Chapter Seventeen

It took me awhile to recover before I blinked rapidly as it processed exactly what was going on. "What?"

"I said-"

"I heard you, I just – no," I cut off my explanation. His face fell and I realized how harshly that had came out. I stepped closer, touching him. "You know I love the hell out you, but, Nick… I'm not letting you rush into this."

"We're hardly rushing, we've been together for six years," he scoffed.

"No, we've been off and on for five years," I corrected.

"Same thing," he shrugged it off. "Miley, please."

"We're eighteen-"

"That's legal!" he protested immediately. "It's legal, and we love each other, and I can't picture myself with anyone else but you up on the altar. What else is there to worry about?"

I closed my eyes, not letting him sucker me into it time. I leaned up, brushing my lips against his cheek before meeting his gaze again. "The answer is still no, Nicholas."

I squeezed his hand a little before pulling away, going back to my bunk. I couldn't watch his face as he realized that I just turned him down. And not for a date, but for holy matrimony.

It took two seconds for Demi to be right beside me. She grabbed my hand, her eyes hurting for me.

"You okay?"

I hesitated, taking a deep, steadying, breath. "I did the right thing, right?"

She opened her mouth but then stopped herself. "You know I can't answer that for you."

"I feel terrible," I groaned. "He loves me, but I can't just marry him, you know that! I can't say yes!"

"You can't handle something that big right now. You already have so much going on in your life."

"Exactly!" I exclaimed. I bit my lip. "You don't think he'll be mad, do you?"

"He could never be mad at you, trust me," she emphasized the trust part, so I really had no choice. "How do you feel about all this, though?"

"Like I shouldn't have told him," I grumbled.

Demi stared at me for awhile before she shook her head, that mother voice that she somehow had coming on. "You know you had to tell him."

"He shouldn't know," I repeated. "He's already changed."

"Well, after you turned down his proposal-"

I gave her a soft look. "Please, be serious. I need you right now."

She sighed, nodding, leaning against the wall. "He's gonna change, that's what people do when they hear things like that, but it doesn't mean you just can't tell him. You can't cut someone like Nick out of a huge secret like that."

"I wish I could."

"I know you do. Last year I wished I didn't have to tell anyone about anything that was happening to me or how I felt, but I did. And you know what?" I stared up at her. "I'm a lot happier now. And you will be too. It just takes time. Rome wasn't built in a day."

"To think that was only two thirds of the brothers," I groaned. "How do I tell Joe and Kevin?"

"Well," Demi bit her lip, dragging the word out and glanced at me nervously. "I may have accidently let it slip to Joe a few weeks ago as soon as I found out."

My eyes widened. "And you never thought to tell me this because?"

"You'd freak out he'd tell Nick, which he obviously didn't," she defended. "I couldn't keep it from him."

"Who knew he could actually keep a secret?"

"Oh, trust me. I definitely didn't," she mumbled. "I thought for sure I'd have you coming up to me pissed within a few hours of when I slipped up."

"If I didn't need you so much right now I would pissed," I laughed. Once it died down I stared at my fingers. "You think Selena's okay, right?"

"She's fine," Demi assured. "Well over him, trust me. I think she's really moved on this time. These past few weeks have been good for her."

"Yeah?"

"Trust me," she reassured my doubts. "I can read her like a book."

If she said so, I'd believe her. "Alright."

"Things will get better. You're gonna fight this."

"I'm trying to," I grinned weakly.

"You're gonna make it, okay?" she lightly shoved me. Since when did she become strong enough to be my rock? "Just stop worrying so much."

"What if I don't make it?"

"Then at least you'll have had a warning which is more than most people can say."

I smiled, nodding as much as I could. I guess that was true. "I feel like shit."

"Yeah, well, I know how to make you a little more comfortable," Demi smiled. She grasped the end of my "hair", looking to me before she pulled it off. "May I?"

"Nick's in the other room," I murmured quietly. "What if he walks in?"

"He'll love you with or without hair. And you know it'll make you feel better."

"Fine," I agreed.

She pulled everything off, rubbing my head quickly. "Much better."

"Please."

"At least you could pull the look off," she grinned. "I'd be ugly without my hair."

"Yeah, that's a joke."

"No it's not! I-"

"Dems?" Selena stood at the bottom of our bunk as we both looked down at her. "Nick wants you."

She turned to me. "You gonna be alright if I go?"

"He needs you more than I do," I promised. As much as I wanted to keep her here with me, I knew that I just couldn't. If Nick needed Demi then he could have her.

"Beg to differ," she singsonged, hopping down. "I'll be back."

