Every job offer that came Noel's way seemed to begin with, "Julian said..."
He was grateful for all the work Julian was throwing his way, but it made him wonder if he was even good enough to make it on his own. He'd been making his own headway as a standup, but things had suddenly shifted into high gear when he began working with Julian. He felt so much like a little brother hanging on to his brother's coattails, he'd actually begun bringing his younger brother on the occasional road trip. He suddenly understood what it was like for Mike to live in his shadow, to be "Fielding, the lesser". He was on telly and getting recognized in the streets, but he had a feeling that among his peers, he was Julian's little friend with the hair. Maybe that was because Lee kept referring to Noel as Julian's 'little friend with the hair'. He loved living with Ju and Lee - he always felt like he was he was at an ultracool party - but he missed the comfort of Dave and Nigel. They used to get anxious about things and talk about how they were all big loser failures who would die alone, after years of practicing their "art" as face painters for childrens' parties. Then they would take turn describing how awesome they all were. Noel would get choked up as he told Dave and Nigel how they felt like big brothers because they were so much smarter and more worldy than he. Then they would say he was just already in denial about his age.
Lee and Julian were dark and ironic, self-deprecating and cynical. The only compliment floating around in that atmosphere was the big one. Unlike the rest of the world, Noel didn't perpetually annoy Ju and Lee, and thus, he was allowed into their world. When Lee suggested Noel for a job, it was validating. Julian had his own reasons for wanting Noel to get exposure; Lee just thought Noel was funny. It was reassuring.
He was a nervous wreck on the set of "Unnatural Acts". Julian wheeled and dealed, convinced he and Noel should have their own show, pushing for more double act scenes like the zookeeper stuff. Noel was afraid he was the reason no one at the BBC was biting. Julian was getting acting offers all the time. They'd been well-recieved in the Stewart Lee stage show and had begun writing their own stage show. The word from the BBC seemed to be that they couldn't see how The Mighty Boosh would work without a big budget. The stage show would hopefully prove they didn't need fancy sets; the DIY look suited them.
While filming "Unnatural Acts", it was Rich Fulcher that Noel clung to. He didn't want to be under Julian's feet all day long, but he felt like he was in a foreign country. Everyone around him just seemed to know what to do. Noel didn't even know how loud to speak in front of the camera. When the director, Trevor, prompted Noel to speak up, Julian looked embarrassed and Noel was mortified. Julian was always on him to speak more clearly.
"It's all about volume moderation!" Rich screamed. "You need to speak in a normal tone, like me!"
Noel's laugh was bordering on hysterical because of his nerves. Julian was probably trying to be soothing by putting his arm around Noel's waist, but it had the opposite effect; it always did. Julian was the most neurotic person Noel had ever met and suffered from terrible stage fright, but he knew how to put on the face when it was time to perform. Once the cameras were rolling or the curtains opened, Julian was cool as a cucumber.
When Noel finally got his nervous laughter under control, the director called action. Noel blanked on his line entirely. The next take, Julian stumbled on a word.
"I'm sorry, I fucked it up," Julian appologized, putting his arm around Noel's shoulders. "Next one's a keeper, eh? No more mucking about."
Noel briefly rested his head on Julian's shoulder, trying to absorb some calm and confidence.
"Are the two of you going to make a baby?" Rich asked with feigned seriousness.
"Weeee already have," Julian said, placing his hand on Noel's stomach, "and we're going to name it Rich Fulcher..."
"Is a twat face," Noel finished. When Julian, Rich and Trevor all lost it and gave in to giddy laughter, Noel suddenly felt ten feet tall. The feeling never lasted long enough, but it would get him through the rest of the day.
xxx
The Pod had a regular slot on Comedy Nation, the Boosh had a regular gig at the Hen & Chickens, but they were about to play Edinburgh. Simon, Jessica and Egdar were working on a television pilot and had written a role for Julian based on his character in "Asylum". Things were going well. There was no reason for Julian to be a miserable git, and yet...
Lee fucking Mack was telling him to lighten up.
He was anxious all the time. There were too many angels and devils whispering in his ear, giving him conflicting advice. He needed to focus on the Pod, he needed to focus on the Boosh, he needed to focus on his standup, he needed to focus on his acting. He needed to remain artistically pure. He needed to make some fucking money. Noel drove him crazy with his flakiness, endless chatter, and obsession with all things ridiculous.
Noel would also sit at his feet and listen to him play guitar for hours. Sometimes, he'd bring his latest girl home and they'd make requests like Julian was a one man cover band.
And Noel was amazing on stage. He was terrible at staying on script, but he had what appeared to be an effortless charm. No one would guess he was capable of being nervous, watching him interact with the audience. It was nearly impossible to tell the scripted jokes from the improv; they all sounded spontaneous. Occasionally, the South London raggamuffin came out with a heckler, but Noel was learning to balance out his pixie-like qualities with his sharper edges. He was a nearly perfect partner, always attentive to what Julian was trying to accomplish.
Offstage, he borrowed Julian's things and didn't return them, forgot pans on the burner and nearly burned down the building, filled the bathroom with hair products, couldn't drive OR read a map, stayed up far too late partying when they needed to work, and today, today, he had destroyed Julian's shirt. Julian barely remembered the girlfriend who'd given him the shirt but he very clearly remembered the reason. She said Julian needed something to make him distinctive, that his appearance was too ordinary. Julian no longer needed the Hawaiian shirts (he had Noel to draw attention), but it was the straw that broke the camel's back.
The Edinburgh shows were bearing down on them like a train.
"You know how to read!" Julian yelled, holding the shirt by the label. "I know you do, because you read the directions on your twelve kinds of hairspray and mousse and all the other shit you need to look like a hedgehog drag queen..."
Noel covered his mouth in shock when he saw the minaturized shirt in Julian's hand. Then he started to laugh.
Julian kicked the laundry basket over, dumping the freshly washed clothes on the ground. Noel wasn't laughing any more.
"What are you doing, you berk? I just washed them!"
"I don't notice any of your clothes being destroyed in the wash..."
"I don't notice you ever doing laundry!" Noel yelled back. "You know the water temperature is dodgy..."
"I don't need fucking excuses from you, I need you to do things right. I need you to pay attention..."
"It's one shirt and it's ugly anyway..."
"It's not one shirt! It's everything! I'm sick of playing your dad, you need to grow up and take some responsibility..."
Julian stopped in shock as a stack of leaflets hit him in the face.
Julian's father had given him a piece of advice when he was a teenager. He'd said, "When you're angry, always stop and take a deep breath. That breath will keep you out of gaol."
It had seemed well barmy at the time, but the advice stuck. Julian took a deep breath.
Noel turned pale and ran into the house. Julian watched him scurry away and wondered what on earth had scared him off.
xxx
"Your domestic disturbance made the Scotsman," Lee pointed out over breakfast. The flat they shared at home was small, but it was a palace compared to the rooms they were renting in Edinborough. There was no point in pretending they had any privacy.
Julian looked guilty and Noel looked embarrassed. Julian had been on edge for weeks, and Noel was taking the exact wrong approach: he was trying not to piss off Julian. The longer Brittle Barratt tried to keep his emotions in check, the bigger the ultimate explosion. It was better to get a big stick and poke away.
"I can't get someone in to review my show, but your fights are getting write-ups in the Scotsman," Lee observed, dryly.
Julian laughed.
Noel said, "Well, we did use props."
Julian laughed harder and ruffled Noel's hair as he walked out of the room.
The look Noel gave Lee was so grateful, it made him uncomfortable. For the first time ever, Noel reminded Lee of Roger. He'd never seen a resemblence before.