Noel chased Julian out of the bar, weaving like the footballer he was through the crowd until he caught up with Julian in the street.

"Julian! Don't fucking walk away from me!" Noel yelled, furious when Julian didn't even slow his pace. " At least talk to me about... about what this means."

"It has nothing to do with you!" Julian snapped, just glancing over his shoulder. "The world doesn't revolve around you."

Noel reached out for Julian's arm, but Julian pulled away. "Please, Ju. Talk to me."

Julian sighed and slumped his shoulders. "It was a long time ago, before I knew you. Why does it matter?"

"Because that's a big thing," Noel explained with a frustrated sigh. "That's something a friend should know."

"I suppose it is," Julian responded in an icy tone.

"I tell you everything and you tell me nothing. Sometimes I feel like I don't know you at all."

Julian frowned. "And that's my fault, is it? You don't know a thing about me so... I'm the bad friend."

Julian turned on his heel and stormed off. Noel couldn't move.

It wasn't until Julian disapeared into the crowd that Noel's brain starting working again.

"Ju!"

Noel ran through the crowd, screaming at the top of his lungs, until he ran straight into Julian's chest.

"You've gone wrong, Noel," Julian sighed before walking away again.

"Don't leave me crying in the streets like..."

Julian stopped short, again causing Noel to run into him.

"Crying like what?" Julian asked.

Noel felt like he needed to choose his words carefully; Julian was about to take one of his deep breaths.

"Like... I don't know, like someone who runs through the streets crying. I don't know what I'm supposed to say. I never know what will make you angry. It's not 'cause I don't care, I care, Ju." Tears were spilling down his cheeks and people were looking. "I'm sorry I don't understand you. I just don't know..."

Why you don't want me if you wanted him.

"I don't know," Noel said weakly, scrubbing at his face. He needed more sleep and less liquor.

He nearly sagged under the weight of Julian's hand on his arm. He allowed himself to be steered away from the street towards the beach.

xxx

Julian smoked two cigarettes before he started talking.

"There's no big story, it just didn't work out."

Noel tried to remember meeting a Roger. How had he met the man and not known?

"I thought it would be different with another man, but it wasn't. It was exactly the same," Julian continued before flopping down onto his back in the sand. Noel gently lowered himself down, carefully leaving space between them.

"It must have been a little different," Noel pointed out gently, "I mean, if it wasn't, you've been doing something wrong..."

He was relieved when Julian chuckled, even more so when he was pulled in for a one-armed hug. Roger couldn't have appreciated being held by Julian the way Noel did. No one could.

"He said I was closed off, distant, " Julian continued. Noel wanted to look at his face, but Julian had his head pressed to his chest. Noel wondered how many of Julian's embraces were simple attempts to avoid eye contact.

"We're men, for Christ's sake. We're English!" Julian's laugh was free of mirth. He let go of Noel's head. Noel slowly moved his head until he could see Julian's face. The older man looked heartbroken.

"I'm not that bad," Julian whispered, "am I?"

Noel pressed his lips to Julian's chest. "You're fine, Julian. You're better than fine."

There were so many things Noel wanted to say, but he didn't dare. He was afraid of being rejected by Julian.

He was afraid of not being rejected. Roger had a point.

When Julian kissed him on stage, it was always a bit rough. Noel still wasn't sure why those kisses happened; he never dared to ask. This kiss was gentle, like the first kiss in Noel's bedroom. This one was a little less sloppy, but no less exciting. Noel tangled his fingers in Julian's hair, determined to enjoy every minute before Ju decided to up and leave.

Julian rolled Noel onto his back and settled himself between Noel's legs. It was dark in their little alcove, but the glow from a disco was peeking over the rocks. They should have moved farther down the beach.

Noel's concerns were obliterated by Julian's hand on his crotch. They were exactly where they should be, nowhere could be better. Fuck the disco. Julian shushed him when he made even the slightest noise. Noel was so nervous, he didn't even try to touch Julian until his hand was shoved down the Northener's pants. Once granted access, Noel did his best to make up for his lack of initiative. He didn't have much experience with other men, but he certainly knew how to wank.

"Fuck," Julian whispered appreciatively. "This is going to last about ten seconds."

"Good," Noel whispered, "Because we're going to get arrested. There's old ladies playing checkers ten feet away."

Julian chuckled quietly. "It's a bit late for old ladies on the beach."

Noel bit his lip and tried to think about the disaproving eyes of old ladies. It bought him a few more minutes. "They're up early, gettin' ready for breakfast. You know how old people are when it comes to eating early."

Julian hadn't finished laughing when he went back to snogging Noel. Noel came first, as he expected, but Julian wasn't far behind - finally giving Noel a chance to do some shushing.

Julian didn't look at him as they cleaned up and pulled their clothes into place. Even as he held out a hand to help Noel up, he still kept his eyes averted.

Noel had no delusions about what had just happened. It was an abberation, a moment of weakness because Julian was feeling vulnerable and down. It didn't mean anything.

The tension was so thick between them, Noel felt like he was walking through pudding as they headed back to their hotel.

"At least we know they'll let us out of the country," Noel joked as their hotel came into view. Julian laughed and put his arm around Noel, pulling his head to Julian's chest and making it impossible for Noel to see his expression.