Arizona sat alone in the doctor's room. Her doctor had left her alone when he had realized that she was not cooperative. Not at all. She waited for a minute and thought that he would actually come back but then she took a deep breath. You have to do this. There's no other option. She tried to stand up on her own. She wasn't someone who easily accepted help. It felt weird and the prosthesis hurt a little. She took her first step and stood still again. Suddenly she heard someone behind her and turned around in shock and anger. Immediately she fell to the ground and right on her back. Great, that was the right thing she needed now. Someone watching her fail.

"Ouch!" She touched her back and then looked madly at the person behind her. She immediately lost the mad face when she saw a very beautiful young girl in a wheelchair. Who was she and why was she here?

"Sorry," Laura apologized and got out of her wheelchair to jump to Arizona. Arizona looked confused at the girl and tried to get up but couldn't. "Can you get up?"

"Not really." Arizona whispered ashamed and bit her lip. Then her eyes widened. She had not even recognized that the girl was an amputee too.

"It's easy." Laura sat down on the floor and showed her to get up "Just use your stompy too and then bend over. You have to push a little with your arms."

It looked extremely easy but when Arizona tried to do the same, she fell down again. Frustrated she let out a moan and put a hand in front of her face. She didn't want to cry in front of a girl but nevertheless her eyes got teary. Well, she didn't want to cry at all but somehow she would – when she was frustrated, sad, mad or had her authority issues.

At first Laura didn't know what to do but then she had an idea: "Ummm….you can also get up with your prosthesis. Eww…he gave you an ugly one. Look, you can use it as a stick."

Arizona took a deep breath. She was brave and not someone who would give up, right? She tried to do the same and was glad when she could sit back in a chair again. "Is this your first time?"

Arizona nodded. "I remember my first time. It was weird." Laura laughed shyly and then jumped extremely fast to the prostheses "Cool. There are so many. I broke mine but this looks like my size."

Within seconds Laura had put it one and walked through the room as if it was the most normal thing to do. "That's a bad one. It feels like I'm on a stick. Do you want to try walking again?"

"No. I wait for the doctor." Arizona said and tried to hide her tears.

"But doctors only talk. I like just doing it." Laura answered honestly. Arizona looked shocked at the girl. She was definitely not older than eight and said such wise words. From working with kids, Arizona already knew that kids had a lot of wise and honest words. With a moan she took her prosthesis into her hands and looked at it. Okay, I can do this. I have to do this. There is no other option. I want to get my life back.

Arizona put on the prosthesis and stood up again. She walked two steps and smiled a little when Laura turned around and yelled, "YAY! You walk!" The girl wanted to walk fast to her but lost her balance and slumped forwards, head first. Arizona could tell that hitting your head at the barrel hurt. Arizona didn't even realize that she took about three quick steps without holding anything to get to the fallen girl.

"Are you hurt, sweetie?" she asked softly and worried.

Laura shook her head and bit her lip while tears appeared in her eyes. She wiped them away immediately.

"C'mon," Arizona held out a hand and at first Laura hesitated but then she took it and jumped on her leg. "You gonna have a tiny, tiny bump on your forehead now but luckily I know how to make it better."

Laura looked up at the woman and she couldn't understand why Dr. Torres thought that she was mean. The woman in front of her was very nice to her.

"Pain, pain no way to stay, I want you to go away!" Arizona said a few times and did some funny hand movements on the bump. "Is it better now?"

"Yes!" Laura looked up happily and then threw the prosthesis onto the floor and whispered: "Some prostheses are really mean"

"I can imagine that," Arizona laughed. It was good to really laugh again.

xxxxxxx

Callie was excited when she got home. It was not that late but Sofia was already in her arms sleeping. When she opened the doors she saw Arizona sitting on the couch watching TV. Normally Arizona would watch from the bedroom when Callie was at home. Maybe this was progress? "Hello honey."

"Hello." Arizona said. An answer was definitely a progress and her "hello" didn't even sound mad.

"I'm going to lay down Sofia. She's super cranky from kindergarten. Are you hungry too?" Callie asked carefully.

"I cooked for us." Arizona said and saw the astonishment in Callie's face. "Don't look at me like that. I can still cook."

