Chapter Thirteen.

I woke up alone in bed the next day. Figures he'd leave me. I'd leave me too. I sat up, looking into the mirror and trying to straighten out the wig. I still couldn't look at myself without it.

I stood up, going and opening the door to go out. I went to the kitchen but stopped short when I saw the crowd that was gathered in my there.

"I didn't even know what to do, that wasn't a breakdown for attention or even to quit tour, that was her ready to go out and happily get hit by a car," Nick told them, his back to me.

The all sat there in silence and I met eyes with Demi as she pushed past everyone, hugging me tight. I wasn't sure what had changed in the hours that we were apart, maybe it was that I opened up, but it felt like I hadn't seen her in years. That heartfelt of a hug from her made me want to cry.

"I missed you."

I smiled while I hugged her back, squeezing her a little before going and grabbing a water bottle. Demi took out some crackers, giving me a pointed look to eat them.

"I tried calling you like, a billion times, don't scare me like that," she lectured.

I smiled apologetically, not willing to really apologize. Because I wasn't sorry for not picking up.

"You alright, Mi?"

I nodded, sipping the water slowly.

"Say something then," she sighed, looking at me.

"I'm fine," I whispered so only she could hear.

She shook her head as if she could read on my mind that I was lying. "You wanna talk about last night?"

"Not with you," I mumbled.

"Well, Nick's here, yeah?"

I shook my head. "No-"

"Kev? Joe?"

I coughed a little. "Can I just talk to Dani?"

Demi studied me before looking at Joe and approving of that. "Of course you can."

She got up, letting Dani come over but I shook my head, leading her to the back room instead. I didn't want them eavesdropping. I shut and locked the door before turning to her and just giving her a hug. She gave the most comforting hugs.

"What'd you do, Mile?"

"I fucked up and you know that," I muttered into her shoulder. "But then I had a huge breakdown, but I – I didn't even know what was happening and it all was just so built up and bottled in that it came out."

"They want it that way," she promised, stroking my hair like an older sister would do. "They want to know what's going on with you."

"But I don't want to be a burden," I whined. "I only took you in here because I knew they'd all expect me to actually vent."

"Tell me the truth," she instructed, those soft understanding caramel eyes searching mine, "what's been goin' on with you lately?"

"I can't tell you," I shook my head. "But don't worry about it, okay?"

She gave me a sympathetic smile. "I'm not Nick, Sweetie."

"I know you aren't," I grinned.

"You can tell me anything, you know that."

"I want to, it's just-"

"No more excuses, not after last night," she said strictly. "You know that I hate making people tell me things but obviously this is hurting you. That's not okay either."

"It's just Nick and Selena getting to me again-"

"Don't use that excuse on anyone else, okay? It's not even up to your regular standard of made up lies," she told me and I smiled a little at just how well she knew me. "C'mon, you know I won't tell anyone. Especially for you. For you I wouldn't even tell Kevin if you didn't want me to."

"You wouldn't?" I sat down on the bed, looking up at her.

"Just say the word."

"I'll tell you," I agreed. "But whatever I say in here doesn't get told to anyone. Especially not any of the Jonas'."

"Meaning Nick and Joe don't know."

"Not even close," I sighed, pulling up my computer and opening my schedule. "There, read it."

"Wake up call, meds, lunch, free time, meds, soundcheck, sleep, meds," she muttered to herself looking up at me completely confused. "Why so many drugs?"

"Go to two days from now."

She flipped through the pages, reading it, mumbling once again. "Wake up call, doctors, chemo, sleep, sleep, sleep, soundcheck, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, perform, sleep – what is this?"

I looked down.

"Miley, what's going on?"

"That's my schedule," I repeated.

"Well I got that," She looked at me concerned. "I want you to tell me what's going on with you, though? You can't expect me to look at that and not have you explain."

I looked away, feeling like I was that immature fifteen year old who couldn't do confrontation.

"Do you," she started, stuttering in the middle. "Are you sick?"

I nodded, wiping the tears in my eyes. I hated thinking about this, remembering how I can't do anything but pray about this.

"Cancer?" she repeated. I jumped, instantly hushing her to a whisper. "Miley, this isn't a secret, you need to go tell them."

"I will, just not now. Nick's gonna think I just want sympathy and get all worried-"

"Why are you so calm about this?" she was trying her best not freak out, but I could tell that right now even Dani – Danielle of all people – was having trouble controlling herself. "This is a big deal, you can't pretend it's not."

"I'm used to it, okay?"

"Used to it?" her eyes suddenly narrowed and I knew I'd said the wrong thing. "How long have you known about this?"

