AN: Wow wow wow, this chapter is loooooooooooooong. Well, longer than the others, there was just so much to say though! With the stuff and the things and the...well, you get the picture. This chapter is like a total 'aww' moment with an 'oh no!' and then a 'yay!' *tear* moment! Oh! But I also had a question for ya'll that are reading. Do you think this story is getting too long? I mean, I have a tendency to write stories that are way too long, and I was just wondering if ya'll we're like, "WILL YOU JUST WRAP IT UP LADY?" or something. :/ You can answer this in a review and all, I'd appreciate it. :)

Enjoy!

May 7, 2011

Wow, I was just looking for my phone in my room and I found this under my mattress, totally forgot about it. Well, since France and England are out getting some groceries, I guess I can write in here.

It's weird, I feel…better. Slightly. Francis made me start eating 3 small meals a day and I have to have a least 1 serving of orange juice a day (but that's okay, I like orange juice, and it's not fattening). The first day was horrible, when France gave me the small plate of food; I sat there for at least two hours because I didn't want to eat it. Iggy and Francis took shifts every half hour waiting for me to eat but I wouldn't. Then eventually I took one bite just so they'd get off my backs, but I forgot this was Francis's food, and it was really good. I ate it all. They were happy I ate it, and left me alone. Even though the food was delicious, I felt bad that I actually ate something, and snuck past them in the living room to go throw it up. To my surprise, they built some bar-thing that had a lock to the door and I couldn't open it! Then I went to the other bathroom they were using and they did the same thing! I was frustrated, and I knew with my awesome super-strength I could've just busted the door open, but then they'd hear me and know what I was doing and they'd lecture me and so on.

Now I'm getting used to it, sort of. I like eating Francis's food, but…I still hate that I'm eating in general. I can tell since it's been about two weeks they've been here that I've slightly gained some weight back. I have more energy and I don't faint anymore, but…I still want to throw up. I still want to stop eating. I analyze (look! I used a big word!) Everything I eat/drink and estimate how many calories I've taken in. Everyday I've taken in at least 700 calories. 700…such a big number. Just thinking of that number makes me want to purge. But I always have to tell Iggy or Francis when I have to go to the bathroom so they can unlock the door for me, and they won't let me turn on the faucet until I'm done going (to make sure I'm not just masking the purging sound), but what was creepy was that Francis offered that 'just to make sure' I don't throw up that he watches me…go. Eww. EWW AAAAH THAT'S SO GROSS! Of course Iggy was there to say no, and just stand by the door to make sure I wasn't. God can't Francis just not be perverted for one—

America suddenly hears a loud knock from the front door. He jumps from the sudden noise, closes his journal and runs downstairs. He knows Iggy and Francis have a key, so he has no idea who it could be. He opens the door and to his surprise it's…crap! What's his name again?

"Hello Alfred,"

Alfred caught by surprise that it was his brother, totally forgets his name (even though he'd been trying to remember it, for some reason every time he appears Alfred goes blank).

"Uh…hey…what-what are you doing here?"

"I came to see you of course! Sorry I haven't come in the past week, I've been busy with the recent election and all,"

Alfred stood there speechless. Even though he got a calm head from what he said earlier about how 'no one cares about him', he still felt…MATTHEW! THAT'S HIS NAME! He still felt Matthew wouldn't care, and that's the reason why he hadn't come like the other nations.

"Alfred? Hello, earth to Alfred!"

"…why are you here?" Alfred mumbled.

"Huh? What did you say?"

"Um, never mind, come in," Alfred offered.

"Thanks," Matthew went into Alfred's house. It was weird though, usually when he came in it smelled like McDonalds and body odor, but instead it smelled like his Francis's cooking, "So, how are you doing?"

"Uh, fine I guess,"

"Are you sure? Usually you'd be talking to me about a bunch of stuff by now; you're actually awfully quiet,"

"I'm just surprised you came,"

"What do you mean?"

"Well…I thought you didn't care about me and my…situation,"

"What? Of course I care about you and what's happening to you! I'm your brother! When I found out I was so worried about you, I seriously didn't expect you do go this far or know how you really felt about yourself,"

"…"

"Did you seriously think I would get a thrill to see you weak and sad?"

"…"

"…Alfred…"

Alfred went and sat on the living room couch and Matthew sat next to him.

"I…," Alfred began, "I just thought that after I've always been a jerk to you and forgotten your name all these years…that you'd love to see me all screwed up and stuff, and now that it's happened you wouldn't care less,"

"I would never do something to you like that! I mean you piss me off a lot but that doesn't mean I'm going to hate you and hope something bad happens to you. I'll always love you, you're my big brother," Matthew said smiling again to Alfred.

Alfred surprised at that response, didn't know how to respond. He then started to tear up.

"I," Alfred sniffled, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be crying,"

"It's okay, you know I don't care," Matthew said as he gave Alfred a hug. It felt weird hugging his brother and Alfred not being bigger than him, Matthew was usually the smaller of the twins. He really was small...so small.

Soon their moment was interrupted by the sudden sound of the door open with Arthur and Francis back with a couple bags of groceries in their hands. Alfred suddenly pushed Matthew away from him and wiped his eyes quickly so Arthur and Francis couldn't see his tears.

