AN: I've been thinking about this chapter in my head for awhile and how it would work and I finally got it down (! Also since it's been awhile that I've written stuff I'm not going to put dates on America's journal entries. Please review, it's been awhile since I've written this and I need to know if it sucks or not. I seriously still get sad when I see a McDonalds commercial and think about this story *sniff*.

Enjoy!

Frances just told me that that they're finally going to leave and Kiku's going to stay with me! YAY! I mean I don't mind Iggy and Frances staying, but they just look so tired taking care of me and their work at the same time, they seriously need a break. But the thing is that Kiku called a couple hours after Iggy got home and said he's doing some project thing that won't be done until Saturday, so they're going to trust me to stay by myself and feed myself. Frances made me some meals to eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and even a couple of snacks, but I'm afraid I won't be able to do it. I promised them though that I'd do it, so I'm going to do it! I'm just really excited for Kiku coming over! He can finally help me with Portal 2, that shit is hard. Well, not all of it but sometimes I just want to throw my controller at the freaking TV because of it! And he's smart, so he'll know what to do.

I'm finally home! I hate work, work is so boring! It's just all papers and talking and big words and stuff. At least I got to play some black ops today, that was awesome. AND I ate all of my meals today! It was hard, it took me like an hour to finish my lunch, and even longer to finish my dinner, but at least I did it. It's harder than I thought without someone hovering over me watching to make sure I eat everything, now I can do what I want. I CAN FINALLY GO TO THE BATHROOM AND BATHE WITHOUT THINKING FRANCES IS TRYING TO BREAK IN! I swear when Iggy went to go talk to Kiku he tried to persway me to let him take a shower with me thinking I'd puke in the shower, *shudder*. It's also just weird thinking though right now that I'd probably be munching on some cheetos and drinking some coke while watching TV, and—crap! I forgot to eat a snack! Oh well, I'm sleepy and it's just a snack, it means nothing.

This is hard, like seriously hard. I ate half of breakfast, a little of my lunch, and no dinner. BUT I did have a snack. I don't really think that helps but I did. :p It's just…wait, why am I having trouble writing the truth in MY journal? Okay, I just don't want to eat. I just don't. I feel my stomach rumbling but I think of it as a good thing, that I won't be fat anymore. I'd rather be a stick than a…a fat, thing. Yeah. Anyways, I know I should eat or else I could die, but it's not like I ate nothing today right? I had a little or this and that! I just don't want to eat, and now that I can choose whether to eat or not, I just feel better. I mean, I'm going to not puke anymore…or at least try not to. NO, I have to stick to this diet that they gave me. It's just I don't see what's wrong with me in their point of view. To me, I still feel like I should either stay at where I am now or lose a couple more pounds. It's killing me that I don't know what I weigh, Iggy hid my weigher somewhere in the house, he said it'd be somewhere I'd never look. I don't want to get "better", but I don't want to die from not knowing how it's truly affecting me. I just can't tell. To me if I look in the mirror I still look chubby, but everyone says I look sick. Is there a point where I finally see what's "wrong" with me? Are people like me like this forever and just suck it up and eat? Ugh! I'm sick of thinking! I'm going to watch reruns of Family Guy and go to bed.

I ate breakfast, and then…had a snack. This isn't going well; I'm going back into my diet. And when I was looking for my phone I stumbled upon my weigher, it said I gained 7 pounds. I hate this, why can't I be normal again? I mean it's just 7 pounds…and I should like that I gained weight…but I just can't. I don't like how I have to eat, I don't like how I have to gain weight, and I certainly don't like how I know if I keep this up I'll die. And Kiku's coming over Saturday; he won't like how I haven't been eating this whole time. Would he be mad? No, he never gets mad about anything (for some reason). Maybe he'd be disappointed, or…I don't know. At least its hump day (haha, hump), and the week's almost done.

I only ate half of my dinner. I seriously tried to eat my breakfast but I couldn't do it, then I tried lunch and I ate it, but I…after half an hour I started to feel horrible and I threw up. I won't lie; it felt good to throw up. I mean don't you just love that moment when you throw up after you're stomach's been hurting for so long and you just feel so empty? Not like hungry empty but you're not hungry so you won't eat empty? I'd sound crazy telling this to someone but to me it feels fine. Because…I'm fine, right? I keep going back and forth on if I have a problem or not. Really, I feel fine but people keep forcing on me that I have a problem. I've been in denial the whole time they've been here, and even though I know that it's good for me to eat, deep down in my subconscious I don't want to eat. Heck I'd go working out again if Iggy hadn't gone to the gym I go to and told them not to let me in because of my "disorder".

IT'S FRIDAY FRIDAY GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY, EVERBODY'S LOOKING FORWARD TO THE WEEKEND—sorry I couldn't help myself (damn you Rebecca Black). HOLY SHIT YES ITS FRIDAY NO MORE PAPER WORK FOR TWO DAYS! Oh and I didn't eat anything today. I just…couldn't. I felt bad looking at all the food in my fridge that I didn't (want to) eat, so I gave some of it to some homeless people around the community. I don't know whether what I did was good or not. Well, I've been drinking water, so I'm pretty sure that's what's been keeping me from collapsing, and there are people in Africa who go without food for days and are still alive, one day won't hurt right? I'm just worried on what Kiku will think about what I've been doing this week. For some reason when I try to lie to him he knows that I'm lying, so I can't lie (those big brown eyes just stare into your soul sometimes you know?)…I'm just going to stop now and see what happens when Kiku get's here tomorrow. I'm kind of scared and excited at the same time. I haven't seen him in a couple months and we can do stuff. It's nice to be with a good friend around when you're having problems.