Then, it was just me and Selena. She climbed up on my bed with me as I grabbed the wig. She took my wrist and I looked up.

"You look fine without it," she smiled, taking it from me and beginning to run her fingers through it. We both just sat there silently for awhile before she finally spoke up. "Why'd you say no?"

"I dunno."

"You really could've been a little gentler on him."

"Too late now."

"He really loves you, though."

"I know that," I assured. "And I love him too."

"So why'd you say no?"

I glanced up at her and shook my head. Just this one time, I'd tell her the truth. "Let's face it, Sel. Me and you both know that he deserves better."

"I thought by now we'd all just agreed you and Nick were gonna happen either way. No 'deserves better' about it."

"Not now," I sighed. "Not on my watch."

She rolled her eyes. "Of course everything is on your watch."

She got off my bed, going across the hall to her own bunk. What was that mood change all about? I thought we were both getting along. I furrowed my eyebrows, and not quite ready to let go, I followed her. "What do you mean?"

She pulled out her phone, pretending to look at text messages. I knew she wasn't though. That move was too over done by now. No, that wouldn't work with me.

"Selena, what do you mean?"

"He never gets a say in this, does he?" she asked softly. "Look, I'm trying really hard to be nice to you, but maybe it's time that you talk to him about these decisions before you just go running away again."

"You don't think he deserves better?"

"Oh, I do," she stated harshly. "But if he doesn't agree you're just hurting him even more."

I just stood there until she gazed at me again.

"Look, it's not my business. What do I know about Nick Jonas anyway?"

I closed my eyes. Demi was blind, stupid, and incredibly wrong. It was crystal clear to me. This girl in front of me was the farthest thing from over Nick, and honestly, that fact probably should have bothered me a little bit more than it did. Instead it hardly phased me.

"You can go back to him," I told her, not even needing to clarify who I was talking about because we both knew. We'd both always knew that we'd always be in love with the same guy and ignoring it didn't help anything. "I just turned down his proposal-"

"And he'll still come crawling back to you," she threw her arms up. "Honestly, I don't even know why you turned it down, you guys have been in love for over five years, it's not going away, he can't fall for anyone else – trust me, I've tried - what's the point in not saying yes?"

The point was he wasn't ready and neither was I. Right now wasn't the best time to make these huge commitments. Maybe when I was better and cancer free, then yeah, I'd say yes in a heartbeat.

"I didn't want it to be this way, if I could…"

"You wouldn't do anything. You love him just as much," she rolled her eyes. "Look, you guys belong together, I get that."

"I'm sorry, Sel," I whispered, brushing through her hair.

"Can you just go? You aren't helping."

Great, another thing to add onto my list of fuck ups.

"If it does help, when I'm gone you'll be the first person he goes to," I offered.

She rolled her eyes. "Don't say that. You don't even know if you're dying yet."

"He does love you," I forced myself to admit. "Trust me, he really loves you."

"Just not as much as you," she spat. I knew she didn't mean it, though. Nick just had that effect on people. "It's weird, huh?"

"What?"

"We're so alike, but we'll never totally be friends because you know exactly how I feel. Like, exactly. Too much." she stressed.

I wanted to contradict her and point out how I didn't because I wasn't second best, but I couldn't. I didn't have the heart to remind her that we weren't the same. Because for me that fact was positive, I liked being original. For her, I wasn't so sure that it would be.

"I know," I nodded. "It's hard dealing with Nick Jonas."

"It's even harder not dealing with him, though," Selena finished for me.

"If it makes you feel better, I still don't know why he'd ever pick me over you," I offered the last bit of honesty I had. Those words were the hardest to come out.

She shook her head. "You might not, but everyone else does." She glared me for a split second, but I caught it. "Everyone would pick you."

"No-"

"I've always been second best," she hissed. "At least when it comes to you. Because you just have this personality, this – this talent that you can fuck up again and again and again and again and they will still love your crumpled up record more than they could ever love me… And you have no idea how much it sucks."

I nodded, biting my lip and getting up. I shouldn't be with her right now. If I kept hearing this I might do something stupid.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that," she sighed. She probably really was sorry too. But the words already came out.

I shook my head, shrugging to let her know it's okay before walking out. I stopped a little, turning one last time and deciding I had to tell her the one thing that was running through my mind. "You were never second best to me."

ok, i know this is a filler soo, yeah. thank you all so much for all the reviews!

i finally figured out how this story is gonna end and i'm really excited for it! hahah i really really like it so hopefully i can just write it right. hope you enjoyed this chapter(: