Chapter Ten
I groaned, shaking my head. I was so tired. I'd gone in for chemo earlier in the morning, and I still hated it. Knowing that today wouldn't even be the worst of it didn't help. Sometimes being in Hollywood didn't seem worth it. Today was one of those times. I sighed, getting up and drinking a little before going out and joining the group.
"Hey guys," I waved a little, trying to ignore that the beast was still here.
"Hey," I heard them all recite back to me.
Nick was instantly at my side, giving me a hug and I smiled up at him. "Miss me?"
"Always," he smiled a little back.
I heard a cough. "Whore."
Demi went forward, but I stopped her. I could take Swift in a split second. She wanted a fight? Alright, I'll give her a damn fight, my pleasure. I wasn't in the mood to play games any more. I went in front of her, crossing my arms and raising my eyebrows. "Problem?"
"You know my problem," she smirked. "And after hearing what went down last night with the drugs-"
"Who told her?" I growled, turning to look at them. Her hand was on my shoulder in a split second.
"It doesn't matter who told me, the point was you're still fucking up your life."
"No, I'm moving on. Something you obviously can't do."
"You're being a whore."
"Would you just hit her?" Demi tried to push her way past me but I held her back.
"Stay out of it."
"Does she know?" Taylor asked me.
I didn't even hesitate, knowing I was the only one who knew what Taylor was talking about. "I don't know, does Selena know?"
I flickered my gaze back to her and felt my heart drop. Of course she knew the reason for Taylor and I's fight. Taylor tells her everything.
"Yeah, she does."
"Guys, maybe you should both-"
Kevin tried, but no one ever succeeded with Taylor. "Shut up. Someone needs to get it through her head and obviously all of you aren't. Stop. Screwing. Your life up."
"I'm not," I hissed. "I have this under control."
"What bullshit is that? You went back to get more drugs, no you don't. Then you're trying to convince yourself you're over Nick and we all know that's not true. Not to mention, you know…"
"I know what?"
Her squinty eyes narrowed a little trying to get some type of secret message across to me. "You know, I am Sel's best-friend."
I was confused for a second before I put the pieces together. She'd blabbed to Taylor that I had cancer.
"You told her?" I roared at her.
"Sel!" Demi ridiculed her for the first time, shaking her head.
"I'm sorry, but I knew-"
I quickly looked around. The boys were all confused along with Dani but I knew that I couldn't give them an explanation. And somehow I knew Taylor wouldn't either. Or at least I hoped she wouldn't.
"It doesn't matter, alright?" Taylor interrupted Selena's clarification. "The point is, you don't have this under control and we both know it."
"Yes I do."
"You're still whoring around like a little slut-"
"Taylor, would you just stop? You're being a bitch," Dani spat.
We all fell silent. Dani hated getting in the middle of things and rarely stood up for herself nevermind me. Taylor looked around at everyone before settling on me. That look she gave made me nervous. It was saying she'd had enough.
"Why do you all hate me? All I did was try to help her while you all tried to act like it was all fine! She's the one who started all this!"
No, please, no. She couldn't, not now. The truth couldn't come out now, the fact that I was liar wasn't something that she be told now.
Joe pushed his way in front of me, shaking his head. "She told us what you said. About Nick, about Demi-"
"What did you tell them, Miley?" she asked, pushing her past Joe to look down on me again. I was caught. "Because I don't know what he's going on about, but it certainly doesn't sound like the truth. If it was they certainly wouldn't be mad at me."
"Don't," I warned, almost begging her.
"What? You made up some bullshit lie to keep them happy? To make them love you?" She shook her head in disappointment. "And to think I still thought you could change. You'll always be the same now, won't you?"
"What is she talking about?" Demi asked beside me, worried.
"Yeah, Miley, why don't you tell them what I'm talking about."
"No, why don't you tell us what happened," Joe picked a fight with her again. "Obviously Miley's side is different than yours. Let's hear."
She looked at me while I still begged her not to say anything before shaking her head. "Fine. If you wanna know the truth, fine, but don't blame me when you realize you hate it."
"Taylor," I begged. "Please-"
"You had your chance," Joe told me. "This is hers."
Everyone looked to Taylor and I was already ready to cry. They couldn't know, they'd be so disappointed, they'd hate me.
"I don't know how to say this," she told them.
"Then don't," I plead one last time. But it was too late.
"Taylor, tell us," Nick begged her too. I knew that he wanted to figure me out, but this wasn't the way he should do it.
"You all know what went down last winter with Miley and the drugs-"
"Yeah," Demi cut her off sharply. "Yeah, I think we all know."
