Chapter Eight.

"The party don't start 'til I walk in," I sang, walking onto the boys' tourbus before throwing my bags down by the couch and sitting next to Joe.

"You just never stop singing do you?"

"Never," I repeated, smiling. "Where is everyone?"

"Nick is talking to Kevin about personal issues he's supposedly going through," he rolled his eyes. "The kid is gay."

"I'm pretty sure he's not," I smirked.

Demi rolled her eyes while Joe just smiled. "Nothing's happened yet, huh?"

I shook my head. And nothing will happen. Because he's still in love with Selena. "We're just friends, Joe."

He traded a look with Demi, nodding a little before smiling. "Yeah, okay."

"We are. Besides, he has a thing for Sel."

"And you're okay with that?"

"Sure," I played it off as nothing again. I had to be okay with it. There wasn't really another option.

"Miley," Kevin walked out. "Nick wants to talk to you."

"Get some, girl," Joe held back a laugh. But the look Kevin sent him was enough to make me nervous. That wasn't a good look.

I went to the back of the bus, not quite sure where he would be. I looked in the bunks but then decided to keep going. I checked the first private room before the second, peering in and holding my breath.

He stared out the window, deep in thought about something. I watched him for awhile before making my way in, slowly walking closer.

"Kevin said you wanted me."

He jumped, turning around quickly before settling on me, sinking and slouching.

"Hey, Mi."

"What's up?"

"I-I just wanted to ask you something."

"Alright," I shrugged, sitting on the bed and crossing my legs while he did the same.

He looked down, playing with his hands before focusing on me again. "I wanted to make sure that it's okay with you before… I'm thinking of asking Selena out again, but I – Our friendship is perfect right now and if it'll ruin it-"

"Go ahead," I said simply. But inside, my heart shattered.

"Yeah? Really?"

"Sure. You guys seem to really be getting on well, I don't see why not."

I expected him to be happy with that answer but he sighed, shaking his head. "You're wearing your lying eyes."

"No, I'm just surprised, that's all. You usually don't fall this quick," I lied again. He bought it this time.

"You think she'll say yes?"

"You are Nick Jonas. I doubt anyone would say no."

His eyes flickered for a moment before he chuckled. "Thanks. You have your eyes on any guys?"

I sighed. I'm pretty sure I've had my eye on one particular guy for the past five years now. But I wouldn't tell him that. Because he's still hung up over stupid fucking Selena Gomez. And the worst part was I could see why he was so in love with her. She's a Barbie for crying out loud, she's perfect.

"One, but it doesn't matter anyways. He doesn't like me back."

Nick grinned. "But you're Miley Cyrus."

"I know, but I don't think he really cares about that anymore," I shrugged the pain away.

He shook his head, a glimmer in his eyes. "Then he doesn't deserve you. I mean, everyone knows you'reworth more than any other girl out there."

I let out a smile. If only he knew.

"See? I told Kevin you'd be cool with it and he totally flipped on me about how insensitive I was when I told him about Sel."

I forced out a laugh, wishing that he'd doubt me just so that he would read me carefully enough to see that I was lying through my teeth. I was still in love with him. If I was more than any other girl why couldn't he just choose me for once?

"C'mon. Let's go with everyone else."

I nodded, following him out of the room. Everyone was waiting for us, obviously informed by Kevin of what was going on. Nick just smirked, thinking he knew me so much better than Kevin. "Told you she wouldn't mind."

All three of them shifted their gazes to me, then back to Nick, back to me.

"Is there a problem?" I finally scoffed.

They all quickly began shaking their heads.

"Where's Dani?" I asked, changing the subject.

"She wanted to help the crew clean up. She's coming in a few minutes."

"Good, I feel like I haven't seen her at all this tour," I sat next to Demi and pulled out my phone.

She looked at me, but I ignored her until she turned away. Why did it always have to be Selena?

:::

"Mi, you still up?" Joe whispered.

"Yeah."

"Me too."

"I figured," I laughed a little. "What's up?"

"I'm sorry that Nick-"

"It's fine," I interrupted him. I didn't want to talk about. I rolled over, looking at the couch next to mine where he was laying, faintly seen in the darkness.

"No it's not. I don't know why he's doing this."

I did. Because he'd finally moved on. I hadn't, though, and I refused to show it, but this was killing me inside.

"How are you and Demi?" I smiled.

