertain any further information.

Cedric Diggory was walking towards us, his expression determined. The injuries he sustained defending me from Oliver were almost faded, though his eye and cheek still had the shadows of magically healed bruises.

I felt the twins tense on either side of me when the handsome Hufflepuff stopped and stood in our path. "Something we can help you with, Ceddy?" George inquired, not quite outwardly hostile but definitely not at all friendly.

The brunette nodded resolutely and forced a smile, not completely able to hide that he was intimidated by the large, menacing redheads on either side of me. "I just," He began, becoming painfully aware that more and more eyes were settling on our small group, "I have some papers of Stella's I thought I should return." Nervously running his fingers through the sandy fringe that fell into his striking gray eyes, the fifth year dug into his book bag. I realized as he handed me a neat stack of slightly rumpled parchments that he must have collected them after I ran off the day of the fight with Oliver. Cedric had been saving my old school papers for weeks... why?

"Thank you," I stated politely, confused about his motives but suddenly finding it hard to believe that he meant me any harm. I mean, he seemed nice enough... but then, so had Oliver and look where that led.

"You're welcome," The boy returned, blushing lightly as he fidgeted under the intense glares of the twins. "Well, anyways," He finally chirped, backing away hurriedly, "See you around."

And then he was gone, rabbiting away to his house table to the soft murmurs of the gossip-factory already spewing out more stories. Yay.

"That was odd," Fred began slowly, staring at Cedric's retreating form as we continued on our way out of the Hall, "How'd he get your papers?"

"My satchel tore a few weeks ago," I stated, the half truth effortlessly rolling off my tongue, "I guess I didn't gather all the papers back up."

"Oh," George stated, looking at me suspiciously, "Well, that was nice of Diggory to return them."

"Ya," I agreed, looking down at my handful of parchments with an expression of genuine surprise on my face, "It was nice of him..."

xxXxx

I was bored in History of Magic and trying very hard to take my mind off of the whispering and giggling and staring of my classmates. I decided to look through the papers Cedric had returned to me. Most were just old essays I had no use for, but one of them wasn't. It was newer and wasn't written in my own familiar scrawl.

The letting was spiky but neat, and read:

Dear Stella,
How are you? I hope Wood didn't hurt you too badly, and it was great how much damage you did to him. Which jinx movied his nose to his arsecrack? I liked that one.
I'm sorry that the way I reacted to learning your name made you run away before we had a chance to talk more. You seem like a very interesting person and it's not fair for anyone to judge you before they really know you.
I'd like to get to know you, if that's ok. We can hang out any time you like.
Sincerely,
Cedric Diggory.
P.S. I'm sorry I took so long getting your papers back to you. This letter was harder to write than I thought it would be.

It was very hard for me not to 'Awww' out loud. Come on, that was seriously cute.

But the good feeling did not last long before my whole situation came crashing back down around me. Without delay, I whipped out a piece of parchment and scrawled a curt response:

Cedric,
Thanks for your help but I'm really not worth the trouble. Run while you still can.
Good luck with life,
Stella Black.

xxXxx

Saturday was the Gryffindor v. Ravenclaw quidditch game. In the locker room beforehand, Fred and George cornered Oliver. I'm not exactly sure what they did to their dear old captain, but he sheepishly approached me just before the start of the match. He had his eyes on the floor and... no thumbs on his hands...

"I'm very sorry," He apologized softly, looking over his shoulder to where Fred and George were smiling sarcastically and waving the hostage thumbs. I started to giggle uncontrollably.

At rock bottom in the pit of humiliation, Wood squirmed uncomfortably as he continued, "I was an arse and... I know I don't deserve your forgiveness but I'm... begging-" He spat the word, like it left a bad taste in his mouth, "-for you to take pity on me for being the sad, pathetic human being that I am and just... punch me a few times in the head to make yourself feel better... please."

