Let love Lie
Chapter 18 – Come Back to Me
BPOV
I frantically pack my belongings, telling myself to only pack the necessities. I need to get out of here. I need to leave and never look back. This life isn't for me anymore. I'm not going to stick around and get beat every day for the rest of my life.
I chance a peak at the clock and realize my time is running out. I run into the bathroom and quickly shove whatever I can into my bag. I zip it up and place it on my shoulder. I stomp down the stairs and get to the bottom as James walks through the door.
"Where the fuck are you going?" he asks.
"Rose's. She invited me for the night," I excuse.
"Don't lie to me, Isabella," he says as he stalks towards me. I start backing up the stairs, trying to keep distance between us. "Where the fuck are you going?"
"I didn't lie. I'm going to Rose's!"
"No, you're not," he shakes his head. "You're not going anywhere. You're mine, Isabella."
"You don't own me, James. I'm an adult. I can do what I damn well please," I yell at him, still backing up the stairs.
"Like hell you can! I know what you're trying to do and it's not happening, Isabella. You will not leave me. You'll die before you leave me." I turn and start making my way up the stairs. He grabs my leg and pulls me backwards. I land on my front on the stairs and he pulls me down them with me crying in pain. At the bottom of the stairs he kicks, screaming at me to get up. I cry as I stand up, holding my ribs.
"Now get the fuck upstairs and put all of your shit away." I don't argue with him and trudge up the stairs with him right behind me. As I put away my clothes, he comes up behind me and kisses my shoulder. "Why do you make me be mean to you?" he whispers, his temper cooled.
"I don't make you do anything, James," I shrug away from his touch.
"Hey, I wasn't done," he snaps.
"But I'm done. I'm so done with you and all your bullshit," I scream at him. I shove him away from me before running for the stairs.
"Fuck, you bitch!" he screams and runs after me, grabbing my shirt as I get to the stairs. He loses his grip and I tumble down the stairs, smacking my head against the ground at the bottom.
I wake up with a start and a stiff neck. The lighting is dim but I recognize the room as my parent's living room. I sit up on the couch; the blanket covering me falls to my lap. How did I get here? What happened?
I rub my eyes and roll my neck, trying to remember what had happened. Realization makes my blood run cold.
"Edward," I whimper before the floodgates open and I start sobbing.
"Bella," Dad says as he gets up from his chair. He must have been sleeping there. "Bella look at me," he says as he cups my chin.
But I can't. All I can do is sob and sob. My vision is too blurry to see him clearly.
"Listen to me, Bella," he says. "Are you listening?" I nod and choke back a sob. "He's alive, Bella. Edward's alive."
"W-what? I f-felt how cold his body was. And h-he had no pulse!" I cry.
"He had a pulse the whole time. It was too weak and I didn't catch it. But Sweetheart, he's alive and that's all that matters. So stop crying, it's not needed. There's no grieving," he explains.
"I-is he awake?" I cough, trying to calm the sobbing.
"No, Baby, he's not."
"When will he wake up?"
"We don't know when, or if, he's going to wake," he says. My sobs die out almost immediately. He's alive. He's in a coma, but he's alive. He may never wake up, but he's alive. I wipe my nose on the back of my hand and sniffle.
"Where's Tony?"
"Sleeping. He's lucky to still have both his parents," he says with a hint of sternness in his tone. I don't answer, feeling guilty for the anxiety I probably put both my parents through. "Do you know how worried we were about you?" I look down at my lap. "What you did yesterday was stupid, careless. You knew the chances of Edward being dead and you still went and put yourself in danger too. What do you think would have happened if James killed you? Tony would be without a mother, Bella, and a whole family would be caused an unimaginable amount of pain. Between Edward's intense injuries and your death, I don't think anyone would know what to do.
"You have a son now, Bella. You can't put yourself in danger if you want to be around to watch him grow."
"I'm sorry, Daddy," I whisper, a few last tears making their way down my cheeks. He pulls me to him in a hug and I wrap my arms around his neck. "Can I see him?"
"Go get cleaned up and we can go."
Once we get to the hospital, all our friends are already there along with some of the guys from the police station.
"Bella," Alice says and gets up from where she's sitting. I welcome her in a one armed hug, seeing as Tony is in my other arm.
"I'm so sorry, Al," I whisper, fresh tears dripping down my cheeks.
"It's not your fault," she shakes her head. "No one could have known this would happen."
"James was my problem, Alice. This wouldn't have happened if I didn't bring all my baggage into Edward's life."
"Out of all that baggage came love too, Bella," she insists. "This is in no way your fault." I nod and sniffle, pulling away from her. Tony looks at me with curious eyes, most likely wondering why I'm crying.
"Bella," Officer Crowley says from behind me. I turn to face him. "Cullen's strong and stubborn as a mule. He'll pull through this." I nod and thank him for his kind words.
"Can I go see him?" I ask, turning to Dad. He nods and escorts me to the room.
"Don't be alarmed by his appearance, Bells," Dad says when we stop outside Edward's room. "He's attached to machines and he still looks pretty banged up." I nod and swallow thickly, adjusting Tony on my hip. I look down at Tony.
