Chapter Sixteen

I quickly walked into the venue after coming back from chemotherapy, my mom right behind, too absorbed in her Blackberry to even noticed the worried expression on my face. A part of me wished she would at least ask what's wrong, but the other part realized that right now she was in manager mode. It wasn't her job to notice my emotional state.

Once I was fully backstage I scanned the room for Demi quickly, spotting her just as someone else came over to drag me away.

"Miley, the execs cleared you for missing sound check but you need to hustle in your dressing room," he talked so quickly, everything was in fast forward. I just kept nodding even though I didn't understand.

Going out on stage tonight was something I wasn't even so sure that I could do. I needed to talk to my best-friend. I didn't get what was going on, I had to tell someone what I had just found out before I went insane. I needed to talk to Demi.

It didn't matter, though, instead I followed commands, getting changed, wardrobe, hair, make-up, vocal exercises – the one day I want Nick to waltz in and announce I can't perform he doesn't?

I barely made it to my stage entrance on time with how busy they all kept me. I crouched down in the spot that I came up onto stage with and took a few deep breaths. I opened my eyes, immediately making eye contact with Dani who was shooting me continuous worried glances. I shook my head, sending her the false message that I was okay.

However, the second I came off stage that act came off. I didn't bother changing, looking around until my eyes hung on Demi. It was like she could feel my gaze and she instantly turned around, letting my defeated eyes meet hers. I nodded to a room and she walked over, going in first before I quickly followed, shutting the door.

She looked up at me, scanning me over and tried to smile. "I'm guessing chemo didn't go too well?"

She didn't know the least of it.

"I'm telling you something in confidence, okay? You can't tell anyone this," I warned, still unsure of whether or not I was telling the right person. Demi was my best-friend, no doubt about it, but this news was huge and for a split second I debated telling Selena first... She just seemed better with this kind of stuff and she'd easily tell me what to do without a biased opinion. No, I regained my thoughts. I had to tell Demi first. I took a deep breath, continuing to preach what I needed her to vow. "That includes every single person on this tour. Especially my mom and Nick."

She furrowed her eyebrows, nodding a little. She was concerned and worried and anxious, just not concerned and worried and anxious enough. She was so unexpecting still."What's going on?"

"Chemo..." I droned off slowly. "Well, they took a few tests and some x-rays, and everything like that, and they think they found something."

"What do they think they found? Something good?"

I closed my eyes. Demi Lovato, this was not a Disney channel movie. No, they didn't find anything good, this was called Cancer. It wasn't a gift, but a curse. What good things could they find, exactly?

"Some more cells. They don't think it's going away. They say I'm not reacting to the chemo properly," I told her lowly. "They're running tests right now and calling me back sometime tomorrow. It took a lot of convincing to have them get back to me instead of my mom, but since I'm eighteen they really didn't have a choice... My mom doesn't even know yet! I'm - what am I supposed to do, Dem?"

Demi nodded, sitting down and looking at me serious, probably the most determined I'd ever seen her look before. "Well, what happens if the tests come back positive? Do they have another treatment?"

I closed my eyes. "This is the best they have right now. If the tests come back positive it's most likely gonna be terminal."

"What happens if it's terminal?"

I shrugged. "I stop chemo and wait, I guess. I don't know, Demi, I didn't really want to ask that question – I'm not even considering the idea of it being terminal. I'm just as scared as you are."

She reached her arms up, rubbing her eyes before rubbing her temples. "This has gone too far, Mi. You have to tell Nick. At this point you have to tell everyone. But, first things first. Nick has to know. You can't wait any longer."

"What? No."

"Do you not understand? When there was a high chance you'd live it was fine, but now this is your life that's in risk and he has absolutely no idea," she scolded me like I was oblivious to that. I knew that. God, did I know that. It was all that was repeating through my head on the plane, but the point was, how was I supposed to tell him? I already had to fight for my place against Selena, then this - finding out the love of his life is broken, sick, dying... I can't destroy him like that.

"It'll only hur-"

"No, you don't understand. No more excuses. You need to tell him," she growled. "You've kept it hidden too long as it is."

I wanted to. I shook my head. "I can't."

