Chapter Eleven
"Was everything she said true?" Demi asked, taking my wig from my lap and putting it on the table beside her.
I nodded, taking a deep breath. "Yeah. As much as I wish it wasn't."
"Why would you go that route? You have money, Mi. This makes the drugs ten times worse."
"I know, but this was just the only way Anna showed me and-"
"That too, why would you go back Anna of all people?"
"I know, it was stupid, I just didn't know what to do so I called Jordan then I needed a ride there so I got Anna to drive me," I trailed off. "I'm stupid, I know."
"You're right, you are stupid when you go do that," she shook her head, rubbing her hand over the tattoo she got after she was released from rehab. On her wrist, the words 'Think Again' there in bold ink. I wished I could get a tattoo that told me not to whenever I was about to do something.
"Are you mad?"
She shook her head. "You will never understand how upset I am that you'd even consider doing this, but I'm not mad."
"Thanks," I winced a little.
"Why'd you lie when you told me and Joe about Taylor? You didn't tell the truth about your fight," she looked at me the most heartbroken I'd ever seen her.
"I didn't want you guys to hate me," I whimpered.
She sighed. "And you really thought we wouldn't find out?"
It sounded like a brainless thing to think when she put it like that, but yeah. That's exactly what I thought.
"I know it was stupid, Demi," I sighed, going to run a hand through my hair, but feeling my bald scalp instead. I clenched my jaw as I watched Demi's eyes soften. "Fuck my life! Fuck – God, I fucking hate this."
She came over, sitting beside me and letting me cry onto her shoulder, all the while remembering how I didn't deserve someone as amazing as her as a best-friend.
"First cancer, now this, not to mention the one kid I've always fucking love finally gave up tonight," I shook my head. "Oh, my, God, just screw it. Kill me already."
She looked at me before slapping me across the face.
"Ow!" I held my cheek, looking at her expectantly. "What was that for?"
"Don't you ever say that again," she warned her eyes wide.
"Which part?"
"Any of it!"
She took my phone, entering the password for it and I laid back. "I don't know, Demi. I know him so well and he just lost all hope looking at me."
"He's probably just mad that that – what's his name?"
"Jordan."
"Right, mad that he screwed you first."
"No, he's not, I know that look too," I looked down as she handed me my phone back. "What'd you do on my phone?"
"I deleted Anna, Jordan, and anyone else's names I've heard you tell stories about when you're high."
"Demi!" I turned to her, genuinely pissed off. "What the hell? I needed those numbers!"
"For what? In case you wanted to get high again?"
"No – in case-" My face fell as I realized I really didn't have an excuse this time. "It's nice to know they're in there in case I ever need them."
"Well you don't need them, alright? You never will. And when you go over to Nick tomorrow and come up with the best damn apology you've ever gave, you can feel good knowing you're being completely honest when you swear never to do that again."
I smiled. That did actually sound pretty good. Except one little part. "Who said I was gonna apologize to him?"
"I did, because you will, you need to," she gave me a pointed look. "He isn't gonna come back to you and try to fix things this time, because he didn't screw up."
"He won't forgive me either," I protested. "Demi-"
"Are you seriously saying you aren't gonna apologize?" she looked at me for the billionth time with pure shock. "Miley, for once suck up your pride, because if you don't go tomorrow, you're right, he'll never forgive you."
"Demi-"
"No, okay? No, don't even start. I've been so lenient with you and Nick and your constant sayings that you know him, but I'm not letting this one go. Because if you dare think that he doesn't deserve an apology tomorrow you're being stupid," she lectured. "You fucked up, Mi. Just suck it up, and go apologize."
We heard a knock on the door and both looked up as it opened to reveal Selena. "Just wanted to let you both know Taylor left."
"Thanks, Sel," I smiled softly at her as she turned around, starting to shut the door again.
"Wait!" Demi called after her, walking over and grabbing her arm to make her stay. "Come here, we could use your input."