He tried to hold it back but that grin came out. I reflected it. "Somehow, she forgave me, Mile. And I – do you know how amazing that feels?"

I just smiled at him for a few seconds, wishing Nick and I could be back in this stage again.

"Of course you do, you'd know more than anyone," he answered for himself. "I never thought we'd be able to move on. I still don't understand why she'd forgive me."

"I do," I whispered.

"Really?"

"You're not a bad guy," I defended for him. "Just because Taylor's suddenly here doesn't make you a bad guy."

He nodded, but didn't believe me.

"Sometimes," I murmured, my voice raspy. "Sometimes, when I look at you I see him. And that's how I know that Demi will always forgive you."

"What do you mean?"

I sighed. "If I try hard enough, I see Nick in you. I see his eyes, his lameness, how I used to know him inside and out… I can see why she'd never give you up. I mean, I'm not in love with you – obviously – but I wouldn't ever call her stupid for loving you. She's just glad you love her back."

"He'll come around," Joe promised, not commenting on anything else. "You know he will."

No. Everyone else was doubting him, but I wasn't. He loved Selena. I saw him the first time they were together and I see him now. Why was it so hard for everyone to just believe that he might be moving on?

:::

I was the first to get up, as always. I opened my eyes to see Joe on the other side and smiled. Last night was the first time we were really open with each other since 2008. It felt good.

I sat up, walking to grab my laptop but stopped when I saw my pillow. No. I didn't want to believe what I was seeing. This couldn't be possible. Especially not here.

"Demi," I whispered, trying to hold it in. My voice cracked, I failed at being strong. I shook my head, going over and kneeling by her spot on the floor, shaking her a little. "Demi, wake up, please."

"Miley, hold – are you crying?" she asked, her eyes still closed.

I didn't answer the question, but I didn't need to. She shut her eyes tight before opening them, looking at me.

"What's wrong?" She sat up.

I crawled back over to the couch, sitting on it, looking at the large clumps of hair that fell out overnight. I knew it was going to happen, but seeing it... That was my hair.

"It's gonna be okay."

"How do I hide it?" I picked up part of it, trying to gather it all, but it was stuck to the pillow. "They're gonna know if I can't get rid of the hair."

She sighed, picking the pillow up and going to the front section of the bus with the driver. She opened the window, tossing it out of the moving bus without a second thought.

"Problem solved. They'll never see it."

"Demi," My jaw hung open before I started laughing. "I can't believe you just did that."

"You were flippin out," she shrugged, smiling.

"Will you come with me today?" I asked.

"Where?"

"I'm getting my hair shaved and a wig. The appointment was made forever ago, I just didn't think I'd actually be going today."

She almost choked. "You're shaving it?"

"Well, yeah. I need a wig and it just makes it easier 'cause my hair won't shed."

"So you can be like Hannah Montana again," she smiled, laughing. I groaned, walking back to the main area. "You just can't stay away from those wigs can you?"

"Shut up," I laughed. "It's at eleven. Be ready to leave at ten-thirty."

"Where we goin?"

Demi and I both jumped, looking at Joe and Kevin standing there. "No where with you guys. Me and Dem have a date."

"Ouch, Dems," Joe shook his head. "I knew it was too good to be true, having you all to myself again."

"Miley's before you," she shrugged, walking away.

"Where's Nick?"

"Getting ready."

"For?"

"Today's the big day," Joe gave a sympathetic look. "He's trying to look all fancy."

"Cute," I muttered.

"Yeah," Kevin muttered.

Dani walked over to us, her happy face never off, as usual. "Hey, guys, what's up?"

"We're talking about Nick," Kevin informed her, giving a slight peck. I wish I had a relationship like his. I wasn't jealous of Kevin very often, I don't think many people were, but watching him be so happy with his wife, everyone was jealous.

"Oh, yeah. The Selena thing? You okay with that Miley?"

"Yeah, of course I am," I lied to her.

She laughed a little, looking at the boys for some type of a approval. "Yeah, okay. You've been crushing on him for how long now?"

"Five years," Joe answered.

I shook my head, a huge grin on my face. "Whatever. Selena makes him happy."

"Not as happy as you make him," Kevin singsonged.

"How do you know?" I crossed my arms, even though I was secretly hoping the exact same thing.

"Because he's their brother," Danielle answered for them.

