Author's Note: I don't like to play favorites with my chapters, but this addition would have to be up there. It was an enormous joy to write and I can only hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. It is also the ending to my second arc and the set up for the third and possibly final arc of the story. I have an ending in my sights but I don't want to announce an ending if I'm not sure it is on the immediate horizon. I may flesh out a few new ideas to make the story last longer, I may not. At this point I've got the next few chapter ideas in my head and am now working on a way to make them into a story. The problem is that I have a few endings in my mind and I'm not sure which one I'm going to go with. Things tend to be messy and complicated with my characters so I cannot guarantee a happy ending either, if you've been reading this story for a while you should know that by now lol. These two men make many poor, self destructive choices and don't really deserve a happy ending. Having said that, there may be some redeeming of their actions. It really depends which idea's I choose to utilize that will determine the ending to the story which as I said, may be close.
The good news is it doesn't end here! So please read, enjoy and review. Thanks readers!
Finnick had spent the better part of his Sunday brooding in darkness. The sun had made little to no effort of shining in the sky that day and he couldn't help but feel it was a suitable sign to reflect the mood he was in.
He had lost Peeta in a foolish attempt to win him back. Now he was alone, exactly what he thought he wanted.
By late afternoon he'd polished off a bottle of scotch and had just begun on the bottle of vodka he kept in his freezer for such occasions. He sat in his living room in complete silence with the shades drawn, stewing over the previous nights events.
He'd barely slept that night and the day of drinking had begun to take it's toll. Finnick closed his eyes as he slumped on the couch, hoping for the strength to turn his mind off and finally rest. A knocking at his door roused him from his attempt.
He placed the cold bottle on the table and rose to his feet, prepared to slam the door shut in the face of anyone who would only serve to piss him off more than he already was.
Peeta stood at his door, his hands stuffed in his pockets, his eyes staring at the floor.
"I just came for my jacket," Peeta mumbled, looking at him for only a second before staring back down at his shoes.
Finnick bit back the smile he could feel rising in his cheeks and opted to adopt Peeta's same cold, hard expression. "It's in the bedroom."
Peeta looked back up at him, an eyebrow cocked and his lips pressed in a tight line, causing his lips to drain color. "Do you really think I'm going to fall for that one again?"
He tried to push the angry words away. "You wanted it." By the time Finnick realized he didn't want to say it, the words slipped out and it was too late to take them back.
"Fuck you," Peeta spat in anger as he pushed his way past the taller man and stormed straight for the bedroom.
"I'm sorry-fuck!" Finnick quickly moved to grab his arm and apologize but the smaller man was too fast. He stumbled for a quick second and banged his knee on the table by the door. "Peeta!"
The younger man was too inconsolable and irate to listen to a word that the man had to say to him. As soon as he walked through the bedroom door he eyed his jacket and snatched it up in a huff before turning to the door and spotting Finnick block his exit.
"I'm sorry I said it," Finnick sighed, "What I did was wrong. It was wrong and-and fucked up and I'm sorry."
Peeta could see the true remorse in Finnick's sad face as much as he could hear the sadness in his voice. Despite his anger and hatred for the man's actions, he wasn't the only one at fault that night. "I did want it. That's why I didn't push you away," Peeta muttered, gritting his teeth and clenching his fist in the jacket. "But it doesn't change anything."
"I know," Finnick said quietly. He could hear his voice cracking as the confession passed through his lips and he knew he wasn't ready for it. He could feel the tears slowly begin to rise in his green eyes.
"We're not good people, Finnick," Peeta said solemnly, his heart aching at the truthful words. "My parents would be so ashamed of me, the things I've done. We're bad."
Finnick shook his head, "You're not a bad person. You were right. I'm bringing you down with me," he said firmly as he quickly wiped his eye. "It's not you. God, Peeta, you're…" he stopped himself, afraid that his own words would cause him to lose control of the feelings he was trying so hard to keep below the surface.
"What?" Peeta asked sullenly as his heart began to plummet. He watched the man who was so good at hiding his feelings fall apart in front of him, a rare sight.
"You're better than I am," Finnick replied, coughing nervously to hide the pain in his voice.
