I stare down at my feet, watching a fine layer of ash settle on the material. The bricks of the turret that used to be posted, now collapsed in a charred pile heap, helps provide a point of reference for the city. How else could I orient myself in this sea of gray?
Almost nothing remains of Outcast Island. The city is a carcass of ash and bone. Hollowed out. Every vestige of life burned into silence.
We understand each other.
Five years ago, an armada of dragons came and destroyed the entire city. Setting everything ablaze. Ending countless lives. While there are many reasons as to why, the one that stands out, is that it was my entire fault.
The magnitude of what I've done is a crushing weight I refuse to lift. Let it consume me. Let it drive me to my knees. It's less than I deserve.
I leave the rubble of the gate behind and walk the charred, twisted streets until I reach the ruins of Alvin's compound. The ashes cling to me as I sink down to sit where the bridge over the moat used to be.
But it's not just Outcast Island, it's Berk too. If I close my eyes, I can see Skullette, her green eyes shining with pride as I find my first target with a bow and arrow. Mulch with Bucket bringing me a cod only to find it already devoured by a Terrible Terror.
If I close my eyes, I'm still whole.
But I can't close my eyes. I don't dare. I need to see this. To sear it into my brain so I never forget. When seeing isn't enough, I dig my fingers into the ash and let the silky texture cling to me like a scar I'll wear for the rest of my life.
We've given those who lost everything a new home. Though it's not enough. There have been talks about rebuilding elsewhere. But no one has returned except me. There's no life here now. The wind tugs gently at the ash I hold and it floats away like bits of silver.
Burning. Still burning. I think numbly.
"Hiccup." I hear Astrid call. "It's almost time."
She's right. By noon, they will all be at my house back on Berk. The seamstresses, my father, Gobber, the village elder Goathy. I wonder if Bertha, the head seamstress will have made a whole new outfit for me.
A new Chief has to look his best.
Today's the day of my coronation.
I've been waiting for this day for years. At first, I wasn't even sure if I wanted this. I was leaning toward the idea that I could elect Chief Boggs as the new chief – he had decided to stay in Berk since he couldn't bear to go home. If anyone suffered possibly worse than I did, it had to be him. I can't imagine how one must feel over the loss of their only daughter. But I came awfully close.
I just wanted to take one last trip to Outcast Island. I don't know why. Maybe as a sort of motivation for me. To show me what the past has done, and promise a better future. I rise to my feet, but stand as motionless as the sight before me.
Afraid that one small move, and the dead will rise and pull me under.
I feel a meaty hand on my shoulder. I look and see my father's eyes. He gives me a weak smile. Finally I'm tall enough that I don't have to look up to see him. Now I can just turn my head and meet at his eye level. But thankfully I still have my own lean muscled body.
I take a deep breath, careful not to suck in any ash.
Then with one final glance back at the city, I lock arms with Astrid, and we fly back to Berk.
I'm immensely impressed with the work the seamstresses did. I leave behind my old clothes and change into the outfit.
A navy-blue tunic that reaches my knees with scale mail armor on it. Pale gray pants. A fur boot. My father's spiked gauntlets.
And finally, after there's some fidgeting and adjusting, my father comes forward with his fur cape and circular shoulder pads. He helps the seamstresses strap them on and secure them to my shoulders. Then everyone steps back to admire their work.
"My boy." My father says.
They turn me to show me my reflection in the shield.
I look different, but I'm still me. They never cease to amaze me. I look back at everyone, and Astrid comes forward with a freshly bloomed lavender.
"So she can see." She says. Then she pins it to my chest.
Toothless comes over and sniffs me. He grunts and cocks his head.
"It's still me bud." I say, and I touch his snout. Some things are timeless.
I take a deep breath as everyone files out to gather everyone in the Square. Once I'm the only one alone, I take one final tour of my old home. The rules state that the new chief will be moved into a new home, while his elder - my father - stays. Everything has already been moved into my new home. I'm going to miss this old place. I walk around brushing my fingers on everything that had meaning.