"Well, one day I saw her heading out at three AM after I was getting out of a late night in the studio, so I followed her. And at first I didn't know what she was doing, I was completely lost at why she was walking down 43rd alone, I mean, you know, it's not exactly the best area. But then she went into a club and it was like shocker. So I figured it was already late, I might as well see why the fuck she finds this so fun, keep an eye on her… Well, she went straight to this guy and they both went up into this room for like an hour. Well, after fifteen minutes or so-"
"Tay-"
"Miley," Joe hissed. "You had your chance."
And I blew it. I could already tell.
"Go ahead, Tay."
"After awhile I got worried, so I pressed up against the door and it was obvious that they were… you know, getting it on. I was so confused just because, I don't know, I just didn't think she was in a relationship. So I sorta sat there being a creep and spying for awhile, 'cause you know, that's what I do, and uh, she came out…"
She trailed off, going silent, and for a minute I thought I'd be okay. I was saved. But then she continued, more serious, all of the usual playfulness in her voice gone, but that vivid storytelling she was so good at continuous.
"Her and the guy came out and he was buttoning his shirt up. Then he pulled out a baggie of drugs and handed them to her."
I felt every person look over to me as I looked down ashamed. They were never supposed to know about me, my habits, and especially not about Jordan.
"She walked away like nothing happened, so obviously I followed her, stopping her from going anywhere. She turned around and was shocked. I asked if she did this often and she asked what she did. So I told her that she was basically being a prostitute, having sex and selling her body just for drugs."
She ran a hand through her hair.
"She told me that it wasn't my business at all. So I tried bringing Nick up in the conversation to get her to stop and said how he would hate to know she's doing this and she went off about Joe and how he'd hate me, so I explained how Nick was an ass to her, but she'd never deserve more if she didn't stop. And she still didn't listen so I went on about how emotional Demi already was. At that point she needed her and," she stopped, not knowing what to say with Demi in the room.
"Anyway," she continued, "then I told her flat out that people will break up with her, but she needs to learn to handle it and not go crazy. Then I brought up how Noah needs her. She looked up to her and she was doing this," she took a deep breath. "I know I should've handled it better, okay? But I didn't know what to do or what to say to get her to stop. I mean, she was having sex just to get drugs, what do you say to that? I just knew that this was too big to let her continue-"
"Miley," Joe looked at me. "Is this true?"
I finally looked directly at them, looking around at all of their disgusted faces until I finally reached Nick's who just looked outright broken. I bit back a sob before shaking my head. "I'm so sorry. I wanted to-"
"No, don't even bother," Joe glared at me with this hatred I had never seen from him before. "This isn't even completely about the fact that you went this far, but that you lied to me. To Demi too."
"I'm sorry," I begged.
"You've said that way too many times for me to care anymore," he told me, shaking his head.
He walked away, leaving and I watched Kevin follow.
I looked down, keeping my gaze at the floor until I felt someone else replace Taylor. It took everything I had to actually face him. "Nick-"
"Just tell me one thing," he requested, his voice so calm, too calm. "The other night, when you got high, is that how you got the drugs again?"
"Nick-" I tried to keep him, but he saw it in my eyes. The fact that I was gonna disappoint him again.
"I can't believe I ever believed in you," he spat the words at me. "I tried to convince everyone you were worth all this, but let's face it, you'll never be more than a slut."
"Nick, no – let me explain," I plead. But it was too late. I lost him. He turned, walking away as I just kept looking ahead.
"Miley, I'm sorry, but they had to know," Taylor actually apologized for once. But I just shook my head, hating her even more because she made me hate myself even more.
"Just go," I told her.
Selena left with her, shaking her head at me as she went by. I already knew she was better than me. What was that supposed to do, let me know she knew now too?
I felt a hand on arm and knew it was Demi. Oh, God, I didn't want to hear anything from Demi. She would be so disappointed, she wouldn't understand. Demi was like Nick, another person I'd let down too many times. I couldn't hear her yell at me right now.
"Miley," she tugged my arm a little harder until I spun around to face her.
She pulled me in to hug her, just holding me for a few minutes before pulling away again. "You okay?"
"If you're mad-"
"You have a lot of explaining to do," she warned, "but I'm not gonna get mad at you over this, okay? You always have me."
I nodded, smiling a little with tears still streaming down. "I will on the bus, I swear. We can steal the back room and I'll tell you everything, just-"
I didn't want to be vulnerable. That's what got me into this mess.
"What, Mile?" She rubbed a hand up and down my arm.
"Please don't leave me," I whispered. "You're all I have left."
"They'll come back, Mi," she promised. But she didn't know that, she couldn't anymore. "C'mon, let's just go on the bus. You'll be okay, alright?"
But I wouldn't be. Not anymore.