"Oh Matthew! We weren't expecting to be here, it's good to see you," Francis proclaimed.

"Hi Papa, it's nice to see you too, sorry I came so unexpected, I forgot to call earlier to say I was coming today,"

"It's okay, we have plenty of food for all of us if you want to stay the night," Arthur offered.

"Yeah Mattie! Can you please stay the night? We haven't had a sleepover in ages!" Alfred shouted.

"Oh, well, I guess as long as its okay with you guys,"

"YAY! WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A SLEEPOVER!" Alfred shouted like a little kid, "We can watch scary movies and play a bunch of video games and eat a…err, YEAH!"

Matthew chuckled at seeing Alfred being himself again. After what Francis described him being like when they first got there scared him. Thinking Alfred was sad, emotionless and pretty much dead inside was something he really couldn't imagine.

"Hey Matthew, want to help me with dinner? You can make your famous pancakes!" France asked.

"Sure!"

Matthew followed Francis and Arthur into the kitchen leaving Alfred alone in the living room. "He…doesn't hate me," Alfred thought, "what a relief."

That night they pretty much had breakfast for dinner eating Matthew's pancakes and some juice. Arthur was kind of frustrated because he wanted to cook too but Francis protested him not make any food. Everyone was chatting at the table for what was about an hour, until Matthew noticed something: everyone had eaten something except Alfred. Usually when Matthew made pancakes Alfred would be the first to gorge down his pancakes that were drenched in syrup, but now he's really seeing how bad Alfred's condition is.

"Hey Alfred," Matthew said.

"Huh? Yeah?"

"Aren't you going to eat, your pancakes have been sitting there for at least an hour, you haven't even put any syrup on them,"

"Oh, I hadn't noticed,"

The room suddenly fell silent as everyone at the table was brought back into reality.

"Alfred, at least have, a couple bites, I made them especially for you," Matthew said softly.

"I will I will! I just got caught up in the conversation, that's all."

They began another conversation that went on for another half hour and Matthew noticed again that Alfred still hadn't touched his pancakes; they were for sure cold by now.

"Alfred,"

"Hm?"

"You…you still haven't eaten,"

"…"

"Here, let me warm them up in the microwave," Matthew stood up and walked to Alfred's seat, "they must be cold by now," he picked up Alfred's plate and walked into the kitchen. When Matthew went into the kitchen Alfred had a frown on his face. He was having the urges not to eat again. He knew he had to eat at some point but he really didn't want to eat…at all.

"Alfred," Arthur suddenly said, "why aren't you eating?"

"I just…don't want anything,"

"You have to eat something; you know we're not going to let you leave the table unless you finish them,"

"I know I know I just…" Alfred didn't know how else to put it, he felt the urge to starve himself again, and couldn't help but not eat Matthew's delicious pancakes. He just kept thinking of all the ingredients in the pancake, how much fat was in it, how many calories, and then having to put syrup on them? Even if they tasted great, he felt if he ate them he'd gain back all his weight and become fat.

"You don't have to eat them if you don't want to," Matthew suddenly appeared next to Alfred back with his pancakes warmed up, "we can save them for breakfast for tomorrow,"

"No," Francis began, "he has to have three small meals a day so he can get back into the rhythm of having a normal diet,"

Matthew didn't know what to do, so he took one of the pancakes from Alfred's plate leaving one left, put a little syrup on the one left on the plate, then cut it into pieces, "There," he said, "now you don't have to eat much, I didn't mean to give you so much food to the where you don't want to eat,"

"No Mattie it's not you," Alfred mumbled, "I bet your pancakes much taste amazing but I just…don't want to eat."

"…can you at least have one of the pieces I cut you?" Matthew had the pleading face of a puppy that made Alfred break and slowly grab his fork. He picked up the smallest piece of pancake he could find on the plate, and put it in his mouth. He didn't even chew it, just swallowed it.

"There, can I leave now?"

Matthew didn't know what to think of what just happened. Looking at Alfred on how he's so small, and didn't even look like he enjoyed having that one piece of pancake. He felt like he needed to do something, but knew he could do nothing.

"Alfred, please eat," Matthew said quietly and sadly, "I hate to see you like this, it's so unlike you," a tear ran down his face, "at…at least finish that one pancake. Just one. Please."

"Matthew," Francis said.

Matthew sniffed and rubbed his eyes, "Sorry, there's no reason for me to be like this. Here," he stood up, "I'll take everyone else's plates to wash," he went around the table getting his, Francis's, and Arthur's plates and went to the kitchen. When he finished washing the dishes, he turned around to see Alfred standing behind him. Matthew jumped because he didn't even hear Alfred come in, but then looked at what Alfred had in his hands.

"Mattie, I hate seeing you cry," Alfred began. Matthew was surprised by what he saw. Alfred was holding his plate and it was empty. He ate the pancake. Matthew took the plate from Alfred, examining it then washing it in the sink.

"Hey Mattie, we're going to go play Just Dance 2, when you're done do you wanna join us?"

"Sure, I'll be there in a sec," Matthew replied. Alfred left the kitchen and went into the living room to set up the game.

"Get better soon Alfred," Matthew whispered to himself as he finished with the dish. He headed towards the room overhearing Alfred how he wants Mattie to be on his team.