"Ready to go see Daddy?" I coo, tears coming to my eyes again. Tony looks back up at me and grins.
"Mama," he says happily. I smile at him before opening the door to Edward's room. The room is dimly lit and Edward's bed is the only bed in the room. His hair is shaved and there are stitches along the back of his head. I take Tony and sit in a chair next to Edward's bed. With Tony situated in my lap, I grab one of Edward's hands and hold it in Tony's lap. Tony grabs one of Edward's fingers in his hand.
"I'm so sorry, Edward," I whisper. "About everything. About changing the subject every time you brought up marriage. About James and all the destruction he's caused. About that year we spent apart. All of it." By now I'm crying and Tony rests his head on my chest. "Just please be okay. Please wake up, Baby. I'll marry you, I promise. I was just so scared before. It sounds ridiculous now, but I was terrified at the thought of marriage. The commitment it meant and how being tied to you in every possible way puts me in the position to get hurt worse than I've ever been hurt. But I'm not scared anymore. Not about marriage. The only thing I'm scared about is losing you."
I had never admitted directly that I'm afraid of losing Edward. Sure I've told him that I don't want to lose him but I've never flat out said I was afraid to lose him. I was too scared to admit that to him. Let's face it: I'm a coward.
Tony and I sit by Edward's side for about an hour in silence, just wanting to be in his presence.
XOXO
The next day Mom and I take a drive up to Seattle to pack some more clothes. I don't know how long Edward will be…asleep and I don't want to live in two pairs of clothes for the duration of our stay at Mom and Dad's.
I walk into the apartment complex with Tony in my arms, knowing I look like hell, and am stopped by Larry.
"Hey there, Bella, where have you and Edward been lately?"
I like Larry, really, I do. He's a nice guy and takes the time to get to know all of the residents in this complex, but right now I could do without him asking how things are going. I'm not as much of a mess as I was yesterday but I still feel like I'm walking on eggshells with my emotions.
"We're staying in Forks until further notice. We, uhm, can't leave at the moment."
"Is everything alright?"
"Edward's in the hospital and we don't know when he's going to be back on his feet."
"I'm so sorry to hear that. Give him my sympathies."
"Thanks," I smile sincerely. "Now, I'd love to stay and chat, but I need to go pack some things."
"You have a nice day, Bella."
"You too, Lar," I say before walking off.
Once in the apartment I set Tony down and he waddles to follow me as I make my way through the rooms, packing everything I deem necessary. I have a duffel bag and a smaller bag filled with my belongings and some of Edward's by the time I'm finished. Mom packs a small bag with Tony's clothes and some of his toys.
"Ready to go back to Grandma and Grandpa's?" I ask Tony.
"No!" he says and plops down on the floor of his room.
"Tony, Baby, come on. Let's go see Daddy."
"No!" he says again. I sigh and pick him up, making him fuss, and carry him back down to the Volvo. I hand Tony to Mom and take his bag from her.
"I'll see you guys back in Seattle."
"Are you sure you want both cars there?" she asks.
"Yeah," I nod. "It feels weird driving the Volvo without Edward."
"Ma," Tony whines and reaches his arms out to me.
"I'll see you in a little while, Baby, I promise." I kiss his head before Mom puts him in his car seat. He wails and reaches for me and it breaks my heart not taking him into my arms.
"He'll settle down in a little bit. He's getting anxious without Edward."
"Yeah, I know," I bite my thumbnail. I sigh and go to my truck and get in, feeling the familiar coolness of the leather on my legs. The engine roars to life when I turn the key and I pull out, following Mom all the way back to Seattle.
Mom takes Tony home and I head for the hospital to go see Edward. The nurse behind the desk greets me with a smile and I wave as I walk past.
I walk into Edward's room and sit in the same spot as yesterday. I grab his hand again but this time, I bring it up to my mouth and kiss his knuckles. The bruises on his face have faded a little since yesterday, but he still has swelling around his eyes and on his lower lip.
"It seems like forever since I've heard your voice," I whisper and my lip trembles. "I had a dream last night that we were getting married and that Riley was the ring bearer. God, he's so big. He's almost as tall as Alice. We're going to go see him play soccer when you get better. He really enjoys it." I smile slightly before remembering what I really want to talk to him about. "I remember what happened that night James put me in the hospital," I whisper as a tear falls from my eyes. "I remember the pain and the fear. Is that how you felt when he did this to you?"
A doctor comes into the room.
"I'm sorry, Miss, but I need to check Mr. Cullen's stats. I'm going to have to ask you to step out."
"Yeah, sure," I nod. "I'll just come back later." I kiss Edward's hand before placing it back on the bed.
"I love you," I whisper as I rub his bruised cheek. I nod at the doctor before walking out.
XOXO
Another week and a half has gone by in the same fashion. I spend an hour or two every day at the hospital with Edward, sometimes taking Tony with me. Every day it becomes harder and harder to leave.