"Yeah…I know…I didn't assume you can't. I just…thank you. I'm really starving." Callie said and put Sofia into her bed. She was shocked to see that there were also plates on the table. This IS a huge progress. Callie couldn't hide her smile and sat down at the table. Arizona wheeled over to her and started eating as well. The first meal at the table, the first meal that Arizona had cooked after months and there it was, the first soft smile. Callie didn't need more. That smile meant everything to her. Callie didn't know if she should ask her wife or not but she was curious.

Arizona could tell that Callie wanted to ask her about the appointment. Callie could never hide her curiosity or when something was bothering her. Arizona took a deep breath and then looked at her wife. "Do you want to know about my appointment?"

Callie looked relieved at her while she ate, "Yes, please! Tell me everything!"

Arizona had to smile at her wife's sweet comment and just looked at her for a second.

Callie squeezed her hand, "Take your time, honey!"

"No, it's okay," Arizona shook her head and took another deep breath, "I hated it. It was embarrassing and I fell down."

"Oh my god, are you hurt?" Callie asked worried but was relieved when Arizona shook her head.

"No but it was really hard. Walking with a prosthesis is…it's just annoying so different… and I really thought that I wouldn't be able to take one step but there was this little girl. She lost her leg too. Her name is Laura and she showed me some good moves. Can you believe that? A seven year old showed me how to walk."

"But…that's good, right?" Callie asked unsure.

"Good? It's embarrassing." Arizona didn't want to cry but the tears went down her face but suddenly her cry turned into a loud laugh. This day had just been overwhelming. "And…the girl, you know what she did?"

"No." Callie said. Callie was suddenly very unsure whether it had been a good idea to let Laura help Arizona.

"She…she pimped up her prosthesis with a roll. She said that she wanted to roller-skate and that it was working until she tried to jump with the roll." Arizona said amazed.

"Wow." Callie answered.

"Yes." Arizona wiped her tears and smiled again, "I told her that I love to roller-skate and that I had these shoes with rolls as a doctor. And then she promised me to pimp up my prosthesis as well, so I could still be faster as a doctor. She obviously loves to change her prostheses a bit." Arizona laughed, "That is one crazy girl."

xxxxxx

"Don't you want to come to bed too?" Arizona asked softly when she couldn't stop yawning any more. Callie smiled wildly and nodded.

"I'd love to!" she answered and a little later both of them lay in their warm bed.

"You are right…I…I miss Mark!" Arizona started to stutter. "And…I know that he was your best friend and that you miss him even more…he was your buddy…and…I'm just…sorry for you…and for me…and I just wished to turn back time!" Callie listened carefully and was glad that Arizona didn't take back her hand when she took it onto her chest. "I try, Calliope. I…I know it's hard for you and I don't want to yell at you. Normally I'm a fast learner. I can adapt to anything. Moving from state to state. I'm an army brat. But when I met you, I settled and for the firs time in my life I…I made plans for my future that did not have to do anything with my career. And it feels like every plan is over now. It…I just really want to turn back time." Arizona whispered sadly.

"I wished I could do that. But we can't. But it's still in our hands how our future will look like. And the only thing I plan on is being happy with you and Sofia. That's it. There are lots and lots of ways to be happy. You telling me your thoughts makes me happy. And it makes me happy to see you happy!"

"But I don't know how. I want to be happy and…I don't want to make it so hard for you," her lip shivered heavily.

"Don't worry. I'm a tough woman," Callie leaned a little closer to Arizona who nodded.

"I know you are!"

"And so are you!" Callie answered immediately, "And this…this is a start, honey. Just…just try getting better. Step by step. Don't rush, don't hurry. Just try to go forwards and not backwards and I'll be with you all the way, okay?" Callie said softly.

"Okay!" Arizona answered and took a deep breath, "I try. I promise but I…wished I could promise not to yell any more. I'm…sometimes it's just comes over me and I can't stop it. I want to but…please don't…don't run away from me." she whispered.

Callie looked shocked at Arizona. Did she really think that she could run away?

"Arizona!" Callie took both of her hands around Arizona's face and wiped her tears with her thumbs, "I will never run away from you. I'm way too stubborn to let something as precious as you go. I love you and I made a vow. In good and bad times and these…well these are our bad times. So don't worry. Just focus on getting better and nothing else, kay?"

"Okay!"

