Warning! This fic contains yaoi (male-male relationship). Nothing hardcore but still enough to advise those who dislike such things to simply turn away from this story. It is also pretty dark, so if you're looking for a funny or happy story, well, you chose the wrong fic.

Anyway, this is my second Code Lyoko One-Shot. It's also my first attempt at writting in the first person rather than in the third person, a way to try something a bit different, among other reasons.

On a side-note, it is based on the original Code Lyoko story and does not take in consideration the new Code Lyoko Evolution story.

Disclaimer: obviously, characters do not belong to me. (Damn...)

Authors notes are at the bottom of the page.

Sudden vibrations in my pocket bring me out of the dark thoughts I had been absorbed in for some time. Someone just sent me a text.

Hey Ulrich, Happy Birthday!

Sorry I'm late, exams kept me busy all week long and I completely forgot about it.

Fab.

PS: you up for a game tonight?

Despite the circumstances, a hint of a smile creeps over my face. Good old Fabien never changed, did he? We haven't seen each other in years, yet he's feeling bad about being three days late for such trivial matter. Man, this is nothing compared to al those so-called friends I talk with everyday and who have yet to wish it to me… Thanks a lot guys! Honestly, why the hell do I even bother not to forget yours?

As soon as I finish that digression, I come to a sudden stop and can't hold back a facepalm. With a deep sigh, I resume my walk while sending a quick reply.

Thanks Fab.

Sorry but I have plans for the night.

We can play tomorrow if you want.

Ulrich

Putting my cell phone back in its dedicated pocket, I think back to my previous anger and can't help but curse myself for such stupidity. To be honest, I don't give a damn about people not wishing it to me, especially in live. I never did. Initially, it was because I hate being the focus of attention. But since a few years, it no longer is the main reason.

The problem is that another anniversary comes right after mine... one that shouldn't exist.

That's actually why, instead of training like any normal Friday evening, I'm currently walking down the dark streets of Paris. Not dark as in dangerous or infamous; it just so happens that we're in the middle of winter, end of January to be more specific, and the sun has set hours ago. Still, I'm walking steadily towards my destination, ignoring the freezing wind biting my face and the traitorous thin black ice that keeps trying to make me slip to the ground. Well, at least the sky is clear, no rain or snow falling to make it any worse, although it would definitely fit the depressing atmosphere.

If I have yet to run back to the safety and heat of my flat, it's because I have an appointment. I'm going to visit my ex…

No, not Yumi; we may have been a couple once but only to quickly realize that we weren't as enamored of each other as we first believed. Six months had been enough to convince us to get back to simply being 'friends and nothing more'. A serious relationship doesn't end after such a short period. In retrospect, I'd say our crush was merely the result of teenage curiosity, not genuine love. Following that break-up, I'd thought it would take a very, very long time for me to find the real chosen one that would make my heart miss a beat. Little did I know that I already knew that person and that we'd hook up barely a year and a half later.

Well, here I am. As usual, I mutter the traditional sentence to announce myself.

"Hey William…"

William. Back when we first met, if anyone had told me he and I would become friends one day, I have no idea what my reaction would have been; feeling utterly disgusted or bursting out laughing. Maybe both. The circumstances of that meeting weren't exactly helping. Honestly, who would ever want to befriend a bastard coming out of nowhere with a nasty reputation and openly flirting with the girl you love right in front of your eyes? At the time, smashing his arrogant face was all I could think of. Needless to say, it all drastically changed after that. Well, not in one day, mind you. Only much later did I realize how our relationship had slowly evolved into so much more.

Of course, it began with the XANA episode. Despite all the hatred I felt towards him, I was forced to admit that he was more than just a dumb, bothersome punk. He had undeniable skills, knowledge and qualities that no one would suspect at first sight. He had proven it by giving us a hand and saving the day on several occasions. This had eventually convinced us to welcome him into our team. None of us ever imagined what terrible disaster it would lead to.

Odd used to joke about us, saying that if we kept fighting over Yumi, we'd end up literally trying to murder each other. Thanks to XANA, it was no longer a joke.

