A/N: It's finally here! My long-promised Shane chapter! I know, Shane Tinsley never did anything to Mercedes in canon that warrants the way I shade him in my fic...But I don't care. Right now, all of my frustration is centered on anybody who ever stood or hovered in the way of my OTP. So the Samcedes-blocking freak is gonna get it today!

Disclaimer: I don't own this show or the characters of this show.

Mercedes POV:
July 29, 2012

Really, Dude?

So the Sunday night after we got back from Yosemite, Santana and Tina went with me to a movie so we could have ourselves a good old-fashioned Bitch-Fest. See, Santana and I have been taking time away from our significant others and doing this ever since we got close singing with the TroubleTones. We figured nobody else in Glee was really, truly capable of appreciating how much fun it was to sit in an action or horror movie, talk out-loud obnoxiously all the way thru it, then dare somebody to get in our faces. And we always have a blast. Then Tina went off on Rachel for hogging the spotlight right before Nationals, and Santana declared that "Cohen-Chang can hang." So we started to include her after that. We'd just seen The Dark Knight Rises and were leaving the theater laughing our asses off, when we ran into Shane and his new girlfriend Marcy in the lobby. After saying hello, Marcy went to the bathroom, leaving Shane there to talk to us. I was on my best behavior; trying to be as polite as possible, but Tina and Tana pursed their lips and crossed their arms over their chests as soon as they realized he wasn't going to leave us alone or go wait somewhere else for his lady.

"So, 'Cedes..." Shane started. "I hear you and the White boy are done for, now." He had this cocky-ass smirk on his face that made me want to elbow him in the nose.

I just stood there gawking at his pompous ass while wondering what the hell I ever saw in him for a minute. Then I answered. "Where the fuck did you hear that shit?"

Like I couldn't guess.

"Around church...My mama noticed he hasn't been there in a few weeks. Deacon Riley said the same thing, she asked him..."

With her nosy ass.

"...So I figured you two had finally imploded. Guess you'll be on the market for a new man soon."

I swear this fool...

"So if you're feeling upset, or need somebody to..." Shane continued, before Tana cut him off.

"Listen up, Biggie Smalls..." she butted in. She'd put her bag down the minute Marcy walked away, so she got right in his face and pointed her fingers at him menacingly. "If you're here on a date with your fake 'Cedes, trying to see if the real 'Cedes is at all interested in hooking back up with your dusty ass- you need to fuck the hell off. Cause the answer is a big..."

She looked him up and down.

"...fat..."

She looked him side to side.

"...HELL NO!" Santana finished, rolling her neck like a hood-rat on Maury Povich.

I kind of bit my lip to keep from giggling, partly to spare Shane's feelings...I know what it feels like to be called fat. Plus, I didn't want the problem to get worse.

"Yeah, Shane..." Tina advised, tying valiantly to be a little nicer than Satan. She knew Shane couldn't be all bad, since I was with him for so long. I guess Tina didn't want to come off as combative right off the bat. She put her own bag down before she said anything else, though. "...don't be that guy. 'Cedes and Sam aren't any of your business, so you should really stop this."

"What the hell did I say?" Shane defended himself. "I'm just trying to see if my friend needs some support." Then he tried to be messy. "You know, like I helped Mercedes cope last summer when you all got ghost on her?"

I guess Shane's innocent act was enough to test Satan's gangster, because she quit playing with him after he said that.

"Bitch, please...You didn't help any-damn body cope; you just helped your mother-fucking self!" Satan answered him. "We all heard your little Skype fuckery. Trying to break Samcedes up." I saw Shane cringe when he heard our 'ship name. Santana kept going though. "Don't try to play a player- I see your busted ass; and my girl does too! See, this right here..." She motions toward me in a circular fashion with both hands splayed out to encompass all of my Mercedes-ness. "...ain't none of your business, Sean Kingston, so you can just press the hell on!"

At that point even Tina was beyond being polite. You never accuse Miss Cohen-Chang of bad friendship to her face; that'll get her back up with the quickness. "And get your story straight, Bubba! We care about Mercedes more than you ever did. Her New Directions family supports what makes her most happy, and that happens to be Sam! If you had been a real friend last summer the way you claim you were, then you'd have helped those two mend fences..." Then Tina sent Shane a smirk "...just like we all did!"

