I'm back, I'm so sorry for the long delay, but I'm doing all that I can do. I haven't got reviews lately! No reviews lately! That's really what I'm not going on with this fic as dedicatedly as I should… Scroll down and press on the Review button please? Ich danke! Oh, ja, I heaped up all your reviews, for the people who were nice enough to review, and I made a few decisions. Okay, new poll—should I bring Gilbird into this? I think it'd be nice! *gestures to review button* And Ludwig goes a little crazy in this chapter, it'll all play into the story…
Ludwig was running, sprinting, through the darkness. His breath came out in short gasps, the tears streaming down his cheeks, glistening in his ice-blue eyes as he ran, not knowing where he was going, not comprehending anything. He couldn't think!
Where, oh where, is the way back to the real world? Lord… save me… I don't want to see… all this…
He was losing his mind, he was sure… he wanted to just shut his eyes tightly for a moment, to feel a moment of black, silent peace. He wanted to lose himself, to simply forget everything that had happened, everything that he had seen.
Please… God… free Gilbert… from this prison… free me…
Ludwig collapsed, on all fours, on the black, ash-covered ground, his knees cutting against sharp pieces of rock and he could feel the skin on palms was scraped, bleeding. It was terrifying. Ever since the night Gilbert had at last returned to him, he had begun to lose him mind slowly, to everything he had feared.
He feared death. He feared suffering. And he feared fear itself. To have to cower in fright of something, anything, was too much for the man to take. He was Germany. He couldn't fear, he could not surrender himself to emotion. No, he must be strong…
But the senses that had managed to break free of his control long ago since the night before and haunted him, since Gilbert's visit, were now overtaking him. Fear, anger, hatred, love, and compassion. All flooding him, overwhelming. Ludwig tried to fight it, he had to get up… and keep going...
But he was losing.
He had never felt so helpless, so desolate. Ludwig could feel his energy draining, with every second, from his muscles, from his will to continue. Was there no release from the endless suffering?
"Lord…" His pale, trembling hand wrapped around the iron cross on the chain around his neck. "H-help… me…"
And then he shut his eyes, kneeling in surrender. He had lost… and then all went black.
There was a flash of white light that seemed to shoot through his mind instantaneously, jolting it to reality. And then it too slowly faded darkness, and for some time Ludwig lay, on his side, silently.
Silence.
It was strange to him, he knew now. For so long he had lived under the burden of the responsibilty of starting a terrible war, the murder of six million lives, and the loss of his brother. It had been his fault that Gilbert was lost, his fault that he had lost everything, or at least temporarily. For years he had been haunted not only but his feelings, but by history itself, from everything he had done.
And it really had never bothered him much before. He had managed to get past the insanity after the war, to break free of all the madness. At last he had gained control of his mind, and yet, just minutes ago, he had lost it completely. Everything was coming back, tugging at him, refusing to let him be.
The voices in his head had tortured him as he stumbled across the burning fields away from his older brother, the images, the screams of the people he had been forced to kill. To murder. After so many years he had not expected them to haunt him again, but they were back now. Whispering in his ears, pushing to take control of him like they had done so for months, years, after the end to the war.
Ludwig didn't want to allow them to dominate his thoughts once more. They had been in control for so long at one time in his life, and he didn't want that suffering any longer.
But was he the one to make the choice? Or was it the Lord?
Or was it the devil who was bringing such torment to him?
The devil… that must be what Gilbert had been speaking of! In the prison where he had been held, tortured, the older nation had screamed something that Ludwig had thrown aside at the moment, and now he remembered it: If you stay you will also be cursed.
Cursed? Was this the curse that Gilbert had spoken of? If so then it was truly unfortunate. How on earth could he rescue his brother when he was allowing the voices of the past to drive him insane? Then all was truly lost!
… but now the voices were silent. There were no screams, no pleas for mercy, no sobbing of young children. No moans of those millions of people who had been starved, gassed, and shot by his soldiers. No snarls of his boss at the time of the war, scolding him, shouting at him with hatred, for all his blunders. His mind was free for a minute, to wander and to sit in the quiet that it had been granted.
Was the curse gone? Had it only been for a while that it had grasped him? He felt a slight hope raise in him…
And then shame and sorrow resurrected, the yells and shrieks. These voices… they had been with him since he was a young country of about twenty years of age. He had grown accustomed to their presence, but when he had managed to rid his mind of them, he had gone on to live a normal life. He had been so relieved by the sudden release that he took for granted that now, after the voices had returned, the torture was growing too much for him to bear.
"No… qu-quiet… don't torment me any more… l-leave me alone! Why do you haunt me now? Of all times!"
Ludwig's eyes snapped open, and he climbed, waveringly, to his feet, swinging his fist wildly about in the air as if to ward off demons.
"Why do you haunt me!" he cried, clutching his head desperately. There was no salvation! No hope for him!
But suddenly, not more than ten feet away, appeared a young man, or at least he would appear young. He stood, his back straight and his face filled with pride, with long, silky blonde hair and sharp, piercing blue eyes that glared through Ludwig. One look at the man and one could tell that he was a man of war, for his armor was dented and marked with the blows numerous enemies had struck upon him.
The boy stepped back, shocked, at the sight of the older male that stood before him.
"F-father… Vati… Germania?" gasped Ludwig, stopping for a moment, not daring to believe. "V-Vati… is it really you? Have you returned…? But how!"
