I couldn't stop the tears as they strolled down. No, not her. If I was alive there was no way she couldn't be. No fucking way. She was better than me, she was the only perfect one left, she was the definition of Disney!

"No," I whimpered before saying it louder. "No. No! NO!"

"Miley," Joe took control. "She didn't tell any of us, okay? She did this for you-

"No, not her," I sobbed, tears coming down. "Joe, no."

"Calm down," he rubbed my tears away, not caring about his own. "Shhh, listen to me, okay? She loved you so much. She wanted this."

"What – Joe, what happened? I – she's gone?"

He hesitated but eventually nodded. "But it's because she wanted you to live. Do you understand that? She realized the risk, but she needed you to stay here a little bit longer."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw my dad and sister come in with the rest of the Jonas'. My mom and dad came over and I turned around the room, confused.

"How? Sel – No, she can't."

They all silently avoided making eye contact with me and I squeezed Joe's hand, pulling his arm to get him to look at me.

"Tell me," I plead.

"Mi-"

"Somebody tell me!" I yelled as Taylor just kept crying. Her hair stuck to her face. Everyone was crying. And I realized that it didn't matter what they had said before. Selena was like a sister to all of us. Some were closer than others to her, but that didn't change the fact that everyone in this room was like a family. We were all we had left. The only people who could ever truly understand me were the people by my side right now, because they were traveling fame's death path too.

"She wasn't gonna let you die," Joe told me, brushing hair out of my face. "She decided herself to be the donor. And they tried-"

"No." My entire body trembled.

"They tried as hard as they could, but it was too late-"

"NO," I screamed.

"She wanted this," Joe fought me. "She wanted you to live."

"Let me see her, let me call her, she's in Texas!" I demanded, trying to get up. "This is some sick joke, I want-"

"Stop moving," Joe held me down. "You can't put strain on your body, you know that."

"I don't fucking care," I shook fiercely, trying to get out of his grasp. "Let me go!" I pushed against him until finally Kevin came to replace his younger brother.

"Stop it!" he ordered harshly. "You know what the doctors said, and being like this won't help anything! You're being reckless."

I kept trying to push against him but he just pressed down on my shoulders harder until I finally collapsed, going hysterical. Kevin let me go and sat on the edge of my bed, on the edge of insanity, as Noah walked over, climbing onto my bed and hugging me unsurely. I grabbed onto her, just holding her body close as I sobbed.

"It's okay," she whispered.

"No it's not," I choked out. I felt my mom sit on the side of my bed, holding my hair.

"She's in a better place."

"Why wouldn't you guys tell me?" My voice cracked and I wiped away the tears.

"Honey, she didn't tell anyone," Dani explained. "Taylor only knew because she pieced it all together. She didn't even mention it to her parents."

The unspoken words that everyone was thinking were in everyone's eyes. She didn't even mention it to Demi.

"Oh, God, they must hate me," I cried, clutching Noah tighter.

"She knew the chances-"

"It doesn't matter, I'd rather it be me than her."

"You would have wanted to do the same if it were her," Noah whispered. "It's not your fault."

"But I wouldn't die," I tried to explain it to them. "Nick," I searched the room for him. "I'm so sorry! I-"

He shook his head, interrupting me. "I can't, Miley."

"I don't know what to say," I wiped my eyes. He walked away, though. He walked away from me and out of my room and I just closed my eyes. Without even trying I managed to fuck everything up.

Denise put a hand on my shoulder and smiled at me. She didn't mean it. Nothing was real right now, it was all so fake. "It's okay, this isn't your fault. It's gonna take some getting used to, but we'll all figure this out together, right everybody?"

Everyone mumbled yeah. Nobody meant it.

:::

When I woke up the second time Demi was sleeping next to me on my bed, fidgeting. I tried to close my eyes and sleep it off, but then she began talking and I knew that despite how badly I wanted to sleep it was my job to wake her up.

"Selena," she mumbled in her sleep. "Sel, I love-"

"Demi," I shook her lightly. "You gotta wake up-"

"What? Where are you going?"

"Demi, wake up," I shook her faster.

"Please, I can't do this without you. I'm gonna die!"

"Demi!" I snapped. I was remaining as strong as I could, but if I had to listen to Demi talk about how she was going to commit suicide now that Selena's gone... It didn't matter if it was a dream. No one was that strong.

Her eyes fluttered open and met mine before she looked down. "Sorry."

"It's fine. I understand," I pulled her into a little side hug. "Here, I'll stay up with you. Wanna turn on the lights?"

"Miley, it's four AM-"

"There's nothing to do here anyway. I'll sleep during the day," I told her. "Besides, this isn't healthy. You've been bottling it all up and it's going to explode soon."

"I'm fine. It's you we're all worried about."

"That's the problem. Have you honestly talked to anyone about it?"

She stayed silent and I raised my eyebrows.

"Demi?"

"I'm fine," she mumbled.