"Tony, I'm going to see Dada, today," I smile. "Can you say dada?"
"No," he grins.
"Can you say mama?"
"Voom!" he cheers. I smile and giggle as I take him empty plate from him. "Dada," I hear him say and I drop the plate in the sink.
"Tony, say that again. Say dada."
"Dada!" he cheers. A few tears form in my eyes and I wipe them away quickly.
Later, I walk into the hospital and am greeted the same way I have been every other day I've been here. I go into Edward's room and sit in the same place I have every other time and grab his hand in mine. This time I hold his warm palm against my cheek and sigh, closing my eyes, relishing in his touch.
"Tony said Dada today," I smile at the memory. "You'd be so proud of him, Edward. I asked him if he could say it and he told me no and he said no to saying mama too. But he said vroom," I giggle a little. "And when I took his plate to the sink he said it. Just loud enough for me to hear, he said dada. I nearly had a heart attack. He's been fighting saying it for so long it took me by surprise that he said it."
"He's as stubborn as you," Edward says, sounding hoarse. I jump and let out a squeal before looking at his face. His eyes are lidded but looking at me and there's a smile playing on his lips. His thumb traces my cheekbone.
"Edward," I whisper, my lip trembling.
"Don't you dare cry," he grumbles. "I hate seeing you cry." I giggle a little and blink away the tears.
"Do you want me to get you some water?" I ask.
"Please," he nods. I drop his hand and he struggles to sit up.
"Sweetheart, don't," I scold him before going to the sink and getting some water.
"Bella," he says almost hesitantly and I freeze. What could possible happen now? "What the hell happened to my hair?" I let out an audible sigh of relief.
"They had to shave it. You had a pretty bad gash on the back of your head." I look back at him and he's pouting, feeling the top of his shaved head. "There's still some there," I say, trying to show him a positive aspect of it.
"It's gone," he whines. I smile and hand him the water, which he nearly chugs.
"You look very handsome," I smile and grab his hand, bringing it to my lips.
"That's not going to fly," he says before tapping his lips with his pointer finger. I grin before leaning down and kissing him chastely.
"I love you," I mumble against his lips.
"I love you too," he whispers huskily.
A doctor walks in, looking down at his clipboard.
"Bella, I'm going to have to ask you to step out," he says.
"She can stay," Edward says, looking up at the doctor. He nearly jumps out of his scrub pants in shock before looking at Edward.
"Well, Mr. Cullen, welcome back," he says happily. "How are you feeling?"
"A little beat up but I'm good," he nods.
"Well let me check your stats and we'll talk about getting you back on your feet."
"I'm going to go call everyone," I say. I lean down and kiss him before squeezing his hand and walking out.
The first person I call is Esme.
"Hi, Bella," Esme answers, a smile in her voice.
"He's awake," I burst out, a grin spreading on my face. Esme is speechless on the other end.
"We'll be right there," she finally gets out. Next, I call Alice.
"Alice, he's awake!"
"Oh my god!" She squeals. "I'll call everyone! We're on our way!"
I walk back into Edward's room, smiling. The doctor is sitting and talking to Edward about what happens from here.
"You're going to have to take it easy for a while. We have you all patched up but we don't want you doing anything strenuous that will ruin our patchwork."
"Well what do you consider—"
"Edward, I swear to god if you finish that sentence, I will hit you so hard," I cut him off.
"That's all from me, Mr. Cullen. I'll let you two be alone," the doctor says before getting up and walking out. Edward's bed is now positioned so he can be in an upright position without putting much strain on his stomach. He grabs my hand and twines our fingers.
"What did the others say?"
"Well I only talked to your mom and Alice. Alice said she'll call everyone and your mother was speechless."
"How's Tony?"
"He's getting more and more anxious. I've stopped bringing him with me when I come here. He always screams and cries when we have to leave. He misses you."
"How often have you been coming here?"
"Every day this past week and a half."
"Damn, I was out for that long?"
"Yeah, but it's better than what the doctors were saying. They didn't know if you were going to wake up." The memory of my Dad telling me this information pulls at my heart and I take a deep breath to calm its now erratic beating.
"Where's James?"
"Dead," I whisper. I tell Edward about my trip to James' cabin and how Dad had shot him.
"What the hell were you thinking?" Edward scolds lightly.
"I was thinking that…well, I wasn't thinking," I mutter sheepishly, looking down at our entwined hands. "I just missed you so much that I was willing to do anything to find you. I didn't want to believe that you would abandon Tony and me. I was," I start and take a deep breath before trying again, "I was afraid that you really did leave. That you finally figured out I'm not all that great and left."
"You're right, you're not all that great," he says and I snap my head up and look at him, hurt by his words. "You're amazing, Bella. You surprise me every day. I know you inside and out but you still find ways to keep me on my toes, not knowing what to expect. Bell, I love you. I can't just leave you, it's not an option for me," he shakes his head. I smile at his words but don't say anything. Instead, I reach my free hand and stroke his now bruise-free cheek with my thumb.
There's a knock on the door before Esme comes rushing through.