It was at that moment that Finnick gave up. He leaned his tall body against the door frame, allowing the younger man to walk past him. As he watched Peeta walk by and down the hall way that led to the door of his apartment he felt the release of tears bringing with them the hurt and agony that could only come from losing someone so important to him again.
"Don't be sad, Finnick," Peeta said softly. The smaller man turned around to look at him, one hand resting on the doorknob. "Trust me, it won't hurt forever."
Finnick wiped his cheek and let out a deep breath, "It hurts because I didn't realize how much I needed you. It hurts because I'm not okay with how we left things the other night."
Peeta let the door knob go and hung his head, "Given how we ended it the other night, I think it was a perfect way to leave things."
The younger man took a moment as he watched Finnick compose himself. He hated what they had become and the arduous problems they caused each other, leaving them both emotionally exhausted and devastated. He knew Finnick was no longer someone worth fighting for, they would never be happy with or without each other.
"Are you going to be okay?" Peeta asked, stepping closer and closing the gap between them.
Finnick took a deep breath as he leaned back on the wall, his head falling against the plaster with an audible thump. "Do you want me to lie to you and say I will be?"
He crossed his arms and looked at the ground again, terrified to make any eye contact. "Couldn't hurt."
"You should probably go now." Finnick straightened himself up and took a step closer to him, hoping their eyes would meet. "I really am sorry if I fucked things up for you. The last thing I want to do is make you lose something that makes you happy."
The younger man nodded, "I'm sorry for what I said to you," he sighed, his blue eyes looking up at the bronze haired man, "I was upset-"
"-You were right," Finnick interrupted as he wiped a stray tear from his eye with the back of his hand. "I am selfish. I don't care about who I hurt to get what I want. But I don't want my actions to hurt you anymore. I love you too much to see anything bad happen to you."
Without realizing it, Finnick had created a seismic shift with his words. One that left him reeling. The feelings that had been growing for so long were finally given a voice, feelings he never thought would emerge from his mouth because he didn't realize they existed.
Peeta stepped forward and ran his hand through the bronze hair, pulling Finnick's lips down to meet his own and kissing him gently. His lips were soft and he could taste his tears. There was no time to think of consequences, in that moment only one thing mattered to him. He opened his mouth against Finnick's as free hand fisted in the man's shirt, pulling him closer while he pushed his tongue into the man's warm mouth.
He felt his own tears rise to the surface. At first Peeta couldn't be sure what brought the sudden urge on. Perhaps it was guilt or pure sadness of watching Finnick cry, but after months of being saddened by what he thought was a lack of feeling, Finnick was in love with him. It was what he had wanted for so long. A single tear fell down his cheek as he continued kissing him, only this time it was different, they were in love.
Finnick pushed the small frame off his body. They were both too fragile to be doing this reckless, stupid act. "We can't go back there again. You'll end up hating me and we'll end up doing more damage."
Peeta was unsure for a second. He looked at the man carefully, considering his options and weighing the decisions in his head. He gave himself over to what he decided what his true nature, carelessness. The rest of the world didn't matter anymore. "This is tonight," he said softly.
Finnick looked at him and took a deep breath, "Forget about tomorrow," he replied in agreement.
He took the smaller man into his own body, kissing him delicately and carefully. As their bodies pressed together, Finnick knew it was perfect.
That he was perfect.
Peeta broke their kiss, his fisting hands pulled at Finnick's grey shirt and lifted it over his neck and arms, dropping it in a heap on the floor. As his lips traveled back, his fingertips brushed the scars along the tall ribcage, reminding him that the man he loved like no one else could have been taken away, and that the amazing moment may have never come to be.
Their kissing continued with both men blindly stumbling for the bedroom. Outside the snow fell, causing what would still be afternoon to turn into an early evening. The room was barely lit with what remained of the grey daylight and soon enough nightfall would come earlier than expected.
It wasn't like it usually was. Peeta had come to know Finnick as a very talented lover and even when it was slow, it had never felt as good as it did in that moment. Peeta knew it was the element of Finnick's love for him that made him gently undress him, his calloused fingertips brushing against his own quivering milky skin causing him to gasp when their lips parted.