At this the ancient nation moved his head slightly to the side, as if in response. Then his stone face broke into a radiant smile. "Son… finally… it has been so long! So many years since I have seen your face!"
He started towards Ludwig, joy flitting across his face as he offered to take Ludwig into his embrace.
"N-no… nein!" the other blurted out. "It can't be you! Th-my mind has done this before! It is not real!"
"Ludwig… would you not even accept me? I have come back for you, son! We can be a family again! Your brothers—"
"ENOUGH!" screamed the poor boy—his hand dived wildly into his jacket pocket, plunging in deep and resurfacing with a shiny, black, metal object in its grasp. "IT'S NOT YOU! IT'S NOT!"
The older nation's smile melted off his face, then his expression broke into sheer terror. "No… Ludwig… don't you love me? Would you kill me for fear of your own mind! Don't son, pl—"
But he did not get much further, for Ludwig rushed forward and slammed the weapon against the side of the man's face, and the being exploded unexpectedly into small flakes of golden dust.
But immediately after Ludwig had done so, there was a sound behind him, and he whirled around, cocking the gun and aiming it directly before him in both his hands. But his hands began to shake, for there was no possible way he could ever harm this one. "I-Italy! What are you doing here?"
"Doitsu!" The child raised his arms in the air in an odd manner. "It's you! You've come back! Japan told me you were gone to England's house!"
"Y-yes… I-I was heading for England's… but… wait, no, I can't be letting it… control my mind! Feliciano, this isn't you! You're at Lovino's house, you can't be here! My mind…"
"G-Germany, what do you mean? It's me! Come on… let's go home, what are you waiting there for?"
Italy made a move as if to take Ludwig's hand, but the blonde jerked away stiffly, sweat pouring down his forehead, not knowing what to believe any longer.
"I can't trust you! You're not Feliciano! He wouldn't show up here like this!" Ludwig's grip tightened on his gun. "I know you can't be Feliciano because he's much too lazy to hike all the way here on his own!"
When he looked back on this it occurred to him that it was a most strange thing to say to a hallucination in such a serious predicament, but it was true. Italy was very much too idle to even get up to walk to the supermarket himself, unless it was for pasta.
But before Ludwig could make any move to escape from the ghost of his mind, the figure vanished, only to be replaced with another. Before he knew it, the brunnette had been replaced by a silver-haired albino with ruby eyes that burned through his own blue ones.
"… Gil-Gilbert…" gasped Ludwig, not knowing how to react to this image. "O-oh mein Gott… what is going on with me… it's not you, it's not you…"
But he was unable to take it any longer, and collapsed to his knees. He could not hold it off any longer, and was giving up to the madness. "B-bruder… how can it be… I'm no better than I was years ago… after World War 2… I've lost myself again, Gilbert…"
"… well, I'm here now, Ludwig…" Gilbert bent over so that his face was close to the blonde's. "Don't worry, it'll be all right… if you follow me...you'll be fine soon. Don't worry yourself."
And without knowing it, Ludwig had risen to follow the other, blinding moving towards him. Gilbert was so close to him… he felt as if they were together again already…
"Bruder, w-wait for me… where are you going…? W-wha—oh, hell!"
Suddenly Ludwig lurched forward, losing his balance, and as he fell forward, he could glimpse a blur of the face, just feet in front of him, belonging to what he thought was his brother—it was marked with a hateful smirk, a taunting, cunning smile, and he knew that that face could not belong to Gilbert. Years ago perhaps it could have, but not now.
Not when he was in so much pain.
It was his mind, the voices residing within it, that had at last managed to begin to destroy him, beginning to desecrate him slowly from inside.
But instead of falling completely, Ludwig managed to regain his balance, instantaneously jolting backward the direction he had come, and found himself in a few seconds on the ground on his back, which was aching considerable from the fall he had taken. He had, just by a chance of luck, managed to save himself. He had allowed the voices to go too far, and now they had taken the form of a loved one, luring him… luring… him…
… to the edge of a cliff.
Ludwig moved, slowly, pulling himself slowly to the very edge, peering over and down into the ocean far below. It was littered with sharp, protruding mountains of rock that would have surely skewered him if he had taken enough of the bait and tumbled into the water below. The vibrant blue waters splashed against the black sides of the rocky cliff violently, and he knew that if he had fallen down there he would not have survived against the strength of the waves alone, which would have crushed him.
"O-oh, Gilbert…" Ludwig spoke as if his brother could hear him, "what is happening to you? T-to me…?"
And he collapsed on the ground there, sobbing, at the prospect of what was to come.
Well, I was a little rusty, but I hope that can at least compensate for the +30 days that I have not updated. Please, everyone, do forgive me for not updating my other fics. I'm working on it, and I have to work on two requests for a Germano and PruGermano, and if anyone else has any requests, PM me or say so in a review. REVIEW PLEASE, I beg of you. Danke!
Oh yes, I'm adding that I'm currently working on 8 other works right now, 4 new ones and some updates. I'm glad to announce that I will updating on "Let's be Allies", "You'll be Mine" (finally!), "Return of the Roman Empire" (gasp!), and "What Happens in the Courtroom". YES! Some few that I've abandoned will now come back! Please expect update by the end of April, because I have so much schoolwork that's piled up on me.