Dee normally didn't give a shit about comedians, but Sue said she would like these guys, if only because of the sexual tension.
"They fucking snogged at the end of the show. No reason, the big one just slapped a kiss on the little one," Sue explained, her words a bit slurred from a few too many.
Dee did like to watch men kiss. The next night, she and Sue went to see the Mighty Boosh.
The night after that, the little one was at her gig. He was easy to pick out, with his bent nose and gorgeous eyes. He was wearing make-up and cowboy boots. He looked like a kid who'd gotten into his mother's things, and his mother had really amazing taste in boots.
"I am going to kick your ass and take those boots," Dee said by way of introducing herself. The little one gave an almost shy smile.
"You can't handle these boots. They'll be runnin' free while you just try 'n keep up."
"Where's the other one?" Dee asked, looking around for the big one.
"The other what?" he asked, looking at his boots.
"Your partner, the big one," Dee explained. It pissed her off when people talked about her and Sue like they were Siamese twins. She assumed it would piss off Beautiful Eyes as well. For good measure she added, "You know, the funny one."
He laughed and asked to buy her a drink. He was drinking a soda, saying he'd recently had some liver problems.
"Woke up yellow one day. Ju tried to get me to go to the hospital before I even did my hair! Mental."
"You have a friend named Jew?" Dee asked as she downed her pint, indicating that Little Pretty Eyes should get her another.
"Yeah, he's genius," he said, his cheeks turning pink as he spoke. "He's the big one. The funny one."
They were snogging on the couch in the "dressing room"/utility closet when Sue came through the door. It was during the obligatory introductions that Dee learned the little one was called Noel.
xxx
"We definit-titly need to write you into the show," Simon slurred over his pint.
"Definite titly," Noel repeated with a laugh, stirring his ice water like a cocktail. His color was back to normal, but Julian couldn't help staring at him. While he felt the good and supportive thing to do would be to cut back on his own drinking while Noel had to live as a teetotaler, he couldn't really deal with Noel's illness without the aid of liquor. Noel had turned yellow. It had been two weeks ago, and Noel was recovering like a champ, but Julian still woke up in the morning thinking of Noel's jaundiced face as he'd driven his friend to the hospital - Noel fussing with his hair in the rearview mirror the whole time.
"Maybe they'll cast you as Daisy," Jessica smirked. "You know they'll want to get someone in who's thinner and prettier..."
"What are you on about?" Noel squawked, waving his arms. "You are fit. I asked Ju to put in a word for me during 'Asylum'. He said I was delusional."
Jessica snorted and punched Noel in the arm. Simon went a bit red and drained his pint. Julian had no idea if Noel had asked him about Jessica; his memory wasn't great at the best of times, and he'd always been drunk when he talked to Noel in those days. It was still his number one coping mechanism. Nothing else took away life's sharp edges. It was more likely that he'd told Noel that if he'd thought Jessica was available, he'd have made a move himself. He'd assumed there was either something between Jessica and Simon, or there soon would be. He was still a little surprised they weren't a couple; they had such obvious chemistry. Even as Jessica and Noel chatted and flirted, the chemistry between Jessica and Simon was palpable.
Of course, chemistry was a delicate thing. It didn't take much to throw things off, to make things awkward and difficult where they had always been easy before.
"Even Dee thinks..." Noel was cut off by a collective groan from the table. It had become a running joke, but Noel couldn't seem to go five minutes without mentioning his girlfriend, regardless of how much he was teased. Julian thought it was cute. Noel was a romantic at heart. He wanted to be in love.
"I'm trying to talk about girl on girl action here!" Noel protested. "And I'm getting groans from the audience? You lot need to try a life of moderation."
Julian clinked his beer bottle to Noel's water glass. "To the moderate ways of Noel Fielding."
"Dee says moderation is great," Simon simpered, twirling an imaginary piece of hair. "She also says I like ice water..."
Julian laughed, but he also threw his arm around Noel and gave him a peck on the top of the head. After all Noel had been through, he could be as annoying as he liked about his new lady.
As they drank and convinced themselves that "Spaced" was going to make them all huge stars, Julian watched Jessica and Simon interact. The attraction was obvious, but maybe it was better that they kept it in the performance. It would be terrible to see such a natural partnership disintegrate because Simon wouldn't take out the trash or Jessica's best friend was always coming over unannounced.
There were so many ways to be a couple, and each one brought its own risks and rewards. In the waiting room, wondering if Noel would ever be all right again, Julian had promised himself that he would never again do anything to risk their friendship. No more fights about trivial things, no more sorry scenes like the one on the beach. Noel had always seemed immune to the dangers of the real world, with his perpetual, wide-eyed innocence, but his illness proved he was just as fragile as everything else Julian cared about.
It also made Julian realize just how much he needed Noel, not just as a friend and colleague but as a grounding presence in his life. When Julian felt like he was spiraling out of control and on the edge of losing everything, it was Noel he looked to to stay focused. His feral imp who always rolled with the punches, who always accepted Julian as the sum of his flaws.
He was used to worrying about Noel in a professional capacity. He wanted to help Noel, but he worried about smothering his natural talents and undermining him as an individual performer. It was in Julian's nature to over-analyze, but he felt a lot of responsibility to his partner. The six years between them were enormous in performance years. He wanted to shield Noel from the bumps and bruises that came with the industry, but it was impossible. He certainly couldn't protect Noel from the moody, needy, paranoid, neurotic bag of vice that was Julian Barratt. Every time Julian tried to pull himself together, to be a little less fragile and dependent on the opinion of others, he was accused of being cold and distant. Noel sometimes argued that they should just use their own names in the stage show (since they frequently slipped and used their real names anyway), but Julian needed to be Howard Moon on stage. It was hard enough being Julian offstage; he needed somewhere to escape.
He tried to explain it all to Noel as they walked back to their hotel, but Julian was way too pissed and Noel was far too sober. He kept insisting that Julian didn't need to change or hide, that he was fine as he was.
Julian pinned Noel against the wall in an alley and snogged him until a cop shooed them away. It was the only way he could be completely honest with Noel without making him cry or run away. It was a good thing Dee wasn't the jealous type. She was tiny, but Julian had no doubt she could stab him in the knee before he had a chance to explain he wasn't a threat. Julian wasn't a threat to anyone.