Selena looked at me confused before turning to Demi. "Did you take some of her drugs or something?"
"Funny," Demi rolled her eyes, and I knew she wanted to sneer at Selena the way she would at me, but we both knew that she would never do anything of the sort when it came to her.
Selena walked over sitting next to me and smiling a little. It was uncomfortable with all three of us in a room. Awkward, as if two completely different time periods were mixing.
"Alright, so first thing first. Who do you think should apologize to who? Miley to Nick, or – as always – Nick to Miley?" Demi started the quiz, letting Selena answer.
"Miley to Nick," she replied shyly, smiling at me nervously a bit. I just shook my head letting her know it was fine. Because it seemed with her that it had to be fine, she was so insecure that she'd upset people. To be honest, everyday I was almost positive it'd be her last in Hollywood with that attitude.
"Second, do you or do you not think Miley should apologize tomorrow?"
"I would," she looked between us, trying to figure out the right answer. "I think."
"Now, last question, yes or no, Miley should tell Nick about the cancer?"
She closed her eyes, avoiding my gaze. "I've told you already, you should've told him first."
"See? You should've told him first," she directed at me. "But no, you could've came clean with everything but you decided to be stupid like always-"
"Stop it," Selena murmured.
We both turned to her as Demi took a step closer, her eyes narrowing. "What?"
"You heard me," she repeated, standing up to face Demi too. I knew it took all the courage she had facing who used to be her best-friend like that. It might be the only person she'd face like that.
"We're actually done with you, so you can leave now," she hissed, opening the door.
"You need to stop pushing her around. You act like you're the flippin' shit-"
"You don't understand our friendship, this isn't you and me-"
"You are a-a-"
"A what?" Demi taunted, a small smirk on her face.
"You're a bitch to her, okay? Is that really what you wanted to hear?" Demi's face fell a little and I watched as Selena only gained confidence, saying the things I've seen so many people before start to say but stop. Hell, sometimes even I wanted to say it, she drove me crazy, but I never did. Because she needed to boss me around. And because she was my best-friend.
"I am not," Demi crossed her arms. "Look, Miley and I are just honest with each other-"
"Honest? You push her around like she's some pet that should be trained. Seriously, she's given up so much for you and you just keep wanting more and more. If I were her I wouldn't tell Nick about the cancer just to piss you off," she ranted. I smiled a little. At least someone had balls.
"She's my best-friend."
"Then start acting like it," Selena rolled her eyes. "You think that what you say doesn't hurt people but it does."
"Miley would tell me if she felt like that," Demi hissed. "Just piss off. You don't know me anymore."
"You're right about that," she shot. "And I'm pretty sure you've never even asked how she felt. Between you constantly telling her how to feel how could she even start to tell you?"
Demi turned to look at me. "Am I bitch to you?"
"Yeah," I laughed. "But you're my best-friend 'cause of it."
"See-"
"But I also see Selena's side," I pointed out.
"See?" Selena mimicked.
"But I understand why Demi does it, so it's all good."
"See?" Demi sneered at her.
Selena shook her head. "She shouldn't need to understand why you're a bitch, you shouldn't be one in the first place."
"Just leave," Demi rolled her eyes.
Selena pursed her lips, obviously trying to decide what to do before she walked out, blasting Taylor's music, obviously trying to take a jab at Demi and remind her how she'd lost a friend. I sighed, watching Demi march over to the speakers in our room, pulling out her ipod.
She plugged it in and within two seconds my voice was coming out of the speakers. I shook my head, walking out of the door. I didn't want to be here anymore.
:::
"Why do you let her push you around like that?" Selena murmured as we were laying down, both playing Mario Kart.
I shrugged, glancing at her eyes, so full of curiosity. "Because she needs to."
"No she doesn't."
"It makes me feel good, anyways. I mean, it's like with her I'm just a normal person who can get yelled at. So many people are scared to get me mad at them or challenge me. It's nice."
