September 26, 2008

The Liberty, Lower Manhattan, NY

Once they were back inside Jim's suite, Olivia turned toward her partner. "You okay?" they asked each other in unison. After a slight nod came from each, they turned their attention toward the hallway.

It was difficult not to get mesmerized by the sheets of rain water that flew in through the broken window, scattering glass fragments throughout the hallway. The sound of the wind coming through the fractured gap in the window was a low, reverberating, shudder.

Elliot shielded himself and quickly lunged back into the hallway, catching the overturned lantern. He brought it back inside the room and taking the lighter from his pocket, he re-lit the wick and set it on the desk.

The trash can, which had once held the door open, had been knocked over when Elliot re-entered and was promptly blown down the hallway. For a short distance, they heard the echo of the tin as it bounced non-rhythmically against the walls and the doors to the other suites.

Because the dead bolt was also turned outward while the door was open, the wind caused the door to begin opening and then slamming against the metal door latch. Elliot finally disengaged the dead bolt and allowed the door to slam shut.

Olivia felt a wave of nausea hit her. She brought herself up to a kneeling position and then carefully stood, putting her weight on her stronger foot. Elliot approached to help, but she waved her hand away.

"I know, Liv. I just wanted…"

"I know. It's okay." She sucked in a breath and took a few steps toward the bed. He stepped back and gave her room.

Olivia gripped the edge of the bed, turned and sat down. She clamped her teeth together and maintained a rather tight grip on the top edge of the mattress with both hands. A moment later she lay back on the mattress, her feet still mostly touching the floor. She wasn't crying but the pain was enough to draw tears. A few stray ones rolled down the sides of her cheeks and onto the mound of blankets left from earlier. Without looking up she knew Elliot was watching and concerned.

He went over to the side of the bed nearest to where she lay and squatted down on the floor.

She was beyond tired, but wondered if the pain she was in would even allow her to get some sleep. Any sleep. She needed painkillers. A shot of Codine was actually more like it. By morning it would most likely be worse anyway. Elliot needed her help and he was in enough pain as it was. He shouldn't have to bear the responsibility for both of them, but she knew he would do so anyway. She silently cursed herself for being in such a state.

He reached with his right hand, hesitantly at first, and then it came to rest over Olivia's left hand, which now lay flat against the mattress. He covered it first then lifted it gently, tucking his fingers underneath her palm. "Squeeze, if it helps?" he offered.

She grinned, rolling her head toward him. "You're already down to one usable arm, El. Do you really want broken fingers on the other hand?"

"It's okay. I'll live. Hell, it'll get me out of paperwork."

Olivia smirked, enjoying the brief distraction. She turned her palm over and wrapped her fingers around his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Thanks."

"Come on Liv, I know it hurts worse than that," he prodded.

She turned her head back and gazed lazily at the light cast by the lantern on the ceiling. No, squeezing wouldn't help. But to her surprise, it did help that she had a hand to hold on to. She didn't let go.

The wind gusts that entered the hallway caused the door to rattle wildly in the door frame. It sounded almost as if someone was on the other side, frightfully pulling on the door knob and trying to get inside the room. Simultaneously, the window on the opposite side of the room was receiving constant blasts of wind gusts and heavy rain. The glass panes seemed to shake with each gust of wind.

She briefly wondered if this window would hold up as well as the one in the hallway. She had heard about people boarding up windows before a hurricane hits and now she had first hand experience as to why it was done.

From where they were, the combined sounds were unsettling. Her existing headache only worsened from listening to it.

"What can I do?" he offered sympathetically, his attention on her rather than the demolition taking place by mother nature.

"Got any Vodka?"

"Nope, fresh out."

"Oh, what good are you?" she teased.

"Good company," he replied with a half-smile.

She turned her head to the side until she could see him and smiled. She wanted to say something encouraging. Problem was, she didn't even know where to begin to look for it. They didn't have a lot going for them at the moment.

They were both in about the same degree of misery, except each felt more at a loss for not being able to help the other one. They were partners no matter what was going on. They wouldn't fight to save themselves, they would only fight to save each other. It was just about all the motivation they had left anymore.

She propped herself up with her elbows, which drew Elliot's vacant daze from some random spot on the floor back to her. He watched her struggle to pull her legs up on the bed, and then she scooted back until she thought she had reached the headboard.

She leaned back and her head hit the pillow. Mission accomplished, she thought. All she needed now was for the ceiling to cave in and knock her unconscious so she wouldn't have to worry about trying to fall asleep.

And from the way it sounded out there, her wish wasn't far from being granted.