"Hey, Mom," Edward smiles. She puts a hand up to her trembling mouth and walks over to take Edward's free hand, tears swimming in her eyes. "What is with you girls and crying?" he chuckles when her tears spill over. "I swear, you're just as bad as Bella." I give his hand a squeeze and narrow my eyes at him. His lopsided grin makes my faux anger dissolve. "It's now a rule. No crying when you're in this room."
"How are you feeling, Honey?" Esme says, sitting in a chair on the other side of his bed. She places a hand on his head and rubs her thumb along his forehead.
"I'm feeling fine," he says. "Considering what happened I'm surprised I'm not in more pain. I just wish I had my hair," he frowns and Esme giggles.
"It'll grow back, you big baby," I tease him.
Alice comes bursting through the door, tears streaming down her face and rushes over to Edward's side.
"Alice, no crying," I say before Edward gets the chance to. She looks at me, sniffling, tears still streaming down her cheeks before looking back at Edward.
"I came up with that rule. If you're going to cry you have to leave and come back when you're composed," Edward explains. Alice huffs before taking deep breaths to compose herself.
"Sorry, I tried to restrain her but she wouldn't wait another thirty seconds for me to get Ashley out of her car seat," Jasper says as he walks in the door holding my half-asleep niece with Riley right behind him.
Riley still doesn't like hospitals. He looks nervous as hell and sticks close to Jasper.
"Come here, Punk," Edward says and motions for him to come over. Riley looks up at Jasper hesitantly.
"You can come sit with me, Rie," I say and pat the small space next to me. He comes over shyly and squeezes in next to me. I put my arm around him and hold him to my side.
"How'd you get Alice to stop crying?" Jasper asks. "She was a mess when we got here."
"No crying in my hospital room," Edward shrugs. "I told her to suck it up or leave until she can."
Next, Mom and Dad walk in with Tony.
"There's my boy," Edward beams. Dad walks over and hands Tony to Edward. Tony stares up at Edward with cautious green eyes before a smile breaks out on his face and he claps his hands together.
"Dada," Tony squeals and my heart clenches in joy. Edward's smile lights up his whole face.
"Yeah, that's right, Buddy," he says softly, happily, to our son.
Emmett and Rose are the last to arrive with Jackson. By now the room is crowded.
"Hey, man," Emmett booms.
"Hey," Edward grins. Emmett and Rose sit down and we all start catching Edward up with what happened in the past few weeks.
After a while everyone leaves and it's only Edward, Tony and me in the room. Tony's on the couch, fast asleep, and I'm still in my chair holding Edward's hand.
"I should take Tony home," I whisper, not wanting to move.
"Go, I'll be fine here," he smiles reassuringly at me.
"I know," I nod and look at our joined hands. "I'm just having troubles leaving you."
"I'll be here in the morning. Knowing you, you'll be here." I smile sheepishly at him, nodding. "Go home and get some rest. I'll see you in the morning." I frown but stand up and lean down to kiss him.
"I love you," he whispers against my lips.
"I love you," I whisper back. He kisses me one last time before I straighten up and go over and pick up Tony. He whines a little, half asleep, but doesn't make any attempt to open his eyes. I look back at Edward one last time. He smirks and winks at me, causing me to blush and avert my eyes. After three years, he still has this affect on me. He chuckles softly as I mumble goodnight and walk out.
Three days later, Edward is allowed to come home. Well, come back to my parents' house. We're going home tomorrow.
Right now, I'm packing up our belongings while Edward showers.
"Voom!" Tony cheers as he plays with toy cars on the bed. "Dada," Tony says and holds up the motorcycle toy from the night he first said vroom. I smile and sit on the bed with him.
"Yeah, Baby," I smile and smooth his hair out of his face. "That's like Daddy's." He trails the bike on the bed in front of him, caught up in his own world.
A knock on the door draws my attention from my son. I look up and Mom is standing there watching us with a smile on her face.
"Hey," I smile.
"Hi," she smiles back and walks in. "So, you're going back to Seattle tomorrow, huh?" She knows we're going back tomorrow. She's known it for the past week. I nod but don't say anything, looking down at the bedspread. I know what she means by her question. She doesn't want me to leave but she doesn't want to say it. She wants me to make my own decisions and do what's best for me. Going back to Seattle and resuming our life is what's best not only for me but for my family.
There's only one thought that nags at me: if this is the right thing to do, then why does it feel so wrong?
"We'll be back soon enough to visit," I throw out. "Edward's been itching to ride the bike anyway."
"You guys are always welcome here and you know that," she smiles. She grabs my hand and squeezes before getting up and leaving. I swallow the lump in my throat and blink away my tears.
I look down at my son and he's on his side, thumb in his mouth, sound asleep. I smile and run my hand through his hair. He has my hair, brown and wavy. He needs a haircut soon; his hair is getting pretty shaggy and flops in his eyes. He sighs in his sleep but doesn't wake. I pick him up and lay him in his crib.
I finish packing our belongings and lie on the bed, facing the wall. A pair of arms envelope me and I feel lips in my hair.