For long weeks, we had to face a xanatified William; a situation that often gave me mixed feelings. To be quite honest, part of me was actually happy about what was happening. It was the perfect opportunity to rip that damn grin off his arrogant face, to get even with the bastard who loved to humiliate me in front of everyone, and to unleash all the rage and frustration that had slowly built up every time he tried to charm the one I loved. Had the others not been there to keep me focused on our missions, I think I'd have eventually given in to temptation to somehow eliminate him definitely.

Still, deep inside me, I couldn't help but sympathize with him. To be controlled by the enemy, unable to resist in any way… it's one of those things I'd never ever wish to anyone, not even to my worst enemy. Not to mention that if he happened to be aware of what was happening around him, he could see himself trying to kill his 'friends' or wreaking havoc in the name of an AI gone crazy. I'd rather not imagine how one must feel in such a situation. And while we were facing the original one on Lyoko, dealing with his replica in the real world had taught us a lot about his past and his family. Although trivial at first sight, these pieces of information shed a new light on him, showing us how little we knew him.

When we finally saved him from XANA's clutches, even though I wasn't looking forward to my rival in love pissing me off again, I was genuinely glad that we had successfully brought him back. I wasn't considering him a friend just yet, especially because he would probably go after Yumi once again, but I was willing to give him a chance.

Over the following weeks, between XANA's destruction and the beginning of my official relationship with Yumi, I was in seventh heaven. My one and only problem back then was William. Not because he was being an ass once again; quite the opposite in fact.

I was actually worried shit about him. We all were.

The horrible experience he'd been through on Lyoko had left a much deeper mark on him than we initially thought and throwing him out of the team as roughly as we did hadn't made it any better. His morale was extremely low, pretty close to breakdown, and we were highly responsible for it. For that reason, we all decided to take care of him and to help him get better. I must admit I'd probably have been way more reluctant had he not stopped flirting with Yumi after she had clearly gotten things straight with him.

The next two years marked a turning point in our relationship. With no more rivalry between us, we could finally tolerate the other's presence. We no longer were at each other's throats after less than ten seconds, which was definitely good news. Indeed, between his xanatification and subsequent depression, he had completely failed his exams and ended up repeating the year… in the same class as me. I let you imagine the atmosphere in the classroom had we still been on so bad terms.

Back in the past, hatred had always influenced our judgment; the other was nothing but a nuisance, a bastard with incredible faults and zero quality. Starting from there, it all changed and our relationship began to improve over time as I realized he was nothing like the asshole I once pictured. I progressively discovered a guy who never let his friends down no matter how deep in shit they are, a guy who never gives up no matter what obstacles lay before him, a guy who's willing to give his all when he's interested in something, a guy often arguing with his parents, especially with an ass of a father… Having so many points in common made it easier for us to understand each other. But he wasn't just a boy pretty much like me. He was also a great handyman as well as an impressive sportsman; like Odd, he had the ability to psych himself up at all time and an incredible sense of humor (way better than Odd's crappy jokes)… I could go on for hours but that would be boring wouldn't it? Of course, he wasn't perfect. For example, he tended to easily get all worked up for no reason…

Anyway, after being rivals, mortal enemies and simple acquaintances, a real bromance bloomed between us as his definitive admission into our group and his repeating a year allowed us to spend a lot of time together. He had even begun practicing martial arts, a new method for him to let some steam off and to compete with me in a friendlier way, although the experience gap between us was quite a disadvantage for him. However, we were merely good friends enjoying each other's company and I doubt he suspected what our relationship would soon turn into any more than I did.

The first time I realized that my feelings went much farther than I thought was during the summer vacations between première and terminale (1). In retrospect, I could have noticed the signs sooner. You know that feeling, when you spend two months without seeing your friends who are gone when you're home and come back when you're on your own vacations, you end up thinking about them, like 'Man, I can't wait to see him or her'. Except in his case, i wasn't thinking about him once in a while; he was on my mind nearly all the time after not even three days without seeing him. At first, I believed it was merely a consequence of our newborn friendship but I soon had irrefutable evidence that it was far more than that. To make it simple, let's just say that waking up every day after having THAT kind of dream always centered on the same person, it either means you're in love, or you're a sex maniac obsessed with a new potential partner. In my case, I considered myself sane enough to ignore answer B.