Complete silence filled the room, only broken by the sounds of panting and breathing, of wet lips passing across hot skin. Finnick laid on top of the smaller man who clung to him as tightly as he could, pulling off the man's pants and around his ankles as Peeta's own hands traveled down to his waist, one hand freeing the man from his trousers, the other searching the confines of his underwear and brushing along the patch of hair and the hardened flesh inside.
The older man bit back a gasp as the expert hands released him and he was free to wriggle out of his clothes, laying on top of him completely naked as the same hand took a hold of him and lined him against his puckered entrance. Finnick felt Peeta's hardened length press against his stomach as the smaller man rolled his hips upward, trying to sink himself down onto his partner. One of Finnick's hands held him by his hip while the other curled into the blonde locks. They stared gaping at each other as he pushed his way passed the muscle and inside of him.
As Finnick pushed in he ran his hands up beneath Peeta's shirt, massaging his torso and moving down to kiss his full lips. Peeta clung to him as their kiss broke and his head fell back and hit the pillow, gasping in pleasure as Finnick pulled back and thrust into him. He let the pleasure take him over, forcing him to pull his shirt over his head and allow himself to lie naked with the man he loved, who loved him back.
Despite his best efforts to block out the unwanted thoughts and focus solely on the man filling him, Peeta's mind wandered to Cato and the knowledge he was betraying him. The thoughts were fleeting and he found himself whispering Finnick's name as the pair of lips found the shell of his ear and began whispering the things they he used to whisper himself, back when it was all make believe.
It was real now, every whispered word, only this time they were coming from Finnick's lips. Peeta felt tears rise in his eyes as Finnick told him he loved him, that he would do anything for him, would always protect him.
"I love you," Peeta whispered as a surge of butterflies fluttered through his stomach at the feel of the weight on top of him. Out of the corner of his eye he watched the snow fall harder. He could feel the coldness of the room on his toes, the rest of him was warmed by the body on top of him.
He didn't let a single moment go by without appreciating it, every thought, every moment as Finnick thrust into him and groaned with each rhythmic movement. It was exactly how he imagined it, beautiful and erotic.
Finnick's movement began to speed up. Peeta looked deep into the green eyes that stared back at his. He clenched and let out a long moan as he felt the man thrust faster and faster into him. He outstretched his arms and wrapped them around the older man's neck, pulling him into his hold as he began kissing his neck while letting out long, labored moans of ecstasy as he continued to be fucked.
What was a quiet room was now filled with the sounds of their love making. Their groans became louder and Peeta could tell Finnick was close. Their lips met once more, Peeta's hands found Finnick's, silencing their cries.
As Finnick began to come inside of him, Peeta thought back to the first night he had slept in the big bed with the man wrapped around him. Once again, they were one. He knew it wasn't forever and that it never would be again, so he let Finnick collapse on top of him, holding him in place as the man softened inside of him, neither man willing to let the moment go, both knowing it could last forever.
The weight shifted on the bed as Finnick rose off the smaller man and sat by his side. After gently running his fingers up Peeta's leg until their hands met and fingers were laced together, he studied the smaller man that lied in his bed, staring back at him a little vacantly.
Raising a leg over Peeta's lap, he slowly moved his body to stand on his knees and settle on top of him. Peeta bit back a groan as he felt Finnick's body settle onto his own, using his hand to take a hold of his flesh and rest it against the man's entrance.
Finnick let out a quiet moan as he felt Peeta inch his way inside. He wrapped his arms around the strong chest and buried his face into his chest, kissing lightly as he felt himself completely sheathed inside the warm wetness.
"I love you, Peeta," Finnick said quietly before he was cut off by Peeta's hard thrust.
He leveraged himself on his knees as he rode Peeta roughly, addicted to the younger man's gasps and moans. He clenched tightly as he rode up, forcing Peeta to thrust his hips upward to meet his movements leaving both men cursing in ecstasy.
Peeta brought Finnick's head down closer to his own with his hand, using the other to grasp his hip tightly. One of Finnick's hands held the smaller shoulder as the other cupped around his cheek lightly as their lips pressed together and they resumed their kiss, breaking occasionally to breath.
Finnick felt so tight and hot around him, after a further few hard thrusts, Peeta clutched the man closer and came.