"Hi," I mumble.
"Hey," Edward whispers. I turn in his arms to face him and lean up to kiss him. I pull back and rub my fingers along his face, tracing his eyes, nose, cheekbones, lips and jaw. Edward lies patiently as my fingers explore every inch of his face with a feather-light touch.
"Are you ready to go back to Seattle?" I ask almost shyly, my fingers stilled on the sides of his face. He opens his eyes and looks at me, studying my expression.
"Only if you are. We don't have to go back, you know. We can stay here."
"We can't burden my parents like that."
"We have my old house. I only rented it out and the family that was renting it moved about a year ago. No one else has moved in since."
"What about your job?"
"I can ask for a transfer. We may be stuck in Seattle for another few weeks but I can transfer back to FPD. Will you be able to teach here?"
"Well, I told the school board that I was going to take at least this semester off because I didn't know what was going to happen with you so I can tell them that I need to move back here."
"Are we really doing this?" he asks. I nod, a smile spreading on my face. "I haven't seen that smile in a few days," he murmurs, smiling back at me, looking at my lips. I stop smiling, thinking back to the last time I genuinely smiled. "Don't," he whispers. It's too late though. My smile's gone and I don't know how to get it back. I push away from him and sit up. The blankets uncover Edward's torso from my movements and my eyes fall on the scar on his stomach left from the knife. The stitches were taken out yesterday but it's still slightly red. It sticks out against his pale skin, drawing all the attention. He sighs and sits up, grabbing my face in his hands and making me look him in the eye. "Stop," he whispers. "I'm alive and I'm by some miracle only minimally damaged. But I'm going to be fine so put this all in the past."
"I thought you were dead," I whisper, tears falling down my cheeks. "I spent a whole night thinking you were dead. I felt how cold your body was and I saw all the blood that stained your clothes and skin. I saw my dad check for your pulse and come up with nothing."
"I'm not dead, though."
"That's not the point!"
"That is the point, Bella! I'm not dead!" he says, frustrated, annunciating each word of the second sentence. "I'm here and I just want to put this behind us." I move to get up but he grabs my arm. "Don't leave," he pleads softly.
"I need some fresh air," I whisper and pry his fingers from my arm. He lets me go without another word.
I walk downstairs and grab my purse before walking outside. I dig around for a few seconds before coming across what I'm looking for: Xanax. Carlisle gave me a prescription of them the first day I went to see Edward in the hospital.
I pop one of the pills into my mouth and swallow it, hating that I'm relying on medication to calm my anxiety. Carlisle literally had to convince me to take them from him.
"Bella, trust me, you're going to need them and you're going to want them. I can already see how anxious you are after your first visit here. Not to mention that you went through a lot yesterday seeing Edward in the condition he was in."
"I don't want to rely on them, Carlisle. I stopped taking my anxiety medication because I didn't think I needed it. I don't want to start any other medication right now."
"As a doctor I highly recommend you to take them, Bella. It doesn't have to be a religious prescription, just one you take when you feel you need it. As a concerned parent I'm telling you that I want you to take this for your health. I don't want you having a panic attack if it's avoidable. I'm not suggesting it. I'm telling you to take the medication." He holds out the orange container once more and this time I don't refuse. He had to pull the parent card, didn't he?
Taking this medication makes me feel weak; like my anxiety is controlling me. Carlisle's right, I definitely needed them this past week and a half. It's helped keep my anxiety at bay but it also makes me feel slightly numb, like the drug is also diluting my emotions.
The front door opens and someone walks outside. I hold tightly onto the orange container, trying to make it disappear in my hands.
A hand pulls my hair to one side before lips come in contact with my neck for a brief second.
"Hi," I whisper.
"Hey," he whispers back before kissing just behind my ear.
"I'm sorry," I say, looking out at the lawn. "I know this is hard for you too and that you want to put it behind us but I can't. I have so many things I want to say but I don't know how to and it frustrates me. I can't shake the feeling I had when I thought you were dead. Then that feeling is mixing with the relief and joy I have that you're still with me and it's putting my emotions into overdrive. I have no clue what happened and it scares me. I'm coming up with so many scenarios in my head and they're all awful and knowing that someone hurt you like that makes me sick to my stomach," I say as tears fall from my eyes and my voice cracks. Edward wraps his arms around me and holds me flush to his chest.
"Then let's talk about it," he whispers after a few moments of unbearable silence. "If this is how we're going to get past this then let's do it; let's talk." He pulls away from me completely and I hear the porch swing creak as he sits down. I turn and pull my arms behind my back.
"Where do we start?" I ask hesitantly.
"How about with what you're hiding?" he asks with a raised eyebrow and a slight smile. I shake my head and look at the ground.
"I'm n-not hiding anything," I say and swallow, knowing it's obvious I just lied.
"Bella," he says with a frown in his voice. "So you want me to tell you about what I went through and you won't tell me what you're holding? That doesn't seem fair." I bite my lip and set the pill bottle on the siding ledge, my cheeks flaming. He gets up and comes over to the bottle, picking it up and reading it.