Shane had always suspected all my friends were sly-ways trying to help Sam win me back, and at the time I always told him he was crazy. Now I guess we both knew the truth.

"So you admit to helping Blondie steal my girl?" Shane blustered, obviously getting angry.

"Fuck yeah!" Satan crowed. "Payback is a bitch, ain't it? And don't think for one fucking minute that we forgot you trying to come between us TroubleTones and New Directions." She got even closer to Shane and started reaching for her hair unconsciously, to get to her blades. I pulled her back but it didn't stop her from yelling. "I may not have wanted 'Cedes to hug everybody and shit when we were trying to rehearse, but you kept her ass away from everybody in the lunchroom, the quad... controlling ass mother-fucker!"

"You caused enough trouble with all your 'help,' Birdman," Tina continued. "My girl doesn't need any more of it in her life."

"Okay you guys..." I finally put a stop to the madness before it got completely out of control. "Thanks for your help, ladies, but I got this..."

I turn to look at Shane.

"Sam and I are more in love now than ever before, Shane; and in a way the separation you helped cause made us even stronger. But I don't owe you any explanation for why Sam hasn't been at church. So stay up outta my business." I turned to walk away and beckoned Tina and Tana to pick their purses up to follow me.

"Cedes, I was just trying to..." I heard Shane growl and stomp his foot in frustration; he was always trying to look like the good guy. It pissed me off, because it looked like Shane was trying to manipulate me again.

So I turned back around and dropped my own shit. "Shut the fuck up, Shane!" I said around clenched teeth. "You already admitted to the mess you pulled last year. You broke my relationship up and managed to make yourself look like the good guy doing it. You even admitted to my big brothers how easy it was for to do. I don't need you fucking with me, or my man again. So move on..."

Now 'ole boy was mad for real.

"I swear, you chicks are fucking crazy." he started. "Just because your boy is high-school hot and you're all caught up in fantasies about having green-eyed babies someday, you got yourself fooled into thinking the shit is real. Even if you can't see it I know for a fact that as soon as that White boy realizes his Cracker-Ass family won't approve, or he finds a Barbie doll that'll let him fuck her up the ass; he's gonna be the one moving on. Then you'll be sorry you turned me down today," he said, using the same tone of voice as when he told me not to hug Rachel before Maria auditions.

That's when I saw Satan and Tina exchange glances, and I knew exactly what that shit was about. I was just mad enough to catch Tina's eye and give her the go-ahead.

"I'm sorry, alright." I told him. "Sorry I didn't turn you down the first time you asked me out. Sorry I didn't listen to Sam when he told me what you were up to. Sorry I took so long to get with him after he got back. But you're about to be sorry, too..." Then I smiled.

Then Satan did this seriously bad-ass Cheerio-looking high kick, which caught Shane right in the nut-sack. I caught a glimpse of the happy-ass snarl all over her face while she did it and the shit actually scared me for a second. Tina used his forward momentum -okay, she used the fact that he'd doubled over in pain- to kick Shane's ass over onto the floor. Then she did a quick look-around to see if anybody had noticed what was going on before they both landed one kick apiece to his midsection.

"That's for thinking you have any right, whatsoever, to comment on my girl's relationship with her fine-ass novio!" You know Santana is for real serious when she comes out with the Spanglish.

"And for your information, Glee is family, asshole!" Tina yelled. "Something you'd understand if you weren't such a selfish prick.. We New Directions love hard and will always be in each others' lives. So I can promise you that Sam and Mercedes' love is forever..."

"We all know my sexy lezzy ass is all about the slit..." Tana continued. "...but I'd for damn sure let that hot 'Cracker-ass White Boy' use me all the way up, before I'd go anywhere with your Rick Ross looking culo! If Evans was your kind of ugly and was sporting a fucked up 'stache, your racist ass wouldn't give a shit about him being White...You just hate not being able to compete on Trouty's level!"

"So you need to do exactly what the lady just advised you to do... And fuck off!" Was Tina's next comment.

"Cause we can do all of this again if we need to!" finished Santana, gesturing at Shane as he rolled around on the floor.

Then we gathered our things from where we'd dropped them, and left Shane there for Marcy to find.

A/N: Okay, this wasn't very long, but it got the point across...and it figured hugely into Chapter 18 of SaSO, which should be up soon.

I hope you Shane-shade throwers out there got some feels...I know my messy ass did!