Changes and Choices

Disclaimer: I do not own "Buffy: the Vampire Slayer," "Angel," or "NCIS."

AN: Special thanks to those amazing people who reviewed (especially those who review time and again): mardar, fieryhairedmaiden92, MaeganM.0816, sambam17, dreameralways, Nedy Rahn (twice!), milady89, and BeccaLuv81001.

Chapter 7

Hurried Explanations

Is love enough? Her husband was basically asking her if their marriage would work out and she knew it. But she did not know how to answer. She knew that love wasn't enough. She and Angel had loved each other more than they had ever loved anyone else before. She had been unable to imagine a future without him. But it hadn't been enough. He had left after graduation and, although the spark was still there—would always be there—they had never gotten back together. What made her and Angel so different from her and Tony? Love wasn't enough. And Tony didn't seem very keen on remaining married to her right now. Perhaps this was his way of looking for an out. So Ellie gave him what she thought he wanted: "No, I know it's not."

Tony nodded once, curtly. "So what do we do now?"

Ellie looked down at her shoes and shrugged.

As much as this realization was killing Tony and Ellie, it was hurting the others as well. Ziva and Tim had always held Ellie and Tony's marriage up as proof that one could be in their line of work and still have a successful personal life. They had always seemed so happy. And Gibbs sure as hell wasn't going to give up on their relationship. He had been willing to turn his back on Ellie when he thought she was cheating, but not now. Now that he knew she was some kind of superhero fighting these monsters. He had always been so proud of Tony for being able to have a fulfilling personal life despite all the sicknesses and such that they saw daily at work. But now, after seeing Ellie in action and watching the intense emotions appear and then quickly vanish from her face, he knew that he was even more proud of Ellie. She clearly had a lot to overcome as well. She saw things that no one else saw. She had no one to talk to, to keep the monsters at bay. And still, she had tried to make her marriage work. Gibbs wasn't going to let Tony's marriage flicker and die if he could help it.

"I think we should get out of this warehouse and discuss all this somewhere a bit more comfortable … and less open," said Gibbs. "Let's go to NCIS."

"No," said Ellie and Angel simultaneously.

"Why not?" asked Gibbs suspiciously.

"Well," answered Angel, "law enforcement doesn't have the best track record in dealing with things like this. Buffy's been arrested for fighting demons. It just doesn't make for the best atmosphere."

"Also," said Ellie, jumping in to keep Angel from saying anything more about her police record, "you did say somewhere comfortable. I've never really thought of NCIS as cozy. Let's just go home, to mine and Tony's apartment."

"Yes," agreed Ducky, "I would certainly appreciate comfortable."

It was then that Ellie noticed the gash on his forehead, which, although it had stopped bleeding, still needed medical attention. "We need to get this taken care of," said Ellie, inspecting Ducky's head more closely. "I don't think you need stitches, but a couple of butterfly bandages might help. I think I have some at home."

"We do," agreed Tony, avoiding looking at his wife.

"Wait," said Tim, as everyone began to leave. "This is a crime scene. A woman was murdered here."

Gibbs chest swelled at that. He wouldn't say it out loud, but he was proud of Tim. In light of all the revelations of the day, he had completely forgotten that, as an NCIS agent, he couldn't just leave a crime scene. But Tim had remembered. "He's right," said Gibbs.

"And what," asked Angel, "are you going to tell your people? How do you know a woman was murdered? You saw it and didn't stop it? Because of demons? They'll think you've gone crazy. Nothing can help that woman now. Buffy and I will take care of her murderers, I promise you that. But there is nothing you can do."

"He's right, Gibbs," said Ellie. "We need to leave now."

~ x ~ x ~ x ~

When the group arrived at Ellie and Tony's apartment, they had trouble deciding what to do and where to look. The only person who seemed to move with any kind of purpose was Ellie. She quickly invited Angel in, much to Tony's chagrin, and then dragged Ducky into the bathroom to wash and bandage his head.

"You're quite good at this, you know," praised Ducky, as Ellie fitted the last piece of tape into place.

Chuckling, Ellie responded, "Well, I've had a whole lot of practice." Off of Ducky's look, she continued: "Occupational hazard."

"And what exactly is your occupation, aside from being the director's lovely assistant?"

"Lately," said Ellie, stressing the word, "I've only been Director Vance's secretary. This was my first fight in years. I gave it all up years ago."

Looking into her eyes and truly trying to understand her, Ducky asked, "And do you want it all back now? Do you want to leave Tony and run off with this Angel fellow?"

"G-d no," said Ellie, laughing. And then, sobering, she responded more seriously, "I left that life for a reason. I've been happy here … with this life, with Tony."

"Then why, dear girl, did you signal to Tony that it was all over?"

Ellie's breath caught and she felt tears gather in her eyes. In that instant, Ducky sounded so much like Giles. It caught her completely off-guard. It shocked her into answering truthfully. "I can't do this to him. I'm being dragged into this world, whether I like it or not, and I can't drag him down into the darkness with me. I love him too much for that. He'll be safer without me."