"My dad prescribed you Xanax?" he furrows his eyebrows. After a moment he realizes why I have it. "You're having anxiety problems again."
"I have been for a little over a week," I whisper, embarrassed, turning my head away from him.
"Bella," Edward says softly before cupping my face in his hands and rubbing my still damp cheekbones with the pads of his thumbs. "Don't ever be ashamed of your anxiety. It's not your fault you get terrible anxiety and you have no reason to be ashamed of it. Nobody is perfect. It's the little imperfections that make you who you are."
"So I'm Bella the mousy anxious girl," I frown.
"No, you're Bella the beautiful, strong woman that I love. Don't degrade yourself," he scolds lightly. "If you have to take Xanax then you have to take it. There's no reason to be embarrassed. It keeps you from having attacks so you can be happy."
"I just feel like by taking these pills I'm giving into my anxiety and letting it win. I feel like I failed; like I'm too weak to handle it."
"With everything that's happened in the past few weeks I'm surprised you didn't have any attacks. You are strong, Bella. The Xanax is helping you stay strong."
"Well, I guess if you put it that way," I trail off. I smile and lean up to kiss him.
"Still want me to tell you what happened?" he asks. I pull back and look into his eyes, trying to see if there's any reason why I should say no. Upon not finding any hesitation in his eyes I nod. He grabs the pill bottle and places it in my palm, forcing my fingers closed around it before kissing each of my knuckles. Not letting go of my hand, he pulls me to the porch swing and sits down. I sit next to him, turning to face him.
"I was on my way to the store when a car pulled out in front of me, coming straight for me. I pulled off to the side of the road and tried catching my bearings when James opened my door, covered my mouth, holding my head in place while he injected some drug into me that caused me to pass out. When I woke up I was real disoriented and nauseous," he says and stops, remembering the feeling. "We talked and he showed me the texts he sent you. That's when I sent you the I love you, hoping you'd figure out that I didn't abandon you." He lifts his hand to his jaw and rubs it. "The whole week went like that. Challenging conversations, no food or water. Finally, when it gets to painful to bear the thirst, James gives me water. He tells me if I want to get out I'd have to go through him and you saw the result."
I sit speechless, staring down at my lap. He reaches up and strokes my cheek with the back of his fingers before tucking a lock of hair behind my ear. He's waiting for me to say something but all I want to do is puke. The thought of Edward being hurt by James makes me physically ill.
"I don't know what to say," I whisper, not looking up at him.
"There's really nothing to say," he says and shrugs. "It happened, it's done; let's move on with our lives." When I don't say anything he gets off the swing and crouches down in front of me. I keep picturing James and Edward fighting, and I know for a fact James fights dirty.
"Bella, look at me." I close my eyes briefly before looking into his emerald eyes. They're not as bright as normal. They look tense and there's not as much life in them as usual. I reach a hand up to his cheek and stroke my thumb along his cheekbone. "Are you okay?"
"It's kind of backwards that you're asking me that. I should be asking you if you're okay."
"You didn't answer my question," he smiles softly.
"I just feel a little sick to my stomach but it'll pass," I mumble. "Are you okay?"
"I'm great," he says confidently. I furrow my eyebrows. "I didn't think I'd see you or Tony again. Being here right now is everything I want and I'm happy." I smile at him and lean down to kiss him. "Can we go to bed now?" he asks, sounding worn. I nod, the smile still on my face. He grabs my hand and we walk inside and upstairs.
"Get your pretty little butt in that bed and lay down," he says and smacks my butt lightly. I squeal and laugh, jumping onto the bed. "Shhh," Edward chuckles as he strips down to his boxers. "You'll wake Tony."
"It's your fault!" I hiss at him, trying to glare unsuccessfully. He leans in and kisses me, turning my pathetic glare into a smile. I lie down and pull the blanket over me and Edward follows suit, cuddling into me as close as he can get.
"I love you," he whispers before kissing my temple.
"I love you," I reply.
XOXO
A week later, our apartment is packed up and we're on our way back to Forks. Edward is driving the Volvo with Tony while I drive behind them in the truck.
"We're on our way," I say into my phone.
"Okay, Honey, we're all so happy you and Edward decided to move out here. I know you loved Seattle," Mom says on the other side.
"Seattle isn't home though. Seattle was originally an escape, Mom. Now I'm coming home."
"Well drive safely, Honey," she says before we hang up.
I drum my fingers on the steering wheel, finding myself bored. My radio is still broken and even if it worked, it's difficult to hear over the roar of the engine.
I pick up my cell phone and press one and then send.
"Bella, we've been driving for a half hour. Don't tell me you're bored," Edward says when he answers the phone.
"You at least have a child and a radio with you," I grumble.
"Tony's asleep and my radio is off."
"How are you not bored?" I whine.
"Because I don't have the attention span of a fish," he retorts.
"Hey, I resent that," I say, still whining.
"But you know it's true."
"Not totally," I trail off.
"Yes, totally, but that's one of the reasons I love you," he chuckles.