"Awhile, I don't know-"

"Tell me," she requested softly. "Please."

"Since three days before tour, but it's okay, I'm fine-"

"But you need to tell them," she whispered, looking towards the door. "I can't believe you haven't already, they deserve to know."

"The timing is bad right now," I justified.

She shook her head, the only one who immediately knew the comeback I had been waiting for. "The timing will always be bad. That doesn't mean they shouldn't know."

"Well, it's more that Nick can't know," I explained. "And Kevin and Joe would tell him. That's the only reason they can't."

"And how do you think this is helping Nick?"

"I don't want him to worry," I sighed.

Dani shook her head. "You're just being selfish. He should know and I know you know that. You believe he should too-"

"I explained myself, I don't think he should."

"You justified yourself," Dani pointed out. "You know he deserves more, and that you don't deserve to have this all bottled up. What happened last night is proof that it isn't doing you any good."

"Dan-"

"I only want what's best for everyone, you know that," she murmured. I sat there, nodding, looking away. "You wanna talk about it?"

I once again shook my head. "Not right now."

"I don't want to be the bad guy, Mi. You just, sometimes I wonder if you even know how much he loves you."

Oh, I definitely knew.

She laughed a little. "He's tried to stop so many times, even convinced himself a few times, but there are times when you just see him staring at his phone and you just know that it's you he's waiting for."

Story of my life. I sighed, about to run a hand through my hair but hesitating and stopping last minute.

"And the crazy thing is, I don't think he knows how much you love him either. You're a wreck without him, and I don't think you realize the half of it," she laughed a little, shaking her head. "You both just need to open your eyes a little wider and maybe you'd finally last."

"He'll never forgive me, not after last night, or after what I did." Oh, God. The memories were all coming back, flooding my mind.

"He will. I promise," Dani told me softly. "Give him a chance for once."

"I have. I've given him plenty and I know this time, Dani. I feel it."

She shook her head. "No. You haven't. You've never really opened him like you did before, not once since you guys first broke up."

"I-"

"I'm not finished!" she interrupted me and I sunk back down. "You haven't given yourself to him fully and he keeps trying to prove himself to you, because he knows you're still hurting from the last time, and all he wants you to do is trust him. He loves you more than anything in this world, but you're so hidden, and to be honest I love you, I really do, you know that, but if I were him I would've given up a long time ago."

My eyes suddenly filled with tears. I would've given up a long time ago too if I were him. I wasn't worth all this.

"Don't get me wrong, I would've given up a long time ago on him too if I were you, but he obviously loves you. Be brave and love him back for once."

"I do," I whispered. "You know that, right?"

"I know that," she assured. "Maybe it's time to let him know."

"Not now."

"You're gonna have to face all this eventually, Mi," Dani promised me.

"I know I will, it's just…" I shook my head, wiping my eyes and finally looking at her, suddenly telling the truth for once. "I'm really scared."

"You should be," she forced out a smile. "But you don't need to go through this alone."

"I have Demi, it's just-"

"Demi isn't the best support system," Dani nodded, laughing a little. "We all know that."

"I don't want to worry her either. She already has so much to handle and I don't want last year to repeat itself," I ranted, going to run a hand through my hair again and stopping short before I pulled the wig off on accident.

"It isn't fair to you not to be able to talk about this, though. Because it's a big deal, it's huge."

"I know," I sighed.

"I'm here. I mean, I know you aren't as close to me as everyone else, but you know I'm here," she swore. "Come on my bus anytime you need me. Just knock first."

"I know you are," I smiled gently, wrapping our arms together. "Thanks for listening. You're one of the only people who I know that will and won't yell at me about how stupid I am after."

"They love you," she promised, getting up. "Meaning you have to face them eventually."

I nodded, following her to the door. "Thanks, Dan."

She opened it and I let her go out first before I followed, simply going to the couch and sitting next to Demi, letting her wrap her arm around my shoulder.

They all turned, just staring at me for awhile, Dani going next to Kevin. I smiled. "I'm fine, guys. I promise."

"Mi-"

"Demi, shut it," I warned, glaring at her.

She pursed her lips before growling. "Fine. Of course you are."

"Are you sure? Because you know we'll always make time for you," Joe winced.

"I'm sure. I just – there's so much pressure with the cameras and tour makes it even harder seeing all the fans-"

"Liar," Demi whispered into my ear soft enough so only I could hear while Dani and Selena both shot me disappointed looks.

"Just, don't do anything reckless, okay?" Joe asked softly. "I don't want you going back to him."