"Don't you think he should have some say in this?"

"He won't even look at me," cried Ellie softly, her shoulders shaking gently.

"Then perhaps you should make him," counseled Ducky.

Meanwhile, outside the bathroom, things remained tense. Angel and Tony kept stealing furtive glances at each other. Angel knew not to start anything with Tony, vividly remembering his fight with Riley and Buffy's pursuant displeasure. It wasn't like he had started it even! But this wasn't just some college chump, this was Buffy's husband. Husband. Every time he thought it, the word sent him into a tailspin. He had never imagined Buffy married before. He knew it was selfish, but since he and Buffy couldn't get married, he had always assumed that neither of them would. She had moved on. And it hurt.

Tony, on the other hand, didn't even know what to think about Angel. In light of all of the day's revelations, he really wasn't sure where a vampire ex-boyfriend, who may not be as ex as Tony would like, ranked. He wouldn't lie; it threw him. A vampire?! He hated vampires. He had been scared of them since he was a little boy. What was worse than the vampire aspect was the secretive aspect. Not only had she never told him about demons and her previous life, but she had never even mentioned an ex-boyfriend named Angel. She had told him about that jerk Riley and that uber-jerk Parker, but never Angel. She hadn't trusted him enough to tell him about her past, even the non-demon-y aspects of it. And it hurt.

Everyone else was just ambling about, trying to figure out if they should sit or not, afraid to look at Tony or at this mysterious Angel. The room was filled with tension and they just didn't know what to do.

"I should make a full recovery," announced Ducky, as he entered with a flourish, "thanks to Ellie's skilled ministrations." Behind Ducky, Ellie entered the room more sedately.

"OK," said Gibbs, pushing Tony down onto the couch, grabbing Ellie, and sitting her down in the easy-chair. "Talk, Ellie." His words lacked the usual bite they would have had in an interrogation room. He liked Ellie and hated to think she was a cheating liar. He wanted her to speak and proclaim it all untrue.

After taking a few steadying breaths, Ellie addressed everyone. "I'm the Slayer," she said simply.

After seeing that that was all she intended to say, Gibbs urged her on. "The Slayer?" he asked.

"Well, a Slayer," corrected Ellie quickly, "at least these days."

"Buffy," interjected Angel, "you're terrible at this."

"Would you like to do it?" asked Ellie testily.

"Fine," said Angel, unable to back down from the challenge. Turning to the others, he began: "Buffy—or Ellie, whatever you call her—is the Slayer. That means that she is gifted with enhanced strength, speed, and skill to fight the forces of darkness. She is human though, just special."

"How did you get these abilities?" asked Ziva.

Off of Ellie's shrug, Angel said, "She was Chosen. The Powers That Be gave her these abilities. When one Slayer dies, the next one is called. The Slayer before Buffy was killed and Buffy got activated."

"When?" croaked Tony. "When were you 'activated'?"

Before Angel could answer, Ellie jumped in. "I was fifteen, sophomore year of high school."

"Fifteen?" spluttered Tim in disbelief. "Why so young?"

"Because that's how it's done," said Ellie resignedly. "Why question what you can't change?"

"Because that is how we bring about change, Ellie," said Ducky solemnly. Ellie had no response for him.

"How many Slayers are there?" asked Ziva. Ellie was impressed with how well the team was taking everything, but, then again, people always did better with the truth after seeing direct proof of it. They had seen her kill demons. They couldn't think she was crazy without consigning themselves to the same fate.

"'One girl in all the world,'" intoned Ellie, answering Ziva's question, "or, it used to be. Now there are hundreds. It's why I was able to retire."

"You don't seem very retired right now," remarked Tony caustically.

"That's my fault," interjected Angel. "I pulled her out of retirement. We have big problems here in DC and I need her."

"Why her?" asked Tony, standing up again so that he would be level with Angel, who was leaning against the wall. "She just said that there are hundreds of other Slayers. Why her?"

"It needs to be her," answered Angel. "There's a prophecy."

"He's right," agreed Ellie, remembering another time she had tried to skirt a prophecy. It hadn't worked; the Master had killed her. "I need to do this. There's no way out of the prophecy. I'm sorry." Her voice cracked a bit on the last word. She truly was sorry—sorry that she had to do this to him and sorry that the beautiful life she had created for herself had been destroyed.

"Then I need to know," said Tony, taking Ellie's small hands—hands he had just found out had killed numerous creatures—in his own larger ones and kneeling down in front of her, "are you doing this because of him—" he jerked his head at Angel "—or because this is what you really want?"

"Neither," said Ellie, scooting forward in her seat until she was nearly sitting on Tony's lap. "I'm doing this because I was Chosen, because I have a sacred duty, a responsibility. I've tried to run away from it before and it didn't work. After my first Watcher, my first mentor," she clarified, "Merrick, died, I thought I could escape everything. I was in a new high school. But it all just found me again. And, when I was sixteen, there was another prophecy and I tried to run away from that one too. I couldn't. I have run away so many times, but I am done running now."