"Oh, so you insult me then kiss my ass?"
"Exactly," he chuckles.
Another couple of hours and we're in Forks. Edward takes Tony to his parents' house while I get to the house and start unpacking. Tony is staying the night at Edward's parents' so we can unpack without have to worry about tending to him every few minutes.
Edward pulls up as I make my fourth trip out to the truck.
"How did Tony take you leaving?" I ask as I grab a box. He grabs one before answering.
"He cried a little and I'm sure he cried some more once I was gone but he'll be fine. It's just been a long day." I frown and set the box down in the kitchen.
We finish moving the boxes in and unpack the necessary things before calling it a night. I crawl into the very comfortable, very familiar bed and curl up, inhaling the familiar scent.
"I love this bed," I mumble into the sheets. Edward chuckles and crawls in next to me, curling his body around mine.
"I seem to remember me having to convince you to sleep in this bed at one point," he mumbles into my hair. I giggle, remembering exactly when he is referring to.
"That was so long ago," I whisper.
"Almost three years," he whispers back. "And I've loved you every minute of it." I turn so I'm facing him and lean up to kiss him.
"I love you," I whisper against his lips.
"And I you," he whispers back, pulling me tight against him and kissing me one last time before leaning over me to turn the lamp off. I snuggle my head into his shoulder, kissing it before drifting to sleep.
I'm awoken by Edward kissing up and down my neck. I groan and snuggle further into him.
"Come on sleepy head, wake up," he mumbles against my skin.
"What time is it?" I whine.
"About six-thirty," he whispers in my ear before kissing underneath it.
"Are you insane?" I grumble.
"No, I'm hungry. Let's go get some breakfast." I pull my head back and open my eyes, staring at him in bewilderment. "Don't look at me like that," he chuckles.
"Can't you wake up at a normal time?"
"Come on, Baby, please," he pouts. I sigh before sitting up.
"Fine," I yawn. "Let me just get dressed." Edward is immediately up and off the bed. He throws a pair of sweatpants and a light zip-up hoodie. I quirk an eyebrow at him.
"What? It's quick and I'm hungry," he says as he shrugs on a pair of jeans and pulls a sweater over his head. I roll my eyes before stepping into the sweatpants. I pull on the hoodie before walking into the bathroom. I pile my hair on top of my head in a bun.
"Ready?" Edward asks as he walks into the bathroom.
"Let me just get my shoes," I eye him suspiciously. What's gotten into him? He's never this awake in the morning. I slip on some sandals and walk down the stairs. Edward's already down there he grins before grabbing my hand and leading me outside. His bike is parked in the driveway.
"How long has this been here?" I ask.
"Your brother brought it over last night. Well, Rose drove it over. Emmett is definitely not allowed to drive my bike," he chuckles. He leads me over to the bike and picks up the helmets. "For you," he smiles.
"Thank you," I grin before putting it on. He sits on the bike before reaching a hand out to me. I happily take it and get on the bike. He pulls my arm in front of him and I put my other arm around him too. I hold onto him as he fires up the engine. I feel my heart flutter and I feel a grin break out on my face. I lift my feet from the ground and we take off. The chilly wind whips around us but the mixture of heat from our bodies is enough to keep us from being cold.
I forgot how free I feel on this bike. How my heartbeat quickens with adrenaline.
All too soon the ride was over and we're sitting in the diner parking lot. We walk in and sit in our usual place.
"Good morning, I'm Sarah and I'll be taking care of you. Can I start you off with drinks?"
"Coffee, please," I yawn.
"Coffee," Edward smiles. "And we'll order now too. She'll have a half order of strawberry pancakes and I'll have two eggs over easy, bacon, and a side of wheat toast."
"Okay, that'll be right up," she says, smiling at Edward before turning to leave.
"Ordering for me?" I jokingly quirk an eyebrow.
"Sorry," he mutters sheepishly.
"You're lucky I was going to get that anyway."
"You always do," he smirks. He grabs both my hands in his and runs his thumbs over my palms. "I still remember that first time we came here."
"I do too," I smile at the memory.
Our waitress brings us our coffee and we thank her.
"I start my job at the beginning of next semester," I grin. "I got a call yesterday."
"That's great, Baby," Edward grins at me. "Eleventh grade English?"
"That and a speech class," I gush.
"I'm so proud of you," he whispers, smiling. My heart swells at his words and for the first time in forever I realize how damn lucky I am. I have this man that loves me unconditionally and has stuck with me from day one. He's never stopped loving me. And then I almost lost him for good. But by some miracle he is sitting here across from me alive and only baring the scars of tragedy.
"Don't cry," he whispers, reaching across the table to cup my cheek.
"Strawberry pancakes," the waitress interrupts us and Edward pulls back. She sets the plate in front of me.
"Thanks," I smile at her.
"And two eggs over easy, bacon and wheat toast," she says as she sets a plate in front of Edward.
"Thank you," he smirks. She walks away, completely dazzled and I roll my eyes in amusement.
My tears are momentarily forgotten while we dig into our food. Edward links his ankles with mine under the table and I look up at him and smile.
