A/N: Chapter one has been edited and re-loaded. This story will toggle between Merlin and Arthur's POVs. Both of the boys will be learning important things during the course of the story. The story is not completed as yet, but due to other circumstances I have decided to begin posting the chapters as they are finished. I am trying to stretch the boundaries of both characters in this story without going out of character. I have no idea what season three holds, but I have now seen all of season two and have worked in canon from that season to continue this tale. I would really appreciate any feedback from readers.
Thanks and please enjoy.
Alice I

Chapter Two

Merlin told Gaius that he was going on an extended hunting trip with Arthur and would be gone for a few days, not wanting to tell the court physician something other than what Arthur planned to tell the king.

"You seem almost pleased to be going on this trip, Merlin. I thought you hated going hunting with Arthur."

"I know," Merlin answered simply. "I'm just looking forward to getting out of the city for awhile. It will be good to get away for a couple of days."

The young warlock wasn't very surprised that Gaius was questioning him, considering the conflict between them over Freya, the druid girl caught by the bounty hunter. Merlin still felt very strongly that he had done nothing wrong, regardless of what Uther's laws were about people who had magic. He had openly lied to Gaius about releasing Freya from the cage that Halig had her in and then lied again about knowing where she was. Merlin knew that his mentor understood what had driven him, but the entire affair had caused an unspoken tension between them, especially after Gaius had to go to the king to tell him what Freya actually was. Merlin understood why Gaius had done this: four people had died because of her, but it wasn't her fault.

Gaius stood in front of the table where he was sorting medicinal herbs and looked at his ward carefully, as if trying to see through a half truth. Merlin couldn't help the fact that Gaius seemed to be questioning his story of a hunting trip, so he chose to ignore the suspicious look and continued to pack his bag. After another moment Gaius set down the jar he had been holding and came around the table, taking Merlin by the shoulders.

"I know that you have had a hard time lately. I have not been blind to your pain, Merlin. Perhaps a couple of days away would be good for you, and I hope this trip gives you the break you need; although hunting with Arthur won't be much of a break from working."

"I don't mind working, I'm rather used to it by now, don't you think?" Merlin replied, hoping that Gaius wouldn't ask any further questions. He didn't like lying to the man who had taken him in as his ward, and although he and Arthur weren't actually going on a hunting trip, everything else he had said to the physician was the truth.

Gaius nodded and patted Merlin on the shoulder. "Well, you take care. Do you have any idea how long you're likely to be gone?"

Merlin considered the question. "I'm not sure. Arthur said it would be a few days, but he wasn't very specific. I suppose it will depend on how the trip goes."

Merlin met Arthur at the royal stables an hour later as planned to find that the young prince had two horses already saddled and ready to go. Merlin doubted that Arthur had saddled the horses himself as two of the stable hands were milling about nearby. Arthur had brought along his crossbow, bow and a quiver of arrows, and a couple of throwing spears. When Merlin looked at them curiously, Arthur shrugged.

"Just because I don't plan to hunt doesn't mean I can't catch some fresh dinner or bring home a reasonable catch on the return trip." He grinned, with a mischievous glint in his eye. "Besides, we need to look the part."

Once they had left the walls of Camelot behind and entered the edge of the forest Arthur turned to Merlin and asked, "So which way do you want to go?"

Merlin had no idea what direction they should go in. He was still stunned that Arthur had even suggested the trip at all. He swung his leg over the back of the horse and dropped to the ground easily. Bending over he grabbed up a handful of dirt and pine needles and tossed them up into the air. The pine needles were caught by the breeze and floated off to the left.

"Let's go that way." Merlin said, pointing after the pine needles now drifting back down to rest on the forest floor.

Arthur let out a short laugh. "So you want to go whichever way the wind blows?"

"Why not?"

Arthur shrugged at the question. "Okay, Merlin, why not? Let's go."

Arthur kept a gentle pace, not in any particular hurry. Merlin wondered again why Arthur had decided on this trip. He believed the prince when he said that he wanted to give Merlin a break, but he couldn't help wondering if at some point Arthur would press him again for information about what had been bothering him. Arthur rode along-side the young man, watching him surreptitiously. Merlin pretended that he didn't notice his glances. After some time the sunshine and the peace of the forest around him began to sap away his anxiety and for the first time in days Merlin felt himself really beginning to relax. After an hour or so of riding Merlin's natural inclination to chat and fill the void of silence took over and he began making small comments about the weather or the surrounding forest or other servants who worked in the castle.

