Ellie was only too willing to stay in for the night and watch the telly with Noel. She was apparently well into alternative guys. She loved Noel's hair and make up and when he played up his crush on Julian. He felt almost guilty about using Julian to pick up girls. It wasn't like Julian gave a fuck one way or the other, but Noel thought of his affection as something pure that shouldn't be sullied. In his heart, he was sure they were comedic soulmates. He wasn't sure what that meant, but such a strong feeling must mean something.

"Is he the one in the knit cap? He's cute," Ellie observed with a wiggle of her eyebrows.

"No... Julian is the one in the silver trousers," Noel explained, not quiet believing the words coming from his mouth, "and the tribal tatoos."

Gobsmacked was an understatement, but Noel couldn't think of another word to describe his reaction. Every time he'd seen Julian in person, the comedian was trying a new look, but he'd always been dressed in layers of clothing. The hats, glasses, suits and jackets were all there, giving just a little extra buffer between Julian and his audience.

On the screen, Julian was hunched over the microphone, his yellow anorack open to expose his chest - currently adorned with fake tribal tatoos.

Noel had never seen Julian's chest before. He looked so vulnerable, all half naked and sporting faux dreadlocks.

"He don't look like I thought he would," Ellie pointed out as Julian sang about the "ancient city of India". Ellie slipped her hand under Noel's shirt and stroked his chest. "He's fit."

"Did you think he'd be ugly?"

"No, I knew he'd be good looking, but I thought he'd be a little older, more serious looking."

"In real life, yeah. He's playing a character," Noel pointed out as Julian described the six faces of a tree. As he spoke, it occured to him that he'd never seen Julian socially. Their friendship might be a bit one-sided, if not completely imaginary.

Ellie had the 'he's a bit weird' look on her face that meant she was not the love of Noel's life. The woman he is meant to marry will think Julian Barratt is fucking hilarious.

However, she was cute, and she agreed Julian was hot. That was more than enough to fuel a brief romance. Noel didn't think about Julian when he slept with Ellie or anyone else.

It's just that the man had a way of popping into his mind's eye at the strangest times.

xxx

"I played this gig last night, right? So there's this man, I don't know if he was English or not... he looked to be made of coins..."

It was the fifth time Noel had come to see his act. They might have been friends at this point. Julian had his arms crossed over his chest, his back pressed against the bar rail; he had a cigarette dangling from him lips and he was wearing glasses. He wasn't taking a defensive posture; he was taking all the defensive postures, and Noel wasn't giving him back one millimeter of personal space. He was chatting away, full of animation, but stopped cold when Julian spoke.

"There's a space open tonight. Right before me. Why don't you do your act?"

Noel paled beneath his eccentric make-up, but said in an eager if shaky voice, "Genius! I'll just call my mates and me mum. Makes sure someone in the audience is laughing at my jokes... and not just me!"

xxx

"Hey, keep cool, man. Don't b square. 'Cause that's how they'd talk, right? Cigarettes are clearly in love with the fifties. How come they ain't changed their look? It's the ninties! They should be skinnier and wearing heavy eye liner, but they look just the same as in the fifties. They're stuck! So, yeah, maybe that fag is helping you not to fidget and such, but why are you taking the word of tobacco that's wearing a 1950's jumper?"

It was almost nonsensical, but it made Julian self-consciously put out his cigarette. Noel's charisma translated to the stage. He had an ease with people, with being stared at, that the audience could sense. He had something like star quality.

Barratt & Fielding. Investment brokers. We make your money work FOR YOU!

They could come up with another name. Julian had thought he would prefer to live and die on his own - neither helped nor hindered by others - but he was wrong. It was lonely. On stage, he felt lonely, even when the crowd laughed - he felt isolated from their mirth. He liked working with Tim, but knew it wouldn't last. Tim was moving more and more behind the camera. He was so relentlessly self-critical of his performances, he made Julian feel zen. Tim had got it all wrong. While Julian prattled on like a coked-up twat, Tim looked cool and natural. It didn't matter. One of them was going to end it soon. What Julian needed was a partner who could pull focus, leave Julian free to do what he was good at: being strange and alienating. Noel drew attention. He radiated sweetness and light, and he dressed like an undercover cop posing as an underaged rentboy.