"Then I will," she shot back.

"No, Demi, you promised," I reminded her. That promise seemed like a lifetime ago, though. "You promised me when you walked in-"

"If there's any time to break a promise, now would be the time."

"Demi," I begged. "Demi, please. Don't do this."

She closed her eyes, shaking her head as tears came down. The worst part was knowing that I was the cause of those tears. "I can't keep this a secret anymore."

"Just another week," I tried to plead.

She shook her head, knowing me well enough to know that one more week wasn't just another week, but so much longer. "You have until after tomorrow's show. I'm telling him if he doesn't know by then."

"Demi-"

She shook her head, just walking out. I bit my lip, frustrated at how she didn't understand and screamed into my pillow before getting up and going in the bathroom to change. I was so done with this tour, I didn't want anyone else to know. I didn't even want to be here any more.

I pulled off my wig, throwing it across the room in anger knocking my make-up bag off the sink and happily watching everything break before my eyes. The powder spread out across the floor and the broken pieces of glass matched the broken streams of water rolling down my cheeks.

"Miley?" A timid voice asked. Shit.

I froze, not willing to turn around, tears strolling down my cheeks. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

No, this couldn't be happening. Was his timing really this terrible? No. I wasn't ready to face the truth, he couldn't find out. I instantly turned slamming the bathroom door shut and locking it before falling to my knees.

He tried to open the door but the doorknob just jiggled, splitting us apart.

"Miley, let me in," he requested softly. I knew him too well, though, I knew that he was using his acting voice to coax me out. He wasn't really calm.

I wouldn't come out. "Go away, Nick."

"I'm holding your hair in my hands," he told me, murmuring the words. "I'm not leaving."

"I will talk to you tomorrow. Just leave the wig by the door and go. I can't deal with this tonight."

"Please," his voice cracked and I wiped my own eyes. He couldn't be crying. He just couldn't. "Miley:"

"Tomorrow," I repeated.

"Fine," he sighed. "I'm going, then."

I nodded even though he couldn't see and listened for the door to shut. I heard it click and just sat on the cold floor for awhile longer until I could be sure he left. I sat in there for a half hour just texting Mandy for awhile before calling Brandi. She would know what to do, she had to. In the roughest times of my life I was always able to turn to Brandi. If she was able to tell me what to do in my darkest times, she'd surely know just what to say now. Other than Nick she was the only one who completely understood me.

She answered on the third ring. Her voice was so cheery, I missed when mine was that way naturally, before I had to pretend to be so happy. "Hey, Mile. How's tour?"

"I need you here," I whimpered out, the words coming out of instinct, not because I wanted them to.

I heard her sigh. "I'm out of the country at the moment, Mi. Trace and I-"

"It's fine," I plastered on a smile and forced a laugh, recovering. "I'm fine, I just – I miss you, that's all."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, totally, I'm fine," I kept talking. "Where you guys at?"

"We went to Bristol first, but now we're in London, then I think we're going to Japan tomorrow," she listed off. I had never been more tempted to walk off of a tour and fly to them before. "How's everything going?"

"Great, it's fun," I wiped away a tear. "It's great, everyone's awesome."

She paused. "You sure you're okay?"

"I'm amazing, never been better," I told her.

"And the cancer?"

I bit my lip. I couldn't tell her it might be terminal. I wouldn't be her buzzkill. Besides, it wasn't important until I found out for sure if it is or not. "It's going good. I mean, you know, chemo is shit, but they're getting it."

"All good news then, huh?"

If she believed the lies, then yes. All good news.

"It's been amazing," I confirmed. "Hey, look, I gotta go. Just thought I'd see how you were doing. Tell Trace I love him, okay?"

"Miley, wait," she stopped me. I didn't say anything, just breathed on the other end of the line. "What's wrong?"

"I'm fine," I giggled. "I told you, I miss you, but I'll see you in a few weeks right?"

"Yeah, I'm visiting soon," she said unsurely. She knew that I wasn't okay, but wasn't confident enough to call me on it over the phone.

"Yeah, but I really do have to go. I love you."

"Alright. Bye, Miles. Love you too."

