A/N: This chapter takes place the week before the fourth of July, right after Chapter 10 of "Spring and Summer Only" ends. It includes an afternoon of poolside fun, and a modified take on "Samcedes Sex Therapy."

Disclaimer: I do not now, nor will I ever claim ownership of Glee, its characters, or the manner in which those characters are mistreated on television. I would never admit to being responsible for the hot mess my favorite show has become.

Chapter 2

Getting in Bartana's Business

Mercedes POV:

June 30, 2012

The kickoff party, camping trip, and Vegas family vacation were all really great starts to our wonderful summer. Sam and I decided on the Friday we got back that we wanted to see the hot shitty mess that is Bartana in action. So we called up Satan and invited ourselves over to her pool house the next day so we could hang out with her and her boos. I know me and Tana have had our run-ins, but we really bonded when led the Trouble Tones together. Quinn may be like family, Kurt may be my cosmic twin, and Tina is definitely my ace for life…but I can honestly say Santana is one of my best friends.

Our relationship is mainly based on having so many things in common; we both have boot-strapper daddies, we both are loud and in-your-face, we both say Sam is the best boyfriend either of us ever had, and we have serious musical chemistry. Sure, I wanted to watch the interaction between Artie, Britt, and Tana…but I also want to make sure my fellow HBIC is happy.

That Saturday Sam and I showed up, as agreed, with hamburger meat, hot dogs, steaks, and buns. Artie brought condiments, and had his dad make cold side dishes for us to grub on. Brittany was in charge of chips, ice, and paper products. Satan provided the location and access to her dad's liquor cabinet. As soon as we got there the boys got the grill going while us girls took a dip in the pool.

After playing and eating all five of us went into the pool house watched a Jersey Shore marathonwhile getting kind of tipsy. When everybody had a good buzz going, Satan got started.

"So Wheezy and Trouty, Tin-Tin told me ya'll had a good time camping a couple of weeks ago. Samcedes trying to get in time with all the couples one by one before September?"

"Basically," I answered. "You three were just lucky you ended up being next on our to-do list."

She already knew I was just messing with her.

"We're gonna give Finchel a pass, though" added Sam.

"Smart man," joked Artie. "Without school rules holding her back, Cedes might just cut Rachel for real otherwise."

Everyone shared a laugh at the truth of his words.

"Well I think its kinda fucked up; you played Truth or Dare with the kinky Asians, what if we wanted to hear about some of the shit you two get up to?" Satan continued.

"Cause yo' ass would have tried to record that shit on your camera phone and put it on Youtube, bitch!" I answered her.

Britt cut in with, " San, you know Tina told us everything they said anyway."

I'm-a kill Tina.

"You know what was really interesting?" Artie interjected. "The game they told us you guys played last summer to get comfortable talking about sex. I wish we had thought of that!"

"We don't need games to open up, Bluetooth…I put all my shit on front street. You want to know if I suck dick, just ask me," Santana crowed.

"That's true," Britt said. "But the game still sounds like fun, better than Truth or Dare, even."

"Let's play it now…" Satan suggested. "Come, on…it'll be fun."

"But 'Cedes and me only played it so we could open up a dialogue about what kind of stuff we were curious about doing with each other…" Sam spoke up. "…what would be the point of doing it with people we don't want to sleep with?"

"Right?" I finished his thought. "The Great Glee Orgy isn't gonna pop off just because you guys decide to bite on my idea."

"Who the hell said anything about fucking you two?" Satan asked, sounding offended. "I mean, ya'll are hot together, or whatever and if I were single I'd probably be trying to get all up in between a Tilt-A-Swirl Sandwich for real…"

"But sex is way better be when you have feelings for the other one, or two," finished Britt.

"Yeah, what she said…the only reason I wanna play the stupid game is so I can be nosy."

Gotta love her honesty.

"Santana is right, you guys shared intimate details about your sex lives and innermost thoughts with Tike. We love you just as much as they do, and I know you're curious about our relationship…So let's play!" Artie concluded.

So we all agreed to write down questions anonymously, Sam and I would each come up with 3 questions for any or all of Bartana to answer, while they each came up with 2 for us. That way each couple (or thruple) would have a total of six nosy-ass questions to answer. We also decided we would take shots while writing them down, since the liquor would loosen our tongues. By the time we had each downed 3, we were all tipsy, but not so much that we'd be slurring our words. I went first, pulling from the bowl of paper scraps they had put the "Samcedes" inquiries into.

