Well, like I said compensation and since it fits so good, here is the second one of my joke posts. This time its Forwood. Somebody has to make jokes about them right? ;)

As always, please review and any suggestions are welcome.

Two different diaries about the same evening...!

Caroline's diary:
On Saturday evening, he acted funny. We wanted to go out for a beer. I spent the whole day shopping with my girlfriends and was therefore too late - maybe that's why he was so upset. Somehow we were never able to really talk this week, so I suggested that we go somewhere else where you can talk better. Although he accepted, he remained silent and absent. I asked what was wrong, but he just said 'nothing'. Then I asked whether I might have annoyed him. He said that it had nothing to do with me and that I should not have to worry. On the way home I told him that I love him, putting on my best happy smile, but he just drove on. I just do not understand him, why did he not simply say 'I love you too'. When we got home, I felt that I had lost him, that he wanted to have anything more to do with me. I went to the fridge to drink some fresh blood. Of course I always smiled to make everything better. He just sat there and watched TV - he seemed far away and somehow absent. Finally, I went to bed. He came 10 minutes later and to my surprise he responded to my caresses, and we loved each other. But somehow I had the feeling that he was far away with his thoughts. All this was too much to me, so I decided to talk openly with him about the situation, but he was already asleep. I've cried myself to sleep. I don't know what to do except smiling and looking happy all the time. I'm almost certain that he has another girl. I should put my daylight ring off and walk into the sun. My life has no meaning.

Tyler's diary:
The Chargers have lost today and the full moon is in one week, but we had great sex.

And here my viewers life from the 2nd World Championship in competitive fucking. At the start Damon Salavatore. Elena Gilbert, Katherine Pierce, Caroline Forbes and the participant is exhausted. Next starter is Stefan Salavatore. Elena Gilbert, Katherine Pierce, Caroline Forbes, Bonnie Bennet, Salvatore runs the obligatory stadium round, Jenna Gilbert, Vicky Donovan and Salvatore gives up. And now our big hope: Tyler Lockwood. Elena Gilbert, Katherine Pierce, Caroline Forbes, Bonnie Bennet, stadium round, Jenna Gilbert, Vicki Donovan, Lexi, Rose, Matt Donovan, Jeremy Gilbert, Ahhh!

The CIA sought for a hit man. After all the background checks, interviews and the usual physical tests, three candidates were shortlisted, Matt Donovan, Jeremy Gilbert and Caroline Forbes.
For the final test, the tester brought Donovan to a large steel door. Outside the door, he pressed a pistol in his hand. "We must be very sure that they do follow our instructions," he told him. "Regardless of the circumstances! Behind this door your sister is sitting in a chair. Bring it over!" The candidate said: "You can't be serious; I will not kill my sister." "Then you are not the right man for our job," replied the tester.
Jeremy was given the same instruction for his girlfriend. He took the gun and walked into the room. It was quiet. After three minutes he came out again, with tears in his eyes. "I've tried it, but I can't kill my girlfriend." The tester told him that he could go with his girl; he would not fulfill their requirements.
At least Caroline Forbes was given a weapon and was told that she should kill her husband Tyler in the room. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard; one after another. A cacophony of screams, crashes and violent noises filled the room. Loud beating against the wall could be heard and the room shook. After a few minutes there was silence. The door opened slowly and Caroline Forbes came out. She wiped a bead of sweat from her brow and said:
"That fucking gun was only loaded with blanks. I had to kill him with the chair!"

When Tyler left the Grill, he observed an unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed at a distance of fifty feet by a second one. Behind the second hearse was a man alone with his pit bull. Followed by 200 men.
Tyler could not resist his curiosity. He respectfully approached the one with the dog.
"I want to express my condolences to you and you are certainly saddened by your loss and I know, now is certainly not appropriate to disturb you, but I've never seen such a funeral. Whose funeral is it?
Man: "No problem my wife is in the first hearse."
"What has happened to her?"
"My dog attacked and killed her."
He further inquired:
"Aha, and who is in the second hearse?"
"My mother in law. She tried to help my wife when the dog also killed her."
Tyler thought of his girlfriend. "Can I borrow the dog?"
"Ok, but please, queue up."

Caroline comes home earlier from work than usual and meets her Tyler in the bedroom. She stands in front of him and whispers: "Open my shirt and take it off!"
More agitated, she says: "And now my pants quickly!"
Then louder: "And now my bra, go!"
Finally, she cries, trembling: "The slip also, right now! And if I catch in my clothes one more time, I'll get a divorce!"

Tyler and Caroline are sitting on a couch watching TV.
Tyler: "It's always astounding that the most beautiful girls marry the biggest idiots!"
Caroline: "Honey that is the best compliment in years."

"Ok, Ty," Matt started with a sigh, "there are exactly 21 steps you have to go through to understand Caroline."
"And you have to follow them all," Bonnie said, "or you will not know what is going on with her."

21 steps to understand Caroline Forbes:
1. Always smile no matter how bad you feel and inappropriate it is.
2. Act like you are the cutest thing on earth.
3. Act shallow, despite knowing how shallow you are. When you become a blood-sucking vampire act totally deep, no matter how impossible that is.
4. Act totally insecure as long as you are human and become confident when you turn into a blood-sucking monster that could rip a human to shreds and then act surprised about your confidence.
5. Once you get your inhuman strength, act like you are Wonder Woman all of a sudden.
6. Don't know what you want.
7. Simply forget the bad stuff people did to you, even if they used you as their personal slave.
8. Should you ever get tortured look at point 7.
9. Always choose the guys who either don't want you or that are bad and then choose a good guy that does want you but only after ages.
10. Act like you are in love with somebody even if you probably aren't and then create a huge number of crazy fangirls that would tell you all sorts of made up stuff to stick with that guy.
11. Hire crazy writers who come up with totally incomprehensible plots and let everyone act out of character from one moment to the next several times, just so you get the spotlight.
12. Act misunderstood when it suits your whims or something is not under your control.
13. Play down all the bad stuff happening to you.
14. Romanticize all the good stuff happening to you.
15. Be a hard badass the one moment and the damsel in distress the next.
16. Temporarily forget how strong you actually are.
17. Don't have the balls to deal with the consequences of your own behavior first-hand.
18. Have totally unrealistic expectations about everything.
19. Be unable to see something from another person's view point, only your own counts.
20. Blame your mother and hate her for no particular reason.
21. Only hang and screw around with a limited number of people, even if what you are doing is close to inbreeding.
22. Be unable to think past the next shopping mall.

After Tyler joined the marines he wrote a letter to his parents after a few months.
"I can't write to you where I am, but what I shot yesterday, was a polar bear."
A month later. Second letter.
"I can't write where I am, but I've danced with a blond belly dancer names Caroline."
A month later. Third letter.
"I can't write where I am right now, but the man in the white coat says I should have danced with the polar bear and shot that Caroline..."