"Exactly," Joe added. "Besides, you have more money."

"Oh, right, 'cause Nick is totally poor."

"I am?" He walked out and we all just looked at each other before laughing. He shrugged, getting off the bus that I wasn't aware had stopped. "I'll be with Selena. We're going out to lunch. Wish me luck."

We all just smiled at him before I followed his lead, walking out. "I gotta get ready for my date with Dem. Bye, guys."

"Bye, Mi," I heard a chorus behind me.

I looked down, gently tugging the end of my hair only to softly feel it come out with my hand. I closed my eyes. It was hard enough to compete with Selena with hair. Without hair would just make it harder.

I walked on the bus, setting my things from last night down and grabbing my purse and ID.

"Ready, Demi?"

"Where are you guys going?" Taylor asked. She was alone on the bus without Selena, but that didn't make me anymore willing to talk to her.

Both Demi and I walked out, not even bothering to answer her question.

"You sure you're okay to do this?" Demi asked as we walked toward the car that my mom had my dad bring us just for this. He was somewhere with Noah.

I nodded in response, even though it was a lie. Was anyone really ready for their hair to come out?

:::

A few hours later and I sat in my dressing room, bald and shaking. Nick and Selena had gotten back from their date, apparently, but I couldn't even watch them walk in together. I was still hiding in my dressing room.

I held my phone in my hand, trying so hard not to go through my contacts and dial the one number I should have deleted. I'd came too far in the past six months to go back down that road.

I heard a knock on the door, but didn't want to answer. So I sat there, staring at the blank walk and glancing back down at my phone until they stopped. For the first time, I wasn't so sure that I could handle all of this.

I went down to the contact before pressing End and looking at the wallpaper of Demi and I again. That was the third time I'd scrolled to his name.

The mirror across from me reflected my actions and I looked into again before shaking my head at the reflection. My hairless, make-up-less expression. I'd never looked uglier than I did then. I was nothing. Before at least my hair could hide my flaws. I hadn't hated the person looking back at me this much in a long time.

Finally I decided to screw the past six months. Nick went back to his past, I could go back to mine. I went down my contacts, stopping at the name and urgently pressing it, happiness pumping through my veins when he answered.

"Hey, Jordan, it's Miley," I introduced, closing my eyes. "I'm in LA right now, and, well… Our deal is still on when I want it right?"

There was silence for awhile, but then I heard him laugh. "For you? Anytime."

"You busy tonight? I have a concert but I can meet you at the normal club around two, yeah?"

"Sounds good, babe. Don't be late."

I hung up on him, smiling a little, feeling better now that I knew I'd at least have an escape again. Even if it was an illegal one.

I sat in my dressing room behind the locked door, running my fingers through the new wig. I already hated it, but it did look realistic, I'd give them that. I scrolled through my phone again, trying to find a ride that would actually take me there when I asked. Brandi did everything for me no questions asked, but I was positive that if I asked even she would have said no to this.

I sighed, stopping on the one name I hadn't called in awhile, but I knew would go for it. She was probably the only person who'd actually go for it.

"Anna." She answered.

"Miley," I replied, the same tone. These phone calls were so familiar, and even though they hadn't been made in quite awhile, they came so naturally.

Her voice was huskier than I remembered, but it was still that same dark, mysterious voice. "Want something?"

"I need a ride tonight," I told her.

"To?"

"The club on 43rd."

"And what do I get out of this?"

"It's Jordan. I'll score you whatever you want."

She stayed silent for a few seconds and I knew I'd gotten her with the offer of drugs. "Good to have you back, Cyrus."

"Yeah," I murmured, my voice trembling. It was too hard to stay away. "Pick me up from my hotel at 1:30, okay? I'll text you the deets."

Then, just like Jordan, I hung up on her. We were nothing but three kids who knew each other from a dangerous habit. A habit I thought I was out of, especially when it came to Jordan.

But apparently I wasn't close to being out of it if I went to Jordan for a deal. I didn't need him, because I had the money… It was just the only thing I'd ever known. I did things the way Anna showed me, and she didn't show my any other way.

Twelve hours later I was laying in bed, watching the clock turn. My phone lit up, Anna's face coming across and I knew it was time. I stood up, grabbing my bag before tip-toeing out. This was finally my escape.

I saw her car in the parking lot and she smirked when she saw me. "I knew you'd come back."