"Gaius didn't really believe me when I said we were going hunting, you know."

Arthur raised his eyebrows at that comment. "Really? Why not?"

Merlin smiled a little when he answered. "I think it had something to do with the fact that I didn't seem to mind that we were going. He knows that I don't normally enjoy going hunting, no offense."

Arthur smiled at that last addendum. "None taken. So what did you say to him to make him believe you?"

Merlin just shrugged. "Nothing really. I said that I liked the idea of getting out of the city for a while and that I didn't mind working in the process."

"It seems a bit odd that Gaius wouldn't have believed you," Arthur commented.

Merlin shifted uncomfortably in his seat and pointedly looked off to his left, avoiding eye contact with Arthur.

"Merlin, is there a problem between you and Gaius?"

It was a straightforward question, but the answer was anything but straightforward. Merlin sighed despite himself before answering, "No, not really."

Arthur obviously wasn't convinced. "Well which is it; no, or not really? Merlin, it sounds to me like maybe there is a problem between you."

Merlin pulled on the reins of his horse and stopped. This time he looked directly at Arthur. "We disagreed about something recently and I wasn't completely honest with him about it."

Arthur seemed genuinely astonished by this admission. "You lied to Gaius?" he asked.

Merlin could almost hear Gaius' voice in his mind. 'There was a time when you thought twice before lying to me.'

As much as he didn't want to admit it, Gaius was right: he had changed since coming to Camelot. He had to keep so many secrets just to remain safe and fulfill his destiny that by extension he was becoming secretive from the one person who knew him better than anyone else. Even though lying to Gaius about Freya seemed wrong, in his heart Merlin still refused to believe it. He looked at Arthur and squared his shoulders. "I did what was right...but yes, I lied to him."

"So you don't think he trusts you any more?" Arthur asked.

That question stopped Merlin for a moment. Gaius did seem to question that this was a hunting trip, and while that had been a lie, it was out of character for Gaius to question something so trivial in the first place. Perhaps Gaius didn't actually trust him any longer. As these thoughts churned in the young man's mind, Arthur frowned at the lack of an answer. "Merlin?"

Merlin shook his head. Keeping all of these secrets was making him paranoid. Of course Gaius trusted him. "No, I don't think that, it's just that he was disappointed in me, but then I was disappointed in him too. We just don't always agree on things and this was one of those instances, that's all."

Arthur nudged his horse back in to a walk and Merlin followed suit. "Is that what's been bothering you lately?" the prince asked.

Merlin knew that Arthur was only trying to help, and didn't begrudge his inquiry. "Maybe a little. He wants to be there for me; to understand who I am, but he can never understand, not really."

Merlin realized that Arthur couldn't possibly comprehend what he was talking about, but somehow just being allowed to speak about it helped him to unburden his heart a little. "It's one of the things I tried to explain last night. I don't really fit in."

Arthur obviously didn't understand what Merlin was trying to say, but he was like a bulldog that wouldn't give up. "I remember what you said last night, but I still don't really understand. How don't you fit? Can you give me a specific example?"

Merlin wanted to steer the conversation away from his argument with Gaius so he picked the simplest example he could think of. "Okay. I don't like hunting because I always feel sorry for the animal being hunted. I know that is stupid, but it's still the way I end up feeling."

"You mean like the time with the unicorn?" Arthur asked, obviously calling upon the most vivid recollection he must have had of Merlin's aversion to hunting.

"Yeah, kind of." Merlin almost wished that Arthur hadn't brought up the unicorn. It was a terrible time for both of them. Arthur had learned a very valuable and painful lesson where the unicorn was concerned, but Merlin couldn't help feeling pity for the deer that fell to the hunter's arrows, or for the other animals that were considered perfectly normal things to hunt. "Look, I know that hunting is necessary, and I'm not against it. I just don't really like it, and if that makes me a 'girl' as you put it then I'll have to be fine with that. That's just one example but it gets the point across; I am different from everyone else. I just don't fit. Even the disagreement I had with Gaius only only shows that the one person who knows me better than anyone else... doesn't really understand me, so where does that leave me?"