I admit that the first time it happened, it disturbed me quite a bit. The problem wasn't to picture myself doing dirty things with another boy though. I had long realized that boys could be as charming as girls and the idea of hooking up or having sex with another male didn't disgust me in the least. No, the other's gender wasn't the problem; it had never been. The huge surprise was that the man in question was none other than William himself. As I said earlier, who wouldn't be surprised to find himself falling for an ex-rival who once tried to steal the one you loved? And even more shocking was how much thinking about those dreams brought a smile to my face… not to mention another side effect on my body.

No use denying it, I was obviously in love with him and the subsequent nights cleared my mind of all remaining doubts.

Two months later, we were all back for another new school. However, I never dared to confront him about it and I merely enjoyed his company until I could gather enough courage to reveal my feelings to him. What I definitely wasn't expecting was for him to confess exactly what I was afraid to say myself during our first private training session at the end of the week.

Those three magical words and our first kiss are forever etched in my memory. It was the beginning of a wonderful relationship that lasted three years and a half full of extraordinary memories, though alas it had to remain a secret all along.

Before you ask, no, coming out never scared me. Despite our frequent arguments, I know that my parents, and even my father with that huge stick up his ass, love me and that they would never be mad at me for hooking up with another boy. Problem was, William's parents weren't as open-minded on that topic as well as on many others. Back then, he had told me that if they ever found out about him, they'd throw him out immediately and abandon him to his own lonely fate. I later had the opportunity to meet them a few times, pretending that I was no more than a friend coming to work on a school project and I believe he was right. And while both of us were eager to come out, we had to take in consideration the fact that we were about to face a turning point in our life.

At the end of the school year, we'd be taking the 'bac' (2) exam and we both had plans in mind for subsequent studies. Engineering school for me, commercial school for him. Needless to say that both charge very high fees and that having the financial support of our parents would help tremendously. And as strong as our feelings were when we hooked up, we also knew that it could quickly come to an end and it would be crazy to put so much at stake considering we might have split even before entering these schools. Consequently, we decided to stay in the closet for a few years and make sure to work hard so we could graduate and become independent as soon as possible. Should we still be together at the time, we'd finally be able to come out with no fear of drastic consequences.

For three years and a half, we officially remained close friends only to act as a couple in private. All along, only our closest friends knew about us, those we trusted with our lives. As we expected, no one in the Lyoko gang said anything against it even if all of them were quite surprised by the news, especially Yumi who was even a bit ill-at-ease to see her ex-wooers ending up together. Odd never missed an opportunity to tease her, saying that if all boys interested in her became gay, she'd have a hard time finding the love of her life. Still, despite all that secrecy, our feelings never wavered and our school projects were doing well; all in all, our future looked pretty promising. We even had the chance that our schools were in the same district, which allowed us to see each other daily for lunch.

Alas, everything comes to an end…

I suppose you're wondering what could possibly put an end to such a strong love story. What could cause our couple to break up? Who was the guilty party?

Well, everything happened six years ago. That Monday night, I was alone, shut away in my bedroom. The reason was simple: my semester exams had just begun and I was doing my best not to suck at them. As for William, he was out in town. For such times, we had established a simple rule. When one of us was in the middle of his exams, the other was to leave him alone and let him work in peace; of course, he couldn't blame the other for having fun in the meantime. That is why, while I was boring myself to death with my revisions, William was out with Odd and his girlfriend. All three of them had planned to go see a movie, then to have dinner in town before joining some other friends in a bar.

