At the garage

This really little AH story is a kind of homage for the "The England show" episodes from the comedy show "Married with Children". Even after all this time the scene with Seamus McBundy and the fat witch makes me laugh. That and I wanted to see whether I can write funny, because I knew the original scene so I might be "prejudiced." What do you think? )

Tyler rummaged in the hood of the ugly red car he had gotten in at the end of last week. It was the mostly hideous and messed up piece of junk he had seen in a while. During his time as a mechanic – years actually- he had come across old-timers that have been in better shape than this wreckage. What in the world was the owner doing with it? Not that she would need one; she was so round she might just as well fall on the side and roll along the street.

"Tyler Lockwood. Are you done with my car?"

Speaking of the devil. Tyler looked up from his work and saw Bonnie Bennet. She rested her right arm on a pile of tires and had the other at her quite voluminous hip, a horribly pink purse hanging over her shoulder that looked terrible together with her tiger leggings and bright blue, skin-tight shirt. Looking her up and down; and guessing that he wouldn't be able to get a hard on for the rest of the week – it was Tuesday – thanks to her, he estimated that she must have tripled in weight ever since Gilbert dumped her in highschool. Well to bad for her that she couldn't keep that hot piece of ass. Although hot piece of cock was just as appropriate, Gilbert had been the hottest flip-flop Tyler ever had.
"Ehm, no ma'am. I had to send out for extra parts to reinforce its axle." He came towards her and wiped his hands on an already dirty handkerchief. "And a sign for the backside saying 'Honk if you love fatsos'."

Her mouth opened in silent outrage, causing her second chin to wobble. "Save your tongue for catching the flies that buzz around your head." She looked at him with her typical content. "Go to. I'm in a hurry."

"Oh, is it the festival of Buffalo steaks and Mammoth chocolate cakes you're late for? While you're waitin', I've got a can full of half-eaten burgers out there you can snack on."

Bonnie's eyes became slights and her nostrils flared; she no longer leaned on the tires. If glares could kill, Tyler would already have been vaporized. "I warn you Lockwood," she spoke with a more booming voice than before and inhaled deeply, "I am a great and powerful witch."

"Mmmh," Tyler slightly shook his head and smirked. "Not as powerful as the mighty fabric in your dress that keeps your belly from the floor."

Bonnie looked down shortly and then raised her head – looking away from Tyler – drawing in deep breaths and having eyes as round as could be. She turned back to Tyler with fury radiating from her face. "That's it." She turned away from him again and looked into nowhere with a spiteful smile on her face. "I curse you Tyler Lockwood, and all your male descendents."

Behind her back Tyler made faces and pretended to be scared.

Bonnie seemed in thoughts for a few seconds but quickly seemed to decide what to do. "Henceforth you shall only serve the large and ungrateful."

Tyler couldn't hold back any longer. "Uh, yikes, save me," he giggled.

As Bonnie continued he had a 'yeah right honey' expression on his face.
"And so that you and all your male descendents may be hated forever in this town," again she seemed to think about what to do. After a few seconds her mouth formed into a joyful oh and she was obviously very pleased with herself. "Mystic Falls shall always be in darkness, though other towns nearby stand in sun."

Tyler took it about as seriously as a lion would a mouse with a toothpick. "Will you be floating above us blacking the sun?"

Bonnie pulled back her lips and revealed her teeth. A vein on her temple popped dangerously. "Just for that," she spitted, "throughout eternity you shall transform into fat pugs under the full moon."
She turned around, spun her purse around her shoulder and made her way out with her curves wobbling in her tight dress. Tyler re-estimated that for the next three weeks he would only be able to have gay sex after seeing this. Oh, well his wife had a thing for the furry cup now and then anyway so she probably wouldn't mind if both of them would fish on the other shore for a while. Halfway through the exit Bonnie looked back at him, still smiling. "Oh yeah, and be an eternal fan of Britney Spears."

Tyler just snorted, flipped her off and got back to work. How could that hippo curse him? In the biggest game of Mystic Falls he had hurled the ball. Than his face got a bit sad, because if he hadn't married Forbes, he could have turned pro.

From one moment to the next the bright day turned dark and he heart Bonnie's booming voice.

"And so it begins." She was laughing devilishly on the top of her lungs.

"Get's dark pretty early today," Tyler said to himself and got back to work - humming "Hit me baby" - after switching the lights on.

When he left work at 8 pm that day he heard whispering in front of the garage. Looking towards the source he saw a pale guy in a long dark cape standing in front of the door, motioning to people Tyler couldn't see. "Come on girls, the town is ours now." The guy went away and Tyler saw several similarly pale figures in the same ridiculous capes follow him, all with horribly elongated canines and bloody mouths. Great, just what this town needed: Goths.