Elliot figured he'd just grab one of the pillows and a few blankets and try and get some sleep on the floor. At long last, his clothes had started to dry. More like dry rot, he thought miserably. They were anything but comfortable. But sleeping on the floor wouldn't be so bad. He considered the chairs, but neither of them really reclined. He needed to lie flat. The brief nap he took in the hallway had stiffened his back.

He stood up and walked over to the right side of the bed. Olivia lay almost in the center and he was glad she had managed to get herself in that position.

He picked up one of the three pillows that lay on the bed, folded it in half and set it underneath her foot. She watched him and when she realized what he was doing, she smiled. He covered her up with just the blankets that were originally on the bed. Then he picked up the remaining pillow that Olivia wasn't using and the bundle of blankets left from earlier and walked over to a spot on the floor.

She followed him with her eyes. He shouldn't sleep on the floor.The bed was plenty big enough if she scooted more to the right, and he was in just as much pain.

"El?"

She sat up as he turned to look at her.

If she simply offered it to him, he wouldn't take it. If she asked if he would stay by for support, it would make her sound needy.

Except those were her reasons. Well, almost.

She needed for him to be comfortable and to get a good night's sleep. And although it was tough for her to admit to needing anyone, the truth was she needed him.

She waited too long to say something. Elliot probably figured she had either forgotten or changed her mind about asking, and so he turned back to what he was doing. She lay back down and decided to forget about it.

"Need the lantern, Liv?" He asked a minute later.

She nodded and got up slowly, heading toward the bathroom. Elliot carried it in there for her.

When she was finally back in the bed, she repositioned her foot on the pillow. It did seem to help somewhat.

Elliot went into the bathroom and she heard the shower run for a few minutes. Some time after it had shut off, she wondered if she should get up and offer to help him with rewrapping the arm. Moments later he returned, put out the wick and returned to that spot he had set up on the floor.

They were quiet for a few minutes. Both not even close to sleep. Both seeming worlds apart. They hadn't even told the other one goodnight.

But any silence or unsettled thoughts between them took a back seat to the more dominant sounds produced by the storm.

It was going to be a long night.

"El?" she began, several moments later. "Could you do me favor?"

"Sure."

He didn't ask what or why, he just said that he would, she noted. Maybe this wouldn't be so awkward. "Sleep over here?"

He laughed. Not quite the response she was expecting. "How is that doing you a favor?"

"Well, I'd rather you didn't sleep on the floor."

"Why? Because you feel bad for taking the bed? Don't, Liv. I'm fine."

"Well, no. I- I- just would have an easier time falling asleep, if you-. You know what, never mind." She turned over onto her left side, facing away from him.

"I- I'm just a little surprised, is all."

"It's fine, El. Good night."

She nearly jumped a few minutes later when she felt a hand on her right shoulder. "I'm sorry," he said, remorsefully. He gently ran his hand along her arm to her shoulder in a soothing caress. "Let me know what you need," he offered. "Please, Liv."

Olivia turned over onto her back. "Don't sleep on the floor," she said, hoping that was enough.

"You want me to take the other side?"

"Yeah."

"Okay," he agreed. Elliot picked up his pillow from the floor and moments later, she felt the bed start to sink on the left side as he got in. He lifted the blankets and got underneath them.

Given everything they had just said and everything she knew about him, she expected him to stay on his side of the bed, as far away from her as he could get.

She was completely surprised when he didn't.

Elliot scooted over until their shoulders bumped. The rest happened easily.

"Lift up," he requested, with his fingers tucked behind her neck. She lifted her head and neck off of the pillow. When she put it back down, she felt his arm underneath the nape of her neck. His hand rested on her right arm, like he had done in the hallway. "This okay?"

Up until the storm hit, this was completely unlike them. At some point it just stopped mattering. They had already fallen asleep together twice like this. First, was when she fell back to sleep after waking up in the mound of blankets and the second was in the hall outside the suite. This was different, sure, but for some reason it wasn't awkward.

She nodded and turned on her side, inching her head closer to his. Soon they were almost sharing a pillow. "Thanks," she told him.

"Still not sure why, but you're welcome."

"You're the second best thing to a shot of morphine at this point, El," she explained.

"Good to know," he snickered.

As she lay there, she thought about how much things had changed between them.

When had it happened? Before or after they were caught out in this storm? Before or after his divorce? Before or after Gitano? Probably all of these in some way.

Maybe they had no idea what in the hell they were doing. Maybe they just needed this and were too tired to sort out the issues concerning their partnership and complicated relationship.

Almost instantly, Olivia felt her body starting to relax. Her foot opposed anything she did, but there was something very settling about being right where she was. She didn't want to move, her breathing was just starting to even out. He continued his gentle caresses along her arm, shoulder and back, and it felt like sleep would take over soon enough.

"Well…" Elliot began, "I bet you'd never catch Munch and Fin doing this," he said with a chuckle.