Arthur was quiet for a few minutes as they continued to ride. When he spoke it took Merlin a little by surprise. "You may be a little different, Merlin, but that's not a bad thing. You need to stop worrying about what other people think of you. Just be who you are and if someone doesn't like it, it's their problem. Don't make it yours."

Merlin wanted to laugh at that advice. Truly being who he was was his most persistent problem. Arthur naturally didn't realize that, which is what made his advice so ironic. Merlin had to admit to himself that Arthur trying so hard to be open and understanding - trying so hard just to be a friend - was helping to alleviate the heaviness in his heart. Arthur didn't really know what was bothering him, but the young warlock realized that ultimately it didn't matter. Arthur's simple willingness to listen was all that he really needed.

As they continued to ride Merlin relaxed even more. Being allowed to just talk without needing to explain everything was cathartic for the young man and the tension in his shoulders began to ease as the underlying mild headache that had been his constant companion for the last week began to fade away. He occasionally caught Arthur looking at him out of the corner of his eye and he wondered what the young prince was thinking about. Arthur had been so genuinely shocked that he had lied to Gaius that Merlin had to try and remember that Arthur had known the aging physician his entire life. He probably trusted him more than almost anyone else in the castle. He would have to given the fact that Gaius is the one who treated him for any ailment. There really wasn't much Merlin could do about whatever Arthur was thinking so he shrugged it off and just tried to enjoy the relaxing ride and the sun shine on his face.

At midday Arthur pulled his horse to a stop. "Hey, let's eat." he called to Merlin, who was riding a few paces back.

Merlin wasn't particularly hungry but he had no problem with stopping and dismounted as he pulled out a water skin. Arthur pulled out some dried meat and bread from the provisions the kitchen staff had put together for him as well as an old, somewhat worn fur-skin. Arthur handed some of the bread and meat to Merlin and sat down relaxing against a tree. Merlin took a drink from the water skin and handed it to Arthur who corked it and set it aside. He picked up the fur skin and tossed it lightly at Merlin.

"Here, this beats water."

Merlin pulled the cork on the old skin and sniffed at it experimentally then raised his eyebrows at Arthur. "You came prepared." he said, appreciatively as he took a long pull from the skin. The mead it contained was stronger than he expected and he ended up coughing and sputtering when the liquid burned its way down the young man's throat.

Arthur laughed at Merlin. "You are such a lightweight, Merlin."

Merlin looked up at Arthur with a particularly goofy grin on his face and handed the skin back to the prince. "I'm not! I just wasn't expecting it to be so old."

"Old? I'll have you know that this mead is from my father's private stores!"

Merlin just about choked at that comment. "Are you crazy? Uther will have your head! No, actually, it'll be my head! He'll think it was me who took it."

Arthur laughed again and took a pull himself. "He'll never notice. Trust me, Merlin. I have been nipping from father's stores for a long time."

Merlin reached for the skin again smiling broadly. "Hmmm, good to know." he said, in a conspiratorial tone.

Merlin continued to visibly relax and even felt as though he might nod off when he rested his head against the bark of the tree he was propped up against. It was so peaceful out here away from the hustle and bustle of the city and the feeling of constantly being watched. He had nearly dropped off into a light slumber when Arthur's voice jarred him back, but he left his eyes closed.

"Merlin, when we stop to make camp later I want to see if I can hunt something for dinner. Are you going to be alright with that?"

Merlin's head snapped up and his eyes opened wide utterly astounded by Arthur's question. "I... You're... Hang on, are you actually asking me if you can hunt?" the young man asked, incredulously.

Arthur seemed delighted by Merlin's flustered response, but his voice took on an almost offended tone. "I am NOT asking for your permission! But, you have made it pretty clear that you don't like hunting. We have enough provisions to last us a few days so we could always just use those. Personally I would prefer something fresh, but not if you are going to act like a girl about it." Arthur spoke with a playful hint in his voice.

Merlin was completely flummoxed by Arthur's odd behavior and he was sure that showed in his face. The ridiculous grin gracing Arthur's features seemed proof enough of that. "You are the prince, you can do what ever you want to. I'm just a servant, so why ask me?"