Selena knew what I meant. I know she did, because there was a part of her that was the same way. "But she goes too far with you sometimes."
"That's because it makes her feel good. And that's okay with me," I brushed it off.
"Why do you think she does it?"
"Because of you. Because of the problems in the past she's had. She wants to be in control of something, you know? If it's me, then I'll let her. Because that's what best-friend's do."
"How can you not flip out on her, though?"
I laughed a little. "You have no idea how badly I want to sometimes. Her constant suggestions can get pretty annoying, but she's my best-friend, ya know? If that makes her feel better, then fine. It's better she yells at me who will understand rather than Joe, or Nick, or some fan."
Selena nodded, and it felt good to be recognized for something other than being famous. Feeling like I was actually a good friend was nice, because I tried not to let Demi's words spoken in frustration get to me, but sometimes I couldn't help it. They just did.
"For the first time tonight I actually saw that you guys were best-friends," she told me.
I turned to her, furrowing my eyebrows. We were a month into tour and she just now saw it? "What do you mean?"
"You guys have always seemed so fake," she explained. "When she stuck around for you, it just seemed real for the first time. It seemed like she cared. Usually it seems like you worry about her but she doesn't give a fuck about you."
"I know she does," I smiled. I hated to admit it, but I really did like Selena. I was glad we became so close this tour, that I finally had someone who I could talk to, someone who knew Demi just about as well as I did. "She's changed a lot since you guys have been close, but she cares about a lot of things that she pretends not to."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," I grinned. "And she cares about you."
Selena laughed a little. "Your funny, Mi."
"She does. She doesn't want to, but being here with you has been hard for her. I think that's why she's been so much bossier too. She feels like she has something to prove to you."
"You know her pretty well, huh?"
I did. "Almost as well as you."
She looked at me and she smiled, but it wasn't like she meant it. "Not anymore," she whispered.
"Always."
She met my gaze and we both grinned a little, not meaning much and not sure what we were saying, but saying it anyways. Repeating the meaningless words to each other again and again and again.
"This has really been bugging me. Why'd you say No to Nick?"
She looked at me before laughing a little. "Because, I know him, but I only know him almost as well as you do."
I faced the floor, tracing the pattern of the carpet. I hesitated, closing my eyes and whispering the bittersweet words. "Not anymore."
There was a pause and I was almost asleep when I heard her speak up. "Always."
"You should go for it," I mumbled. "Things are definitely over between us after tonight."
"I've heard that one before," she muttered, a little angry herself. And I didn't blame her. I would be too. It was hard always being the second choice.
"He'll always love you that little bit more."
"Yeah, but he won't forgive me anymore, I've pushed him too far."
"He'll always take you back."
"No-you don't understand," I sighed. "He hates me."
"He's just really mad," Selena turned away, letting me face her back. "All you need to do is beg for him to stay."
I slouched down, rolling over on the couch, too lazy to go to my actual bed. I was half asleep, only thinking of Nick. I was so scared of what was going to happen, because I honestly didn't think begging would do anything at this point. He had nothing to stay for anymore, all hope in me was lost. I took a deep breath, knowing I'd have to face everyone again tomorrow, scared of all of them for a change. Because the truth was, I had no idea how I was going to fix this.
happy birthday, NileyIsTrueLove:) sorry the update is so late. it's been a busy weekendd and i just read your review now. its still sunday here though!
and sorry for the filler chapter:/ i know it was sort of boring... and depressing lately. a lot of you have been reviewing of miley and if she'll die or not. i'm not sure where i'm going with this yet, or how it'll end. I just wanted to let you all know that. I've been swaying back and forth and i have a slight idea...
ps, i love imagineyourlife. everyone go tell her to update:)) oh, and tell becboc to update too... and if you don't read their stories you're missing out. you should probably get on that right now.
hope you're liking the story.