"This question is for Sam," I began, reading out loud "Who taught you how to eat pussy?"

Everybody perked up while Sam blushed, and Satan chuckled, "Yeah, we know you been getting yo' face time in with Mercy's va-jay-jay. I know the look of a dude who just pulled his tongue outta paradise, and you had the grin on your face on the last day of school.

Shit, this broad is a sex genius.

"Plus, we heard moaning in the auditorium…you didn't even get the smell off your hands before Glee rehearsal started," added Britt.

Shit, I tried to get him to wash his hands, but he claims he likes my scent on him.

Sam was hiding his face, but his red ears told me he was having shyness overload when Artie put his two cents in. "And I know you weren't getting any from Quinn, or Satan…" he continued "…so how'd you know how to handle 'Cedes?"

I actually never asked Sam this, so I was kind of curious myself.

"Okay, guys I get it…" Sam had obviously made up his mind to just tell us what we wanted to know, you can tell when he decides to fuck the shyness and just not give a fuck.

"Ya'll know I went to boarding school for 5 years before we moved to Lima. My best friend and roommate the whole time was a guy named Justin Morris. Black guy, really cool…we had a lot in common."

Sam's mentioned Justin once or twice before. Apparently they both had huge extended families, and younger twin siblings. They played together on the football and basketball teams too.

"Anyway, he was basically a pussy hound like Puck. Never met a girl he didn't like; color didn't matter to him, size didn't matter, body type... You actually see that a lot in boarding schools. Guess the all-boys environment is really good at teaching young dudes to appreciate female beauty in all its forms…" Sam babbled.

And Kurt never hooked me up with any of his Dalton classmates? I owe him a head-slap whenever he and I make up.

"…anyway, Justin used to screw all the girls at our sister school on the regular, but this one time he hooked up with a townie girl who basically told him he wasn't about shit in the sack. Told him she didn't give a rat's ass about his rep, that he was gonna need to make her come if he wanted up in her undies again.

Girl after my own heart.

"She was this really tall girl, kind of big-boned but built like a fucking brick house, and she had a face like Beyonce. He was crazy about her and wanted to be invited back into her panties, and often."

I never noticed it before, but every time Sam describes a pretty female, he always compares her to a Black woman. Guess he's been feening after chocolate longer than I thought.

"It fucked up his world. He snuck back into the dorm drunk off his ass and told me he had to figure out how to eat pussy before he saw her again. Since he was my best friend I helped him find a few articles online and we kind of promised to let each other know if the tips we got were any good."

He's blushing again, guess it is kind of embarrassing to admit that you actually Googled the phrase "How to Eat Pussy." I never told him that was exactly how I learned to deep-throat.

"Justin tried it that same week, and had 'ol girl screaming his name. I didn't get a chance to practice until Mercy let me test my skills on her though." Then he did the eye-brow wiggle at me and nuzzled my neck.

Thank God for Freaky ass Private school boys.

I was curious, so I asked "Did you tell him when you did it to me?"

"Yeah, who do you think gave me the idea try it at school?"

Gotta send that Justin a fruit basket.

"Judging by the look on Mercedes' face, you obviously graduated with honors…My turn now though," Artie broke in.

He pulled a slip of paper from his bowl and read "For Artie, who is a better fuck…Britt or Santana?"

Artie got this look of determination across his face before he began with, "I know you all expect me to say something positive about both of them so I don't piss anybody off, or not answer the question for what it is. But since Sam just answered his question truthfully I'm gonna be a man and just lay it on front street. Santana."

"Why?" Sam asked.

"Well, Britt was my first, and our sex life before was very sweet. She was basically teaching me about physical love while I taught her about emotional love. It was very lovey dovey and fraught with feelings. With Satan, though, it was all about the orgasm. When they added me to their lovemaking I realized I had a little bit of a thing for bad girls. Tana is raunchy, has no boundaries, and ain't afraid to demand what she wants. I can let my inner asshole out with her, and she just soaks it right up," Artie continued. "I guess I like my sex life to have a little bite to it."