"Funny. I've heard that one before."

She got up, turning on the lights before coming back over to my bed. "This isn't like before."

"It's like what led to it," I argued.

"Well now she's really gone, okay?" she snapped. "She's not coming back this time! Treatment won't help! Nothing can fix it this time!"

I didn't say anything until she looked at me sheepishly again. "Sorry."

I keep quiet again and she looks down.

"I guess I always thought if she were to pull a move like this I'd still be the only person she'd tell," she bites her lip. "It just sucks because for a minute there I really thought that by the end of tour we might be okay again. I really missed her, Miley. And it was feeling great taking steps closer and now she's just gone. And, I know I shouldn't be hurt by it, but I just... I really thought I'd be the only person she'd tell. Like before."

"I don't think it was anything personally against you, I think she just felt compelled to do it and was probably afraid you'd stop her."

"Damn right I would have!"

"We all would have," I murmured. "I'm really sorry, D."

"For what? This isn't your fault-"

"I should have tried harder to figure out who it was-"

"Stop it. You couldn't have. It's against the law to tell you if they want it to stay confidential."

Once again I kept quiet because I really didn't agree. I was Miley fucking Cyrus. If I said bark they barked. Throw a thousand dollars in someones eyes and they'll basically do anything.

Demi bit her lip. "I should have known her better than to think she'd really leave you for Texas."

"We all should have," I nodded.

"The last thing I told her was to rot in hell, Miley," she finally began crying and I frowned, wrapping my arms around her. "I was so mean to her. I said I hated her and she was self-centered, but she's not! I didn't mean it but I was angry she wasn't coming to support you!"

"She knows you didn't mean it. I know she does."

"How?" Demi gasps for air. This is more what I expected, this side of Demi was right.

I rubbed her back and shook my head. "I just do. Because... Do you even know how much she loved you? I don't think you saw it and she adored you Demi. She couldn't hate you for a second. You're her best friend."

"Taylor."

"It's not Taylor she had all the memories with," I pointed out. "You were the only one there. And I know I'm not the best to lecture about friendship considering how often I switch up friends, but people there in your darkest time are people that you never really stop loving. Mandy? There will always be a special place for her, even if we don't really talk anymore."

"I was still so mean to her and she was never even hostile to me," she shook her head. "I'm such a bad person."

"Stop it," I ordered. "Stop those thoughts, okay? Remember? I'm the only one who will never lie to you to make you happy? So listen to me when I say that it's not your fault, you aren't horribly personified all of the sudden, and that you were always her best friend."

We're both drifting back to sleep at this point. She yawned and I curled up in a ball again.

"Miley?"

"Hmm?" I hummed.

"Don't hate me for saying this," she turned away from me for some reason but I felt her cheeks get red. I knew how much she hated giving cheesy compliments, "but I'm glad that it was her and not you."

:::

When my eyes fluttered open again Demi was still sleeping by my side. I smiled looking down at her and thinking back to our conversation last night. It was nice talking about what happened out in the open. It was nice knowing that I knew exactly how she felt now.

"Late night last night?"

I jumped. I hadn't realized anyone else in the room. I turned around and shrugged a little. "Kind of."

"It's almost one."

"We woke up and just talked early this morning," I explained.

Brandi laughed. "Figures. You two are so emotional when you get together."

"Yeah," I agreed, sitting up.

She nervously looked down at Demi before shifting her gaze back up to me. "She's okay, right?"

I glanced at her and nodded. "She's dealing a lot better than expected."

"And you?"

"Has no one been listening? I barely knew her."

"Miley," she gave me that look.

"I wish she would've told me. And I wish I knew how I could fix everything."

"What about Nick? What's happening with you two?"

Right... Nick. "He won't answer my texts or calls and hasn't came to visit since he found out."

She came over. "I'm really sorry, Mi."

"Nick's a fucking idiot," Demi cursed.

We both looked over to her before laughing.

"Nice place to join," Brandi praised. "Actually, though, I was just supposed to stay in here until you woke up. You both have visitors."

Before either of us could ask who Brandi was out of the room. I rolled my eyes. "Morning to you too."

"God, we look hot. Hope it's no one too important."

"Brad Pitt."

"CEO of Disney."

"That shows exactly how different we are."

Demi laughed until we both heard murmurs and looked as each other nervously. When they entered Demi's face fell then switched to surprise.

"Hey, girls."

"Mandy," Demi said sweetly. "How are you?"

I realized that it was Selena's parents. I wasn't familiar with them enough for names but Demi seeing them seemed so... awkward. It was like she was at home, yet out of place. Like a foster family perhaps.

"Had better days," she smiled softly. She looked to me and grinned. "I don't think we've formally met. I'm Mandy and this is my husband Brian, Selena's parents."

They both shake my hand and I try to hide how nervous I am. I'm not good with adults, never have been. "I'm Miley-"

"Oh, we know," Brian laughed. "How you holdin' up?"