My old bed. My desk, that for once has been cleaned off of my sketches. Toothless' old rock bed. My closet stripped bare of any garments. I'm free to come visit anytime. My new home will literally be right across the Square. But I still mourn leaving this place. It holds too many memories.
I'm at the front door and I slide my hand up and down the wooden frame. I welcome any splinters that penetrate my skin. Something to hold onto. The fire pit has an abandoned look to it since there's nothing to cook. Or even a pot to cook anything in.
A new beginning. A new start.
My fingers graze over the metal knob on the door. Slowly coil around it. I look up at the living room. Take a deep breath. And I pull the door shut. I hear the latch lock from behind.
I stand there as motionless as the house. Very still.
"Hiccup?" I hear someone say.
I turn and see Astrid waiting with Dad. My eyes flick between the two. I softly smile, then walk down the stone steps, and interlocking arms with Astrid. Fresh spring flowers bloom at our feet as we make our way through the village. Catching an occasional cool breeze.
We gather at the coronation ceremony that's being held next to the Dragon Academy. They lifted the chain covering like at Thawfest. The tapestry from the wedding dangles from the cover. The chief's throne has been placed in the same spot where Dad watched me from the arena many years ago, back when we were killing dragons, and where he watched me nearly win the Thawfestival Games.
Dragons fly or stand with the Vikings as Dad takes the stage. I wait behind a wall of stone while he begins his speech. My eyes easily find Bucket. Spitelout. Ruffnut and Tuffnut. Snotlout. Fishlegs. I don't really pay attention, though I should be since I'll be making the speeches soon. But I spend the time replaying everything that's happened in my life.
The good.
The bad.
The ugly.
And worse.
I clutch the lavender in my hand as I feel Dad's speech shift into saying how he's enjoyed being leader. It's coming.
My heart rate speeds up. Last minute tears stream down my cheeks as I desperately wish she'd be here. To watch me become chief. To see how I've pulled through the harshest times I've ever had to face.
I know she can't be with me. But hopefully, she and my mother are watching. And I'm hoping their proud.
I hear Dad wrap up his speech. My stomach churns. Gobber comes around the corner and like he did for when I was about to face a dragon, he says, "It's time Hiccup."
He must see the nervousness on my face, because he takes my icy hands in his warm ones. And we just stand there as Dad readies the crowd. The roar grows louder, and my nerves won't calm down. The roar of the crowd flashes me back to the day I invaded the city, set the entire thing ablaze. And watched her become part of the fire.
I'm suddenly shaking and breathing heavy, Gobber comes close and whispers calming words. My forehead is moist with sweat. Gobber rubs my back in comforting circular motions, and I try to calm my breathing.
"I don't know if I can do this." I say.
"You've been through worse." He counters. I look at him and he softly smiles.
That's as far as he can go without making me even more anxious. I pace back and forth as I try to calm myself down. Dad's already doing the introduction. I take deep breathes and after I level up with Gobber, we exchange a hug.
"Knock 'em dead." He says. His voice catches at the end and Gobber, whom I've never seen cry, has tears in his eyes.
I give him a pat on the shoulder and once Dad has the crowd riled up, I take a deep breath and step out into the open. The crowd goes wild and I take my spot next to Dad.
"Today, is the end of a legacy. But the start of a new one. Today, my boy becomes a leader. Today, he becomes the face of a new generation."
The crowd cheers as I'm guided by my father to the Chief's throne. I take my seat as my father reads the speech that's traditionally said for the crowning of a new heir. Goathy performs a blessing on me and ensures long life and prosperity. Then the time comes for the official crowning.
Gobber comes forward with a new horned helmet. Apart from the spit and polish it's been given, I'd recognize it anywhere. It's the other half my mother's breastplate. The helmet that's part of a matching set. Gobber brings it forward on a velvet pillow, perfectly poised.
I place my hands on the arms rests and sit up straight, chin high.
