~X-mission: PLAN A~

"Ohohohoho~!" This kind out beaming laughter can only means someone. It's either Santa... or LUSSURIA.

"Ohohohohoho~! I'm laughing my ass off~! Belphy-chan, Mammy-chan~ You all must come and read this~!" Lussuria's gayish voice rings like merry song. That corpse-lover gaylord doesn't have the slightest idea that his Boss is now sitting in front of the control room watching their every move, analyzing their every voice made. Xanxus rolls his eyes in disgust when the gay trash starts to swoosh his stinking butt around the place laughing like mad. But at least he proves that Xanxus' plan works. Or maybe not, as Lussuria has the lowest laughing point in the Varia, and everybody knows that (sometime he even got the wrong concept, hell knows what's with the trash's brain).

"Only idiot like you will laugh at such a bad joke." Levi spits it out without a second thought. #Bad joke!? You mean my sense of humour is fucking bad! You're dead, scum!# "Ahchoo!" *sniffs* "Why is it so cold all of sudden?" Asks a puzzled Levi who got himself stuck in shit neck-deep.

"You're so cruel, Lewwii~~"

"Mu mu... Ma, why is there so many print-out jokes appearing in the corridors all of sudden? It's not like it's a good reading place here.. And Boss.. approves this?" #Of course I approves it, I'm the one who placed them there in the first place!#

"Ushishishishi! The prince's bursting his stomach!" #Good, now you laughed too.#

"Jokes are good for both mental and physical health~~~ Does this means, Bossu actually cares for us a lot~?" #Even if I care, it won't be you dumb trash!#

"Mu mu maybe Boss wants us to relax once in a while?" #I want you to laugh, damnit!#

"Shishishishi Boss doesn't do things for nothing~ He's hinting us to praise his sense of humour!" #Correct!#

"S-so you mean Bossu is the one who place all this here and wants us to notice them and laugh!?" #Stupid scum, don't you understand!? I want the stupid shark trash to see that and laugh!#

"Yesshh Lewwiii~~ Bossu wants us to read them properly and fill the atmosphere with joy and happiness! Bossu wants a big happy family~!"

"For Boss! Guhehehe HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Muahahahahaha! OHAHAHAHA!" The bugs in the hallway are almost destroyed by the terrifyingly unnatural and ugly laughter. Xanxus, in a twisted face which is waaay too evil for human eyes to see, mutes the speaker. The sight of Levi fake laughing alone is enough to break down Xanxus' mind.

The great Varia Boss swears to kill that scum one day.

A certain teal-hair boy with a illusion apple hat comes into the range of the surveillance camera.

"What is just so funny sempai? Your body is shaking violently like you're being thrusted around by a five-feet pole. And peacock taichou, please stop swinging your caboose in all directions, you're giving little kids pervertic thought. And old lightning pervert, Me hate to say this but Boss must be using his maker pen to blacken your ugly face appeared on the CCTV screen now." #Now that's a good idea (the blacken Levi suggestion), why didn't I thought of it so I wouldn't have suffered an eyesore?#

*Stab stab stab stab*

"Shishishi. Say that again, frog."

"Me thought me won't need to repeat meself but too bad that me sempai is partially-deaf and he didn't hear me insulting him just now... Poor me for having a block-headed fake prince sempai. Oh yeah, block doesn't have eyes eitherways so he can't read me lips..."

*Stab stab stab stab stab*

"The prince is not a fake!"

"Mu, that's not very wise, Fran. But I agree with you about Levi and Lussuria..."

"Me is just telling the truth. Good kids don't lie, not like sempai self-proclaiming.."

*Stab*

"Ouch. Please be reminded that me do not wear a solid frog hat and me may die of blood lost although me know you do not have a memory at all, sempai."

*Stab stab stab stab stab staab stab stab*

"Kaching! Dieeee Frog!"

"Illusionists are meanies~~"

"You deserved to be punished, kid! Serves you right!"

"Yare yare stop fight boys~ Bossu wants a happy family, not a bunch of quarreling boys~~"

"Boys."

"Yup, boys~! I'm the mama, remember~? Now enjoy Bossu's jokes~!"

"Yeah! Bossu wants us to laugh. Laugh! Gehehehehgehe o ahahahaha!"

Xanxus mutes the speaker once again with furrowed brows. He wonders why he even allowed this worthless piece of shit to survive for so long? Xanxus the Great swears (with a colourful strings of profane language) that he will kill that faggot and dispose him like an unwanted condom (describing Levi as a condom is a huge insult to condoms for fuck's sake!). Even a condom is way useful than the ugly lightning ass-kisser!

"Boss wants it? If that's Boss' order... How should I laugh? Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Heh. Heh. Heh. Heh.?" #Really, I'm going to kill you tonight.#

"Mammy-chan, what about you~~ Don't you want to contribute to the family~?"

"I'll laugh for ten thousand Euro. No more Mammy, Lussuria. If you're calling me that again I'm going charge you 500 Euro per calling."