But that did it. It didn't matter that he had caught her on the verge of sleep, she needed this. She lowered her head onto his shoulder and they both started to laugh.

"That's pretty scary too. In the crib, Fin rolls around in his sleep," Elliot joked.

"Yeah, and Munch talks in his sleep," Olivia added.

They laughed and joked about their fellow detectives, each other, and other random things for a little while longer, enjoying the distraction from what was going on outside.

At one point, Olivia reached out to touch his left arm and realized he hadn't put the temporary wrap back on his arm. "Where is it?" she asked accusingly.

"Forgot."

"Try again, Elliot."

"Nag, nag…" he teased, as he threw the covers up on his side and kicked his feet over onto the floor.

She swatted at him playfully as he got up to retrieve the gauze and foam pieces, and then returned a minute later.

When he got back into bed, she sat up slightly, and unrolled the gauze. Going mostly by what she could feel in the dark, she repositioned the foam pieces and rewrapped his arm, moving the safety pin to a spot where it wouldn't stick out nor come open during the night.

Elliot watched her the entire time she fixed his arm. When her head was settled back on his shoulder again, he gently kissed the top of it. "Thanks, Liv."

They remained quiet for a while. Elliot's hand resumed caressing her arm and upper back until she felt her body starting to relax once again. But instead of drifting off to sleep, the noises outside brought her thoughts back to the garage.

It sounded like it was on both of their minds. "There's no way in hell I was leaving that garage without you, Liv," he said all of a sudden.

She smiled. His protective side was a little flattering at times. Out here, anyway.

Suddenly, they heard a loud crash somewhere close by. It wasn't in the room, but they were fairly certain it was on the same floor.

It was enough to send their already heightened senses into full-alert.

Olivia could hear his escalated heart beat and realized hers was beating just as loudly.

Their lives were in danger nearly every day, but not like this. There was no one to negotiate with, there was no one to fight and there was no one to call.

There was also no place to escape.

A second loud crash came moments later and they both nearly jumped out of the bed.

Elliot hugged her a little tighter and started to pray quietly.

She hadn't grown up with these beliefs like he had, and although she tried, she really didn't understand how it would change anything. Maybe it just made him feel better.

Although maybe that was the whole idea, she considered.

She listened to the smooth timbre of his voice and the sense of belief in his words, and found it very comforting. He reached out with his injured hand and found the hand she rested across his arm. He slipped his hand into hers and began to pray just for her.

And it didn't matter that she didn't belong to his religion or any religion for that matter, because right then, she mattered enough to Elliot to be included.

Maybe that was part of the idea, too.

She turned her head toward him when he finished, and met his eyes. They locked gazes for what seemed like an eternity.

More sounds echoed at a distance.

She wasn't sure if it was his gesture or just fear that had prompted it, but the words came easily. "I love you, El."

Elliot smiled warmly, brushing a few of her hair strands back behind her ears. "I love you too, Liv."

It had been so long since had said those words and meant them.

Even longer since she's heard them and believed them.

She clammed up right then and returned her head to his shoulder, hoping he wouldn't notice the toll this short, meaningful exchange was starting to take on her.

But as with anything else, they knew each other too well.

He caressed her arm lightly. "So many things to love about you, too," he said, trying to steer her away from becoming too absorbed in her doubts. "I love that I've got the most gorgeous partner in the NYPD. I love your eyes, your smile, and your hair; no matter how long or short it is. I love it when something makes you laugh. You always roll your eyes half way, the corner of your mouth goes up then you just let go. Whenever you've stopped laughing, you've still got this beautiful smile. I love that you're so independent you won't let other people do things for you, but you'll sometimes let me do them. I love that you know me better than anyone. I love when you step in and defend me against Cragen or Fin, even if you don't agree with me. I even love when we fight because no matter who is right or wrong, you make it interesting. I love that you haven't transferred yet, thank God. I love that you're not afraid to tell me when I'm being an asshole. Early and often."

At this, they both snickered.

He began lifting a few strands of her hair at a time with his fingers. "I love that you let me drive when you know I'm too stressed over a case to sit still on the passenger side. I love that look in your eyes when something about a case finally clicks, and I love that you always look directly at me when it does. I love the way you are with the victims and I love the way they respond to you. I love that my kids adore you and that Kathy respects you. I love that you remember things that I was supposed to remember, and then remind me at the right time. I love getting to work and knowing that you're already there. I love how, whenever I've forgotten my coffee in the mornings, you've remembered and picked one up for me. I love how you order salads at lunch and then eat the french fries off of my plate. I love that you've worn the necklace I gave you every day since you got it." Elliot gently picked up the NYPD pendant on her neck and then set it back down against her skin. "I love that I'm not even close to done with all of the things I love about you."