"I'm not mad, Artie…and I agree. San really does go above and beyond when it comes to getting off." Britt rubbed the back of his neck and kissed him before sitting on his lap.

"Way to man up, Wheels" Santana congratulated him.

"My turn," Sam broke in. It seems like he was having a good time, just like when we played it this in his motel room. I guess stuff like this is only awkward for the first few minutes.

"This is for Mercy…" Sam started. "Have you and Sam ever fat-turbated or experimented with chunky-kink?" Sam was obviously outraged now. "Okay, who the hell came up with this shit? I told you; I don't have a type…I love all kinds of women. I ain't no damn fetishist! And Mercy's not even big enough for that type of shit…you have to be built like Zizes to do any of that!"

"Calm yo' tits, man…I didn't mean it like that," laughed Artie. "I know Miss Thicky Thick over there ain't bodacious enough for that kind of stuff now, but last summer she was a lot bigger."

"He's right, Sam. You could have easily lubed up her tummy rolls and used them to get off back then," added Britt.

"It's okay, baby…I'm not offended. Plus, we have done some borderline fat fetish stuff. You get off between my thighs all the time, and my ass cheeks too."

"Damn, Trouty…" Santana interrupted. "That shit is hot as hell…Plus, any titty-fucking you two get up to counts. Aretha's got the only set of natural Double D's at McKinley so if you think about it like that, getting a boob job is kind of kinky around here."

"I'm not from around here, Satan!" Sam blustered. "Girls in Tennessee, especially Black girls, have body types that look a lot more like Mercy than Quinn or Brittany. She's a more natural standard of beauty to me than you are, if you want the truth. If I was really gonna be into any type of weirdo sex, I would have fucked you!"

Now Sam's laughing while Satan looks proud of him for getting in her grill. I guess Brittany didn't want this line of conversation to get too heated, so she pulled out a scrap to go next.

"Mercy wants to know if Satan still likes dick, or if she only lets Artie penetrate me." Then she looks at me and says, "I can tell your handwriting."

"I still like sex with boys, I'm not a militant lesbian. I just don't like being mounted like a racehorse. It works out real good with A-Team cuz he can't help but be a bottom."

"Hold the hell, up Satan… ain't nothing submissive about Artie Abrams. I can make you scream and squirt without moving my damn legs," Artie bragged.

"True, your turn 'Cedes."

"I have to answer this one too. Wonder who drew the rainbow in the corner of the paper…Did you ever have sex with Shane?"

Bless Britt and her simple heart. She knew the answer to this one before she even wrote it.

"No, we never even made out unsupervised. I slapped the hell out of him the first time he tried to palm my tits over the shirt."

Sam's getting kind of pissed off at the thought of Shane groping me so I added, "My pussy belongs to Sam-I-Am and Sam-I-Am alone."

Sam calms down visibly and Satan goes "That's the sweetest thing I ever heard anybody say, Wheezy. Now it's my turn."

"Artie, are you still in love with Brittany, and do you think you could ever love me too?"

"Yes, and yes." Artie looked down before asking, "Even if you never feel the same way, I know our thruple is good for all three of us. When the whole thing crashes and burns, I'll always look back on this summer and smile…"

It was getting a little heavy, so I motioned for Sam to take the next paper.

"This one is for both of us…have you ever did the nasty raw?"

Sam and I looked at each other and answered together "Hell to the no!"

"Damn, you two…didn't you ever get curious?" Artie asked. "I mean, isn't it really tempting when you're all committed and everything?"

"Yes," Sam began "but we're both even more committed to being as safe as humanly possible."

"Could you imaging the shit storm that would hit our lives if we got pregnant?" I asked. "You saw what happened to Quinn.."

"And our parents are letting us get away with murder this summer, because they trust us." Then Sam continued with "We can wait until we get engaged, or better yet, married."

"You two are forever, even I can see that." Britt agreed. "You have plenty of time for that."

The game lasted for the better part of two hours, and since we were all toasted, we decided to just all spend the night. Surprisingly enough, neither Satan nor Artie tried to get any freaky shit to pop off. We just all piled in to the beds and couches for a sleepover.

A/N: This was way too fun to write! I'm thinking of making the next one include a little Kurtcedes drama.. Sorry in advance!