"Shishishi that's so expensive~~"

"Don't be like that, Mamu-chan~~"

"..."

"I understand how you feel, Mammon sempai, or Mammon baby?"

"Shishishi... Baby..."

Just when Xanxus' about to give up watching at the screen, the target shows up.

"VVOOOOOOIIIIII why the hell are you guys crowding in the hallway! And what are these papers!" The silver-haired swordsmaster (experiment subject) waved his artificial hand around menacingly but surprisingly doesn't slices the papers, though the sharp part of the blade is dangerously close to Xanxus' creation. #Skilled.#

"There you are, Squ-chan~! I thought you've died eaten by some mean monsters~~!"

"Shishishishi are you hiding because you're scared of Boss?"

"Stay away from the Bossu!"

"Idiotic long-hair commander, it can't be help if Boss likes to play with your hair."

"I can help you to advise Boss if you pay me well."

"VOOOIIIIII FUCK OFF I AM NOT AVOIDING HIM GODAMNIT NOW WHO'S THE ONE WHO WENT UNDER THE FUCKING SUN MOTHERFUCKING WEED WHEN ALL OF YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO FOOL AROUND IN THE FUCKING GARDEN BUT NO ONE SHOWED UP TO HELP CLEANING UP THE MESS LEAVING ME ALL ALONE TO LICK YOU SHITS FOR YOU!" Xanxus lowers the volume of the speaker as he doesn't have his cotton balls corked his ears. #Oh, now I remember why I didn't see him all day. I said I want to play "step-shadow" this evening and he's preparing the place.#

"Ohhhh sorry we forgot~~~ Don't be angry Squ-chan it's not good for your health~~"

"Don't call me Squ-chan!"

"Shishishi peasant should do peasant's job."

"Shut up, brat! You're cleaning up your bedroom tonight! The strong stench is coming out from your room and I'm suffocating in my sleep!"

"The prince's royal room is so clean~~ You're the one who have nose problem, Squalo."

"Sempai you should really clean your filthy room. It smells like the son of a dung beetle and a rotting carcass baptized in drain water from the underground terrain. Me's illusion won't work anywhere near to your room, you know."

*Stab stab stab stab*

"How dare you insulted the prince's royally room!"

"No Bel you should really, at least do something about your messy room. I'm next to you, you know, Acrobalenos needs to sleep too."

"Shishi wha-"

"Yeah! Bossu will faint if he happens to pass by! Clean it!"

"Belphy-chan, this is a matter of personal hygiene~~"

Xanxus didn't know that his one of his underling is such a dirty freak despite being maniacal and psychotic. He makes another mental memo to stay away from that scum for at least a minimum radius of 30 meters.

He does discovers a lot from a short conversation like this.

"Che... Fine! But, shishishi you're helping the prince to clean it, Froggy!"

"Huh? Me don't see a frog anywhere.."

"Don't play fool Froggy!"

"Taichous, help me. Me don't want to step into sempai's pool of waste and saliva."

*Stab*

"Ouch. Please stop stabing me with your weird knifes. My back is already full of blades and it hurts."

"Shishishi the prince will turn you into a frog cactus if you decline the prince's royal invitation."

"Help. Peacock dragqueen, idiotic long-hair commander, baby Mammon, skip old lightning-pervert, help me."

"You should've asked more nicely Franny-chan~ It's not bad to help out Belphy-chan anyways~~"

"VOI go help that prince brat clean his room! More help (hands) makes faster work!"

"You'll need to pay me first."

"Serves you right!"

"Pity me." #Laugh! Damnit! Are you laughing just yet!?#(Xanxus' fuming)

"Squ-chan~~"

"SQUALO! S-Q-U-A-L-O!"

"Squ-chan, have you read the jokes on the wall yet? Bossu left them here~~" #Now you'll laugh!#

"XANXUS? What the hell does he wants!?"

"Don't you utter Bossu's name." "Bossu wants a big happy family~~ He wants to see us all giggling together~!" #Oh fuck I don't how you interpreted this just laugh already!#

"HUH?"

"Just~ Read it~~ It's funny~~~"

"I've never see you laugh, Squalo."

"Shishishi maybe his voice is ugly."

"Me just hope me won't break my eardrums."

"VOIII! Shut up I'm reading!"

Xanxus, staring at the screen very eagerly, his face is getting closer and closer to the CCTV, sucking his thumb while widens his eyes and few millimeters more, expecting to get results he wants...

"VOOOII! This is funny!"

!?

"Squ-chan, don't you think it's hilarious?"

"You deaf!? I said it's funny!"

"Mu mu don't you laugh over something humourous?"

"I already laughed it over when I said it's funny! What!? What's wrong!? ...Don't tell me Xanxus is making an experiment out of me again..."

"Of course not honey~~ Everybody here laughed over it, even little Franny-chan~~ Right~?"

"Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha."

"..."

Xanxus shuts the system down. This it isn't working. He needs a plan B.