You've already guessed what's coming, right? William meets another guy, or a girl maybe, and dumps me for him. Trust me, I'd be so happy that he had just left me for someone else but no, no such thing happened. Reality is far worse than that…

Not long after leaving the pizzeria where they had had dinner, the trio was approached by five guys who had seen them leave the building. Said guys then 'kindly' asked them a bit of money. With those hotheads Odd and William, things heated up very quickly until the other group decided to let their fists do the talking. Even though one of them didn't join the fight, the others were four against three, which didn't look good at all. Of course, no one around came to help them; no one ever does. It could have been a basic brawl… until two of their aggressors decided to play with their flick-knives.

Only when the blades began dancing did people intervene. Thanks to their help, although the assholes managed to run away as no one was willing to go up against their weapons, Odd ended up with 'only' a few lacerations, and his girlfriend with some big bruises. Yes, even she was hit by those scumbags. As for William, he wasn't as lucky as them. He was stabbed in the chest three times, his left lung being punctured twice. Despite the speed at which the ambulance took him to the nearest hospital, it was too late to save him when they arrived there.

William died on that night. Far away from me. Killed by a group of bastards for some stupid money.

…

I was already sleeping when the tragedy occurred. When I woke up, I went to school without even turning my cell phone on; I had another exam at 8 in the morning and I wanted to remain focused on it. Then at noon, I left the classroom to meet the others before heading to the university restaurant like we did every day. As soon as I saw them waiting for me, I immediately realized that something was off. First, all of them had gloomy faces like never before. Second, William was missing…

You can easily imagine how devastated I felt when I heard the news. At this exact moment, my world fell apart. Needless to say that I cried my eyes out, shedding more tears in a week than I thought I ever would in my whole life.

It took me a year to recover from his death. Twelve horribly long months during which I did my best to hide my grief from everyone around me. Why? Because I wanted them to keep acting like they always did. I know their sympathy would have been genuine, that they mean well, that they care about me. But at the same time, their compassion would indirectly rub salt in the deepest wound I could ever suffer from. Some would say I was insulting his memory but in my opinion, thinking of something else was the best way for me to heal. The Lyoko warriors were the only ones with whom I would talk about it and let my streams of tears flow freely.

In the meantime, the sole member of the group who didn't participate in the attack had surrendered himself to the police. After confessing to helping his friends by intimidating their victims so they could extort money with no resistance from them, he explained that he hoped no fight would ever occur. Sadly, it did; a man lost his life and he couldn't bear the idea of being responsible of a murder. His testimony led to the arrest and trial of his accomplices. While these bastards are still rotting behind bars, the fact that he did not take part in the fight along with his cooperation earned him the leniency of the authorities, though he still had to serve a short prison sentence. As far as I know, he has already been released and he left the region for fear of reprisals should the truth about his involvement ever be discovered. And although I can't bring myself to forgive him for not stepping in on that fateful night, he gets my eternal thanks for proving he did have some humanity left inside him by not letting this crime go unpunished.

In the end, the one and only positive aspect of this tragedy, should one want to find one, is that William's parents still loved him when he died.

…

Today is the sixth anniversary of William's death.

Getting over it has been the toughest challenge I ever had to face; even XANA was a joke compared to this. If you ask me, suicide is one of the dumbest mistakes one could do… and yet, to be honest, I did consider it at some point. It was William himself who convinced me not to give up so easily. Or, to be more accurate, it was the idea of him chewing me out in the afterlife for doing such a stupid thing. Deep inside me, I know he wouldn't want me to stay focused on the past, that he'd prefer me to keep pressing forward, to enjoy what life still had to offer and to look for someone to love and cherish as much as him. And that is exactly what I strive to do, for me but also for him.

And now here I am, standing alone in front of his gravestone. Like every year I came to speak with him; to talk about me, about my life, about our friends… and more importantly, to tell him how much I miss him. Most people would presume I successfully put an end to this sad chapter of my existence. Well, they'd be wrong. It will never come to an end. It cannot come to an end. I understand that a break-up can be hard to deal with as well, that the dumped one may need a long, very difficult time in order to let the other go and to forget all about him or her. But, there is a major difference there: both persons are still alive and at least one of them no longer has any feeling for the other. In my case, both of us were still in love when he was killed. Yet, I'm aware that, had he survived, we could have broken up eventually, maybe as early as the next day. Alas, no one will ever find out…

