I'm sorry at how long this has taken. This one is a bit shorter because of my writers block.

Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, only my OCs and this storyline.

Hope you enjoy.

The Beginning of our Downfall

Dearest Hunith,

I should have written to you sooner but it has been very busy around here lately. I assume you heard about the destruction of the town where the market was that I said we were going to. There is no need to worry. We all got out fine. Well, physically we are all right, but I'm afraid that night can't be unseen. They took Lavania and I'm afraid I will never see her again. The aftershock of the Great Purge may finally be catching up with us. I hope you and Merlin are safe.

The last few weeks have not been all tragedy though. He asked me Hunith. Magnus asked me to marry him and I said yes. I wish you could have been there. But I haven't seen him for quite some time and it is making me worry. I hope he is all right.

Enough about me though. I want to hear about you. How is everything? Is Merlin growing up well? I wish more then anything I could be there to see him grow. We must have another visit soon. Maybe I will go to Ealdor this time.

Your dear friend,

Joone

I watch the messenger leave with my letter in his pocket, wondering when it will be that she reads my words. I miss my friend more then I could say in that letter. I always feel that sending letters may be dangerous. The things I put in them, if the wrong people read it we could all be in serious trouble, but I had to speak with her. I needed her counsel in this time of trouble.

It is early and my refugees are still asleep. I went to check on them not too long ago. They look so innocent when they are sleeping, like this war cannot touch them. Looking at them you would not be able to tell what they had been through and I wish more then anything that they hadn't been through all those things. I fiddle with the string around my finger and worry.

Magnus has been away too long. I've gone too long without a scrap of news. He would have told me if he had planned to be away this long. I mustn't think that something had gone wrong. The sun is rising over the hills in the distance and the others would be rising with it.

There is something else in my hands this morning. A letter. I gave the messenger my letter and today he had one to give to me as well. It isn't from Hunith. On the outside it says it is for a Joone Tellar. That's me I guess, but then I opened it and read the first line. My heart almost stopped.

Dear Redwing,

I looked around frantically to see if anyone was looking. Had someone been watching me? I quickly step back inside, close the door, and walk into the sitting room where the fire is burning. The letter couldn't be from Magnus. He'd never write down my secret name on paper where someone could read it and find out the truth.

I look back down at the letter. My eyes fly over the words, and the further I get the wider my eyes become until I reach the last line.

Our condolences,

The Black Feather

As soon as I read the last word I throw the letter into the fire and I watch it burn like the tears now streaming down my face. They weren't true. Those words couldn't be true. Whoever wrote it was lying, but I knew they weren't. Everything they had said in the letter, only a member could have known.

Our condolences

That's what they said. Well I didn't want their pity. I want to have Magnus here standing beside me. But he would never stand beside me again. That's what the letter said. That's what they wrote to tell me.

Magnus went missing a couple weeks ago when they were ambushed. Someone betrayed them. Many went missing, and when they were found it was too late. There is no body they said. No body to bury. There is no hope sparking in my heart at that little fact. It just makes my heart break even more.

I see the letter in the fire as it curls up and turns black, falling apart. I watch until there is nothing left of it and the fire has consumed all of the words. They praised him. He was their leader and a good man. They said that he talked about me often so they thought it only right that I should be told. They would have come in person but the traitor was still out there and they didn't know how much the enemy knew.

The enemy.

Is that what this is now, a fight between good and evil. I never thought of it that way. Yes the actions of Uther Pendragon are all evil and they cannot go unchallenged. But I do not believe the king is the embodiment of evil. The actions are evil and the man is lost. I only wish he could be found. His son needs him, but the hope of bringing him back is slowly fading.

Magnus knew this. He understood. I am afraid now the group will seek revenge and the rest of us will have to bear the consequences. I don't know how many more broken hearts I can handle.

I am still staring at the fire as if I can still see that letter burning and I can't take it. I break down and weep, falling to my knees, my head in my hands. My cries are quiet. Magnus was the embodiment of my hope for a better world but now I must place my hope in others. I didn't want those two boys to be the ones to save this world. It seemed like we would have to wait a hundred years for them to grow up and save us. Now we have no choice but to trust them, knowing that many will be lost along the way, not living to see the world they will someday create.