I glanced over at the twins, both of whom shot me enthusiastic thumbs-ups... with Oliver's thumbs as well as their own. "Ok," I eagerly agreed, winding up and swinging my fist hard right into his cheek. I hit him about ten times, right in the face, and I may have gone a little overboard because by the end Fred and George had to pull me off him because I had him on the ground and was kicking him pretty hard. It felt good to get that revenge, to put Oliver through what he'd done to me.

"Easy, Stel," Fred soothed, hugging me tightly against his chest, pinning my arms. His breath was hot against my neck as I relaxed into his embrace. I felt him smile. "Better?" He asked playfully, an underlying tenderness that was hard to miss in his voice.

I nodded.

"Good," He chirped, swiftly kissing me on the cheek before slowly releasing me. I finally noticed George returning Oliver's thumbs, as well as helping the keeper off the ground. "I think Wood's learned his lesson," The redhead announced brightly, "And if he wants to keep his thumbs he'll be getting to work right away squashing some of those rumors, won't you, Captain?"

"Yeah," The boy mumbled, speech a little difficult with his lip split open and swollen. He took a few dizzy steps back towards the main locker room. When he was gone, I smiled at the twins, pulling them both into a big hug.

"You guys didn't have to do that for me," I sniffled, slightly over-emotional, "But I love you so much for it!"

"Figured it would help," George stated, squeezing me back, "And once we figured out that Wood was the one who started this whole mess, it was pretty easy to make him see sense."

I laughed, kissing both boys noisily on their cheeks over and over again, back and forth. Between kisses, I answered, "You are my best friends and I love you so much! Now get out there and win that game!"

They did just that.

xxXxx

After the victory, George went off to supervise Wood on his gossip damage-control and Fred took me on a slow walk around the lake. It was peaceful, relaxing and quiet. He put his arm around my shoulders and held me close while we just... talked. I was... honest with him. I told him about how I was doing, really, and it made me feel so much better to just get it all off my chest. He seemed glad that I was finally opening up again, even it it did make him deeply concerned.

"So... you were really going to leave?" He asked me quietly, sounding slightly hurt as his strong arm tightening around me.

With a nod, I replied briefly, "Yes." My answer was met by silence, so after awhile I had to elaborate, "This place is going to kill me."

"Not on my watch," Fred countered playfully, using his limitless humor to try to hide discomfort and fear. I just laughed.

But he stopped me, stepping around so we were facing each other as he put both his hands on my shoulders. "I'm serious," He said, clear blue eyes dark holes in the shadows of night, "I don't know why you're not getting this, Stel. I won't let anything bad happen to you and I'm always going to be here when you need me. You don't have to run."

Hot, heavy tears sprang into my eyes as I pushed him away. "Yes, I do," I answered him, hugging myself and hanging my head as I turned towards the blackened sheet of glass that was the lake, "I know you're trying, but there's nothing for me here but pain and suffering."

There was a pause.

"You're going to run again, aren't you?" Fred accused, his voice deep and very close to angry as it poured over me in waves.

"First chance I get," I answered, staring into the black nothingness of the still lake water, "What is there for me here?"

"Me," He countered immediately, crossing the short distance between us in just several quick strides. He was so close I could almost feel his body heat through the back of my jacket. I turned to find him staring up at me, breathing heavy, his fire red hair in disarray and his eyes blazing wildly.

"I'm here," He insisted, reaching out to cup my face in one rough palm. His touch was so gentle; it translated so much love and caring that I found my eyes fluttering shut as my knees went weak, as all my breath left in one helpless sigh.

"I'm here," He said again, pressing his body flush against mine as he clung to me, as I clung to him. "I'm here," He repeated, "And I don't want you to leave me. Please, don't leave me."

I opened my eyes, breathing raggedly as I stared into his intense expression, as I waited for... something... anything that would explain or relieve the fire building deep in my gut.

After a long few moments of tense anticipation, Fred did nothing.

"George and me," He said, letting go of my arms, stepping away and turning his back. His voice shook weakly as he went on, "And Remus, and Ginny, and, hell, even Percy, we're all here, and we don't want you to leave us."