That is one of the many questions that will forever remain unanswered. Even now, some frequently pop up in my mind: would things have turned out differently had I been with them that night? Would these bastards have attacked us? Would William be dead anyway? Would I have been killed instead of him? Maybe both of us? Perhaps nobody at all... Maybe the end result would have been the exact same in spite of my presence, but at least I'd have been at his side to share a few final words or even one last kiss. Instead, I couldn't even bid him goodbye, and the last thing he said to me was 'See you tomorrow!'. This is what led me to believe that god, destiny or whatever could possibly exist in this world has quite a sick sense of humor.

Another reason why I assume this is because William's death occurred three days after my own birthday. The only way to make it any worse would have been for it to happen on the exact same day. Still, needless to say that now, every time someone wishes me a 'Happy Birthday!', it leaves quite a bitter taste lingering in my mouth. Of course, I can't blame people for that; most of them don't even know a single thing about this story but it doesn't make it any less painful to hear. Not to mention that back then, we had postponed my birthday party until the following weekend because of my damn exams. Instead, I attended what will probably be the worst funeral of my life.

His funeral…

This is yet another awful side effect of this tragedy. Three years and a half spent together have left me with loads of wonderful memories. Sadly, every time I remember some of these past moments, the same images eventually arrive. First, his closed coffin at the center of the church. Then his lifeless body in the undertaker's office, when our group went to pay our respects. Seeing the corpse of the one you love like that… I don't wish that to anyone, especially at our age. One may learn to think or talk about his dead beloved without bursting into tears but the pain will never go away. It is and will forever be there to remind you of your loss.

Visiting his tombstone every year has become a ritual; my own, personal way to honor his memory, like a last reunion between two lovers separated by the Grim Reaper. A secret rendezvous, save for the other members of the former Lyoko team, the only persons to know the intimate aspect of our story. They who have always been there for me in those dark times are kind enough to respect the privacy of this moment.

…

"I love you."

These three words had marked the beginning of our relationship nearly ten years ago; now they are the conclusion to every single of my visits. They are and will forever be the most important thing I'll ever tell him.

As I turn around to leave the cemetery, I start doing my best to heat my body up after so much time ignoring the cold winter air and freezing wind. I'm not heading back home yet though. I got a second appointment. Another tradition established by Odd that always takes place right after the first one. At this hour, Aelita, Yumi and Jeremy must already be waiting with him at the restaurant where the six of us used to go every now and then. We gather there for a convivial party, to honor William's memory without sinking into depression. As Odd stated himself, he would have preferred to see us laughing rather than crying.

Along the road, I come across many couples. I even bump into two old friends from engineering school currently hanging out with their girlfriends. Our discussion doesn't last long but right before leaving, one of them asks me if I finally found someone as well. As I answer negatively, I utter the same sentence as always with a joking tone: 'My love life? Well it's as dead as ever…'. After a short laugh, they simply bid me goodnight and good luck, then they go on their own way. If only they knew what these words actually meant…

Resuming my own walk, I inwardly wish them good luck for the future as well, because I know how uncertain it can be.

Someone whose name I didn't memorize once said that you never know the real value of things until the day you lose them forever…

I found that out the hard way. And I wish that to no one else in this world…

- FIN -

Author's Notes:

(1) 'Première' and 'terminale' are grades in the French Education system. To make a quick comparison, you could consider it like the end of High School in the US, right before the High School Diploma, around the age of 18.

(2) The 'baccalauréat', or simply 'bac', is the exam taken in France at the end of the 'terminale' grade. It's the basic diploma required to enter most universities or colleges.

I warned you it was a dark fic. The sad part is, most of it is based on a true story, which is why this fic is dedicated to the memory of the real William who suffered the same tragic fate as the one written above.

The title is a reference to the great RPG "Chrono Trigger". To be more specific, it's the name of a pretty sad soundtrack that fits the atmosphere of this story.

Thank you for reading, even more for reviewing. Don't hesitate to point any mistake, inconsistency or anything. Useful criticism is always welcome.