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2D was lying on his bed two nights later, being bored out of his mind. He could have gone out with Russel, but he didn't want to go home with a girl because they'd always end up trying to make him stay and it always turned out fucking awkward.
So here he was, lying on his bed with a cigarette at eleven o'clock.
Maybe he should just go to sleep. It wasn't like there was anything else to do.. Sighing, he stubbed out his cigarette and stood up to turn the lights off. Suddenly, the door burst open and 2D was grasped by the collar, being dragged across the car park before he could even blink.
Murdoc shoved the confused man into the Winnebago, banging the door shut behind him.
"Lards has gone out, Noodle's asleep, and I'm so bored I tried to put a miniature inverted cross necklace on Cortez. Bastard kept flying away," Murdoc snarled.
2D just stood there, blinking at him. "What does that have to do with-"
"Shut it," Murdoc snapped, shoving a can of beer in 2D's hands. "You're going to drink with me, and we're going to have a good time without birds god damn it."
2D looked at Murdoc hesitantly. "Why don't you just go out and shag some bird at her place?"
Murdoc rolled his eyes. "I don't do personal shit like that, going to her house and stuff. That's what our house is for."
2D shrugged, agreeing. Murdoc pushed him into a chair, sitting down on the bed himself.
The singer stared at him blankly. Murdoc gestured to the beer can.
"Open it."
2D obeyed, feeling the heat rise to his cheeks because of the awkwardness. He took a small sip from the bitter liquid.
Murdoc opened his and took a huge gulp. They remained sitting there in silence for a few moments.
"Talk," Murdoc ordered.
"Er.." 2D stammered, staring at his beer can. "Where did you buy that miniature inverted cross necklace?" he then asked curiously.
Murdoc stared at him.
"Get the fuck up, we're going to the pub."
Half an hour later they were sitting at said pub, already surrounded by women.
"Another round of drinks for me and my ladies!" Murdoc bellowed, making the girls giggle.
2D had started making out with a girl, running his hands over her body, grinning into the kiss as she moaned slightly. They both jumped when a can bumped against 2D's head. He looked around, confused. Murdoc was glaring at him as girls were kissing and running their hands all over his body.
"What?" 2D exclaimed, rubbing his head.
"No bringing birds home, remember. Don't tempt yourself," Murdoc snapped.
2D glared at him. "How about you? I'm making out with one girl, you're making out with a dozen."
"'S not the point. I have self control," the bassist retorted, grinning.
"You? Self control? Murdoc you-" 2D was interrupted by the girl's lips on his again.
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"Hey Noods. I thought you'd gone to bed," Russel said when he walked into the kitchen and found Noodle there.
"I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd make myself something to eat," Noodle sighed.
"Hang on, babygirl. I'll make us both something small," Russel said, patting Noodle on the head.
"Thank you."
Russel cracked two eggs in a pan, and put some bread in the toaster. "So did 2D and Murdoc die of boredom yet?"
Noodle shrugged. "I don't know. I don't know why they're being so dramatic about not going out, it's not like they go out every single night."
"No, but the fact that they now can't is making them want to. They're both strange creatures," Russel chuckled.
Noodle yawned, accepting her toast and omelet with a grateful smile.
"Anyway, were you serious about the whole 'pretending to be a couple' thing?" Russel asked with an amused face as he sat down at the table.
Noodle grinned at him. "Yeah. It should be hilarious, don't you think? We could make up a whole story to go along with it for the press."
"Yeah but I think Murdoc's going to kill 2D at one point. And I don't think they'll end up doing it, somehow," Russel said doubtfully.
"If that happens I'll kill Murdoc. Anyway, they will. I've got blackmail material," Noodle smirked.
Russel looked up, curious. "Really? What would that be?"
Noodle drank some milk before answering. "I've got a video tape of them both dressed up as a woman. Remember, when they got really drunk and we dared them?"
Russel's eyes widened as he recalled. He burst into laughter. "You didn't tell me you'd videotaped that!" he exclaimed.
Noodle smiled and shrugged. "I didn't tell anyone. I knew it would come in handy some time."
"Babygirl, you are a genius," Russel chuckled.
Noodle flashed him a grin and got up to bring her plate to the sink. Suddenly, she heard a sound. She paused, still holding the plate and straining her ears.
She waited a few more minutes, Russel listening also. They looked at each other. Noodle pursed her lips.
"I think they're in the living room again," Russel muttered, standing up.
Noodle followed him out of the kitchen and quietly into the living room, the sound of giggling and low talking growing louder. Sure enough, there was Murdoc lying on the coffee table with three women on top of him. 2D was walking slowly to his room, looking furious.
Russel cleared his throat. Murdoc and 2D froze, looking at Russel and Noodle with wide eyes. Then 2D turned to Murdoc.
"You said they were both long asleep and they wouldn't hear anything!" he yelled angrily to everyone's shock.
Murdoc roughly pushed the women off of him. "Look, mate, we were all being quiet as a mouse here. You were.. walking too loudly!"
"I think it's best I if you three ladies leave," Russel said, and the girls gave indignant little huffs before leaving the room.
"Murdoc, stop it! I was being perfectly silent and you know it! You hardly let me even talk to any birds, and you took three home with you? You're a real sod, Murdoc, you know that?" 2D exclaimed, his cheeks burning in anger.
Murdoc blinked at him, then turned around to Noodle and Russel.
"Look, just give us one more chance-" "Us? You mean you!" 2D yelled. "-since it's only been two days. I didn't even do anything yet, right? Come on," Murdoc pleaded, looking at Noodle anxiously.
Noodle shook her head. "The rule was clear, Murdoc. No more women in this house. Looks like you and 2D are a couple."
2D let out a horrified squeal.
"Fuck that! You can't make us pretend to be a couple!" Murdoc snarled.
Noodle smirked slightly. "Actually, Murdoc, I can. Do you two remember Christmas Eve in 1998?"
Murdoc's eyes grew wide, and 2D became even paler than he already was.
"What does that have to do with anything?" Murdoc snapped.
Noodle's smirk grew broader. "I seem to own a certain video tape by that name. It would be a pity if it ended up online now, wouldn't it?"
"Noodle, no!" 2D gasped, terrified.
Murdoc stared at her. "You're joking."
"No, I am not. You two are a couple now for the next two months. Oh and Murdoc, if you try to kill 2D, I will kill you."
Murdoc and 2D just stared at her, mouths wide open. Noodle yawned.
"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to bed. I'll see you two lovebirds in the morning. Good night, Russel."
With those words she left to her room. The boys stared after her. Russel gave an admiring little chuckle.
"Good luck, guys," he smirked, and left as well.
Murdoc and 2D stood in the living room for a while, still trying to process what had just happened.
"This is all your fault," 2D then said.
"Shut it, you little arsewipe," Murdoc snapped.
2D glared at him, then turned tail and left to his own room too. Murdoc just stood there on his own for a while. 2D was right, of course. If he would just keep the shaggin' in the Wagon then none of this would have happened. He felt ill when he thought of the next day. He hoped Noodle was just saying this to scare them and would be laughing at them tomorrow, telling them that this was all a big joke. He doubted it, though.
Groaning, he crashed down on the couch. Everyone was going to think he was gay. Worse, everyone was going to think he was gay with that dullard. He had to tip his hat to Noodle, it really was the best punishment she could give him.
This was going to be an awful two months.
Thank you for reading, please leave reviews and I'll continue!