What was I going to tell the others? I could not keep this from them. I would not lie to them, but the truth will be hard the bear. I am barely holding on as it is as I look down at the little string wrapped around my finger, a promise that he couldn't keep. I would never take it off. It is the only thing I have left of the man I loved.

Suddenly I just feel tired. My body slumps to the side and I am staring at the fire sideways. I can't move as my heart starts to slow down. The spaces between its beats grow longer. My heart has always been weak, ever since I was small. I never told anyone but I feared one day, without warning, it would just give out on me. I lived everyday with that in mind.

I feel so tired now. So much has happened. So much that I cannot take. Maybe it would be nice to take a break from it all, leave it all behind. My eyelids are heavy as they slowly start to shut. Part of me is still fighting to stay awake but the other part has already surrendered.

I am about to give in completely when I hear someone yelling at me. "Wake up!" He yells at me. "It isn't over. You can't let it be over."

The voice jerks me from my frozen state and I sit bold upright. "Magnus." It was his voice, but I know it was only in my mind. My heart beats normally again to a sad rhythm. I would never hear him speak to me again.

I shakily get to my feet and head towards the old cabinet, pushing it to the side. I hesitated for a moment before going up the stairs and wipe the tears from my eyes. The stairs creak slightly as I go up them but when I reach the top they are all still asleep. Innocent in their dreams with no idea of what just happened.

Arthur has the covers wrapped around him tightly. Jasper has his hand outstretched, inches away from Aida's. I lean my back against the wall and slowly slide down it. We have all been hiding for so long but time has flown and they have grown. Jasper and Aida aren't children anymore. They're almost as old as I was when this all started.

I reach down and stroke Arthur's hair but he does not wake. I smile, wishing I could sleep that deeply but memories plague my dreams, forced to live through the best and worst of my life all over again.

He shouldn't be here. He should be at home as Prince Arthur, but instead he's here, hiding like the rest of us. Soon the war would be over and he would be able to return home. I was going to miss him though, when the time finally came. How would I know when that time was now? Magnus was my source for information on the matter. Now what were we going to do?

Maybe I shouldn't tell them. Maybe it would be better if they never knew. The letter was in the fire so there was no evidence. But with such things they would always eventually figure it out. I couldn't keep this from them.

The sun is rising higher in the sky now and they would soon be awake. I didn't want that time to come. I didn't want to see the looks on their faces when I told them because I knew that I would never be able to forget them. They would stay with me forever, like the string on my finger. I would keep the promise it signified for as long as I live, but who knows how long that would be with such situations now arising. It is a chain reaction now. One of us falls and eventually the rest of us fall. How long would we have until we all fall?

I see Arthur squirm beside me as he slowly wakes up. His eyes open and he blinks up at me. I smile at him, the tears already returning to my eyes. He rubbed his eyes with his little hands.

"What is it Joone?" He asked. "Why are you crying?"

I opened my mouth to say but I hesitated as I heard the others stir and wake. Aida sat up first, seeing me in my state. She quickly got up and walked over to sit beside me, wraping her arms around me. It was in her nature to be kind. She didn't even need to know why I was crying.

Jasper followed soon after. I stretched my hand out to him and he took it, joining our little circle. Arthur crawled under my arm and I kissed the top of his head.

Aida was the first to break the silence. "Something has happened, hasn't it?"

"Please Joone." Jasper squeezed my hand reassuringly. "Tell us. We are here for you."

I smiled. "You have such kind hearts. But I'm afraid this is not only my weight to bear. I wish it were."

"What has happened?" Aida held me as I used to hold her when she was younger.

"Its Magnus." More tears escaped my eyes. "I'm so sorry. He isn't coming home this time."

Thanks for reading and please REVIEW!

I really want to know your views on this. It would really help with writing the rest of it, also for inspiration. The more reviews the faster I write.

I am trying to wrap things up so I can move on to my next Merlin story that is tied in with this one. It will be called "The Old Mother". It is also tied in with my other stories "Always", "Mercy", and "Buried". They will each have a teaser at the end. This is the last story to go before I move onto "The Old Mother". I am hurrying now.

Hope you keep following because the domino's have begun to fall.