Chapter 4

Port Charles

John walked through the station at the PCPD, on the way to his office. The transition as the Chief of Detectives here had been practically painless. For the most part, the officers here respected and agreed with the decision to put John in a position of authority even though he didn't work here before. And the ones who didn't wisely kept their opinions to themselves. John was surprised at how much he enjoyed working at the PCPD. When Anna first offered him the job, he only took it to prove to the court that he had a way to support Liam. But since actually starting, he realized just how much he missed the work. He truly missed losing himself in the work, letting all of his problems fade away while he concentrated on solving whatever case he was working on the moment. Only this time it didn't seem to be working. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't seem to get his mind off of Natalie and Liam. There were times in the past couple of days where he found himself just staring at their picture instead of working. He missed them so much, but he intended to do everything he could to get back to them. Or at least back to Liam, since getting Natalie back was probably going to prove a little harder. But he planned to get her back. No matter what he was going to prove to Natalie and the court that he was worthy of her and Liam. "But to do that I need to get out of my head and concentrate on the job before Anna and the Mayor decide they don't need me after all."

"Talking to yourself again, John? This seems to have become a bad habit with you. You might want to be careful or someone might actually think you have lost it just a bit." Anna said walking up beside him.

John smirks. "I'll have to keep that in mind. What are you doing down here with the regular working folk, Commissioner? Did you decide to slum it for a little while?"

"Cute, McBain," Anna jokes. "But oh so wrong. I don't consider coming down here slumming it. I happen to like watching the officers doing their work. It helps me work through things in my head when I hit a road block in a case."

"Is that what you are doing now? Are you stumped and need some help working through it?"

"No, not this time. I was actually looking for you. I went to your office and you weren't there so I thought I would try to find you in here. I wanted to speak to you in private if I could." Anna explains.

"Uh oh. What have I done wrong?"

"Nothing," Anna assures him.

"Good, wouldn't want the boss to be mad at me after only a few days." John laughs. "Why don't you come with me to my office and we can talk there. I was on my way there anyway." John leads the way to his office and offers Anna one of the chairs in front of his desk while he sat at the one behind it. "What can I do for you, boss?"

"I just wanted to see how you are settling into your new job."

"Uh, pretty good I think. I'm glad to finally be working again. Didn't realize how much I missed it until I was back at it. Hey, thanks again for the job. It has really helped to keep my mind off things."

"Really, cause I don't think so."

"What? What do you mean?" He asks stunned. "Anna if I'm not doing the job to your satisfaction, then I guess..."

"No! No! That's not what I mean at all." She interrupts. "You are doing a great a job. I couldn't be more pleased with your job performance. John, the Mayor and I consider you an asset to the department and we both are pleased beyond belief that you have become a part of our family."

"Then what's the problem?"

"Nothing, really. I have just noticed that you have been a little bit distracted lately. I thought maybe you would want to talk about whatever it is going on in your head."

"Um, Anna, I don't... I mean uh." John stammered.

"Ok, I know you don't like to talk about your feelings, or even to talk period. But sometimes it can help to get it all out." When John starts to shake his head no, she decides to try another way to get him to open up. "John we are in a business where being distracted can get you killed. Or maybe even worse, in your case especially since you like to blame yourself for every wrong in the world, get someone else killed."

"You think I'm a danger to other people?"

"No, of course not. Well not intentionally anyway." Anna explains. "John if you get lost in your head when you are in the field, then you or someone else could be hurt. I know you don't want that to happen."

"That's right I don't. But Anna, I'm a good cop. I do everything in my power to make sure everyone is safe around me. I can't lose my job now, I need it."

"I know you are a good cop, John. But sometime when we have things on our mind accidents can happen. You need to always keep your mind focused on what you're doing. And I think if you talk about what's going on it might help."

"I don't think talking about it will make anything better." John sighs rubbing his hand through his hair. "You know I used to use work to forget about my problems. I would lose myself in a case for hours and not think about anything else. But its not working this time."