In sort of a state of shock, I found myself slowly reach out to him. My hand was almost on his shoulder before... for some reason... I pulled it back. I pulled my hand back like I'd just been burned. Hugging myself desperately as my leather jacket suddenly failed to provide the warmth I'd been getting from Fred, I murmured, "It's not enough."

He was startled to hear my voice so close, whirling around and coming face-to-face with me once more. We were almost the same height by then--whether because he'd been growing or I'd stopped, I don't know--and we locked gaze for just a spit second. Later, he told me my blue eyes were sad and pleading, like I was begging him to give me a reason to stay. He reached for me again, pulling me close, and he leaned in like he was going to kiss me...

And then he got body-checked by a giant black dog running frantically along the lake shore. I jumped; Fred ended up splashing backwards into the freezing water.

"Are you alright?" I asked as I ran to help him, giggling uncomfortably as I waded in to help. Scowling, red in the face as his teeth chattered convulsively, the redhead grumbled, "I'm fine... bloody mutt ruins everything..."

"Let's just..." I stated quietly, "Let's just get you inside before you catch cold." Fred gave a disappointed nod and we walked the all the way back to the castle in complete and utter awkward silence.

We arrived to find a whole new host of troubles.

xxXxx

"Ron is an idiot!" I raged, pacing the headmaster's office as I waited for the old man to return. Remus was calmly sat in one of the chairs before Dumbledore's cluttered desk, watching blankly as I paced and swore. "He doesn't know what the hell he saw!" I insisted hotly, kicking over the chair I was meant to occupy, "None of them do! It was probably some arsehole playing a prank! My dad is not a killer!"

"Stella, please," Remus snapped harshly, massaging his graying temples, "You cannot pretend it didn't happen this time. There were witnesses, lots of witnesses, and I won't allow you to go on fooling yourself. Is it going to take Sirius actually succeeding in hurting Harry for you to get over this unhealthy delusion?"

"He's not going to hurt anyone!!" I screamed, so close to tears that I was dizzy, choking down sobs with anger, "He's not a murderer or a nutjob! He is an innocent man who is being persecuted by blind fools! You should be fucking ashamed of yourself for not trusting in your best friend-"

"ENOUGH!" My godfather cut me off, jumping to his feet and getting right into my face, "I want you to stop right now! I'm not going to feel guilty for what he did! Your father has cost me everyone I love, James, Lily, Peter, your mother, your sister, and I'm not going to let him drive us apart as well! He did this, Stella. He broke into the Tower with the intention of murdering Harry! He mistook Ron's bed for Harry's and slashed the curtains with a knife! It's a wonder no one was killed! I know it's much easier for you to believe in some elaborate conspiracy that makes him innocent, but you are just going to have to accept the reality of the situation!"

I was so mad. I cocked my fist to punch him, but was unfortunately interrupted by a murmured spell coming from the doorway. My arm froze and I turned to glare at Dumbledore.

"Miss Black," The old man drawled as he magically set me down into a righted chair, "I cannot have you striking my professors."

"Then tell him to stay the hell away from me!" I spat in reply, glaring dangerously at both men as they slowly took their seats. Tenting his fingers, gazing sadly at me over the top of his half-moon glasses, Dumbledore stated very seriously, "I have to ask you a question, Miss Black. I'm sorry to have to do so, but it is necessary. That said, I promise to entirely believe whatever answer you give."

My heart dropped. I felt nauseas. "You want to know if I was the one who gave him the password to the Tower, right?" I demanded, furious that I'd even be accused.

The headmaster nodded.

"Go to hell!!" I snapped, getting to my feet and stomping out of the office.

xxXxx

Word of the break-in spread quickly and I was, of course, blamed for it entirely. When I got back to Gryffindor Tower, Fred and George were quick to drag me away.

"The atmosphere in there is a little hostile," George reported, looking nervously over his shoulder for anyone following us down the hall. With a nod, Fred added, "We're going to camp out somewhere until it cools down a bit."

Uncaring, I allowed them to hide me in the Room of Requirement for the remainder of the weekend.