Both men fell onto the bed, legs entangled, sweating and panting heavily. Peeta stared at the beautiful man who buried his face in the mattress, the events of the night replaying in his mind. Once again, his thoughts turned to Cato and the hurt weighed heavily on his heart.
He sat up in the bed, a panicked breath escaping through his lips while his heart began beating faster. The urge to leave loomed on him. Finnick's apartment didn't feel so safe anymore.
That was until two strong arms wrapped around his middle, pulling him into a tight embrace. "You can regret it tomorrow," Finnick whispered before placing a kiss on Peeta's neck.
Peeta almost melted into the embrace, allowing himself to relax in his hold. He let Finnick pull him back into the bed and bury both naked bodies beneath a warm quilt. Peeta didn't keep his back turned, resting his tired head on the man's chest until sleep found them both.
When Finnick awoke it took him a few seconds to gather his bearings and realize something was wrong. The sound of footsteps and a door closing in the distance filled his ears and he immediately tore the quilt off his naked body and got out of the large bed.
Grabbing his clothes from the floor, he quickly stuffed his legs into his trousers and pulled the same grey shirt over his head. He ran down the hallway, careless of the darkness and hidden bumps along the way. He quickly slipped on a pair of shoes by the door and raced out the door, slamming it shut behind him before taking off quickly down the long flight of stairs.
By the time he reached the entry door of his apartment building his breathing was ragged and tired. He realized it had to be somewhere around midnight by the lack of noise from the street. He pulled the large door open and took off down the concrete steps. He looked down the street, spotting a blonde patch of hair draped in a coat walking through the snow.
"Peeta!" Finnick called after him.
As Peeta stopped dead in his tracks he felt a stray tear well up in his eye before falling free down his cheek. He quickly wiped it away before turning.
The ice on the footpath was treacherous. As Finnick's shoes hit the cement he slipped but quickly regained his balance as he followed, a potentially severe injury was the furthest thing from his mind.
"So you were just going to take off?!" Finnick snarled as he reached the younger man, careless of the biting cold and exposure. He stared him down furiously, his anger growing inside at the betrayal. "What about me?!"
Peeta threw his head back in frustration, "What about you?!"
The words took Finnick off guard as they registered in his head, throwing what was another accusation out of his primary chain of thought. He grasped the smaller man's arm, prepared to hold on and never let go. "No. You don't get to end things again," he said firmly, "You don't get to just walk away from me."
"Yes I do," Peeta replied, yanking his arm back. "It was a one time deal okay? You knew what this was."
"Don't make a fool out of me!" Finnick yelled, furious that Peeta would attempt to underplay the events of the night and write it off as a lustful tryst, no more than scratching an itch. "You knew I would refuse to settle for anything less than a quick fuck when you kissed me tonight!"
He shook his head in disbelief, finally seeing that if maybe he hadn't put Peeta in the same position all that time ago maybe he wouldn't be where he was at that moment. "So you're just going to go back to him? You don't love him-"
"-Don't speak for me," he snapped, glaring at the accusation, hating the condescending tone he was hearing, as if Finnick knew what was best for him. "It's too easy being you! You can do whatever the hell you want without thinking about who you hurt! You did it to me and probably a whole little black book of other people who cared about you! I don't want to be like you, the more I'm around you the worse I get! You can have your pick of anyone you choose, anyone you want-"
"-I only want you!" Finnick yelled angrily, quickly grabbing a hold of Peeta's shirt, "Fuck- I love you, why the hell can't you see that! You're the only one I want. I won't settle for anything less."
"Don't say that!" he snarled, once again smacking the large hand off his body, "I want him, I want to be good to him, not you… and you can't stand that."
"Bullshit! You just don't want to face a big scene! You don't want to abandon the moron who did the same to you! You don't want to be a hypocrite! But guess what? You are, and there's nothing wrong with that! He hurt you, you hurt him back!"
"Jesus," Peeta groaned, "How can you sit there and try to justify what we did? Relationships aren't about getting even, they're about loving someone no matter what." The irony of what he was preaching was not lost on him as the words came out. He knew he couldn't argue his case without sounding like nothing more than a lying cheat, a poor substitute for what a partner should be.
Finnick opened his mouth to respond but Peeta was too fast, cutting him off instantly.