"Okay. Thank you. For... you know."

"You're welcome," he grimaced. "And, even though she didn't tell us she was undergoing this risk, just so you both know, we understand."

"I'm trying to," I forced a smile, nudging Demi.

She shot up. "Listen, I know I should have known, but please don't hate me. I - I honestly-"

"Demi, if you think we hate you you obviously have forgotten who practically raised you. After all, your parents and I agree that it was about 50/50 on both of you," Mandy laughed. "We could never hate you, precious."

"Still, I should have known."

"Maybe a part of you did," her mom suggested quietly. Demi really had to think about that one. "Listen we found some letters when we were clearing out her stuff. We handed out the others, but here's the last of them."

She held them out and Demi retrieved them. One read my name. One read hers.

"We'd better go," her lip quivered. I don't think I've ever felt more horrible in my life. The rational side of me knows that it's not my fault, but the other side, not so much. "It was nice to see you again." She looks to Demi. "You look great."

"The ceremony is Friday. If you're up to it we'd love to see you there."

"I'll be there," she assured. Then, she gave the best attempt at a smile that I'd seen since...

"Miley. You too."

I looked up before stuttering, looking at Demi for help. "It's uh-It's not really my place to go."

"I'm not trying to pressure you, but she really looked up to you," Brian told me. "Don't you worry about being misplaced."

I nodded, smiling a little bit as they walked out. Demi leaned on my shoulder. "They're nice people. I can see why you love them so much."

"It was better with Selena," she murmured. She looked down and her fingers played with the letter letter. I gulped, but found myself doing the same.

Miley, it read on the outside. Her handwriting was lovely.

I took a deep breath before I grew enough guts to open it.

So, if you're reading this it means I'm gone and someone snooped through my things. This is the last letter that I'm writing out of anyone's, because to be honest, I'm never really sure what to say to you. No matter what we've done, or what we've said, I don't hate you. I never had hated you. I love you death. You're like a little sister to all of us. Everyone feels the need to protect you which is ironic because you're probably the one person who doesn't need to be protected at all. You're strong, and brave, and anyone would be lucky to have you.

I know that a part of you may be blaming yourself. STOP. This was my choice and my decision and I didn't tell you because you'd say no. You'd say it was too risky, but to be completely honest, it's better me than you. You save people so much and you don't even realize it. I know that you probably hardly remember, but even when you hated me I called you one time. I was really upset over everything and you listened. I knew that you hated me but I had to call and you were the only one who gave me worthwhile advice. And you have no idea how much that meant to me.

It may all seem shit now, but I promise you that when people begin to realize their impulses and what happened, they'll all come back. Your family will be okay and so will everything else that may have gotten destroyed. If I know Demi you two are inseparably bonding after all of this. I'm so happy. You're honestly the only person I'd trust her with after all of this. Make sure Joe doesn't break her heart, and make sure she doesn't do anything crazy. Try your best to convince her that I always have and always will love her. Always. She's my only best friend. Be positive to remind her of that if she's feeling down about all of this. Somehow, I have a feeling that you didn't need this letter to tell you that though.

Then, our most important topic, Nick. Don't let him upset you. I love the two of you together, I honestly do. There's no one who's more perfect for him than I am... except for you. I know I said some harsh words earlier on about him and you together. I'm an idiot. Don't let him go. If things are rough with him because of me, I'm so sorry, but please fight. You need him, but believe me, he needs you so much more. Don't worry, if he's being an ass I told him in his letter to shut the fuck up and send you some flowers.

I guess what I'm trying to say in this obnoxiously, cheesy, long sappy letter is that I love you. I love you to pieces and I need you to be strong. I want to see you smile again and believe that this is not for a second your fault. I truly believe that you don't have to be close to be best friends. It's all about the feeling. You made me realize that. Thank you. I love you so much, Miley. I'm sorry I was always too cowardly to say it in person.

Love you. Selena.
PS, really. I worry a lot. Make sure Demi is okay.

I looked up when I finished reading and closed my eyes for a moment trying to remember everything about her in my mind. It's funny. As soon as someone dies the world becomes obsessed with trying to remember them, yet when they live the world is obsessed with trying to tear them down. I hated myself for joining that stereotypical description.

When I glanced over at Demi she was staring at the sealed envelope still. Her eyes were bloodshot from crying so much the past few days and I knew that right now she didn't have the courage to open it. Seeing another persons handwriting is so personal. It would only make it feel more real for her. Reality wasn't something she could handle in big doses.

I softly took the letter from her and put it on the table beside my bed.

"Why don't we wait til later?" I suggested to her curious face. "You aren't ready to handle it, Dem."

She smiled a little and laid down by my side again. I didn't think she was going to talk, but in a soft whisper her voice comes out again. "Things are gonna be different, Mi."

"But they'll be okay," I said.

Eventually, they'll have to be okay again.