Callie kissed Arizona's forehead and then lay down again and watched how Arizona slowly dosed off. For the first time her wife didn't take back her hand. Callie held it tightly. She was not intending on letting go of it. Her heart still hurt when she thought about the time when Arizona had taken back her hand for the first time.

xxxxxxxx

"Cut off the leg!" Callie said. Alex looked shocked at her but both knew that this was the only option. Callie's eyes got teary and she focused on Derek's hand again. She knew that this was the moment that she would loose her wife. But for how long? Arizona had always been the strong one, the cheery and funny one. Nothing could break her, she was a woman in the storm. But Callie also knew how Arizona had been after her brother's death. Lost and mad at the world. She knew that history would repeat itself now.

xx

Arizona felt like she was dying. Her heart was racing and she couldn't see straight any more. Everything was a blur. She felt a hand on her head and someone telling her that everything will be all right. She couldn't even tell who it was and then she realized what was happening. "NO!" she tried to get up with her chest but soft but strong hands pushed her back. "No, let go of me!" Arizona screamed loudly but all that came out was a whisper. She felt trapped in her own body and used all her energy when she was wheeled into the OR and nurses started to prepare her. She knew that situation all too well and pushed a nurse back who wanted to inject something into her arm.

"I don't want this!" Arizona screamed. This time it was loud and everyone slowed down in the room. She could see Alex and Bailey by her side and looked at them with tears in her eyes.

"I don't give anyone permission to cut off my leg, do you…under…stand me!" Talking started to get hard and even breathing hurt her lung.

"Arizona, your leg…" Arizona tried to understand what Bailey was saying but her ears started to make a loud sound and she suddenly spit up blood.

Bailey and Alex looked at each other and then nodded. "Take the mask!" Bailey said to a nurse. "I'm so sorry!" Bailey whispered and then tried to calm down her colleague but Arizona pushed back the nurse again, hit someone in the head with her free foot and even scratched someone hard.
"No, no. Let go of me. You must not cut of my leg. Callie. I want Callie. You must not…," she tried to push the mask away but now Bailey was holding her left hand down, another nurse the right one and Alex held her strong leg down, so that she couldn't move any more.

"No, no, go away. Go away. Don't do this to me. Don't. Please!" Arizona started to cry hard when a nurse managed to put the mask over her face. She tried not to breath and it worked for a minute but then she had to take a deep breath. She tried so hard to fight the sedation but then she felt her body getting numb. Tears still streamed out of her eyes and then her eyes rolled back into the darkness.

xx

Callie held Arizona's hand and waited for her to wake up. She could suddenly feel a movement and looked up. Slowly Arizona's eyes opened and looked at her. At first Arizona showed a soft smile but then the smile turned into pure sadness. As if Arizona was suddenly remembering what had happened.

"Please tell me it was a bad dream!" Arizona whispered and looked down at the blanket. She didn't dare to look under it.

"Arizona…," that was the moment where Callie had no clue what to say or do. Arizona looked at her and then whispered the words Callie had feared.

"Leave me alone!" Arizona said harsh.

"Arizona please, there was no other option. If there would've been, I'd…" Callie shivered when Arizona screamed at her again and took back her hand. After getting yelled at for what felt like an eternity, Callie stood up and went outside. She slumped to the ground and cried into her hands.

Arizona didn't dare to look under her blanket. She fell back into her pillow and cried hard. She knew the tears would be her constant companions from now on. Why hadn't Callie saved her leg? Why was this happening to her? She felt trapped and alone. She was mad at Callie, at Alex, at Bailey and at herself. She wanted to be strong but right now she felt weak and helpless.

xxxxxxxxx

Arizona turned around in bed and looked at her sleeping wife. God, Callie was so beautiful and even her little snoring was amazing. She watched her for a long while. It was peaceful and calming her down until the beeper started to go on.

"Callie! Caaalllieee" Arizona whispered. Callie was such a deep sleeper that Arizona had to push her out of the bed.

"What? I'm up, I'm up!" Callie moaned from the floor.

"They are calling you." Arizona said and put the pillow over her face.

"Gosh, I hate that it can't be yours any more. It's like loosing the privilege of hope. Hope that I will be the one sleeping longer in the warm and comfy bed. And now it's always you who can sleep long," Callie said without thinking. Arizona immediately pulled down the pillow and looked shocked at Callie. "No, I didn't mean it like that…I just…I just want to sleep too and I'd prefer…if you had to get up…you know. I mean…you're a better morning person…I'm grumpy-me…and…okay, I shut up now..," Callie rambled.

Arizona burst out into laughing and then threw the pillow at Callie, "Get ready, Calliope." Sometimes her wife was definitely crazy too. Another thing she loved about her.

xxxxxxx