"Who the fuck are you kidding anyway? How would you feel if we were together and I fucked someone else while you sat at home waiting for me?" Peeta asked with a venomous tone, hating himself more than he thought possible as the words that emerged from his mouth reached his ears, giving him time to process them. "Would it be okay if you did something to hurt me?"
Finnick frowned, his lip curling in anger. "That's how I feel every single day when you're not with me. I think about him touching you and it makes me hate him even more because I know you love me. It makes me sick to know that!"
"It doesn't matter!" Peeta yelled, his throat growing harsher, "It's not the same because I wanted you so badly and you didn't want me back! You want to know why I don't believe you?! Because you're the kind of man who tries to convince me it's okay to act the way I did because someone deserves to be hurt! Because you don't care about who you hurt to get what you want! What we did was not okay! All we ever do is hurt people!"
"You cannot stand here and say this shit to me when we got into this mess together! You wanted me and you had me. The only reason I went along with it is because I want to give you anything you want. You didn't stop to consider him until it was over because you put yourself first. You don't get to use what we did against me!"
Peeta was silent for a moment, collecting himself as he continued, "I know… and I will never stop hating myself for that."
Finnick went quiet as the younger man hung his head in shame before looking at him again and shrugging his shoulder, indicating there was nothing left to say, nothing left to do but apologize and try his best to make amends, salvage whatever he could from the wreckage he was about to create in what he wanted to be a happy relationship. "Why can't it be like the way you used to whisper to me?"
"I really can't see you anymore. Whatever this was is over," Peeta said quietly, "It's so over."
"No," Finnick said firmly with a shake of his head, searching his head for the right words to say, the proper case to plead, anything to make the man stay with him. "It's not over. You don't get to come to my door and kiss me and do what we did then call me the bad guy and walk away."
"Fine," he replied, turning around as he continued to walk. "I'm the bad guy."
As Peeta walked away Finnick felt his heart break for the second time that night. The pain was unlike anything he'd ever felt before. The hope and expectations he'd felt hours earlier when he opened his door and was greeted by the beautiful presence of the only man he loved were now obliterated into a million pieces. This wasn't the way people in love were supposed to treat each other.
"I'm not chasing you this time," Finnick said as a few steps were placed between them. Peeta stilled once again as the words left his mouth and released into the cold night air. "I mean it, Peeta. I'm sick of playing this game, I'm sick of this stupid drama. If you go back to him I never want to see you again. As far as I'm concerned, you're dead to me."
His words pounded on a door in Peeta's head that he'd already closed. There were no need for threats or ultimatums, he'd made his decision. In fact he'd made a lot of decisions that night, but putting as much distance between himself and Finnick was the only right one to him. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and continued to walk away, finding his resolve strong enough that he didn't feel the need to look back once more at the man that he'd hurt with his selfish, thoughtless actions.
The scolding words that filled his head didn't seem like enough, while they were all true and factual, nothing he could tell himself could make him feel any worse than he did at that moment. All he ever did was hurt people. He hurt Finnick by showing up at his door, by kissing him, touching him, whispering lustful thoughts into his ear only to scratch an itch and fill a hole in his heart that he was now certain was closed and buried for good - assuming he had one. He really didn't know if anyone who could act the way he did was capable of having a heart, let alone a conscious.
Worst of all was the way he hurt Cato, the man who gave him his heart and soul which he'd promptly destroyed in a matter of hours. As he continued to put more space between Finnick, who he was sure was still standing there, watching him walk away, he thought of the look Cato would have in his eyes when he admitted his wrong doings.
"Peeta!"
Finnick was calling his name again. Peeta ignored it as he continued to walk without any direction, just getting away from him and silencing the world around him, careless of anyone or anything but the man he hoped would still love him in the morning. He was temporarily blinded by a very bright light in those split seconds.
Suddenly a screech of tyres filled his ears. Everything went by so fast but also so slowly. It was an odd sensation, feeling his feet lift from the ground so quickly as his body jerked. It took him a moment to realize what was happening, unfortunately it wasn't until he saw a quick flash of a windscreen and the crash of glass as his body rolled until spectacularly landing face down on the hard road.
He couldn't feel a thing after that. He could taste his own blood and heard a deafening ringing in his ears.
Then everything went black.