Hey everyone! So this chapters a little short, sorry, but the next one should be longer! Thank you to all my reviewers you are wonderful.

Chapter 9: Nightmare

The victory tour slips by; a saga of misery. Each day is the same, wake up, dress, ride through a district, give a speech, dinner, and then we start all over again. Each district is different, but the constant travel and the tension make them blur together; a fantasy of half wakeful reality. It's the people that are memorable. Sometimes our names are shouted over and over again, like savage battle cries against the might of the capitol. And yet other times the people stand silent and still while we speak. Perhaps they hate us, the injustice that Cato, killer of so many children, and The Girl on Fire, who turned her back on Peeta should be united as victors.

Of course no one can know how miserable I am. So I smile and wave and pretend like this is the time of my life. But when I'm alone, I just sit quietly, staring out the window or into empty space, until someone comes to tell me what to do next. All the faces of the dead tributes keep flashing in front of my eyes. I think about each night in the arena, each face projected into the sky, and each night the horrors of the arena come to haunt me once more. If anything they've gotten worse since we left district 12. Effie makes a big deal about this, saying I'm not eating enough, and that I can't show up in the capitol looking like a starved alley cat.

At least I'm not the most miserable person, though. As each district slips past Cato becomes tenser. We no longer speak except in public. Once on the train he locks himself in his room, not even coming out for meals. It's strange to see a boy who was fearless (to the point of absurdity) when faced with the prospect of death in the Hunger Games hiding himself away from the world. My room is not so far from his and at night I can hear him crying out as he too grapples with the hidden world of dreams.

As district 2 approaches I wonder how he feels about going home. Does he look forward to it? Dread it? I don't know anything about his family, before the games it didn't matter, and after I never thought to ask. I try to image parents who would push their son so hard, until he turned into a monster. I can't. The life that he so briefly mentioned seems so alien to mine in district 12. I wonder if he has siblings? A brother? Or a sister? I think about him being ripped apart from his sibling even as I was ripped away from Prim. It almost makes me feel bad for him and his family. But it's different, because he volunteered, not like I did for my sister but for his own glory and battle lust. I think about him gripping that sword he always used in the arena and shiver.

I look up and realize I'm sitting on the floor of one of the trains many hallways. I have no idea how I got here. Through the little glass window I see the dark sky. I must have wandered off earlier and wound up here. I stand and start to make my way towards were I know Effie and Haymitch will be having dinner, but then turn around. I don't feel like talking to people. Instead I head back to my room. I strip off my shoes and then fall fully clothed into bed and wait, staring up at the ceiling, for sleep to find me.

I run through the forest. Even by the shape of the trees and the smell of the air I know where I am. This is the arena. I hear wild howls behind me and keep running. But I can't run forever, I'm not fast enough. They catch me, surrounding me, pinning me in. The mutts whine and growl to each other. Occasionally one will lunge forward.

Then another mutt slightly larger than the others emerges from the shadows. Its fur is a wavy ash blonde, and its teeth are barred in a ferocious growl. I look into its eyes. Blue eyes. Peeta's burn with hate and resentment.

He lunges, and I see a gleam of white teeth before the world goes dark.

Peeta.

I wake up screaming for him. All I want is Peeta, with his steady heart beat and soft blue eyes. I want him to hold me like he did in the arena cave, were both our heart beat in unison. I want him to be here, to see him and know that my dream was just that. To tell me I'm safe. And then he's there, holding me, holding my hair and telling me everything will be okay. That it's just a nightmare, not real. I feel his strong arms around me and feel safe. But it's not Peeta, and it never will be, because he's gone. No. it's his killer who comforts me in the dark twilight. I can tell by the way he moves; even the steady sound of his breath is different.

But I let him hold me, because I'm too tired to fight anymore, and to face the darkness and the terror alone is unbearable.

This becomes our agreement. Each night he comes to my room and we guard each other from the dreams that seek to drive us crazy. All though all we do is sleep, guilt gnaws away at me. This feels like betrayal of Peeta's memory. The few times were Cato's hands go were they should not I slap them away and threaten to kick him out. I won't really, but he stops. Neither of us wants to be alone. It does help that I never have to see his face. He always shows up after I've already turned out the light, and he always leaves before I wake.

Our sleeping arrangement soon becomes an item of gossip among the capitol attendants on the train. Even my prep team asks me about it. I don't really care; in fact I'm almost grateful. Maybe other people will hear too. Then no one will doubt out "love".

One morning I wake up as the train passed through a districts fence. I know where we are. Cato is gone as always but the sheets are still warm so he must have only left recently. Last night he had tossed and turned and when he finally fell asleep he kept muttering to himself.

Today my prep team dresses me in a metallic gold dress. Cinna pins my mocking jay pin on the front.

I join Cato and the others just as the train lurches to a stop. He's shifting nervously from foot to foot, and his face is clouded with worry. But then he looks up and see's me and it all melts away. He looks like a victor again, powerful, cold, and bloodthirsty.

Effie hurries up to make sure we're ready, and Cinna hands me a warm fur coat.

"Alright everyone time to go! Only two districts left!" Effie chirps, happily consulting her schedule. I take Cato's hand just as the door opens and we step out into the chill air of district 2.