"Then what was this?" asked Tony. "Because moving cross-country and changing your name sure looks like running."

"You're right," she said. "At the time I convinced myself that I wasn't running; I was starting over. That was a lie. The lie just kept being perpetuated though when it didn't fall down in shambles around me. I managed to run away for years. But I can't run away anymore. I'm going to help Angel fight this battle and then I'm going to come back. If you still want me, that is." She trailed off a bit at the end, unused to showing that kind of weakness.

"You said our love wasn't enough though," he reminded her.

"It's not," she insisted. "It takes cooperation and acceptance and a lot of things. Mostly it takes resolve; we both need to say we're committed and then we need to make it work. If we are both committed, I know we can work this out." Glancing at Angel, she said, "Love helps, but it is not enough."

Tony noticed his wife's wayward glance, but decided to question her about it later. Too much of their personal life had been on display recently. He couldn't forget that his entire team was in the room with them. But, just to be sure, he asked quietly, whispering in her ear, "So, you didn't cheat on me with Angel then?"

"No," said Ellie softly, "definitely not." She looked deep into Tony's eyes reassuring him and then glancing amusedly at Angel, knowing that he had heard her husband's question with his vampiric hearing. Refocusing on Tony, Ellie asked, "We good?"

"Yeah, we're good," he answered, leaning forward to capture her lips with his own. He was still angry with her for lying to him, but he loved her too much to let it stop him. When they had first gotten together, everyone had teased him about her being so much younger and about how she was exactly his "type." He had just ignored them, knowing that his attraction to her went far beyond any of that. He would just have to remember those things that had drawn him to her in the first place. He wouldn't lie: Sometimes he felt like Jimmy Stewart in Vertigo, chatting up the much younger woman, but most of the time he just felt his love for Ellie. All that mattered now was that he loved her. He had love and resolve.

"Good," echoed Ellie, as he drew back. Sighing, she made to stand up.

"Where are you going?" asked Tony, standing up as well.

"Angel I need to nip this thing in the butt," she answered.

"Bud," corrected Angel exasperatedly but with a hint of a smile. It reminded him of how she had confused the word "dike" with "duck," resulting in a very weird story in which a boy stuck his finger into a duck.

"Whatever," allowed Ellie, rolling her eyes. "I'll see you later," she said to Tony, getting up on tiptoes to kiss him goodbye.

"Wait," said Tony. "I'm going with you."

"No, you're not," ordered Ellie, with a small frown.

"Yes, I am," argued Tony. "Why not? If this thing is as bad as your ex seems to be making it, you could use me. I saw what those things did to that woman. You need me."

"No, I don't," Ellie argued back. "You can't come."

"But why?" whined Tony.

"Because it's too dangerous," snapped Ellie. "These aren't human murderers and terrorists; they're demons. This isn't your world; it's mine. When people enter my world, they tend to die. Fighting demons isn't as glamorous as it looks. It's not like Charmed, OK? It's not all sexy. It's death and it's pain and it's my job. It's not yours."

"But we can help," interjected Gibbs calmly. He could understand where Ellie was coming from; he would be just as irritated and adamant if a civilian asked to carry a gun and disarm a bomb. Nevertheless, he was determined to help and he knew that his team felt the same way. They didn't like feeling helpless, and watching that woman die had been terrible. They needed to protect the next woman, even if they died trying. Killing demons may not be their job, but protecting people was.

"I never said you wouldn't help," said Ellie hotly. "But, I've seen this before. Civilians—" Gibbs made a face as Ellie used that word to describe him "—want to get involved. They promise that they'll stay out of the way and only help, but it doesn't end well. Maybe they don't die. Maybe they do manage to help. But it never lasts. I've been here before. I've dragged others down into the darkness with me and I lost them all. They didn't all die, but these things change people. Perfectly sweet girls turn into murderous magic junkies and slightly goofy boys turn into angry, spiteful men."

Angel knew who Buffy was talking about and he felt his heart bleed for her. After his team had died, he had had to work really hard to stave off depression. At least he had been able to comfort himself with the knowledge that, despite all the fights and mistrust, at the end his team had been a cohesive family. They had trusted each other and, although it had cost many lives, they went out believing in what they did and were glad to be fighting alongside each other. Buffy didn't have anything like that in that final battle against The First. She may have been surrounded by allies, but she had still been alone.

"What have you been through?" asked Gibbs, not without sympathy.

"It's a long story," answered Ellie wearily, "and I really don't have time to go into it now. Maybe later I'll tell you guys my long, sad sob-story, but not now. Now I need to go and I need you guys to stay here, safe. I can't do my job if I'm worrying about you guys. I love you all and need you to be all right."

"We'll be here when you get back," assured Abby, speaking for the first time since they had arrived at Ellie and Tony's apartment. "Be careful." It was an order, not a request.

Ellie smiled gratefully and nodded, before following Angel out the door. They had nineteen hours until the Sargniss had to sacrifice their sixth victim and Ellie knew her long day was just starting.

x TBC x

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