My father takes the crown and says, "Let it be known on this day, I, Stoick the Vast, hereby declare you my son, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III, as the new chief of Berk."
And with that, he places the helmet gracefully on my head.
The crowd goes wild. Wait a minute, there's an actual roar in the air. Everyone looks up and I see Toothless and the other dragons roaring in joy. I chuckle and smile. Toothless shoots a plasma blast into the air and it explodes in a beautiful blue ring of fire.
There's more roaring in the distance. The Whispering Death materializes from the clouds and behind it, a whole flock of dragons. Scauldron. Changewing. Typhoomerang. Timberjacks. Snaptrappers. Boneknappers. Skrills. Some hover in the air. Others stand on the ground, raising their necks and roaring and spewing fires for show.
Toothless hops up on the stage. He purrs and sniffs my helmet. My father and I chuckle, and then Dad levels with me and takes my fist and lifts it to the air. From the crowd, I hear Bucket cheer, "All hale the chief!"
After two solo rounds, soon the entire crowd joined in. "All hale the chief! All hale the chief! All hale the chief!"
My smile grows wider and into something genuine. I lift up my other arm and the chanting mixes with cheers. I look to my father, and he nods his head in consent. And with one final plasma blast from Toothless, the ceremony ends.
There's a celebratory dinner in the Great Hall along with magical music led by Gobber himself. By my request, they left the doors open to let the fresh spring air blow through the Hall. Sunlight illuminates the hall and the place is just glowing. There's laughing, singing, dancing. General merriment. As I wander through the crowd, faces appear, kisses are brushed on the cheek and people congratulate me.
The celebration was as big as the wedding we held for a lovely couple. The food's unworldly amazing, the music one of a kind. And all in all, I'm happy. And I'm looking forward for tomorrow. What the future will have for me now that I'm chief.
By late evening, the party has shifted outside to town's Square. Lanterns are strung around the border, there's a full moon out, and at least five tables of exquisite desserts. I wander through the crowd and see small peeks of my future.
A couple with a pregnant wife. A little girl playing with a baby Gronckle. Gobber and some other Viking men conversing by the fire pit. I get the same feeling of, happiness I had during Snoggletog and I saw everyone with their dragons while I was concerned about Toothless' ware bouts.
I wander through the crowd, looking for Astrid. I get sidetracked a number of times as people wish to talk to me about what I have planned for the future of Berk. By the time I find her, my cheeks hurt from smiling and I'm almost too tired to speak any longer.
I find her admiring a table of elaborately decorated cakes. When she sees me, she says, "I never knew Fishlegs was the baker kind."
"Well he does spend a lot of time studying the flora and the fauna. Nice to see what's it's really for." I reply. I pick a chocolate flower from a cake with my fingers and nibble on it, regardless of worrying about manners.
"Do you know what time it is?" she asks.
"Uh, about midnight." I reply. We exchange a look, and after I've sucked the rest of the flower frosting off my finger, I wipe it on a napkin, then take her by the hand saying, "Come on."
We walk with our fingers intertwined, through the woods until we reach the bed of flowers made by the Typhoomerang dragon. The flowers are a beautiful shade of blue, purple, and green. Even in the moonlight their colors are prominent.
Astrid walks through the flowers, taking small steps on her tiptoes. She looks like me when I was dancing around Toothless' dirt drawing years ago. I take the time to notice how she dressed for the occasion. Apart from her more exaggerated curves, she hasn't changed much.
Her blonde hair down and left naturally wavy. Her headband still in its usual place. A beautiful pearl colored dress with long sleeves and the slightest hint of blue that can only be seen in the moonlight. The sparkles when caught send a ripple of shimmer across her body. The collar's cut low to show off her collarbone and just enough to show her chest. But it still gives her that classy rather than sultry look to her.
The skirt spins out as she twirls and the moonlight catches it in ways that make her mythological. Entrancing. Beautiful.
