Here is another chapter as promised! Its finals week at my school so now I guess now all you guys know what I've been doing instead of studying. Oops! Anyways thanks so much for your amazing reviews.

Allisath- I chose to give this story an M rating for content in later chapters I have planned. I probably could have started with it rated T and then just changed the rating later but I didn't really think about it.

Dislcaimer: I do not (for the millionth time) own HG (no matter how much I wish I did)

Chapter 8: She was the Sun

As the train starts to slow I rush to the window, eager to see what I've only ever seen during the reaping. District 11 is huge. It has to be to grow all the crops for the capitol. I'd known it was one of the larger districts but this is much bigger than I ever imagined. Fast fields and orchards as far as the eye can see are surrounded by a 30ft fence, topped in barbed wire and humming with electricity. There would be no sneaking out to hunt here, that's for sure.

As we move farther into the district I start to see small wooden shacks all grouped together in little communities. They make our squat little houses in the seam look like palaces. Then there are the people. Men and women, children even, with wide straw hats to shield themselves from the sun work the fields. A few look up as the train zooms past but most ignore it all together.

Eventually Effie comes to tell me to get dressed. I head back to my room where I let my prep team do my hair and makeup. I can see we're going for simplicity, minimal makeup and my classic braided hair. Cinna arrives and dresses me in a pretty orange dress patterned with autumn leaves. Then I go take my place next to Cato in the living compartment. I may not have forgiven him but even I know the importance of this moment. If we aren't convincing enough… I try not to consider the alternative.

I look out the window again and suddenly feel very nervous. In every district the victor is supposed to give a speech for the fallen tributes. Normally these are scripted for us by the capitol, however its traditional say a few extra words if a tribute was your ally. Since this was Rue's district Effie advised me to write down something to say to her family. I tried, but the words that sounded so right in my head never came out right on paper.

Cato too looks nervous, which is strange since he's normally so sure of himself. He's a victor. He shouldn't be afraid of anything right? Instead he stand fidgeting and staring at his hands. Hands that are stained with the blood of so many boys and girls. Its Thresh. This was his district too. Now Cato's going have to look straight into the eyes of his family and say what an honor it was to kill their son. For once I almost pity him. I know in other districts, namely 1 and 4 I'll be faced with the same shameful appearance. Tell the families of my rivals how I survived while their own children did not. District one will be the worst, as I killed both their tributes.

The train stops and we are escorted out by peacekeepers in crisp white uniforms. I reach for Cato's hands, as much for support, as too keep up the façade that is our romance. I'm glad in a cruel way that he's here with me. I'm glad I don't have to face the agony of this moment alone. Someone is here to help me bear the burden of guilt. I'm not ready for this, to speak to Rues family and apologize for letting her down, for letting her die.

The air here is warm, not nearly as cold as district 12 and the sun shines high above. We are assembled in front of the justice building; in a place Effie calls the Veranda. There's a good sized crowd in the square, but judging from all the people I saw working in the fields it must only be a fraction of the actual population.

Even from outside you can see how run down the square is. Dilapidated buildings line thew streets, choked with ivy and rot.

A podium has been set up in front of the justice building. That's were Cato and I will stand as we address the crowds. Camera men are perched on roofs. Someone clips a microphone to the front of my dress. I retake Cato's hand which I had dropped in all the commotion.

He looks down at me, "Ready to show the world how much you love me?" His voice is sarcastic. Is he joking? I've always just assumed he's nothing more than a brutal killer. I never thought of him being the kind of boy who jokes around.

"You wish." I whisper, and just because the cameras are watching us, stand up on my tippy toes and kiss him gently.

The mayor begins a speech in our honor but I hear very little of it. My eyes are still focused on the crowd. All those unfriendly eyes. Do they hate me too? True, Rue was my ally, but then it's me not her standing up on this stage. I failed her. I remember how she looked in that medow, flowers braided through her hair, small and defenseless, with that spear still lodged in her stomach.

Then Cato is dragging me forward to the podium. As he begins his scripted speech I can feel the tension in the air grow. The people of district 11 glare at him, and when he finishes there is only a smattering of polite applause.

It's my turn now. My palms are sweaty as I begin my scripted speech. But even as I complete the final words I know it's not enough. These people deserve more, Rue and Thresh deserve more.

I raise my head to gaze out over the crowd and the words seem to flow as naturally as water. All those things that I could never make sense of on paper flow out like water. "I want to thank the tributes of district 11. I want to thank them for their honor and for their bravery" I look at Thresh's family, "I did not know Thresh. However, I always admired his strength and determination. He saved my life and for that I am forever in his debt." Then I look to Rues family, all her siblings that stare at me with eyes filled with sorrow, "And Rue, she was my ally. But she was also so much more than that. She was the sun, the flowers, even the mocking jays singing in the trees. She was like my own sister. It was Rue that gave me hope each day in the arena. For that I thank you. You brought me hope."

There is real applause now. I look back at Rue's family. One of her sisters, she couldn't be more than nine, but she looks just like Rue in every way, study's me. She sees me looking at her and gives a small fleeting smile.

Back inside the justice building there's no time to dwell on anything. I'm dressed for dinner in a shimmery gown of light pink. My hair is no longer braided but falls down my back in little ringlets.

I meet up with Haymitch, Effie, and Cato outside the dining hall.

"Nice job sweetheart. "Haymitch tells me, "Just remember to be convincing tonight." Then we are swept through the doors into the cacophony that we will soon grow so accustomed to.

Cato and I are convincing. Or at least I hope so. We are borderline delirious in our love for each other. Kissing, dancing, it all flows together in a saga of misery.

However, back on the train we are quiet. The gulf that separates us is a no man's land of bitter resentment that may never be breached. I brush a strand of curly hair out of my face, and its only then that I notice how intently Cato is staring at me.

"What?" I snap.

"I just don't know how you do it." There's a gleam in his eyes. Could it be anger? I've seen him angry before, but not like this. This is a quiet rage that eats away at you until it comes boiling out.

"Do what?"

"How you talk to people. You could make all of Panem bow at your feet if you really wanted."

"Talking to people?" I ask incredulously, "What good is that? You're the strong one. You're the victor."

"Strength? What's strength when the whole country is in love with you?" I realize that the gleam in his eyes isn't anger but fear, "You're the true victor Katniss. Everyone knows that! Why do you think I had to move to 12? I'm the spare, the extra! I might as well be dead! It'd be a whole hell of a lot easier!" He's yelling by the end, though not at me. "Do you know why I volunteered for the hunger games Katniss?" I shake my head but he isn't even paying attention. "I wanted to bring honor to my district, to my family. You should've seen, they were so proud! Finally a victory in the family. And what did they get? Second best! I couldn't even beat a girl from district 12!" He laughs and I wonder if he's gone insane. "Now who knows when I'll see them again? I'm the disgraced victory from 2!"

I remember how on top of the cornucopia I had begged him to kill me, and how he had refused. "You were never second best Cato. You beat me, you could have killed me."

"But I didn't." He says bitterly and I wonder if he wishes he had. I certainly do sometimes. I wouldn't have to live with the guilt hanging over me like a cloud.

"The capitol wouldn't have let you, they wanted us both alive. All they want is a good show and they'll do anything to get it."

He just shakes his head. "Get out." It's little more than a whisper.

I stand there uncertainly.

"I said get out!" He shouts and brings his fist down hard on the wooden coffee table. I practically run from the room. But as I make my way back to my room I slow down. There's more to the brutal boy form 2 than I thought.