"See you," I hung up, sighing and looking at the time. I'd waited it out too long, it was time to go on the bus. Five minutes until we left.

I opened the door, grabbing the wig that Nick left there and turning to the mirror and putting it on. I fixed a few strands before turning around and grabbing my bag from the couch, stopping short when I saw that Nick still hadn't left. I'd almost forgotten why I'd even been hiding in the bathroom. But oh, I remembered now. It was crystal clear.

"What are you doing here?"

"I figured you had to come out eventually."

"I don't want to talk about it-"

"Too bad, because you need to," he demanded, not letting me have my way for the first time. He held his ground. "What's going on?"

"Nothing-"

"You're bald," he glared at me. "What the fuck is going on, Miley."

I stared at him for awhile before grabbing my bag, shaking my head and walking out. He didn't hesitate to chase me.

"I'll follow you all night if I have to," he told me half way to the bus.

I shook my head, continuing to walk onto the bus, looking behind me only to see him still there. It didn't look like he had any intention of stopping either. "Go away, Nick!"

"Not until I get an explanation," he ordered. Demi and Selena both watched us, exchanging glances as we marched through the living room. I went straight to the back room, slamming the door in his face. A quick bang followed it, him screaming at me through it. "Fuck you! Fuck you, Miley."

"You'd like that wouldn't you?" I screamed back. Great. Now we were both angry for not reason. Awesome, today's been fucking great.

"Damn it," I heard him mutter on the other side as I crossed my arms, just glaring at the piece of wood.

"What's going on?" Yay. Demi to the rescue. She'd be able to fix things... Not.

"I don't know, that's the problem," Nick groaned. "I-She won't tell me, but I know what I saw."

"What happened?"

"She was bald. And then she locked herself in the bathroom for a fucking hour and now she's still run-"

"Miley!" Demi called, angrily beating on the door. "Miley! Get out here."

I stood there.

"Miley!"

No. No way.

"I'm about to tell him."

"No you won't," I rolled my eyes.

I could almost picture that furious head shake she must be doing. The one she only did with me because I was the only one who defied her enough to always see it. I'm pretty sure she made it up just for me.

"You wanna test me?"

I hesitated before opening the door, face to face with the two of them, Demi coming right up and pointing at him. "You tell him now."

"I can't," I protested before feeling today's dinner coming back up. I ran to the bathroom. Oh god. Timing sucked. My timing always just sucked.

Instantly a hand was rubbing my back, another holding my hair. "You're fine, aren't you?"

I smiled a little, still puking. This was glorious. I've always wanted Nick beside me when I puked. I closed my eyes. I didn't want to think of how disgusted he must be.

But once it was over I stood up, going and brushing my teeth, ignoring him watching my every move so closely and Demi standing in the doorway. I pretended nothing happened.

"Talk to me," he begged.

I shook my head, going out into the kitchen to get water. Demi sat down next to Selena again on the couch, grabbing her own water.

"Miley, please," he whispered behind me.

"Tell him," Demi urged.

I finally whipped around. That was it. The wanted me to tell him? Fine. Okay, I'd tell him. I'd tell him the exact truth, nothing but if they wanted be to tell him so bad.

"Fine. I am sick. I have cancer. There you go, is that what you wanted to know so bad? Happy now? Oh, and then I found out today it might be terminal, in case you wanted to know that too. So, yeah, I'm most likely dying as we speak. There ya go, now you know, can I leave?"

He just stood there shell shocked as Demi glared at me. What? Not gentle enough for her. I rose my eyebrows at Nick who wasn't even moving.

"Well?" I asked.

"Next time be a little more blunt about it all," Demi growled sarcastically.

I turned to her, glaring right back. "You two kept pressuring me to tell him, so I told him. Sorry if it wasn't the way-"

"Marry me."

We both froze before my common sense came back enough to turn back around to Nick, staring at him incredulously.

He blinked a few times, obviously shocked by himself before getting down on one knee and looking at me straight in the eye, no ring, no nothing, just him and his impulses. He smiled, laughing as the words seemed to roll right off his tongue as he repeated them once more. "Marry me."

what'd you alll think! (:
sorry this chapter was kind of all over the place...

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