She spins one more time and I know she's dizzy. She wobbles into my arms and we both laugh as I wrap a protective arm around her shoulder. We stay like this and I cup her head in my hands. My thumbs brush her cheeks, and I push her bangs out of her face. She gives a little innocent giggle and a sweet smile.
She places her hand on mine, so dainty and frail, and presses her cheek into my palm. "Hiccup," she starts. I watch her carefully. "Do you still love me?"
I'm easily taken off guard by her question. She looks to me and sees the surprise in my eyes. "Do you?" she repeats.
I want to give her an answer, but I can't shake the feeling there's something deeper about it. And I'm right.
Astrid gingerly traces the petals of the lavender still pinned to my tunic. She really wants to know if I've moved on. If I can love again and not feel guilty. Not feel the pain. I remember back to when we were still teenagers. And Astrid had said she'd save her heart for me.
The days that passed after the war with Alvin was over, I would visit her grave daily. Astrid still promised to save her heart for me. I never felt more, relieved in my life. To know I still have someone to love, to care about.
I turn and look over the horizon. "Skullette will always be my first love, nothing will change that." I start. I turn to Astrid in time to see her eyes fill with hurt and disappointment, but I quickly continue. "But lately, I've been thinking about, what I should do, and what will happen."
"I don't understand." Astrid says.
"I realize, I've been keeping you waiting too long, Astrid. And that's completely wrong of me to do so. And I realize, if she were here, or if she could say something to me, it'd be that she wants me to be happy."
Astrid's eyes lighten and glow.
"She'd wants me to move on. Yes, we were each other's first love. But things happen, and she would want nothing more than for me to be happy. Just like you would." Astrid smiles.
"We were more alike in more ways than one." She jokes.
This is right.
It has to be.
I know now that Astrid did care for Skullette. And she mourned for her in her own way. I knew there was a sign of hope when Astrid wanted to plant the lavender flowers.
This is right.
I step closer and I hold up my hands. Astrid holds out hands together, intertwining our finger, palms pressing together. I lean in, close my eyes and rest our foreheads together. The smell of lavender slowly becomes citrus and midnight jasmine.
The notion hurts me, but it comforts me quickly. A cool breeze blows past us, and multiple petals from the flowers ride the wind and circle around us. When the breeze dies down, the petals drift down in gentle motions, sprinkling both me and Astrid.
"I can't thank you enough, Astrid; for always being there for me. Even when I wasn't there for you." I step closer, the space between us decreases. "You are my light. You are my smile. You are my everything. You held my hand in the darkness. And pulled me out into the light."
Her breath catches. I can feel the silence in me crack more and more with each word I say. "I never thought that I'd be able to love again. But seeing you, and knowing all that you've done, I know there's a God. And that he loved me enough, to take the time to create you."
The fissures in the icy silence grows. Astrid's breath plays across my cheeks. Warmth pools into my stomach.
"I love you, Astrid."
Her breath is a mixture of a gasp, a sob, and a laugh.
"You are my light. And it doesn't matter what happens in this life as long as you're with me. I love you. And that is past my mind. Beyond my heart. I love you from my soul. And the space where only you and Thor dwell."
I look and see Astrid, not really crying, but a few stray tears roll down her cheeks. She takes one step in, and she rests her head on my chest. I wrap my arms around her waist, tug her close, and kiss her lips. The kiss was rough, maybe harsh. But through it all, I taste the longing I've wanted to unleash the minute Skullette passed. It was so heated. And in it, we both unleash every single emotion we've been holding back.
She wraps her arms around my neck and tangles her fingers in my hair. I feel something stir deep inside me. It grows warmer and spreads out from my chest, down through my body, out along my arms and legs, to the tips of my being.
This is the first time I've ever felt true hope. The silence in me shatters. Everything I've ever held back swarms inside me and I let them find their way to my mouth where Astrid's warm lips and comfort can devour them.
I feel the presence of the boy who I thought was forever lost.
And I feel the empty pieces of my shattered life, finally fall back into place.
The End.