Julian was lonely and worried that he was getting old. There were better comedians on the circuit much older than he, but that wasn't the point. Julian had meant to be further along by now. He was hoping Asylum would stir some attention when it hit the air. There was a tremendous amount of talent attached to the show. Possibly too much; Julian was worried he'd be completely overshadowed.

Or he'd stand out as jittery and trying too hard.

It wasn't until Noel was wrapping up that it occured to Julian.

"Fuck," he growled to no one, "I have to follow that."

xxx

Julian skipped his usual "supersonic comedy" bit and did some strange miming. He told the audience he was gathering up all the words Noel had left "scattered about". It made Noel laugh harder than usual, because he was so excited. Noel had just done the best set of his life, and it was in front of Julian. Julian, a man he barely knew and who Noel wasn't sure actually liked him. Add in that Julian was often cold and rude, and anyone could see why Noel would be devoting all his time to trying to impress the guy. It had to be the wavy hair. Julian was like Errol Flynn with his rakish hair.

Dave kept ruffling Noel's hair and telling him he'd done well. Noel leaned his head on Dave's shoulder, making his friend's big head go red. Dave was a bit shy sometimes, but he felt like a brick wall, and Noel liked leaning on him. Nigel drew a picture of Noel onstage on a cocktail napkin and looked mortified when Noel started tearing up.

His parents were embarassing and wonderful. There's a horrible moment when Noel finds his mum chatting away with Julian. Noel tries to join them/stop his mother from saying anything too humiliating, but people keep getting in the way. By the time he gets to their corner on the room, his mother is kissing Julian on the cheek and patting his chest.

Julian was wonderful. He fussed over Noel like a proud father (nearly as boisterously proud as Noel's actual father), hugging him and, after a few too many, kissing him on the cheek. When Lee called him a bender, Julian gave Noel a proper snog (tongue and all). Noel made jokes and played with his hair and tried to stop blushing like a little girl. When Julian casually rests a hand on Noel's shoulder or hip, it's all Noel can think about. It was impossible to follow the conversation. Noel lets all of his potential rides leave without him, not quite ready to let the evening end. Julian knocks back beer after beer, but never really seems drunk. He's just a little looser than usual. When he offers Noel a ride home, Noel doesn't hesitate to get in the vehicle. The fear of dying in a fiery car crash seems insignificant next the chance to spend just a little more time with Julian fussing over him.

Julian made a thoughtful noise as he took a turn a little too sharply.

"I think I might be too pissed to drive," he mused. "There is a small chance we might both die."

Noel shrugged. "Live fast, die young, leave a good looking corpse."

"Can you live fast in a Ford Prefect?" Julian mused. "Not much of a headline. 'Ugly girl dies in fiery crash... while being driven home by her dad.' Not very rock and roll."

Looking at Julian in his windbreaker and trainers, Noel didn't see anything dad-like in Julian, but he was tickled by the image nonetheless. The longer he thought about it, the funnier it became, until he was having trouble catching his breath through his giggling.

"Maybe you should come in, have some tea," Noel suggested when Julian slowly pulled up in front of the flat he shared with Dave and Nigel. "If you're going to die in a car crash, it's got to be after the first episode of Asylum airs. Could be a ratings boost."

Julian agrees and stumbles a bit on his way up the stairs. Noel is certain he knows exactly how Julian feels. Now that they've left the club, the last remnants of adrenaline are wearing off and all that's left is beer and sleepiness.

"Before you come in, there's something you should know," Noel warned as he searched for his keys. He was feeling especially scatterbrained with Julian's breath on his neck. "Once you enter, you can never leave."

Julian was leaning against the doorjamb with his eyes closed.

He slowly opened his eyes and gave Noel direct eye contact, a rare enough occurence, and said, "S'all right. I haven't got much on, anyway."