She wanted to say something but couldn't form the words.

Elliot reached for her chin and then directed her face toward him. "Hey, it's okay

She finally found her voice. "Damn it, Stabler," she asserted as she sniffled.

"You started it," he teased.

At a loss for words, she rolled her eyes and smirked.

"And I'm glad you started it. One of us had to. Hell you're the braver one in this partnership." He touched her cheek with the back of his fingers, wiping the last few tears away. "We'll figure this out, Liv. If you want this as much as I do, we'll make it work. Hardest part right now is getting out of here."

She nodded and then her smile faded. "What if we don't get out of here?"

Elliot's eyes locked with hers. He saw the same spark in her eyes he had seen for years and never really knew why. But now he did. His hand came to rest behind her neck, his head lifted off of the pillow and he brought his face closer to hers. "Then I've got everything I want right here." In the next breath, his lips captured hers.

It started off as a series of soft, slow, tender kisses; each one they treated as though they wanted it committed to memory. Every brush of the lips. Every breath. Every feeling that surfaced as they touched.

Her eyes flitted open and met his. In between their kisses, she paused and searched his eyes, sensing a little hesitancy about what they were doing. Of course, she was no different. In him, she saw the same doubts, but also saw the same hope, the same warmth and same desire.

She smiled contentedly at him when she saw it, and he probably had no idea why. But she had better things to do than to dwell on it.

She leaned partially over him; one hand brushing his cheek, the other reaching behind his neck to draw him in closer. Elliot wrapped both arms around her back, temporarily forgetting about his injured arm when she parted her lips, deepening the kiss.

x x

He figured there would be someone after Kathy, but definitely not this soon. Of course he had expected a couple of moments of weakness when someone might come along who would just accept his company.

But he had no idea that Olivia Benson was even a shadow of a possibility. Never.

In his mind, she deserved so much better. But he didn't trust anyone who so much as looked at her.

Himself included.

He realized how important she was to him the minute he thought he would lose her. And it wasn't even in the garage.

It was back at the bus terminal when Victor Gitano slit her throat. From there, it had spun out of control.

Then came the divorce and Kathy wanting to take the kids.

Olivia had always been there.

Then the storm hit.

And it was finally time to get his head out of his ass and appreciate what he had before he lost her permanently.

x x

It was during the first year of their partnership that she knew it was going to be a challenge to work with this man. Not just because he had his moments and went through several partners before she showed up.

It was because he was exactly what she needed.

He got her. He was the only one who did.

But he was her partner. He was married and they worked together. As far as she was concerned, that's where it ended.

But that never stopped her heart.

Because by the time the Gitano case ended, she could no longer deny what she felt.

x x

The kiss continued, gradually becoming more heated as they each tried to get as close to one another as they could. Elliot turned slightly, causing Olivia to roll off to her right side.

Suddenly, she winced and moved away from him. She sat up in bed, grabbing for her foot.

"Liv! Oh God, I'm so sorry!"

"It's okay," she said faintly. But her tearful voice shown otherwise.

He sat in the bed just behind her, with both arms around her and his face nestled in her hair. "I'm sorry."

Elliot held her like this for a little while. When he felt her beginning to relax a little, he got up out of bed and pulled all of the covers back until they were completely off the bed. Olivia lay back where she was, with her head on the pillow. Elliot removed the gauze and very carefully rewrapped her foot. He folded the pillow by her foot and elevated it once again.

"Any better?" he asked when he lay down beside her again. "Yeah I know that's a dumb question," he admitted. "Come on, let's try and get some sleep, okay?"

Olivia nodded. They returned to the position they were in before.

A moment later she turned her face toward his and kissed him. "Night."

"Night, Liv. Wake me up if you can't sleep."

"Okay." She settled in to him once again and soon her breathing started to even out.

Elliot watched her. He loved the way her body curled in toward him. He loved that her hair would fall against his chin whenever she shifted her head slightly.

Most of all, he absolutely loved the fact that she could fall asleep with him beside her like this.

If he had to spend a night apart from her from here on, he was convinced he would have a hell of a time sleeping. He continued lightly caressing her back, waiting until he was fairly certain she had fallen asleep before he stopped.

He began to relax himself, trying to focus his attention away from the noise outside, hoping sleep would take over.

And then it happened.

It felt like the building shook for a second.

Then came the sound of something scraping hard against the side of the building. The sound of nails on a chalkboard would have been putting it very mildly.

The window to Jim's suite finally gave way. He didn't see anything actually hit the window, but the glass had been obliterated and they were soon blasted with wind gusts, rain, and something with a gritty consistency, which could have been glass, gravel or just about anything.

Elliot sat up, staring through the open window in disbelief.

This can't be happening!

Next chapter: LILITH Part I