On Monday, even with the twins at my sides, people threw books and half-eaten food at me, called me a murdering psycho whore right to my face, pushed me down, tried to make me cry. I told myself over and over to not let them get to me. I tried to ignore them; I choked back tears and held my head high and tried to remember some words of wisdom to urge myself on:

"The bravest thing you can do when you are not brave is to profess courage and act accordingly."
-Corra Harris

"Fire is the test of gold; adversity of strong men."
-Mohandas Gandhi

"Courage is fear that has said its prayers."
-Dorothy Bernard

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best night and day to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."
-e.e. cummings

"Live as brave men; and if fortune is adverse, front its blows with brave hearts."
-Cicero

"The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next."
-Mignon McLaughlin

"Every minute you are thinking of evil, you might have been thinking of good instead. Refuse to pander to a morbid interest in your own misdeeds. Pick yourself up, be sorry, shake yourself, and go on again."
-Evelyn Underhill

After awhile, even reciting those and similar quotes over and over in my head wasn't working, wasn't drowning out the profanity and slurs and urgings for me to just fucking end it all... I was scared because I wasn't entirely sure that last one wasn't coming from inside my own head.

Neville Longbottom was the one who was really responsible for my dad getting the password to the Tower--the boy wrote it down to remember and then lost the parchment he wrote it on--but of course everyone assumed I had given Sirius Black the password.

About a day before the student body managed to discover its mistake from the howler Neville's gran sent him, I found myself cornered coming out of a Potions lesson. I don't know who did it but the who of the action doesn't bother me as much as the what.

In a crowded corridor full of witnesses, someone used a large, heavy object to club me hard over the back of the head. Falling immediately to the floor, stunned and disoriented, I distinctively remember hearing most of my present classmates actually cheer.

And then I did something I never thought I would: I stayed down, face down on the dank stone floor while everyone walked past me, while some kicked me, a few spit on me, and they all threw out a nasty barb.

"Slag."

"Traitor."

"Bitch."

"Run home to daddy, whore."

"We don't want you here, Death Eater scum."

"You're not going to get away with what you did, cunt."

It felt like forever until they were gone, until the corridor was silent and empty except for the echoes of the insults and the voices screaming inside my head. I forced myself to my feet. I remember being utterly, utterly exhausted, so very tired, so very drained and tired.

I remember suddenly seeing Harry, my little god-brother, appear around the next corner. He looked at me with complete disgust, his upper lip curling as he growled, "I'll never understand why Dumbledore doesn't just expel you."

"That makes two of us," I joked flatly, staring pleadingly at the boy and wishing he could see the truth, wishing he could see past the delusions and lies and conspiracies to the god-sister who still wanted to love him.

"Dumb slut," Harry snarled, green eyes fierce as his fists balled up tight, "You're just as dumb as your father. You tell him that if he wants to kill me, he should be a man about it, not try to attack me in the middle of the night. You tell him to name a time and place and I'll show to end this."

I was horrified, my mouth hanging wide open as I frantically checked for anyone listening in; that kind of statement was idiotic and could have easily led him straight into a trap. Harry was the one being stupid; he was just too angry and blinded to even think.

"Harry-" I tried to warn, only to be cut off as he stalked past me, shoving me hard into the wall with out another word. Feeling lightheaded, unable to breathe, I slid to the floor again. I was tired, so very tired. I curled up in a ball and tried to sleep, just sleep right there in the middle of the cold dungeon floor.

But I was jittery; my mind was racing and the voices were shrieking and pounding and grating on the inside of my skull; I couldn't even close my eyes.

I've known how to break into Snape's various supply cupboards since my first year; I broke into the closest one and drank a sleeping draught. It didn't work fast enough for me so I drank another... And another... And... another... And...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

So yes, here I am. Back and feeling better. Thanks for being patient everyone. I'm going to try to get more updates up as soon as possible but my finals are still coming up so don't expect much until winter break. Then I'll have lots of time for writing. Okey dokey. Hope you guys liked it.

Reviews will bring me luck on my finals!