Arthur threw his hands up in the air in a show of exasperation. "You really are thick aren't you? I already told you, Merlin; right now you aren't my servant. We are just two people on a trip together."

Much to his consternation, Merlin's eyes grew bright and a lump formed in his throat because of the consideration that Arthur was showing him, even veiled in an insult. He got up quickly and began packing up the horses, making sure he was facing away from the prince; not wanting to embarrass himself with an open display of emotion. "You realize I wouldn't have the first idea how to skin whatever you brought back to camp, right?" Merlin said, keeping his voice even.

"Merlin, I have been skinning animals since I was old enough to hold a bow. I have that part covered, but you do remember the debacle of me trying to cook a chicken for Gwen, right?"

Merlin turned around with a smile on his face at the memory. "How could I forget!" he said with a smirk. His face grew serious for a moment as though forming a plan. "Division of labor will work best here. I'll set up camp while you hunt and skin dinner. Then I'll cook it so that it is actually palatable. Sound fair enough?"

Arthur got up as well and walked over to the horses. "That sounds fair enough. So who taught you how to cook, Merlin?"

"My mother did; who else would?"

Arthur got an odd sort of look on his face and it seemed like he was about to say something, but he patted his horse's flank and checked the saddle straps. As he mounted the animal he looked over at Merlin. "I know a good spot to make camp. It's about two hours from here and we'll have to back track a little bit, but it's a nice spot with a healthy cony population."

As they started out Merlin wondered if it were the two sips of mead or just the fact that he was away from Camelot that made him feel so much less burdened than he had in days; maybe even weeks. Losing Freya still made his heart ache terribly, but what was really making everything so difficult were the constant secrets he held in his heart; they were tearing it apart. Arthur had shown him a compassion that he never really thought he would ever see. It didn't matter that he couldn't tell Arthur about his magic, if Arthur was willing to accept him for who he was. The prince had made his acceptance of Merlin abundantly clear in arranging this trip. Merlin felt a little like he was in some sort of surreal dream when Arthur actually asked if he was going to alright with the prince hunting. Never in any world that Merlin could ever have imagined would he have foreseen Arthur Pendragon, Crown-Prince of Camelot, putting his servant's desires ahead of his own. Except for his mother, no one in his life had ever made such a gesture toward him. Why would they? He was nothing; he was just Merlin.

As they traveled northwest, judging by the position of the sun, Merlin allowed his mind to wander. He wondered to himself if Arthur were ready to know his secret. The young prince had shown unparalleled compassion for his emotional well-being; he had lied to the king to arrange this trip; he had even given up his superior station as prince and traveled as an equal, all for Merlin's benefit. Perhaps he was ready to learn the truth, but every time Merlin got close to letting the secret out, he stopped. The 'what if' scenarios would assert themselves and stay his tongue. Merlin was enjoying himself far too much to risk turning a caring and compassionate travel companion into a shocked, angered and betrayed prince of a kingdom where the use of magic was punishable by death.

Merlin knew that he had been uncharacteristically quiet since Freya's death, but his heart felt lighter in the last few hours than it had since before he saw her sitting there in that cage. Before he realized what he was doing he had begun to hum tunelessly under his breath. He caught Arthur staring at him and he stopped for a moment. "What?"

Arthur was smiling broadly at the young man and he shook his head slightly. "Nothing. Really, nothing at all. I'm glad to see you acting a little more like yourself, but..."

Arthur clearly had something to say but was holding back. "But what?" Merlin asked insistently.

"I never realized you were tone deaf, Merlin." Arthur said, teasingly.

Merlin was just passing a low hanging pine branch and he reached out and snatched off a rather large pine-cone from the tree and threw it right at Arthur. It connected with the side of his head just above his ear and Arthur bellowed his protest, but Merlin had already kicked his horse into a fast gallop headed away from the scene of the crime. Arthur immediately kicked his own mount into pursuit and by the time he caught up to Merlin the young man was laughing so hard he had tears streaming down his face.

"I could have you thrown into the stocks, you know!" Arthur called out breathlessly.

"Yeah, but it would have been worth it. The look on your face was priceless!" Merlin answered, as he slowed his horse to a cantor.