I nodded, ignoring her while she drove. She kept telling me stories while I gazed out the window half listening, half not. The stories just weren't as funny anymore.

"Stop that," she ordered.

I sighed, not really wanting to play her games. I just wanted the drugs. "What?"

"Acting like you're better than all of us. You're still here, alright? You aren't."

She was wrong, though. I was better than her, whether she liked it or not.

She parked and we both got out. I flattened my dress out, quickly fixing my hair while Anna just walked right in with confidence. I followed behind, looking around until I finally saw him. He smirked, I squirmed. I shouldn't be here.

Suddenly I remembered what terrible things I went through to get these drugs. I didn't want to, but I needed them so bad. I walked closer, nodding at him a little. He stroked my cheek first thing.

"Missed you 'round here."

"You got it?" I asked.

He nodded. "You know what you need to do."

I closed my eyes, nodding, taking a deep breath as I led him to the back room. He sat on a couch while I took a deep breath, standing in front of him.

"Let's go," he rushed me. "I know you haven't already forgotten."

I was frozen, though, as Nick popped into my mind. I felt bad doing this. It was like the first time when I actually had something to lose by doing this.

"Miley!" Jordan barked. "Let's go."

But it was okay. Because I wasn't his girl anymore. Selena was.

I nodded, taking my dress and sliding off the straps. I glanced at him and saw the hunger in his eyes. I bit my lip, knowing he liked the foreplay before slowly dropping the dress, trying to look sexy.

He smiled. Good. I had to have those drugs.

I went over to him, just in my underwear and bra, starting to leave a trail of kisses going up his neck.

I pulled away for a second, going up to his ear to whisper. "I missed you so much."

He roughly grabbed my head, smashing our lips together. It wasn't my style at all and his kisses felt gross and disgusting, but he wasn't the worst either.

He suddenly stood us both up, unhooking my bra before throwing it off onto the floor. Then, just like my bra, he threw me onto the couch.

"Be good and you get the drugs," he shrugged, taking off his shirt. I took that time to glance around. I couldn't believe I was really back here.

"How's Nick?" He asked. This really was strictly business.

"I don't want to talk about him. Let's just do this."

He nodded, getting on top of me, leaning down and slowly sucking on my breasts. Even though it wasn't Nick, I still gasped. It felt so good make love again.

"Ready?" he asked.

I nodded, letting my underwear come off too as we mashed together. It wasn't painful anymore, nor was it pleasurable. I was just numb, kissing him when he wanted some, holding back when he didn't.

Then, when it was over we got apart and both started to get dressed. Simple as that.

He looked over at me. "It really is good to see you again, Mi. And not just because you're good."

"You too, Jor," I smiled at him. He really was a nice guy once you got past how he dealt. "Getting by okay?"

"Eh, could be worse," he shrugged. "How 'bout you?"

"I'm doing good," I smiled.

He nodded, his eyes crestfallen for a moment. "You really are beautiful, you know? It's a shame you're back here. You're so much better than all of us."

I shrugged. "Guess not."

He handed me two ziplock bags, one for me, one for Anna. I closed my eyes in pleasure before walking over to a table. "C'mon. Wanna do some with me?"

"You got those for you. Not me. Have fun, though," he smiled, starting to walk out but I pulled him back. He loved to be fucked up just as much as I did. "C'mon. This is the best stuff around, right? Enjoy it with me."

He gave in, sitting beside as I took out a little for the both of us. The second it hit me I realized that this was the right thing to do. I felt so much better, so relieved. I smiled at him. "Thanks, Jor."

Then, I stood up, putting the remainder of it in my purse before leaving.

"Miley," he called me back.

I walked back to the doorway, peering in. "Yeah, Jordan?"

"I'd pick you over Selena any day."

I grinned, walking back over and placing a small kiss on his cheek. "I'm glad someone would. I've missed you. Keep in touch more, okay?"

We both knew he wouldn't. We knew I wouldn't try to either. Because this was a separate life that I wasn't supposed to know about. This wasn't who I was, but it was him.

"Yeah, of course."

I walked out, finding Anna and handing her the package. She was drunk out of her mind, but I knew if I asked to drive she'd just say no. I'd been in this position too many times before. So I let her behind the wheel, speeding at unreasonable limits while I was high. It seemed like a rollercoaster.