"Okay, this can't wait any longer," he says as wipes his mouth with a napkin. He sets it on his empty plate before moving to get up.
"What are you talking about?" I ask. He doesn't answer. He just simply stands in front of me. He holds his hand out and I take it, standing up with him. "What are we doing?" I ask, amused. He gets down on one knee and everything from this morning starts making sense. Him insisting on going to the diner. Him ordering the same food we had the first time we were here. Taking the bike here like the first time. Everything clicks now.
My throat constricts and tears spring to my eyes.
"Bella," he starts as he takes my left hand and brings it to his lips. "I love you so, so much. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me and I want to spend the rest of my life tied to you in every single way. It would be the greatest honor to call you my wife." He pulls a small velvet box from him pocket, opening it to reveal the most beautiful diamond ring I have ever seen. "Will you marry me?"
"Oh, Edward," I whimper. "Yes, absolutely, yes," I blubber. He grins before placing the ring on my finger. The few people in the small diner clap as Edward stands up and kisses me gently on the lips, clasping my face in his hands. He pulls away, placing a kiss on my forehead.
"Thank you," he whispers. I wrap my arms around his waist, burying my face in his chest. He holds me to him and sighs happily. "That was long overdue," he says. I nod against his chest and he chuckles. He drops his arms and places twenty-five dollars on the table, paying for our breakfast and giving about a ten dollar tip. "Let's go home," he says and holds his hand out for me. I didn't get to finish my pancakes but right now all I want is to go home with my fiancée. We got an array of congratulations from the staff and the few customers.
When we get out to the bike he hands me the helmet again and quickly pulls his on. Once I'm sitting with my chest pressed against his back and my arms wrapped securely around him, he speeds off. In a matter of minutes we're at the house and I pull the helmet off. Immediately, Edward's lips are on mine, his fingers twining in my hair. I smile into his kiss before dropping the helmet and wrapping my arms around his neck. His hands move from my hair and his arms wrap around my waist. He lifts me off the bike and my legs wrap around his waist.
Edward carries me into the house and up the stairs, tripping once. I laugh carelessly, happily. Once we're at the top of the stairs, Edward's lips are on mine again. He gently bites my lower lip, tugging it. I groan, loving the tingling sensation it sends to my groin. He releases my lip only to assault my chin and jaw, nipping his way down to my neck.
Edward lays me down on the bed and continues his assault. He kisses down my neck as far as he can before skipping down to the sweat pants. He clamps his fingers around the loose material on my legs before pulling them off me. His fingers hook around the thin material of my panties and slowly pull them down, kisses trailing my left leg. Once he gets them fully off, he trails kisses up my right leg to my inner thigh until he is right at my pussy. He pushes my legs apart before licking from my slit to my clit.
"Ahh, Edward, please," I whine.
"Please what, Baby?" he hums against my clit before taking it in his mouth.
"I want you." He grins against my skin before getting up and grabbing my arms, pulling me into a sitting position. He slowly unzips my sweatshirt and pushes it off my shoulders before pulling my t-shirt over my head, exposing my bare chest. He starts kissing my collarbone and makes his way down to my breasts. My fingers tangle in his hair as a moan escapes my lips.
"You're wearing too many clothes," I pant. I pull him from me before pulling his hoodie. He helps me get it off him before stepping out of his jeans and boxer briefs. He gets on the bed and crawls over me, causing me to lie back on the bed.
"Better?" he whispers in my ear, sending shivers through my body down to my groin. I moan in response, nodding my head and biting my lip. He leans down and takes my lips between his teeth. I pull his body to press against mine, loving the feeling of his weight on me.
Edward reaches down and pushes on of my legs away from the other. He slowly sinks himself into me. My mouth drops open but I can't make any sound escape. I can feel him everywhere and it's so deliciously overwhelming. I've missed this so much. Not just the sex, but also the connection.
Edward nibbles at my jaw while thrusting into me steadily. He laces his fingers through mine and pulls my hands above my head.
"You're so goddamn beautiful," he whispers before nipping at my earlobe. The only response I can muster is a moan. The familiar tightening in my abdomen begins and my toes tighten in anticipation.
"Edward," I moan. "I'm so," I start but he kisses me cutting me off. He drops one of my hands and grabs my thigh, bringing it up to hook over his hip. This new angle pushes me over the edge and every muscle in my body tightens and I cry out Edward's name. He picks up the speed a little before he releases himself into me, sighing my name.
Hey everyone!
Alright, so, I feel so bad leaving you guys hanging for sooo long. I have a good excuse though. School is kicking my ass. It's literally consuming most of my time. So, updates aren't going to be as frequent as I would like but I'm going to try and get them out as quick as possible. It's killing me not having a lot of time to write.
Anyway, I hope you liked it! And I hope that you all put down your torches and pitchforks because this chapter ended happily!
I'm going to start the next chapter soon and hopefully I'll have it up by the end of the month but don't hold me to my word...
Reviewers get teasers!
Lots of love,
Nikki