They were traveling up a steady rise in the landscape and when they reached the top of the rise the vista of a pristine lake with white capped mountains off to the left opened before them causing both men to stop their horses and take in the view. Merlin's laughter died away in his throat as he looked down at the lake. They were on the far side of it, but he knew exactly where they were. His heart began hammering in his chest as he looked down at the last place he had seen her, the last time he had held her in his arms and the ache in his heart exploded, taking his breath away. Rather than reveal how much this place affected him, Merlin gently kicked the flanks of his horse and started down the gentle slope to a large clearing not far from the lake's edge certain that was the 'spot' Arthur had spoken of earlier.

They stopped in a small clearing some fifty meters from the waters edge. Except for the clear slope down to the lake and the clearing they were to set up camp in, the rest of the area was dense forest that didn't give way until the foothills of the mountain range off to their left. The lake itself was pristine and the still water sparkled as it reflected the late afternoon sun. Arthur grabbed his bow and quiver of arrows. He glanced over at Merlin who had begun to collect rocks to form a fire pit in the center of the clearing.

"While you set up camp I'll go see about some fresh meat for dinner," he said, before trotting off toward the forest.

Merlin looked up from his work, smiled briefly, and nodded at Arthur then turned to gather up more rocks to ring the fire pit. He avoided looking at the lake as he set up camp and then moved off into the forest to gather up enough firewood to both cook the rabbits, if Arthur caught any, as well as last through the night. He took it as a good omen when he found two forked sturdy sticks that almost qualified as branches. They would make perfect struts to hold a pitted catch over the burning embers of a cooking fire. As he made his way back to the camp he kept a look out for a straight stick to use as a spit and quickly found an excellent candidate. Using a travel knife that Arthur kept in his pack Merlin sat down on a large fallen log near where he had set up the firepit to shave the bark off the stick and whittle one end to a sharp point. Once he was finished with that task he went back out to gather up the firewood he didn't collect upon finding the forked cooking struts.

Merlin tried to keep his thoughts on his utilitarian tasks, but with the lake in full view that was nearly impossible. He thought he had said goodbye to Freya, but his heart wasn't quite ready to let go yet. As he worked he began to be thankful that Arthur had chosen this spot to camp. He was less emotional now than when he had last been here. Perhaps now he could take the time to really let go and move on.

It didn't take him terribly long to get the firewood stacked for the night and get a fire going in the pit. He selected two spots near the fire and took a moment to check and make sure Arthur was nowhere around before using magic to clear the rocks from the sleeping areas and aerate the earth so that it wasn't packed so hard. He laid out the sleeping rolls next and then stood back to inspect his work. The camp was all in order and the fire was burning nicely, already beginning to form some hot embers that would be needed to roast dinner.

Merlin didn't expect Arthur back for some time so he turned his attention to the lake. He picked up the sharpened spit and walked down to the shore slowly staring out over the water's surface. He waded out into the water and carefully jammed the blunt end of the spit into the soft mud of the lake-bed so that the entire spit, save about a half an inch, was submerged in the water. As the cool water lapped at his legs he couldn't help but remember the final moments of Freya's life with such clarity that his heart ached with the memory. He stepped out of the water and back up onto the shore looking out over her watery grave. She had said that he had already saved her by making her feel loved. Merlin didn't know if that qualified as saving her, but she was right about being loved. He had never felt that way about anyone before and the powerful emotions were difficult to cope with.

"You were loved Freya. I loved you with all of my heart. It didn't matter that we had only known each other for a short time; it didn't matter that an evil sorceress had cursed you; I still loved you and I always will."

Grief for his loss welled up inside of the young man causing him to drop to his knees; overcome by the emptiness that engulfed him.

"I miss you so much, and I pray to the Gods that you are finally at peace."

Merlin had never really grieved for Freya after her death. He couldn't; he'd had to keep his relationship with her a secret. Now he allowed himself to express the grief that he had kept so carefully hidden. He didn't try to hold back his tears or stop the sobs from escaping his lips. He cried until he was utterly spent and finally sat back on his heels looking out over the crystal surface of the lake. Its shimmering surface reminded him of her eyes. After a few minutes Merlin sat down and drew his knees up to his chin resting his head on them. He was exhausted, but he had to admit that he felt better having finally allowed his grief an outlet. This was what he needed, and he was once again grateful to Arthur for having arranged this trip.

End Chapter Two