Jo sat under a tree with a fresh notebook cracked open on her lap. She kicked her boots off, stretching her toes and running her feet through the cool grass. She licked her lips and leaned back against the tree, closing her eyes. She thought of her father, her brothers, moving away, and then her bloodstained pants flashed through her mind. Her eyes shot open and she gasped. Her hand flew to her heart. She felt it beating profusely through her chest. My baby, I lost my baby, she thought. She ripped the cap off the pen and began writing.
I never thought I wanted children. Never ever did I want that responsibility. Look at what Mom did… she left. It's in my blood to leave too. I left Dad and Alex and Charlie, only to come back too late. How could I ever imagine taking care of an innocent child's life? Maybe I was just never in the right situation or right relationship… that's for sure… but I just never saw it in the cards for me.
And then I met Daryl.
The world went to shit and my whole family died and I fell in love. How fucked is that? I tried to withdraw. I tried to push him away. I tried to convince myself that I just missed Dad, that those things I was feeling weren't real. But they were real, and for some reason Daryl felt them too. And at first he pushed them away and put on his brusque demeanor, and I appreciated that because that meant I could brush it off too. We'd slept together and then both pretended we hated each other eight hours later. It worked. And then it didn't. We worked and then we didn't. Once we got to the prison, he tried and tried and tried and wouldn't give up. Something in him changed. I think it was Judith being born, maybe. He saw something in that sweet face and that made him not want to give up on me. And I'm so glad he didn't.
I remember one of the first times I fed Judith, I looked down at her and up at Daryl and thought about our babies – what they'd look like, whose personality they'd have – and I liked the thought. Ever since then, I've thought maybe I could be a mother. I knew it was insane to think about bringing a baby into this world, but when we got to Fort McPherson, I honestly kinda thought maybe we could. We were protected and had privacy. It could have been a home… and then we moved. I was sick. So sick. I knew something was up the whole week… heck two weeks before the move, but I didn't say anything. I didn't want to worry anyone. But I knew in the back of my mind that I was pregnant and I went on that rescue mission to save Daryl anyway. I thought to myself, 'If I am pregnant, I'm not bringing this baby up alone.' And we got him, and I felt a little better.
But once we were preparing to move, I started feeling sick again. The stress was too much and I felt awful, but I kept going, trying not to let anyone see. I wanted to make it to Fort Bragg. I knew they'd have some sort of medical service and they'd be able to help me, get me healthy. So I still didn't tell, because I wasn't 100 percent sure. Then those damn walkers came and the stress… It's my fault I didn't tell anyone. If I had, I would have been cared for. It's my fault.
I killed my baby.
Jo looked up to see Daryl approaching. He handed her an apple and sat next to her beneath the tree. "Watcha writin'?" he asked.
"Just thoughts. It helps," she said, closing the notebook and pushing it under her leg.
Daryl nodded. He knew she was still having a hard time, but she was doing so much better than he expected. She wasn't pushing him away or secluding herself from the group, at least not too much.
"I think Carol is going to start helping with the school once the town is secured. You should too… if you're up for it," Daryl suggested.
She shook her head and looked at her knees. "I… uh… don't think I'm up for that just yet."
"Yeah, I understand babe." Daryl stood up, helping Jo to her feet. The sun was setting, blasting the sky in oranges and pinks. He pulled her into a hug and could feel her tense up. He pulled back, looking into her eyes. "I love you."
She swallowed a lump in her throat, keeping the tears at bay. I killed our baby. "I love you too," she whispered. He leaned in to kiss her, but she pulled back. She looked to the ground, unable to stop the tears and letting out a soft sob. Daryl pulled her face up to his with his hand under her chin. "I'm sorry," she murmured. "I just can't."
"It's OK, Jo. I'm sorry too. It's gonna be OK." He hugged her again, and this time Jo latched on, still crying.
Sirens rang through the halls, and lights flashed across the courtyard. Everyone tumbled out of bed and into the hallway, clumsily pulling on clothing and shoes.
"The fuck's goin' on?" Daryl yelled over the siren.
"What should we do?" Carol yelled.
Rick looked up and down the hall, watching people run from their rooms in disarray. "Let's follow everyone. Looks like they're going to the rec hall," Rick said, motioning with his gun. Carl ran ahead of him holding Judith and the group fell in line, securing their weapons. The courtyard was in complete chaos. Daryl grabbed a soldier and asked him where they should go.
"The rec hall. We're assemblin' there." Daryl nodded and let go of his collar.
"Assembling for what?" Glenn asked rhetorically.
The group waded through the groups of confused people and into the hall. Major Rice was standing on a chair trying to quiet the group down.
"Listen everyone, we need to plan this as soon as possible. Our perimeters have been breeched," he said. Gasps and cries were heard in the audience. "Not by walkers. We've been breeched by the living. A group of insurgents has been giving us trouble in the surrounding towns. They've been looting and killing their way toward us."
Daryl's eyes narrowed and he exchanged a glance with Rick.
"We know for a fact two got over our walls tonight and could be anywhere within the camp. We are asking you all to stay here until we can root them out. Please stay calm and do as you are told." Major Rice jumped off the chair and waded through the large group of people.
Daryl cut him off. "You need our help?" The last thing Daryl wanted to do was leave Jo, but we also didn't want some asshole getting his hands on her either.
Major Rice looked relieved. He nodded. "Follow me."
The whole group followed him to the front of the camp. Soldiers ran here and there and orders were being shouted over the sirens. "They jumped the wall at the back of the camp, over there," he said, pointing to the wall behind the medical wing. "They're probably here to steal supplies, but they could easily be here to start more trouble. We need more eyes on the wall and someone tracking around it. Can I trust you to do that?"
"Of course, Major. Daryl's the best tracker around. Him and Tyreese can take to tracking the wall. Glenn and Maggie are both great shots. You can use them on the wall. Michonne and Andrea are best on the ground, put them where you need them. I'll watch the wall too," Rick yelled back to him.
"Great, I'll inform Col. Schwartz. If anyone gives you trouble, tell them to report to me. You better have the rest of the group get back to the rec hall," Major Rice yelled, patting Rick on the shoulder.
Rick turned to Hershel and Carol. "Get everyone back to the rec hall," he said, mussing up Carl's hair.
Daryl kissed a frowning Jo on the temple. "Don't worry, babe. Just a couple of jerks we gotta take care of and we'll be fine."
She pulled him into a tight hug before turning, lightly pushing Beth forward. She turned back to look at Daryl, seeing him bound for the back wall. Her brow furrowed. Why would anyone break into the camp just for supplies? How was that worth the risk? She watched Daryl disappear into the shadows. She heard Carol call her name and she jogged to catch up with them.
The rec hall was unbearable. Everyone was talking at once and every child in the room was crying, including Judith. Jo felt like her head might explode. They found a corner where Hershel could sit and tried to collect themselves. Hershel began lowering himself to the ground, but stopped abruptly. He looked from Carl to Carol to Sasha and back to Carl. His eyes were as big as saucers as he frantically looked around the group.
"Hershel, what is it?" Carol asked.
"Beth… where's Beth?"
Across the courtyard and over the wall, Beth let out a muffled scream as she was bound, gagged and dragged into the woods.