"Why not?"

"I don't know. I just can't seem to stay focused. I'll be working on a case and then my mind just starts wondering."

"Has this ever happened to you before?"

"Only a couple times."

" And do those time have anything in common with what your mind is wondering to now?"

"Anna..."

"No, John. Answer the question." Anna interrupts. "Is the same thing distracting you now that was distracting you then?"

John sighs in resignation. "Yes it is."

"And that thing is what?"

"You know what it is. Its Natalie and Liam. All I can think about is my family and about how much I want to be with them."

"Then what are you going to do about it?"

"There's nothing I can do about it right now. The restraining order is still in place. Natalie still won't talk to me. What can I do about it other then wait?"

"You could fight."

"Fight, how? I would love to fight for them, but right now I'm stuck in what seems to be a permanent holding pattern. The court date has been pushed back so I'm stuck here for a while still. If I go home to Llanview and try to see them, then I'll be arrested and that would make it near to impossible for me to ever see Liam again. Clint would love that. That would definitely make his day. But you know what? Even that doesn't stop me from driving to the airport and almost going up the ticket counter to buy a ticket back to Llanview. Its especially tempting now."

"Why now? Has something changed since the last time we spoke?"

"I'm not really sure but I think so." At Anna's questioning look, John continues. "Do you remember how I told you before that every time I called Natalie some woman I didn't know would answer?"

Anna nods. "You said that all she would tell you was that you couldn't provide for Natalie and Liam in the manner they had become accustomed. Has that changed?"

"Well sort of. Now when I call, no one answers. The calls go straight to voice mail."

"Maybe Natalie decided she didn't want to take any calls and told the woman to turn her phone off. Or maybe, and I'm sorry to have to say this, Natalie changed her number so you couldn't call her any more."

"Yeah maybe, but you see, the Natalie I know would never do that. You have to understand, Anna. Natalie is almost obsessive about her phone. She could never just let it ring or go to voice mail. I always knew if she didn't answer my calls then she was very busy or something was seriously wrong. We could be spending some alone time together and she would still answer the phone, no matter what we were doing. She can't stand the thought of someone having something important to tell her and her missing it. That's also the reason she won't change her number. I think she's changed her number once in all the time I have known her. She wants people to always be able to get in touch with her no matter how long it has been since she may have talked to them. She doesn't like to lose touch with anyone."

"She may have changed in the last few months."

"There's no way she has changed that much. And there's another thing that has been bothering me all along. Natalie does not like anyone messing with her phone. The only time she ever let me touch it was when she would lose it and I had to help her find it. And you can forget about me or anyone else answering it. She would go ballistic if I even thought about touching it when it would ring. So why would she suddenly let someone she's known for less then four months answer her phone?"

"How can you be so sure she hasn't known her longer?"

"Because I don't recognize her voice. I'm not trying to sound like I was always in Natalie's business, but I pretty much knew everyone she did. So she had to have met this woman after I left."

"But how do you know she just didn't tell you about this woman?"

"She wouldn't do that. We made a deal when we got back together this last time that we wouldn't have any more secrets between us. We always tried to tell each other everything. She got so mad at me when I finally confessed everything about my sister, but she quickly forgave me because she loved me. But she made me promise to never keep anything from her again. But that's one promise I broke right away. I was breaking it even while I was making the promise because I never told her anything about Sam." John told her, his voice shaking. Needing a moment to compose himself, he stood up and moved to look out the window with his back to Anna.

"John is there anyone else you can call to find out about what might be wrong with Natalie?"

"Normally I would say Bo Buchanan, but I don't think he would help me now. The last time I talked to him, you know when he fired me, he seemed really angry at me for hurting Natalie. He wouldn't even talk to me about her. When I asked about her, he told me to leave her alone. That I had done enough to hurt her and with everything she was dealing with now, the last thing she needed was me bothering her."

"What is she going through?" Anna asks confused.