I pulled out my cell phone, looking at the clock as the numbers floated in ten different spots.

5:03.

Plenty of time to get back in my room.

"Feelin' fucked up enough yet?" Anna laughed at me. For some reason I found that comment the funniest thing in the world.

"Yeah," I giggled, continuously laughing. "I missed this feeling."

"I bet you did," she laughed with me. "Kay, we're here. Get out."

I opened the door, stumbling a little as I set off the alarm of the car next to me. Oops. I ran into the hotel, going up to my room, still laughing uncontrollably.

I went to my door, reaching for the passkey. I went in my purse before my expression went blank. "Shit."

Coming back wasn't exactly my priority as I left, key on the dresser. I pulled out my cell phone, calling Demi quickly only to reach her voice mail. I considered calling other people but realized quickly how stupid that'd be. Demi's the only one who would understand.

I looked to the doors on my right and left. Nick was in one of them, Demi in the other. The question was which is which. I probably should know but when they told me I just didn't care. I was preoccupied thinking of how amazing tonight would be.

So I took a guess. I'm left handed. Go for the left.

I rose my fist, knocking on the door softly. They stirred, but not enough. I knocked again a little louder.

"I'm coming," I heard Demi mumble inside the room. I sighed out of relief.

When she opened the door I smiled, waving. "Hi!"

She gave me a funny look before letting me in. "Are you okay?"

"I got locked out of my room. I forgot the key."

She nodded slowly. "Well, you smell like shit and I have one bed, so you aren't staying here." She took another whiff. "Jesus, what did you do tonight?"

"I went to a club and got this," I laughed and she instantly ran over, clapping a hand over my mouth, stopping me from getting the drugs out.

"Shut the fuck up, do you know what time it is?"

I nodded, still laughing against her hand.

"I forgot how much I missed you being high," she spat out sarcastically. "These late nights of covering for your ass have always been so much fun."

She sighed, wrapping her hand around my head and holding my mouth that way as she started walking me out of her room, leaving her door open.

She made a left out of her bedroom, going and standing in front of Nick's. I started squirming. No, I couldn't go here.

"If I let go will you whisper?" She talked to me like I was five.

I nodded and she uncovered my mouth. "I can't go with Nick. I think he might get mad."

"Oh, he'll be pissed. But him, you, Selena and Taylor, and your mom are only people who got two-bed rooms, and I'm not sharing a bed while you smell like that," she went off. Bitch. "So it's this or your mom."

"Fine," I gave in, giggling. "Nicky-"

It took two seconds for her to clap a hand over my mouth again. "Shut the fuck up!"

I laughed harder against her hand as she scowled, knocking on the door repeatedly. Eventually it opened to show a disheveled looking Nick. He look confused so I waved.

"You have two beds, right?" Demi sighed, her hand going through her hair.

He looked from me to her before letting out a deep breath, opening his door wider and letting us in before shutting it.

He turned on a light and I squinted, my hand going to my eyes. Ow, that hurt. He walked back over sitting me on the bed, pulling me away from Demi.

"What happened?"

"She locked herself out of her room," Demi answered for me. "And I'm not sharing a bed with her in this state."

He shook his head completely understanding. I laid down in my dress, wishing I could take off my wig. I was so silly. Forgetting my key. I made my way up to the pillow, snuggling in it as Nick let Demi go, walking back over to me.

"C'mon, let's at least get you comfy," he talked to himself. He pulled off my high heels before going over and getting sweats with a t-shirt. He pulled off my dress, replacing it with the comfier clothes.

I laughed. "Did you like what you saw?"

"I didn't look," he told me. And I knew that he was being honest. It made me feel dirtier than ever, but I was so out of my mind that I didn't get to feel that part until I woke up.

"Mm," I replied, rolling over and feeling him pull the covers over me before going to sleep. I wasn't in the mood to make small talk. Not today.

"What are you trying to hide, Angel?" I heard him mumble, right before I drifted off, and maybe I was imagining things because of how desperate I was, but I swore I felt his hand gently caress my cheek while he pushed hair out of my face.

"What are you trying to hide?"

i know this was kind of long :/ it might be a pain to read at once, but hope you liked it! tell me what you thought?

drama next chapter, i think.

oh, and I know that this is more part of last chapter, but what do you guys think will happen with taylor before she leaves tour? cus obviously some type of drama needs to happen. idk, answer if you want ;)