I nodded, glancing at Demi. "I won't."

"She doesn't have the option anymore anyway," Demi squeezed me reassuringly.

Nick looked at me across the room, waving me over. I leaned farther into Demi but she practically shoved me off. "Talk to him."

I sighed, walking over and he took my hand, bringing us to my bunk. For the first time I sat on it with him, both of us across from each other in silence.

"Are you still mad?" I finally asked.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair and shaking my head. "I think you're so so stupid for doing it and I'm crushed, but I can't be mad at you."

"Yes you can, I'd rather it," I protested. "Yell if you want, or something."

"I'm not gonna-"

"Do it, let me know how you feel," I begged, not feeling right just getting away with it. I grabbed his hand. "Please, show me how you feel."

"You don't wanna know-"

"I do," I instantly shot as he pulled me closer on his lap, holding me, burying his head into my neck. "I swear I do."

"Are you sure?"

"No holding back," I confirmed.

He bit his lip for awhile before finally exploding. "I thought you were better. I'm – I actually believed you knew what you doing, and I think you're so incredibly stupid for doing that, but another part thinks I'm stupid for thinking you gave yourself limits. And I fucking cried over you all night last night, trying to convince myself I hated you, because it'd be easier that way – you know it would. I wish I couldn't stand you and I wouldn't need to suffer after every time you screwed up and be so disappointed every single – oh, shit. Miley, don't cry. I didn't – c'mon, Angel. It's okay, I'm not – I'm over it, you know-"

"Keep going," I told him. He hesitated as if to say no, but as hard as it was to hear, I had to. Because he'd obviously been bottling this up long enough, and his words might be the only words that would make me feel better.

He took a deep breath, stroking my hair as if that would make his words sound better. "Honestly, if you want the truth, the only reason I'm forgiving you is because I love you so fucking much and the last time we let something get out of hand… I just can't lose you again, and I don't know what's going on with you but last night wasn't because of pressure."

"I'm sorry," I untucked myself from his arms, wrapping both of mine around his body. "I'm so sorry, you need to believe that."

His eyes darted around mine before he slowly nodded. "I do."

"I don't mean to disappoint you it just – happens," I looked down as he chuckled a bit, mumbling the last part. "That wasn't supposed to sound as stupid as it did."

"It's okay," he told me. "We're okay, you're gonna be okay. I promise."

He was making a promise he couldn't keep. But I nodded anyway. He laid down. "I love you so much, Miley. You don't even know what I would do if I ever lost you."

My head was on his chest, eyes fixed to his feet as I nodded. "I love you too, Nicky."

"You know I hate that name."

"I still think you're lying about that."

"I'm really not."

I shrugged, looking up at him with a small smile. "Well I still like it."

He propped himself up, leaning down towards me. "Oh yeah?"

I scooted back, needing more space between us. I was about to kiss him in that position.

"Mhm. You really like it, and I like it, so I guess I'll just call you that forever."

He laughed, shoving me a little. "Whatever. Your world is so different from reality."

"No, your world is different than reality."

"Please, in your world everyone gets along-"

"That could be the real world if people were nicer."

"Because you were so nice to Demi and Selena back then."

I shrugged nonchalantly. "We are best friends, thank you very much."

"Now," he laughed a little, leaning back. "And when you released your CD on Selena's birthday?"

"Did I really?" I looked up at him shocked and he shook his head. I didn't fool him for a second. "Must've been bad timing."

"That must be it. My Miley would never do that," he smirked.

I shook my head innocently. "Nope."

It was quiet for awhile.

"You're gonna be okay, right?"

I looked up at him, forcing the best acting smile I could. "With you here I will be."

"I love you so much, I can't lose you, so you better not be lying."

I felt my heart drop down a cliff. "I'm not."

"Good. And no more breakdowns, okay? Talk to someone before it gets that far, you scared me."

"I didn't mean to," I promised. "I promise I'll talk someone. Swear it."

"Did you mean any of what you said?"

Yeah. Yeah, I actually meant most of it. Every day I was hating fame a little bit more.

"No," I told him. "Just the stress talking."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Okay," he smiled softly, bringing me in and giving me one last hug before getting up. "And so you know," he paused, turning back to me and looking down the hall once to make sure no one was eaves dropping. "I meant what I said before, about you and me. I still care, Miley. But we need to sort life out first."

I nodded, smiling back at him in the gentlest way. "I know."

We'd work out someday… I hope.

thank you guys for all the lovely reviews last chapter. they really made me smile:) so here's another! hope you liked it.