"I wish I knew, but he wouldn't tell me. So I can't expect any help there."

"Well, maybe he will help me."

John turn to look at her with a questioning look on his face. "Help you how? What are you up to?"

"I just thought that maybe if I called him, then maybe I could get some answers from him." When John starts to shake his head no, Anna explains. "John, think about it. Bo and I don't know each other very well, but we have consulted on a few cases. If I call him as a reference for you before I give you a job, then he might be more willing to open up to me."

John thought for a moment. "You know it might just work. Its worth a shot anyway." Taking out his phone, he pulls up a number. "Here's the number to the station. I would suggest you use another phone instead of mine. If he sees my name on the caller id he probably won't answer."

"I'm way ahead of you." Anna says showing him her phone in her hand. After dialing the number John gave her, she places the phone to her ear waiting a moment before someone answered. "Yes, this is Anna Devane, the Port Charles Police Commissioner. I need to speak to Commissioner Buccannan on an urgent police matter...Oh I see. Is there a more convenient time I can get in touch with him. Oh, ok. I'll try back later then. Thank you for your help." Anna shut the phone off before looking over at John. "I'm sorry John, but Bo wasn't in. The secretary said she didn't know when he would be back, that he was dealing with an urgent family issue."

"Family issue? What kind of family issue?

"I don't know she didn't say. All she said was that he should be back in a few days, so I'll try back then. Don't worry, John. I'll speak to him as soon as I can and find out anything he's will to tell me. I'll get some answers for you."

"Thanks, Anna. This waiting is just hard you know, especially now with Thanksgiving coming up. You know it was on the day before Thanksgiving last year when we got Liam back. Natalie and I had only found out a few days before that he was mine. The man who had been claiming to be his dad took off with him. Natalie and I tracked them down and he gave Liam back. I got to spend Liam's first Thanksgiving with him as his Dad. And now a year later, I'm several states away from him, not seen him for over three months, and don't know when I'll get to in the future. I just want to see my family."

'I know you do, John. But speaking of Thanksgiving, what are your plans?"

"I don't have any."

"What about Sam? Is there a chance you might spend it with her."

"I don't think so. Sam and I are just friends. This is a holiday she needs to spend with her family. I don't want to interfere with that. I'll probably just stay in my hotel room or come back here to work."

"That's no way to spend a holiday. Why don't you have dinner with me at Mac and Felicia's? And don't think you are imposing because you are not. Mac will be glad to have you. Think about it ok. You have a few days to make up your mind." Anna gets up and starts walking towards the door. Reaching the door, she turns to look at John again. "John, what are you going to do when you do finally get to see Natalie?"

"I'm going to sit her down and explain everything to her. I'm going to make her understand that the kiss with Sam meant nothing and that she's the only woman I want. I'm going to fight for the woman I love Anna, even if its her I have to fight the hardest."

Llanfair

Clint rushes into Llanfair, his eyes darting around frantically. "Lois, Gretchin, Jessica, where is everyone?"

"Clint, keep your voice down. The children might be napping." Vicki scolds as she follows him in the door. "You know, you never did explain to me why we had to cut our trip short by a week. We were suppose to be gone for two weeks on our delayed honeymoon. I don't understand why we had to come back so soon."

"I told you, Vicki, something is wrong. I haven't been able to get in touch with anyone all week to check on Natalie. No one is answering the phone. Jessica isn't even taking my calls. Something is going on with my daughter and I intend to find out what it is!" Clint told her as he started to rush up the stairs.

"Clint, she's probably asleep, you know. You should let her rest." She called up after him but wasn't surprised when he ignored her. "Oh, Natalie, I hope you were able to get away. I had hoped to give you more time. Please, baby, please be safe." She said to herself as she waited for Clint. She heard him before she saw him as he stomped back down the stairs. "How's Natalie?"

"Why don't you tell me?" He practically shouted at her as he stopped in front of her and grabbed her arms. "Where are my daughter and grandson, Vicki?"